break up

[jimmy7822]

broke up with my girlfriend 2 months ago. she has had a physical ailment for 20 months and finally had surgery about 3 months ago.she says a relatinship is something that she doesnt want or cant handle right now.she says she still loves me, thinks about me and misses me. just wondering what all of this means and what is the best thing for myself.i still love her dearly and we are still in communication fairly frequently and know she is not into anyone else or anything like that. i guess i am just looking for outside advice about entire situation

[specialmom]

I think people do respond differently----------  and I also think this is inidicative of where she views your relationship.  Not saying this is a bad thing--------  you were in a fairly new relationship.  I see relationships kind of like on tiers or steps.  Those you are closest to----------- like your parents, maybe one friend, and eventually your spouse-----  those top relationships sit on the top.  And it moves down from there.  When you go through something traumatic, you have less energy to deal with those on the lower steps or tiers.  After only two months, you can't expect to be at the top yet.  As she gets stronger, she may come back to you when she is emotionally strong enough----  and if you really like her and are still available-----  continue the relationship and climb the steps.  good luck

[Judy246]

ps... I had a life threatening pnumonia and my body began to shut down. Show lots of love and patience and just give her time.

[Judy246]

I agree with the others and people do respond differently.  Just give her some time to get herself well and then she will be able to give of herself as she did before becoming I'll. I was once gravely ill, thought l was not going to make it and couldn't bear to let my b/f at the time see me wilt away and as I was vomting me stomach out he walked in and l asked him to leave. l just didn't want him to see me soooo sick. I recovered and life fell into place. Just give her time to get herself in good health and life will fall into place for both of you. Good luck!

[Rucnfun]

i dont know if i can agree with the others on this one. i say this because what is a relationship? to have fun for just now or to work towards a marriage? i agree on working towards a marriage. and in saying that, do you want your partner to push you away if you were married? if you were married you are together thru THICK AND THIN no matter what. and its not right to push the other partner away because of having surgery and your feeling differnet emotions etc. i understand if she feels a lot of different ways and feeling guilty or sad or whatever BUT she needs to TELL you exactly what she's feeling so that you can work thru it TOGETHER. and if you guys can't stick this out together, then how is a marriage going to survive? you can't just push the other one away and think thats okay. i wouldnt sit around waiting for her to come around. you guys are either together thru it or you move on

[jo929]

I agre with the others give her some time  luck  jo

[mami1323]

I agree give her space but let her know that you are there for her when she is ready. The fact that she still openly communicates with you is a good sign. She hasn't shut you put completely. Give her time to heal and I'm sure she will appreciate you for that.

[sweetpea03]

I don't know anything about your gf, but I know when I went through major surgery I pushed a lot of people away. My thought process on it was that I didn't want to cause them pain to have to see and deal with me when I had to go through with it all. Which is pretty stupid, but that was the idea I had. Maybe she could be in that mind frame, so giving her some time can help. After the ordeal is over things can go back to how it was before.