unfaithful, feeling miserable

[jessi_mommy02]

Okay so I've been with my current boyfriend for 5yrs on and off, we started goin out my sophomore yr of high school. He's very jealous. I stopped talking too all my friends when we were a couple yrs together because he said they were bad influences and my guy bestfriend had to stop talking to me all because of my bf..my senior yr of high school I got fed up and left him. I felt so free. I forgot to mention I lost my virginity to him. But anyway after I left him I started talkin to old friends again and started partying and being wild. I hooked up with lots of guys, I was intoxicated. Too much drinking. All because of this he dsnt trust me anymore, I feel like a **** and it kills me when he brings it up and brings me down..I am now 4 1/2 months pregnant and still brings the past up and makes me feel like a monster. I love him so much I don't want to lose him!!! The worst part is, he doesn't believe the baby is his. It breaks my heart. What should I do?? I don't want to leave him but it hurts to be put down. Especially having a partner ashamed to take me to his house because he doesn't want people to ask him the baby question because he says its not his.

[jessi_mommy02]

Thank you so much I really appreciate it :)

[TTinKKerBBell]

You are a Very Smart Girl and I'm proud of You!!  

A Relationship with a Man should Enrich Your life, not Define it.  The Stronger and more Independent You are, the Better Your Relationships will be.  This I know is true.

[jessi_mommy02]

I do worry it can lead to that, I will look into that. I'm glad I see all this side of him now before its too late. Im a strong girl I think ill survive being a single mom. I'm thankful and blessed to have my families support and I don't want to lose that because I chose to go with a guy who my family knows isn't right for me.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I'm glad You're feeling better, AND I'm glad that You've thought about Him isolating You from everyone and everything.  Given what You said in Your first post I think that IS what He would do.  And if He thinks terrible things of You because of Your behavior while You were apart it could escalate to physical abuse.  When I said this was "classical" behavior for Control and that it "always" escalates, I wasn't making that up.  There's a lot of information out there about Men who behave this way and what happens to the Women who become involved with Them.

God Created Dating So That A Woman Could Discover The Bad News About A Man BEFORE She Gets Involved With Him, Not AFTER.

Good Luck, Honey

[jessi_mommy02]

Thank you so much you really have helped my stress go away. I will do what's best for my baby's safety. I hope he does change but if anything happens and he puts me down I know I what I need to do. I always worry if we ever get together in our own place he might want to isolate me from everyone and everything so maybe its time for me to do something about this.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I understand Your sadness, and of course, You're confused and scared about being a single Mom!!  It's difficult to do this alone but You will do WHATEVER is necessary to keep Your Baby safe and Happy.  Your safety is important too.  I'm glad You are with Your family.  Hopefully, He will be okay when He "finds out the Baby is really His" but please, keep in mind, He will still be upset about Your behavior while You were broken up.  He will use that as an excuse to distrust You and I still find that alarming, and a little scary.  Just take care, be careful and do the right thing for Your Baby and YourSelf.  Listen to Mom and Dad - they too want You and Baby safe.

[jessi_mommy02]

Yes I currently am staying with my family. They support me and advice me that I'm better off alone but I see other moms to be with their partners and it makes me sad. I'm goin through the emotional rollercoaster right now and I needed someone so I have him but I'm confused n scared to be a single mom. I can't see myself wit out him. But yes I do think the same about this being dangerous and getting worse later, somehow I keep thinkin maybe he will change once he sees the baby and finds out it really is his. Thank you for the advice.

[TTinKKerBBell]

This kind of CONTROL is a HUGE red flag!!  It's classic that this type of controller starts RIGHT OUT isolating You from Your friends.  I'm concerned for Your safety as this type of control ALWAYS escalates and could become dangerous for You!!  You need to take His behavior as a serious problem.   He was jealous and controlling BEFORE You had Your "wild" fling - now He feels justified to not trust You - I truely believe this will get worse for You and Your Baby.  The Baby is not even here yet and  He's "ashamed to take You to his house because he doesn't think the Baby is is.  Do You have family nearby that You could go stay with?