Aa
Feeling depressed
Hi. Just thought I'd start another new post, else it takes ages to come through.
I feel pretty confident that I am depressed again. May talk to my GP about it tomorrow.
I feel pretty confident that I am depressed again. May talk to my GP about it tomorrow.
Yeah, me too everytime i go to my therapist he asked how have you been i always say fine or ok, i am fed up saying that i want to go in and scream at him, what do you think? Would i be here if all was ok. Not a good day, and the neighbor's are adding to the stress, they are so stuck up and seem to have a dislike for my children, one neighbor greased the fence, the other one complained about them playing football, and today the polish child called for my son but he was getting his dinner when he went to call for hi, his father chased and was really rude, it makes me so angry, there are 17 houses where i live and only 4 houses have children the rest are just people with lots of money and no manners. My children don't even bother them if they did i would understand.
I need to try and forget about everyone that week or it will make it worse. I realised today that its eaiser for me to have everyone angry at me because when i go to escape this its better if everyone hates me already, does that make sense?
Are you totally clear from cancer now, i think i asked that before. That must have been a really scary time.
I hope you have a good day.
I need to try and forget about everyone that week or it will make it worse. I realised today that its eaiser for me to have everyone angry at me because when i go to escape this its better if everyone hates me already, does that make sense?
Are you totally clear from cancer now, i think i asked that before. That must have been a really scary time.
I hope you have a good day.
My mother seems to think that work is the solution to my problems.
I don't feel that working, without pay, for them, is all that helpful though. Just makes me feel even more depressed and leaves me feeling trapped in a dead-end situation. In order to be able to work though I feel like I need to address my issues.
She thinks any work. But right now I can barely function, let alone hold down a job.
Your mother might understand due to the assault (but then she may just blame you anyway). My parents understood, or exaggerated, about me having breast cancer treatment. Which in regards to my mh issues was minimal. They sympathize for cancer but alienate me for stuff that hurts me and my quality of life everyday.
My mother couldn't understand how when I was depressed I found it a huge effort to walk say about 50 m and turn a tap off.
I would go and forget about your kids for the duration of that time. You need to focus on you and getting yourself well. Your kids will cope.
If anyone ever asks I am always OK, fine, good or great. Take your pick.
I don't feel that working, without pay, for them, is all that helpful though. Just makes me feel even more depressed and leaves me feeling trapped in a dead-end situation. In order to be able to work though I feel like I need to address my issues.
She thinks any work. But right now I can barely function, let alone hold down a job.
Your mother might understand due to the assault (but then she may just blame you anyway). My parents understood, or exaggerated, about me having breast cancer treatment. Which in regards to my mh issues was minimal. They sympathize for cancer but alienate me for stuff that hurts me and my quality of life everyday.
My mother couldn't understand how when I was depressed I found it a huge effort to walk say about 50 m and turn a tap off.
I would go and forget about your kids for the duration of that time. You need to focus on you and getting yourself well. Your kids will cope.
If anyone ever asks I am always OK, fine, good or great. Take your pick.
I had a strange time talking with my mum she is so not interested in helping me, she has no understanding of me at all, i told her i was going away for a week to get help with depression i didn't tell her the truth as there is alot of stuff she doesn't know including what happened last year, anyway she said to treat depression i need to take medication and get out of the house more, as simple as that. She hasn't a clue i said ok, and she said what about my children, leaving them for a week for what? I feel bad enough leaving them but she has no idea how bad i feel, but if i can't get control i won't be able to be here for them at all.
I will know in a week or so the results of the test.
Families are strange in general i wouldn't even know where to begin with my mother.
I hope all is well with you.
I will know in a week or so the results of the test.
Families are strange in general i wouldn't even know where to begin with my mother.
I hope all is well with you.
My family are and they aren't. They don't understand me or the illness.
You do have the freedom to do all, can't you see that?
The doc should answer your post soon. I hope your tests turn out alright.
You do have the freedom to do all, can't you see that?
The doc should answer your post soon. I hope your tests turn out alright.
I like the way you can see both the good and the bad in your life you have a balance, which is good, i know its not good to be so negative so if you can see good in yourself i guess thats half the battle.
I feel that way too that my childhood was ruined for whatever reason and that impacted on the rest of my life even though i am only realising now, when i had analytical therapy it led to this point and then i ran i couldn't face up to it that was six years ago so i have spent six years trying to deny the way i felt about certain things and not accepting that they made me the way i am.
I was at the doctors this morning to get some tests done, after what happened last year i was supposed to get tests done but at the time i panicked and left, now i have been have problems so i had to go today, not surprisingly i didn't want to come home after but i had to, the slightest thing and i want to escape.
You seem to know alot about yourself thats good.
I am scared they will send me to the hospital instead, i know yeah its a safer place, i can't get out of there but i hate feeling trapped.
I listen to alot of music sometimes it helps sometimes not it can bring me down and put me in a strange frame of mind.
I am tired fighting with myself and i want to go to bed but i have to stay up for my children, although sometimes i feel distant from them too, i need to distance myself from them for the intensive therapy otherwise i will miss them too much and that will make it worse
Overwhelmed i get that too alot, then i feel the need to shut down.
I am this computer way too much as well my partner goes mad but i need the distraction and the talking.
Are your family supportive now? I think unless people actually experience depression, panic, suicidal thoughts they can't understand how hard it it. My mother thinks i am useless for not trying hard she doesn't know the half of it and i won't tell her.
I would just like the freedom to make my own choices and live in my own world but people won't let me.
I hope you have a good day.
I feel that way too that my childhood was ruined for whatever reason and that impacted on the rest of my life even though i am only realising now, when i had analytical therapy it led to this point and then i ran i couldn't face up to it that was six years ago so i have spent six years trying to deny the way i felt about certain things and not accepting that they made me the way i am.
I was at the doctors this morning to get some tests done, after what happened last year i was supposed to get tests done but at the time i panicked and left, now i have been have problems so i had to go today, not surprisingly i didn't want to come home after but i had to, the slightest thing and i want to escape.
You seem to know alot about yourself thats good.
I am scared they will send me to the hospital instead, i know yeah its a safer place, i can't get out of there but i hate feeling trapped.
I listen to alot of music sometimes it helps sometimes not it can bring me down and put me in a strange frame of mind.
I am tired fighting with myself and i want to go to bed but i have to stay up for my children, although sometimes i feel distant from them too, i need to distance myself from them for the intensive therapy otherwise i will miss them too much and that will make it worse
Overwhelmed i get that too alot, then i feel the need to shut down.
I am this computer way too much as well my partner goes mad but i need the distraction and the talking.
Are your family supportive now? I think unless people actually experience depression, panic, suicidal thoughts they can't understand how hard it it. My mother thinks i am useless for not trying hard she doesn't know the half of it and i won't tell her.
I would just like the freedom to make my own choices and live in my own world but people won't let me.
I hope you have a good day.
I guess feeling heard does help. Early on I joined several yahoo health groups and some people there seemed to relate to some things I said everything if they didn't understand.
I don't believe suicide is selfish. I know many others do. Maybe in your situation with a young family it would be. I try not to judge others and know I can't truly understand them, their thoughts, feelings and behaviors. People are complex. Life is sometimes complex.
It does seem unfair that we don't have access to treatment that has the potential to help us.
I'm sure respite could be an option. It's just like going to a strangers home for a night or two though. Perhaps more stressful than it is worth.
I think for me the problem was I felt that ethically or legally I needed to stay. I had opportunities to leave and I should have. Not huge opportunities but opportunities none the less.
Hospital was stressful for me because I had alienated my family. I didn't know how to communicate with them in a way that left me feeling empowered. I didn't want to take meds which I was forced too. The people were a bit strange (talking to their apples, being manic, etc). The place was noisy. I didn't feel as though I had any privacy. People watching you, watching you go to the toilet, having a shower, eating, sleeping. People talking about how they would kill themselves. People being taken away for ect.
Boredom is something you can do something about though.
Yours should be able to phone you or speak to you away from your partner. Sometimes you need to negotiate new rules for the relationship.
What we've done in the past is done, we can't change that. We shouldn't keep beating ourselves up over things we've done.
I'm not exercising at the moment and I always seem to sabotage any efforts when I feel close to achieving some goal.
Probably not. Imagine all the paperwork and the investigation. And of course they would miss you and the opportunity to work with you and to help you.
I think that you need to be in hospital for it. I think it is the only place for it at this time.
Sure! There are lots of different things. A few?
My weight. Feeling fat. My teeth.
Thinking about the future. Thinking about what I have lost. My missed childhood. Lack of education and employment. Lack of friends. My inability to relate to others. My failures. My past. Guilt about things I have done or not done. Feeling trapped or overwhelmed. Feeling useless and inadequate. Feeling stupid. Seeing others successes. Seeing children laughing and playing.
They aren't all feelings are they? Most feelings would be of powerlessness, hopelessness, helplessness, feeling overwhelmed, etc. That sort of thing.
What helps? Distracting myself. Changing my physiology by exercising, having a hot shower, etc. Thinking about my future. Comparing myself to others. Recognizing that I am mentally tough and that I can get through this. Tolerating things in the moment. Life is just a bunch of moments. Giving where I am meaning. Accept that I am learning now even if it isn't what I think I should be. Talking to people. Talking through issues. Sometimes music although sometimes that can be triggering. A lot of things. Reading Mills and Boon medical romances.
I have spent most of my day on the computer. I will keep my doctor's appointment for next week and try and work through some of this and get help if I need it.
I don't believe suicide is selfish. I know many others do. Maybe in your situation with a young family it would be. I try not to judge others and know I can't truly understand them, their thoughts, feelings and behaviors. People are complex. Life is sometimes complex.
It does seem unfair that we don't have access to treatment that has the potential to help us.
I'm sure respite could be an option. It's just like going to a strangers home for a night or two though. Perhaps more stressful than it is worth.
I think for me the problem was I felt that ethically or legally I needed to stay. I had opportunities to leave and I should have. Not huge opportunities but opportunities none the less.
Hospital was stressful for me because I had alienated my family. I didn't know how to communicate with them in a way that left me feeling empowered. I didn't want to take meds which I was forced too. The people were a bit strange (talking to their apples, being manic, etc). The place was noisy. I didn't feel as though I had any privacy. People watching you, watching you go to the toilet, having a shower, eating, sleeping. People talking about how they would kill themselves. People being taken away for ect.
Boredom is something you can do something about though.
Yours should be able to phone you or speak to you away from your partner. Sometimes you need to negotiate new rules for the relationship.
What we've done in the past is done, we can't change that. We shouldn't keep beating ourselves up over things we've done.
I'm not exercising at the moment and I always seem to sabotage any efforts when I feel close to achieving some goal.
Probably not. Imagine all the paperwork and the investigation. And of course they would miss you and the opportunity to work with you and to help you.
I think that you need to be in hospital for it. I think it is the only place for it at this time.
Sure! There are lots of different things. A few?
My weight. Feeling fat. My teeth.
Thinking about the future. Thinking about what I have lost. My missed childhood. Lack of education and employment. Lack of friends. My inability to relate to others. My failures. My past. Guilt about things I have done or not done. Feeling trapped or overwhelmed. Feeling useless and inadequate. Feeling stupid. Seeing others successes. Seeing children laughing and playing.
They aren't all feelings are they? Most feelings would be of powerlessness, hopelessness, helplessness, feeling overwhelmed, etc. That sort of thing.
What helps? Distracting myself. Changing my physiology by exercising, having a hot shower, etc. Thinking about my future. Comparing myself to others. Recognizing that I am mentally tough and that I can get through this. Tolerating things in the moment. Life is just a bunch of moments. Giving where I am meaning. Accept that I am learning now even if it isn't what I think I should be. Talking to people. Talking through issues. Sometimes music although sometimes that can be triggering. A lot of things. Reading Mills and Boon medical romances.
I have spent most of my day on the computer. I will keep my doctor's appointment for next week and try and work through some of this and get help if I need it.
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