terribly at a loss

[madmac]

Ok for days now I've been trying to figure out a way to put into words a question I'd like to ask the ladies and still can't come up with one. It's strange how easy it is to give someone else advice good or bad but when it come to you personally well.... so I guess the best way is to explain and then ask. If you have been reading anything I've posted to others you may know a liittle about how I think of things ie: love, relationships, women, men etc. Ok here goes, as you may know I am 50 yrs old am single haven't been with a women emotionally or physically in over 10 yrs. I was married at 20 and spent 20 yrs married not 22 as previously mentioned guess it just felt it. It was a very bad marriage from our wedding night till I left her 10 yr's ago. In case your wondering why I stayed the answer is 2 fold, 1st I believed I was married in the eyes of God [since the I don't believe in religion, different story] 2nd I believed I loved her not that I was in-love but loved her. Now I'm not saying I was perfect but I did my very best to make it work. I kept journels for most of our time together and when we split I was in some emotional turmoil. I went to see a psychologist as I don't believe in the other kind. I saw her for about a yr and when she found out that I kept these journals she asked to read them. After she had read them she said she let others of her profession do so also. they asked me if they could use some of them for treatment purposes for others. I wrote everything that happened in there including what I said or did. They told me that they thought that she was pure evil as in there experiance they never heard of men that went through the things she did to me emotionally speaking. Now for the past almost 4 yr's I've been having these feelings for a girl that is 25 yr's my junior. At first I thought they would go away as I put them down to loneliness, midlife crisis, rebound [even though it had been 6 plus yr's ] etc. Keep in mind she was only 21 and I was 46. I went away for almost a yr figuring out of mind... Here's the thing, she's everything I've ever admired in a women then some she can be moody but who can't. I still keep these emotions to myself hoping against hope that they will go away but they get strongr everytime I see her. I came to 2 conclusions 1st that if I'm not in-love with her it's a close facsimily and 2nd I can never tell her as it will probably add confusion to her life and put her in a situation she doesn't need to be in. I know she cares about me as she always asks me to go places with her but she obviously can't care for me in the way I care for her. I mentioned it to my mother [as I feel weird evening mentioning it] and of course she has a problem with the age difference. However I've met people at 20 that are more mature than 50 yr old and vice versa so the question is what do I do. I am not a wealthy man nor can I give her material things that by the way she's not into, all I could give her is love and judging by what I see today isn't enough. Maybe I should just go on hiding these emotions till 1 day I don't feel them but as messed up as this sounds how do I know she not the one I should be with? Obviously I don't need your input but I would really like to know what you ladies think.

[teko]

I think even if you got together, it would not work longterm. Life experience not just age would be a problem. Not for you, for her. She is young, what 25? maybe? Eventually, she would go looking for everything she missed doing with people of her own age. Sorry, I know this is not what you want to hear. You will get older, faster, not being able to keep up with her eventually. She will want children most probably, etc, etc. Tho, there are exceptions to everything, overall, I think you know deep down, this would not work, not in a forever till death do us part situation anyways.

[iam1butterfly]

I say, express those feelings that you've been "hiding." You'd be no worse off if she said that she wasn't interested in you that way. After all, you already assume that "...she can't care for [you] the same way that [you] care for [her]..." Do you say this primarily because of the age difference? Ask her, in a rhetorical way, how she feels about generational differences in dating. You might be pleased by her response as people are much more accepting of that nowadays (I was in love with a wonderful man who was 26 years older than me). So, approach this young woman with optimism and tell her that your interested in dating her (not in love with her or have have romantic feelings for her because that might scare her). But, be prepared for her to turn you down... that's always a possibility when asking someone out. If you don't make an attempt, you'll go through the rest of your life wondering if you missed a chance at love.