Really scared of sex

[grasshopper2000]

orry, I hope this is an appropriate place to post this. Basically, I have a huge problem with sex and I just can't do it.

I was raped and sexually assaulted by two different boyfriends as a teenager. My husband has had major anger problems which has made it very hardfor me to open up to him. He also used to hit me in bed if I tried to cuddle up to him.

Anyway, my husband seems to have changed and I know he is desperate to have sex again. I would also like sex too, but I am so scared.

I saw a couple of cousellors recently, hoping that it would help. The first one said to just massage each other to start, avoiding sexual areas and slowly work up from there. I can just about achieve this first step, but I even find it hard to lay on the bed naked, even if no one is in the house. But, however much I try, I can't move on from that. As soon as DH even touches the top of my thighs I start panicing about what he is going to do and I really tense up. If he does put his fingers any closer down below or insert his fingers then I panic so much I hyperventilate. However, at the same time I really want to take it further. He is so desperate to take it further, part of me wants to and I feel so stupid and guilty that I can't that sometimes I just let him. But I think that makes it worse as I then panic even more next time.

I saw another counsellor as the first didn't solve that psroblem. This one specialised in rape and abuse. She worked on issues such as self esteem and confidence. But, then said that really all I could do was have sex to try to solve the problem.

I don't know what to do. I feel really stupid and terribly guilty for my husband as we have not properly had sex for 7 years. Does anyone have any advice that could help me?

[Dalubaba]

Google breathing and extended sexual orgasm. You will find three types of breathing. simultaneous breathing, alternative breathing, and circular breathing. you can kegel each other while doing intercourse. Take it as a game. Sometime you win (Have satisfactory intercourse) and sometime you lose(unsuccessful intercourse) Read sexual literature relating to your problem. Does you DH knows about sexual rape?

[rockland45]

I'm sorry you've been through so much pain with your relationships in the past. I know this can take a toll on intimacy within a marriage. But I think you're on the right track by consulting a counselor. So, I wouldn't give up on that, even if you feel like you're not seeing improvement yet with your husband. Sometimes it just takes time to work through issues like the ones you've been through. But, another thought might be to think about consulting your doctor as well-or finding an MD who specializes in problems with intimacy. They may have some other insight or guidance to offer you. Lastly, has your husband ever considered attending counseling with you or seeing someone on his own? It sounds like he may have had some issues of his own he needs to address. Also, having someone help him understand better what you've been through and what you're feeling may be a big help in this area. So, just some thoughts to consider.