Aa
Mrs. Everything for me. Is this reasonable?
*white blonde/brunette
*always find her face naturally (i MAY, but doubt it, be open to things like rhinoplasty in the future, but for now no) attractive (even slightly; the more the better though) without makeup (note that I can get along with anybody, but if a person of the opposite gender has a mental disorder like being challenged or having down syndrome, she's not the one)
*doesn't drink alcohol (IF so, no more than three shots or 12 ounces at gatherings since they have the same amount of alcohol)
*no drugs/cigarettes
*dress size 3-10
*virgin (IF not, never had sex with anymore than two other guys)
*not have any negative characteristics (eg not mean, superficial, unfaithful, be ok with my religion)
*not mind having a son in a bit less than four years from now (open to a daughter, but let's just focus on a son. However, I will be done with college by then)
*not mind getting married at the Monterey bay aquarium the Saturday before valentines in 2018 (given that we dated for at least two years)
*5 2-5 8
*medium tempered (if not mild mannered) around those that she gets along with
*born between a year to two and a half years before me (born in really late November of 1992)
*Agreeing on where to live when we can afford it (anywhere in cali or south Oregon with a low crime rate and low chance of natural disasters. At least a five to me, and Modesto is a 4.5 (5 is average. I'd love to be living around pismo though)
*average to above average assets (I want to focus on natural assets. If not, I can look past that, but nothing unnatural)
*not have a guy name (idc about names like Taylor. Names like Todd, Kevin, etc)
*not a bimbo
*college graduate before or when i do, which I will in four years (I do plan in meeting her when I transfer out)
*common interests in something one of us has a deep interest in.
*is not/never have been a *****
*no unattractive qualities, physical or not (eg poor hygiene, muscular; tone is ok but not muscular, no more than a couple of piercings, with the exception of ears, doesn't cross dress ;what straight guy wants a female who wears guy clothes?, not dress like an undesirable woman (I don't want to say *****)
*always find her face naturally (i MAY, but doubt it, be open to things like rhinoplasty in the future, but for now no) attractive (even slightly; the more the better though) without makeup (note that I can get along with anybody, but if a person of the opposite gender has a mental disorder like being challenged or having down syndrome, she's not the one)
*doesn't drink alcohol (IF so, no more than three shots or 12 ounces at gatherings since they have the same amount of alcohol)
*no drugs/cigarettes
*dress size 3-10
*virgin (IF not, never had sex with anymore than two other guys)
*not have any negative characteristics (eg not mean, superficial, unfaithful, be ok with my religion)
*not mind having a son in a bit less than four years from now (open to a daughter, but let's just focus on a son. However, I will be done with college by then)
*not mind getting married at the Monterey bay aquarium the Saturday before valentines in 2018 (given that we dated for at least two years)
*5 2-5 8
*medium tempered (if not mild mannered) around those that she gets along with
*born between a year to two and a half years before me (born in really late November of 1992)
*Agreeing on where to live when we can afford it (anywhere in cali or south Oregon with a low crime rate and low chance of natural disasters. At least a five to me, and Modesto is a 4.5 (5 is average. I'd love to be living around pismo though)
*average to above average assets (I want to focus on natural assets. If not, I can look past that, but nothing unnatural)
*not have a guy name (idc about names like Taylor. Names like Todd, Kevin, etc)
*not a bimbo
*college graduate before or when i do, which I will in four years (I do plan in meeting her when I transfer out)
*common interests in something one of us has a deep interest in.
*is not/never have been a *****
*no unattractive qualities, physical or not (eg poor hygiene, muscular; tone is ok but not muscular, no more than a couple of piercings, with the exception of ears, doesn't cross dress ;what straight guy wants a female who wears guy clothes?, not dress like an undesirable woman (I don't want to say *****)
Sorry to say but you have to check yourself out first. I'm 100% sure that you are not PERFECT. you will not find someone like the person you have described. its like you're trying to be a control freak. first be realistic on what you want. enjoy life and somebody will come to you and you will probably fall in love with them and they probably won't have the characteristics you have listed in you post. You should have expectations from someone else than you do yourself. and this is coming from someone in your age group.
I don't mean to be disrespectful whatsoever and I'm sorry if it came out that way but its an honest opinion.
I don't mean to be disrespectful whatsoever and I'm sorry if it came out that way but its an honest opinion.
If this isn't a joke and this is serious.. there's some realistic and non realistic things on your list. Everybody has flaws, therefore it is not idealistic. I checked out your other list, and I guess this one is shorter..
If you're only attracted to white blonde and brunettes, that's really your prerogative. It's great to see that you want her to have natural beauty, and be this model attractive, and not be challenged in anyway- but in reality it shows shallowness and your maturity towards the relationship subject. I think you should re-think if you're ready for a relationship.
-Along with that, you are definitely not ready for kids. You cannot choose weather you have a boy or a girl. With that mentality please don't have children. If you end up, please don't raise them with unrealistic views like yours.
Then there's other listed like this.. name does not depict the type of person she is. If you're worried about telling someone that your partners name is Taylor and them thinking you're homosexual, that's an internal problem with yourself not her.
A few things on your list do make sense, such as agreeing on a place to live, no smoking, drinking or drugs, no std's, tolerance with your religion, to be faithful, ect. Although I always said I would NEVER date a smoker, and now I'm engaged to one. Things change when you fall in love with someone.
Anyway, instead of finding someone with your perfect list, focus on finding someone you love, can tolerate, communicate with and get along with.
Again, if this is serious I wish you the best of luck because you'll definitely need it :P
If you're only attracted to white blonde and brunettes, that's really your prerogative. It's great to see that you want her to have natural beauty, and be this model attractive, and not be challenged in anyway- but in reality it shows shallowness and your maturity towards the relationship subject. I think you should re-think if you're ready for a relationship.
-Along with that, you are definitely not ready for kids. You cannot choose weather you have a boy or a girl. With that mentality please don't have children. If you end up, please don't raise them with unrealistic views like yours.
Then there's other listed like this.. name does not depict the type of person she is. If you're worried about telling someone that your partners name is Taylor and them thinking you're homosexual, that's an internal problem with yourself not her.
A few things on your list do make sense, such as agreeing on a place to live, no smoking, drinking or drugs, no std's, tolerance with your religion, to be faithful, ect. Although I always said I would NEVER date a smoker, and now I'm engaged to one. Things change when you fall in love with someone.
Anyway, instead of finding someone with your perfect list, focus on finding someone you love, can tolerate, communicate with and get along with.
Again, if this is serious I wish you the best of luck because you'll definitely need it :P
I'm with You as far as wondering if this is a joke. The same thought occured to me when I initially read His list.
It's unlikely SomeOne would put together an unrealistic list like this unless He wanted to have a little fun, get a rise out of Us all - and He did!!
It's unlikely SomeOne would put together an unrealistic list like this unless He wanted to have a little fun, get a rise out of Us all - and He did!!
I just... I read this and I don't if I should laugh it off as a joke or be worried you're actually serious. Life is not able to just be planned out on a time line to our whims and likes. **** happens, and happens fast. I mean, honestly this is one of the most shallow things I've read in a long. You're attempting to build a 'perfect' human in a world where perfection doesn't exist. Skinny, 'natural' beauty, a women who looks good at 40? Who the heck knows how they're going to look at 40 unless they ARE 40. Your family might help that, but not everyone even knows their family or speaks to them. You also say you want someone who can agree with where you live but then you even restrict that to specific areas. Not really 'agreeing' in my book.
The 'not have any negative characteristics' was especially humerous simply because.. It doesn't exist. You yourself show you have them by writing this, and show hypocrisy by wanting someone else to not do it. You almost make it sound like you want a weak female who makes you into a God.. And if so, you will wait a VERY long time.
I don't know who you've talked to that said this is reasonable, but to the average human... Not so much. You sound young, extremely young, and not as knowledgeable of the world and people in it. Life isn't pretty, it's not planned, it's not happy ever after. It's chaotic, fast paced and crazy at best.
The 'not have any negative characteristics' was especially humerous simply because.. It doesn't exist. You yourself show you have them by writing this, and show hypocrisy by wanting someone else to not do it. You almost make it sound like you want a weak female who makes you into a God.. And if so, you will wait a VERY long time.
I don't know who you've talked to that said this is reasonable, but to the average human... Not so much. You sound young, extremely young, and not as knowledgeable of the world and people in it. Life isn't pretty, it's not planned, it's not happy ever after. It's chaotic, fast paced and crazy at best.
My advice stands as it did when you initial posted.
Ditto!!
I think you're missing the point, again. It isn't the contents of the list people object to so much, it's the fact that you even have it. I've never met a person who has made a list of that sort to choose a mate.
You cannot plot and plan life...not to that extent. You simply can't, and until you realize that, sadly, you'll be alone.
Ditto!!
I think you're missing the point, again. It isn't the contents of the list people object to so much, it's the fact that you even have it. I've never met a person who has made a list of that sort to choose a mate.
You cannot plot and plan life...not to that extent. You simply can't, and until you realize that, sadly, you'll be alone.
If these people have "affirmed" these requests are ok, then what exactly are you seeking here?
My advice stands as it did when you initial posted.
All the best.
My advice stands as it did when you initial posted.
All the best.
In Your post of September, You stated You had "yet to find a date".
This revelation comes as no surprise. I'd venture to guess that Your attitude comes across to Young Women even if You don't present Your list to Them.
Maybe You could look for a "date" in the mannequin department - A mannequin would meet Your requirements - No thoughts, feelings, opinions, perceptions of Her own and certainly a virgin who's never smoked,
drank alcohol, used drugs, etc., etc, - everything on Your list.
This revelation comes as no surprise. I'd venture to guess that Your attitude comes across to Young Women even if You don't present Your list to Them.
Maybe You could look for a "date" in the mannequin department - A mannequin would meet Your requirements - No thoughts, feelings, opinions, perceptions of Her own and certainly a virgin who's never smoked,
drank alcohol, used drugs, etc., etc, - everything on Your list.
Well, if these are friends who told you that, then you need to seek out a more honest group of people. Oh wait - you did! You posted here, because clearly you're not sure that asking for all of your requirements is reasonable. In fact, the title of your post is, "is this reasonable?"
No one can tell you what you can and can't do, so that part is up to you. I can tell you that as a woman, if I met every single criterion you posted, I would still run away screaming. If requirements are this stringent before you've even met each other, what's it going to be like after marriage? Requirement that meatloaf be served every Thursday, the laundry baskets emptied, washed, and folded every Saturday by 5pm? Haircuts to occur no later than the third Wednesday of each month? Yes, this list would scare me off in no time, even though you might really be a nice guy.
As suggested by AHP84 above, your best bet to success is probably to narrow your list down to qualities that REALLY matter - that affect a relationship that you intend to be lifelong, which we assume is what you want. Height? Hair color? Exact year, day, and date of marriage? None of those will even matter 20 years after. You'll have plenty of other things on your mind by then - careers, children, and other responsibilities.
It is, of course, your choice, but you stopped by here (twice) seeking opinions - it's just unfortunate that those opinions don't coincide with your won.
No one can tell you what you can and can't do, so that part is up to you. I can tell you that as a woman, if I met every single criterion you posted, I would still run away screaming. If requirements are this stringent before you've even met each other, what's it going to be like after marriage? Requirement that meatloaf be served every Thursday, the laundry baskets emptied, washed, and folded every Saturday by 5pm? Haircuts to occur no later than the third Wednesday of each month? Yes, this list would scare me off in no time, even though you might really be a nice guy.
As suggested by AHP84 above, your best bet to success is probably to narrow your list down to qualities that REALLY matter - that affect a relationship that you intend to be lifelong, which we assume is what you want. Height? Hair color? Exact year, day, and date of marriage? None of those will even matter 20 years after. You'll have plenty of other things on your mind by then - careers, children, and other responsibilities.
It is, of course, your choice, but you stopped by here (twice) seeking opinions - it's just unfortunate that those opinions don't coincide with your won.
I think "reasonable" needs to be a little more realistic in order for you to stand a remotely successful chance. Simplify your expectations and eliminate the presumptions. Okay?
If you modified this list to open yourself up to meet more than one specific needle in a haystack you want to find, you open up your options and chances. Perhaps try to start with an outline and guidelines more like this:
- must not be a smoker
- must not be a substance abuser or addict
- must be currently clear of STDs
- must have a specific religion and/or be open to experiencing yours
- must have a mild-mannered, laid back personality
- must have and show intelligence, have a college education
- would be optimal if some or many common interests are shared, such as marine life and political opinions, for example.
- must enjoy and want to have children
These are all things you can control in your expectations that are not unreasonable or unrealistic to meeting someone to see of you're compatible with them. You're not asking to custom design anyone or make some elaborate future plans that have to have all i's dotted and t's crossed with dates, times and places before you've even met someone. The above is simple, realistic, and reasonable expectations. It opens you up to meet a person, get to know them, all the hows and whys and whats that have happened in their life experiences and have moulded them into who they are as a unique individual. From there, you see what you can offer to enrich her life, and her enrich yours.
Start simple. Then build your future and develop your expectations as you get to know each other. You never know, you may fall madly in love with a red headed, flat chested young woman who has quite the life story to tell. You just never know, so stop being presumptuous, pompous, and ridiculously unrealistic. It's your future. Open up your opportunities a bit and set your ego aside.
If you modified this list to open yourself up to meet more than one specific needle in a haystack you want to find, you open up your options and chances. Perhaps try to start with an outline and guidelines more like this:
- must not be a smoker
- must not be a substance abuser or addict
- must be currently clear of STDs
- must have a specific religion and/or be open to experiencing yours
- must have a mild-mannered, laid back personality
- must have and show intelligence, have a college education
- would be optimal if some or many common interests are shared, such as marine life and political opinions, for example.
- must enjoy and want to have children
These are all things you can control in your expectations that are not unreasonable or unrealistic to meeting someone to see of you're compatible with them. You're not asking to custom design anyone or make some elaborate future plans that have to have all i's dotted and t's crossed with dates, times and places before you've even met someone. The above is simple, realistic, and reasonable expectations. It opens you up to meet a person, get to know them, all the hows and whys and whats that have happened in their life experiences and have moulded them into who they are as a unique individual. From there, you see what you can offer to enrich her life, and her enrich yours.
Start simple. Then build your future and develop your expectations as you get to know each other. You never know, you may fall madly in love with a red headed, flat chested young woman who has quite the life story to tell. You just never know, so stop being presumptuous, pompous, and ridiculously unrealistic. It's your future. Open up your opportunities a bit and set your ego aside.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, then go with it sir. You've gotten opinions from people here. I wish you luck and don't think we can help you any further.
Well I come back and ask because I brought it up to a some people (who have had/do have partners) and they said it was reasonable.
Sorry, but I just can't help but keep coming back to this and re-reading it again and again to make sure I'm not being maybe just a tiny bit too critical of the ridiculousness of your expectations. I gotta say though, nope...this baffles me every time I see it (along with your post from last September), and it's still just as ridiculous and offensive now as it was then.
You are talking about desiring a partner, eventually a spouse--as if "she" is something that you can literally create and control, both her physical and emotional life and values as well as the time frames you have established for your own desires. If you expect to get a human girlfriend and eventually marry her, then your expectations and desires are unreasonable, as you asked. VERY unreasonable.
Human beings are personality-evolving creatures, each unique. Your expectations of a human female becoming a permanent part of your lifetime defy the basic evolution of a unique personality for BOTH her and yourself. What you are expecting and desiring is robotic as well as presumptutuous, setting dates and times and places as if you have your own life as well as the world's around you pre-destined in some imanginary book.
"getting married at the Monterey bay aquarium the Saturday before valentines in 2018 (given that we dated for at least two years)"
How do you even know this could possibly be a guarantee? Life is not promised--you don't even know if you'll live to see tomorrow. Material structures are not promised for tomorrow. The year 2018 is not promised. The weather and travel is not promised to be pristine and perfect, either. What if you don't have the money to make this wedding happen there? What if you only just met her in January of 2018--are you going to reset your marital clock to 2020 on the Saturday before Valentine's Day?
Sure, you can make plans and have expectations and desires based on your hopes, but for goodness sake...putting all your eggs in one basket and having no room for compromise or a back up plan is just stupid and unrealistic.
And I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but you determine the sex of your children, not your female counterpart. So if you have one child or two or five or more, and they all turn out to be girls...it's all your fault that made that happen, since you're the one who has the sex chomosome to differentiate boys and girls in your sperm (another thing not promised--what if one of you is infertile and you find this out after you're married? Are you going to divorce her? Infertilitiy is a very real and very common issue in both men and women and often they don't find out until they've tried for a couple of years unsuccessfully to have a child).
The thing is, you're talking about wanting a human female lifetime mate and so carelessly throwing your expectations about with no room to see an acutal PERSON behind your expectations. People have pasts and mistakes and they will make mistakes in their future, they have imperfections that can't be perfected, they have their own hopes and desires and expectations for their own reasons. The whole point of a marital relationship is to build a lifetime with a person that you see as your best and closest friend, through the best and worst, despite their past mistakes, willingness to forgive future mistakes, and accepting of their personal passions and even their imperfections. You would not want to change them for the world, yet you are willing to evolve your personality over time with them, as a partner.
What you're asking for in your posts are the materials to build a sex-and-child-bearing robot. Which...I'm sure all that is out there somewhere, or will be with future technologies.
You are talking about desiring a partner, eventually a spouse--as if "she" is something that you can literally create and control, both her physical and emotional life and values as well as the time frames you have established for your own desires. If you expect to get a human girlfriend and eventually marry her, then your expectations and desires are unreasonable, as you asked. VERY unreasonable.
Human beings are personality-evolving creatures, each unique. Your expectations of a human female becoming a permanent part of your lifetime defy the basic evolution of a unique personality for BOTH her and yourself. What you are expecting and desiring is robotic as well as presumptutuous, setting dates and times and places as if you have your own life as well as the world's around you pre-destined in some imanginary book.
"getting married at the Monterey bay aquarium the Saturday before valentines in 2018 (given that we dated for at least two years)"
How do you even know this could possibly be a guarantee? Life is not promised--you don't even know if you'll live to see tomorrow. Material structures are not promised for tomorrow. The year 2018 is not promised. The weather and travel is not promised to be pristine and perfect, either. What if you don't have the money to make this wedding happen there? What if you only just met her in January of 2018--are you going to reset your marital clock to 2020 on the Saturday before Valentine's Day?
Sure, you can make plans and have expectations and desires based on your hopes, but for goodness sake...putting all your eggs in one basket and having no room for compromise or a back up plan is just stupid and unrealistic.
And I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but you determine the sex of your children, not your female counterpart. So if you have one child or two or five or more, and they all turn out to be girls...it's all your fault that made that happen, since you're the one who has the sex chomosome to differentiate boys and girls in your sperm (another thing not promised--what if one of you is infertile and you find this out after you're married? Are you going to divorce her? Infertilitiy is a very real and very common issue in both men and women and often they don't find out until they've tried for a couple of years unsuccessfully to have a child).
The thing is, you're talking about wanting a human female lifetime mate and so carelessly throwing your expectations about with no room to see an acutal PERSON behind your expectations. People have pasts and mistakes and they will make mistakes in their future, they have imperfections that can't be perfected, they have their own hopes and desires and expectations for their own reasons. The whole point of a marital relationship is to build a lifetime with a person that you see as your best and closest friend, through the best and worst, despite their past mistakes, willingness to forgive future mistakes, and accepting of their personal passions and even their imperfections. You would not want to change them for the world, yet you are willing to evolve your personality over time with them, as a partner.
What you're asking for in your posts are the materials to build a sex-and-child-bearing robot. Which...I'm sure all that is out there somewhere, or will be with future technologies.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, thank you AHP. My advice is the same as when you posted this exact same thing previously. I think that you did not follow the advice given by many posters is why you are still searching. good luck
I think you should refer back to the advice you got for this same subject you posted about last September.
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Relationships/Is-this-list-good--ok--slightly-too-much--or-too-much/show/1815862#post_8368687
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Relationships/Is-this-list-good--ok--slightly-too-much--or-too-much/show/1815862#post_8368687
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
