my boyfriend is always putting me down

[brokenxheart]

my boyfriend&i been toghter for a year, i'm 20 and hes 23. I'm in school for medical assisting, i start externship next month and been very nervous about that. I'm getting straight A's in school but my boyfriend is always telling me how he doesn't see me doing this. My problem is i'm very textbook smart but when it comes to pronouncing words i have a very hard time. it's a bad speech problem i always had since i was little. I can say most everyday words its just the medical words i have problems saying and he will always laugh at me.  He reallly thinks im stupid, but i do try very hard. I'm only 20 and i work part time and go to school full time making straight A's. All he does is work in a restruant as a waitor and i never put him down or say anything about that. I think i'm doing more than him&im younger. I told him how im very scared about starting externship next month and he doesnt care at all its just "ok" he won't try to encourage me at all and him discouraging me is really effecting me bc now im starting to think i can't do this and im thinking about quiting. He says no one will hire with me with a bad speech problem.  I told him i hope to be a RN and he laughed saying theres no way i can do that. He tells me i have to know what im doing first. But he has no idea what i do in school hes not in school with me and he never even asks how my day was and how school is going. Not even once did he ask me how school is! Hearing him put me down everyday is starting to effect me. Other than this hes a great guy but when it comes to school and giving me a little encourgment he is a a**hole  Apart of me wants to quit but another part of me wants to keep trying to hold in there and make it to the top to show him i can do it. I love him i reallly do but idk what to do about him putting me down. I tried to talk to him about this 10000 times telling him how i feel and he doesn't listen he tells me hes just being honest.

[Julie359]

Hiya hun, i think the above posters have said it all and are completely right but i just wanted to add that if you enquire you could get help regarding your speech problem.  Enquire within your place of study as you could get a fellow student who is going into the field of speech therapy to work with you on this issue and who will be closely monitored by a professional.  This will be very cost effective, and may benefit you a great deal.  

Dont let anything stand in your way of living out your dream, stand firm, you know deep down you can do this, just one little thing that can be corrected should not in anyway hold you back and don't listen to your jerk of a boyfriend... it's all an ego thing, him working as a waitor and you in medicine.... thats clear whats going on there, the big green eyed monster.

[jrobertson20]

I am also a medical assistant.  I am 26 and have been doing it for the past 6 years.  I also am about to graduate RN school in May and let me tell you that a lot of people cannot pronounce those medical words right away.  You will also find that people pronounce them differently so don't let him say anything about that.  I think he may be insecure with himself because you have a plan for your life and it doesn't seem like he does.  My parents never thought I would be in the medical profession (just because when I was young I hate blood and needles they did not mean it in a bad way) but look at me now.  You can do ANYTHING you want to and set your mind to.  Don't let ANYBODY tell you anything different.  Don't worry too much about your externship.  Relax and enjoy it.  It is a time of learning.  You will be nervous at first and scared to do things but trust me the more you do things and the more you learn the easier everything gets.  I used to hate drawing blood and giving shots.  Now I am the one people ask for to give shots and the one other nurses come looking for to draw blood.  Don't give up your dreams and definatly get that RN!!!!!!

[jo929]

i do not think much of your boyfriend why put up with him, you can do better and their is no occupation more important than one you like an RN is very important keep up with your golas and let him go his way he is really jelous of you, but he is not for you id\f he cant help instead of hinder  jo

[specialmom]

Hello.  I think our partners are suppose to bolster us up and make us feel better about ourselves.  Like our own little cheering squad.  When they do the opposite, it is a red flag.  People sometimes make jokes or tease someone and end up hurting their feelings.  When confronted with it, they feel bad and try not to do it again.  Your boyfriend is not being cute and funny to you, he's being cruel.  You've pointed out that it is hurting your feelings and you'd like support and not ridicule and he refuses to stop or be contrite.  There is something very wrong with that.  

Let's see, how long would I put up with that? . . . about a nanosecond.  I think that you can find someone that appreciates who you are and that you are trying to improve your life and they would be very  happy about that and supportive.  We count on those close to us to help, not hold us back.  You can't count on this guy.

Medical lingo is difficult.  Especially if you are learning about anatomy and physiology.  Good luck with your studies and that is awesome you are preparing yourself for your future!  

[mami1323]

I agree with the above, he sounds very jealous of your motivation and of your career so in order to boost his self esteem he puts you down.  Classic bullying.  Stand up to him.  Tell him if he insists on putting you down or not being supportive of you than you will have to decide if he's good enough for you.  If he doesn't stop then you have to re-evaluate your relationship or your other option is to not let him get to you and ignore his behavior.  

[sammy73]

It's clear from what you've written that, inside you, you KNOW you are good enough to achieve what you want to go for.  You're getting the grades, you've got the ambition, you've got what it takes.

It is a crying shame your boyfriend isn't encouraging and supporting you with this.  It will be a terrible loss to your life, and indeed to the medical profession, if you were to let his negativity talk you out of what you want to achieve.

This is a very selfish attitude from him.  It is a sign of someone who only thinks of himself, that he never asks how your day was, or shows any interest in your life.

I suspect there is also a degree of jealousy here.  Here you are, 3 years younger than him, and you have ability, ambition, you are already doing better than he will ever do and you are aiming higher.  Some guys just can't handle being with a woman who is more successful than them, it makes them feel insecure.  His putting you down is a definite sign of this.  Rather than trying to improve his life, he's dealing with his insecurity by trying to bring you down to his level.

I'm not in any position to say whether you should dump him, or stick it out and try to make the relationship work.  If you stay, I don't know what you could do about his putting you down.  My guess is that you won't get him to stop it - you've said you already talked about it 10,000 times and he doesn't show any sign of changing.  He won't change, and this attitude won't go away - you'll just have to develop thicker skin, and get better at ignoring it.

Whatever you do, don't let this man destroy your hopes and ambitions.  YOU know you can make it, and that's what counts.

BTW, have you sought professional help for your speech difficulties?  While you shouldn't let them hold you back, they clearly worry you and might be affecting your confidence, can't hurt to investigate options?

[iam1butterfly]

"... just being honest"

A lot of times, people say that... when in reality, they're just being mean. So, don't fall for that "just being honest" BS. He doesn't even know what you're studying; so he can't very well give a qualified opinion, can he? Maybe, he's jealous of your success and he's trying to undermine your efforts... who knows. But, he's your boyfriend, and as your boyfriend, he should be lifting your spirits and nurturing you with words of encouragement; not tearing down your self-esteem with demoralizing remarks. This guy sounds like a non-supportive, underachieving loser; and you appear to be intelligent with a promising future. You can do better, and deserve better than him.