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Sex Drive Problems
Me and my husband are having a very hard time dealing with our levels of desire in sex.
It started after he returned from deployment (June 2011) and I had just given birth to our first daughter (March 2011). Since that timeframe, my desire for sex has been at a very low standard. I became pregnant around Aug/Sept timeframe again, and I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant now. This is a little bit of history so you know some contributing factors.
We talked and he told me his desire for sex is about 3-5 times a day. He has a very high sex drive that he even expresses it at night without realizing it. However, my own sex drive is pretty much 0 right now. I get a desire here and there, but very few. I need to know if there is something wrong with me, or what could be causing such a problem, and how we can work with it.
Also, a few things I think that might be turning it off is I rarely get an orgasm. His sex drive is so high that when we do it, he orgasms within that first minute. Another thing is that I have only been having sex for 2 years, but he has been having sex for nearly 5+ years. Is my 'less experience' in sex killing it for me?
Sorry for the long question and explanations, I'm just worried that if I don't get myself fix or something, things are going to turn for the worse. Thank you.
It started after he returned from deployment (June 2011) and I had just given birth to our first daughter (March 2011). Since that timeframe, my desire for sex has been at a very low standard. I became pregnant around Aug/Sept timeframe again, and I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant now. This is a little bit of history so you know some contributing factors.
We talked and he told me his desire for sex is about 3-5 times a day. He has a very high sex drive that he even expresses it at night without realizing it. However, my own sex drive is pretty much 0 right now. I get a desire here and there, but very few. I need to know if there is something wrong with me, or what could be causing such a problem, and how we can work with it.
Also, a few things I think that might be turning it off is I rarely get an orgasm. His sex drive is so high that when we do it, he orgasms within that first minute. Another thing is that I have only been having sex for 2 years, but he has been having sex for nearly 5+ years. Is my 'less experience' in sex killing it for me?
Sorry for the long question and explanations, I'm just worried that if I don't get myself fix or something, things are going to turn for the worse. Thank you.
Two or three times a day is a huge amount of wanting sex; if he really got it two or three times a day you'd think he'd stop being so able to keep going at that pace. Can you give him a hand job three times a day and see if that helps slow him down? I don't blame you for not wanting sex when you are vastly pregnant.
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I find that when I'm pregnant, my levels go way up until about month 6 and then my body decides it's probably time to start storing up energy for the impending birth.
Your sex drive will lower drastically after the birth because you'll be up 5 times a night or more with a crying baby. You'll have no energy for much of anything else.
The lack of orgasm plays an important role in this as well.
My hubby and I are in the same boat. Our youngest is now 3 and I still don't want to be touched...because hubby gets so excited that he lasts a few minutes, and most women need at least 15 minutes or more to get enough stimulation to reach orgasm.
FOREPLAY is KEY!!!
Most men do NOT believe in foreplay. Sad but true. Their foreplay includes " let's get it on ", or rolling over and starting. Most will touch or rub your "button" for a minute or two, but it takes more than that for most of us.
Women need to be stimulated both mentally and physically. Again, sad but true. ( perhaps I should say " most women" as there are the rare few that can climax just by thinking about sex)
We need to be cuddled, have our hair played with, faces caressed, talked to, kissed, etc.
It's not going to be easy explaining this to him...as most men don't seem to care. ( They probably do, but they get so physically aroused that it becomes all about them and their orgasm...which leads us to believe that they don't care. lol )
You'll have to make him understand that because you are pregnant your hormones have changed drastically. Tell him that it is uncomfortable for you, and that your desire has dwindled because of this.
Be honest with him as well...tell him that you need MORE TIME in order to reach orgasm. Tell him that most women need at least 15 minutes to reach the stage that he gets to in 2 minutes. Tell him that it's NOT him...that it's a " woman thing ". You don't want to bruise his ego.
Ask him if he wouldn't mind trying foreplay. Try candles, romantic music, or whatever else it takes to get your mind in the right place...because as I've said, women need mental stimulation as well.
This may or may not help at this time in your life simply because you are pregnant.
Take him to your next doctor's appointment...have the OB/GYN tell him that sex is safe right now, but that it IS uncomfortable for you. I find that hearing it straight from a doctor's mouth will help men to understand better.