Relationship delima...

[musak_freak]

I'm nearly sixteen years old, and have recently aquired myself a new boyfriend. He is about to turn eighteen, and we both go to school together. When we spoke together about past partners, and past experiences (because knowing this is rather important to me) I came to the realization that he is far far more experienced then me. The furthest I have made it is "making out". Unfortunatly for me, he's gone all the way, several times. I made it very clear that I did not want to go all the way with him, and the chance of me going any further then I already had were slim, and he told me he understood and still wanted to be with me.

So, here comes my delima. By far, I do not want him to be my first, but I may considering going further with him then others, such as slight foreplay. However, getting into more intimate situations makes me extremely anxious. So anxious, in fact, that I get nauseous when I even think about it. I think that the only reason I get so anxious is because I don't know much about it.

How do I come across initiating it? Making him know (eventually when I'm comfortable with it) that it's ok? What should I pay attention to and be careful with? And, how should I expect this to, not only change me emotionally, but him, as well as our relationship?

I'm sorry, it's quite a long, and most likely uneccessary delima, I just wanted to get some help...

[loimmarmar]

DEAR,
YES as both you and AnnieBrooke stated...TELL Him...NO, Means no....Not maybe later....and PLEASE do not allow him to try this one....IF YOU LOVE ME.... you will just let me..."for a minute" or..."just the tip"...because you will find out later in life that when they say, just for a minute.....that is all it takes for an std or pregnancy and not to burst your bubble, but after 4 children, two marriages and several "boyfriends"...NOT ALL AT THE SAME TIME....anyway..."IT" usually only takes about a minute...In the mans world "all night long",  (SONG).. does not mean that... and when we women think all night long, we want and expect at least 20 minutes....HOWEVER that is so very few and far between...TAKE YOUR TIME...Lets just see if he is willing to wait for you...If so, you got a good one, and just think....THE PERFECT first time would be so much better if it was your wedding night....Men try to use the ...WELL, I have to have sex or this or that happens and I don't feel well (BLAH,BLAH,BLAH)...do not believe it....A relationship comes with advantages as well as dissapointments, and by the way, oral, fingered, third base.....SEX, no matter how softly it is worded....IT IS SEX...As Annie said....affection, back rub, holding hands, kissing...If he WANTS YOU... he will take you to dinner, movies, skating, bowling, whatever and PAY AS WELL...That shows he wants YOU....Not just what is in between your legs....GIRL, I KNOW OF WHAT I SPEAK!!!!  Please do not find out the hard way....I was pregnant most of my 15th year and delivered 6 weeks after turning 16...I learned the HARD WAY...BECAUSE I BELIEVED HIM!!!!! As soon as I told him of pregnancy he said....ABORTION.....I DID.....I ABORTED HIM and now 36 years later, I have a wonderful, beautiful daughter that has given me 6 grandbabies so far....ALL AFTER SHE WAS MARRIED and in her twenties...HE has NEVER even seen her......He missed a beautiful person...he was just the sperm donor, I am Honored and BLESSED to be her mother...Now is the time not to get things to screwed up as you will live with the consequences....and always remember....YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH EVERYONE HE HAS, AND VISA-VERSA when it comes to health...Thank you for having the courage to come here and ask questions, I could not talk to my parents either and talking with friends was not appropiate either as they were going through their own turmoils. I will pray for you to be comforted and to find the answers and LOVE you seek, Have a wonderful Blessed Day!!!   GOD BLESS!!!     loimmarmar

[AnnieBrooke]

Possibly the best thing is just to tell him that (as you said already) you don't intend to go all the way, but the good news is that you do intend to be affectionate.  And that in order not to be confusing in the heat of the moment, you just want him to know that if you say stop, you'll mean it.  Don't be distressed that he has had sex before.  If he still wants to see you it shows that sex is not the only reason he is seeing someone.  The relationship might change a lot in a relatively short time and you two might break up, but it probably won't be because you didn't go all the way.  Relationships at 16 and 17 are usually not that long-lasting, too much is changing in the lives of the two people.