its a lost cause isnt it.....

[katie-trina]

Im so confused..

David and i started dating the day we met (6-9-07)
there hasnt been one day we havent spent together since then.
i lost my virginity to him three weeks into the relationship.
the first few months were absolutally perfect.
after that i started finding things out and he started changing ALOT.

the past year and a half he just keeps getting more and more distant, and emotionally abusive and when he makes me cry he tells me to stop whining like a 2yr old and take my antidepressants.
and when he makes me upset or does ANYTHING wrong he always finds a way to turn it around to be MY fault and he tells me im ****** up in the head and that i need help.

Also when we first started dating we had sex just about every night for months.. then it went to a few times a week.. then all of the sudden it went to about once or twice in like 4 months. I could be completely naked and rubbing on him and he wouldnt even touch me. He uses the "im too tired" "i dont feel good" "maybe later" excuses..  nowadays he gets really mad if i even ask him to have sex with me. BUT if i accuse him of cheating or anything he tells me to shut up and stop acting like his ex. he claims he'd never cheat on me.. but what else am i to think??

over the past year i have found:
-nude pics of girls on his PC (girls he actually knows)
-a letter he wrote to a porn star telling her how she is the most beautiful girl in the entire world and that he wants to get into the porn business just to "work" with her.
-a whole suit-case packed full of porn dvds, wigs, "outfits", breast enhancers, a dildo, etc....
-text messages he had sent to other girls stating that he was single and that i was just an obsessed friend, also text messages he sent girls asking for sexy pictures and asking them to have sex.

there is probably more but idk. And i was stupid enough to stay with him after all of that. i have not found anything recently.. but i know for a fact that he talked to pretty girls on facebook/myspace i just dont know what he says to them.
He is getting to the point to where he doesnt like me going everywhere with him, he doesnt like to cuddle, he gets frustrated when i ask for a kiss or a hug.. BUT yet he tells me that he LOVES me and that if he didnt he's break up with me. He says he wants to marry me and everything....
How am i to believe that? and if i talk to him about ANYTHING all he says is sorry you feel that way.
He HATES my family, he HATES my friends, and he HATES when i even talk to my mother.

Ok so the problem is.. I LOVE HIM. why?? i dont know. but i have lived with him for over a year, im so accustom to the way things are that i am actually AFRAID to be without him... am i crazy?? he makes me cry all the time and im miserable.. but yet at times he can be so sweet.. and i stupidly believe him when he says he loves me.
i dont know what to do because i love him and want to be with him, but at the same time i hate him and dont know how much more emotional stress i can handle.

i dont have money so if i left id have to go back home and if i go back home, its back to fighting everyday with my parents.... so either way im not in a good place.

i just dont know what to do anymore.

[sins1984]

I did that exact thing about 7 years ago with a 7 year relationship. EXACT. I learned a lot from it. I became stronger because of it. Pack your bags, time to leave before it gets worse. Cause it does... I know it is hard and I am sure you won't listen to me, because I would not have. But pack your stuff. Tell him to go F* himself and go find someone better.

[katie-trina]

yes i did confront him about EVERYTHING.
he says its my fault that he did those things because i "cheated" on him. although i DID NOT. but he believes my old 14yr old friend over me. and she told him i cheated because she wanted me to be with my ex not him. so she was trying to break us up.
and about the texts and stuff... he still used the excuse that its cuz i cheated or that im just crazy and is seeing stuff... yeah. idk. and if i ask why he's not affectionate he says im too sensitive and i "think" i need it but i dont.

[Lucey12]

he beginning of what you said sounded ok, till when you said what you found. The dvds arent that bad but the rest, any one of those things are means for dumping. I have a problem with DH talking to other girls even knowing they are old friends and he doesnt say anything suggestive. THAT would throw me over the edge. Did you confront him about the texts at the time and say  WTF?

You can find better, DO IT. :)

[msniki412]

Your young, move on and get away from this guy as far as possible. If you stay with him, you will only leave yourself open to be more hurt in the furture. You dont deserve to be treated the way your bf is treating you. And like teko said, he's pretty much given you all the signs that he wants you out. I just dont think you need to be treated like this, you deserve way much better then he has to offer.

[heatherlynn22]

if you don't leave than it will continue. so you either have to put up with it or put your foot down and say enough.

[katie-trina]

I  will be 20 on tuesday, and he just turned 27 in march. so he is 7 years older than me. and the guy from findlay i was talking about was way back in 2003.
i have just been sitting around waiting to see if things get better or not.. i mean cuz for some reason i feel like he WANTS to change but idk.. i just dont know if im ready to give up on him..
he has been trying to go to church every sunday and what not... and i feel bad because his dad used to abuse his mother and treat his sister as a "thing" not a person just because she is MRDD. then his dad left them when David was 10 after threatning to kill them... so he has had a somewhat rough childhood.. although that should be no excuse for what he's done and does..
im way to forgiving and thats whats got me stuck in this mess because im too stubborn to leave.. maybe i do deserve it.