what do I do?

[anonymous03]

I recently found out I am pregnant about a week and a half ago, not the best timing, but it happened. There is nothing I can do now. My boyfriend used to be really supportive and very sweet. He was great, though he has been acting weird ever since we found out about our little one on the way. We're both in college and nervous about it. Though he's really pulled back a lot and doesn't talk to me much. I'm scared and want him there for support. He said he won't leave me, but he's not talking much with me right now at all. What is going on with him? I've asked him about why he's been so distant, but he didn't say anything. What do I do now? I don't want to lose him and I want my boyfriend back.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I think you have gotten a lot of great advice here and I can't really add much to it.  But I did want to add that it seemed as though you were saying something along the lines of you keeping the baby if your boyfriend sticks around, but considering adoption if he leaves you.  I guess I just urge you to really think long and hard about if you really want to give someone else that much power over your life.  I would not let this person define your future for you.  That is giving him A LOT of power.  And even if you end up with this guy and even marry him, there are no guarantees for the future.  I certainly don't mean to sound negative.  I am very committed to my husband and family.  I am only trying to say that you just never know what the future holds for your relationship and I just would not let your boyfriend (solely your boyfriend) determine your future or your baby's.

I can tell you as a mother of 6, that there is no greater gift or blessing than that of a child.  Children do change your life.  But they only add to it.  Your baby will enrich your life and will only make you more determine to excel at whatever you want to do.  You will want to be the best that you can for your child.  You will see.....Good luck!  I have been in a similar situation.

[SeriousSam]

Is this the surgical resident from earlier this year with the 10 year difference that you posted about?

Is he prepared to give up residency and possibly becoming a surgeon?  Could that possibly be what he is concerned about?

[SeriousSam]

Thanks,
            that is essentially what I was trying to say.  Further self pity leads to depression, and depression leads to not caring and not caring almost never leads to anything good.

The best way to get over a funk about how horrible the world is, and it can be horrible is to adjust your own attitude (Read Napolean Hill or Steven Covey's books) and change your situation.

It is all well and good to talk about how horrible things are, but ultimately parenthood is all about responsibility, and while having a partner can give you a break sometimes, and you cannot rely on other people to do anything more than inform you, and maybe assist you a bit but a baby is kind of like wearing "the buck stops here" t-shirt.

No one else can or really should have to assume your responsibilities for you.

[el_em_en_oh]

I'm going to say what I THINK SeriousSam was trying to say, but I'm going to be a lot nicer about it:

The timing is unfortunate. The fact that your boyfriend does or doesn't want to play and active role, is unfortunate. The fact this is happening at all, unplanned, is unfortunate.

This only JUST happened, and you have a right to be 'shell shocked' and taken aback and upset with your boyfriend and distraught about the circumstances, BUT

(and I think this is what Sam was trying to say)...

at some point you're going to have to lift yourself up by your boot-straps, and with or without the help & support of your boyfriend who either will or won't be there, you're going to have to get the ball rolling and start planning to have a beautiful baby.

That being said, this is still very new and fresh for you both, and it DOES $uck that he can 'get away from it' and you're 'stuck with it', but the time will come when you'll take comfort in that feeling of being 'stuck with it', because that 'it' is your beautiful child.

[el_em_en_oh]

I reported your post also.

You're WAY out of line dude.

[teko]

It takes two to have sex, be responsible for birth control, and to make a relationship work. That old saying of hindsite is always 20/20 is true. Life is full of risks and consequences. No matter what our age, when we lie down and have sex with someone, we are taking a risk. These things happen. Now, the deed is done and there is a little one coming into this world and several things are going to happen as a result. Both people took the risk and the rusult of taking that risk is that both people have responsibility to the child from now on. That is a fact. The relationship on the other hand may or may not be salvageable from the standpoint of future marriage and all that good stuff, the verdict is still out on that one. If you choose to have this baby and keep this baby should be a mutual decision of course but if the bf bails then that changes the game plan to some extent. Then those decisions are yours alone. It would appear the bf is not handling this well and is disappointed in the turn of events. Time to see what he is going to do is what it will take to get those answers. The family will step up eventually so again, you have a waiting game. Now in the interim it leaves you feeling isolated, and alone with no where to turn. First you must decide how you want this to turn out and what your options are if your bf does not come around. You must take this time to decide what you want your life to be in case of worst case scenario. You are going to get attached very quickly to this child growing inside you so think of options based on that scenario first. That way with or without the bf you have a direction to go to. And call home again and talk to mom and literally tell her you need her. Her love for you will outweigh the disappointment, you will see. She is the one you need at this point in time and tell her that in no uncertain terms. This experience will indeed change your life but it will not ruin it.