pregnancy

[nee72737]

hi i am 35 year old women having a 10 year old daughter. my husband and his family really want another baby so we tried naturally and had bwen with IUI treatment before but results were negetive. Now they are planning for icsi with ivf .i dont want the baby but can not tell them . i have told them but they said try this cor the last time. is it fine if i take an ipill after transplant .will anybody know about this.

[AnnieBrooke]

If the family ever found out that you had done something to nullify the success of the pregnancy, would they be infuriated and would there be tremendously negative repercussions on you?  Why don't you want the baby, is it just that you don't want to be pregnant again?  (Because if so, there is such a thing as a gestational carrier, they could get one to carry the baby.)  Or are you saying you want no more children, or want no more children with him?  If the latter, do you no longer want to be married to him?  Perhaps you should speak up if that is the case, to get out from under this push to have a baby.

Regarding taking the morning-after pill after transfer, it might be dangerous to you due to the massive hormone loads involved already with IVF and the hormone loads of the morning-after pill.  It also might not work.  In the run-up to IVF, you will be monitored at least once by ultrasound and blood test to see how thick your uterine lining is and what your hormone levels are.  But if you for some reason feel you can't tell your husband that you don't want another child, or that you want out, or whatever it is that is making you think of going through IVF and then trying to negate it, there would be a simpler method.  All you would have to do is not take your progesterone shots and estrogen in the weeks after transfer of the embryo.  (They will do blood tests to tell how high your hormone levels are, but will tell you when to come in for them; it is only occasionally.  You could take your shot the day of the test but not do it on the other days.)  The progesterone shots are daily, and they keep you from having a period.  If you pretend to take them but do not, you should get a period.

I am only suggesting this because your idea (of taking a morning-after pill) seems very dangerous to me, and you are acting so strongly like you have no other choice.  Hormone loads that high could be very hard on you, I'm thinking heart attacks or strokes or cancer, not just some aches and pains.  But what I am REALLY suggesting is that you talk to your husband about what is going on regarding your feelings about having another child with him.  Don't kill yourself over this, it is not fair to your daughter.  Tell him what is happening in your mind.

[RockRose]

nee,  this is a bad plan.  It's highly likely,  during this fairly invasive fertility treatment that blood tests will be run and you will be found out.  

Is your husband the father of your daughter?  If his family is pushing for a second child,  it seems they are really being selfish.

I can understand a little more if he was pushing for his first child.  

But you already told them you don't want the baby and they don't care for some odd reason.  

I think whatever you decide to do,  do it,  but don't do fertility treatments AND a pill induced abortion.  

[specialmom]

Gosh, what a hard question.  I personally think that would be a hard thing to keep as a secret.  Do you think you'd feel guilty?  I would rather you just be honest with him than to hold such a secret in your heart for the rest of your life. Unless you live in a culture in which you have no say and somehow not having another child would result in marriage issues----  then  guess you have to do what you have to do if you don't want a baby.  But remember, fertility procedures for pregnancy don't always work.   good luck