My main problem...being anti-social...

[arusi]

Ok now this will be a looong story...

My friend and I stopped speaking to each other because I started staying in and she thought that I stopped speaking to her, (stupid huh?).

So my neighborhood is mainly populated with boys, I don't or cant speak to them, and I can't and don't want to go and hang out with them.
Before we stopped talking she made me start dating boys (peer pressure) (which is like toboo in my country and for the age I was). Things spread quickly and I got the vibe that the males in my neighborhood heard (in the caribbean, having a boyfriend so young and ur a girl is considered as being a b!tch or something). It was like sice I stopped talking to her everyone automatically takes her side.
So I stayed in and became a total game freak that got average grades, sometimes I failed (2 times to be precise).

Now i've developed this stupid problem that makes me think that I don't smell...good? No...I think that my smell doesn't appeal to others. Whenever someone comes close to me I close myself. So that made me stay in more. Yeah I know I have a low self-esteem, but I want to know how to solve it. Sometimes I feel comfortable with my height (my genes made me taller than other girls) and my appearance but other times i'm uncomfortable.

I've picked out challenging yet achievable goals for myself, I draw, write fan fiction and read alot. those are the only things that actually make me happy at home.

Yea I know i'm twisted. I just need to get out of this stupid phase of my life.
Oh and another thing is that when I was like nine or eight I was abused...sexually. No i did not lose my virginity, I told my mom and dad and thats how I got banned from going over to my other friends' house. Yeah i'm really brave (maybe stupid too) to write my whole life story online without hesitation...

Please help though...

[sweetpea03]

Have you been to therapy for the sexual abuse? If not, I would recommend that. It can help on a few different levels.

Also, I would look for things you enjoy that happen outside of your own home. Do you like sports? Join a sports team? Maybe look for a writing group you can join that meets up every so often? Maybe take an art class, where you can meet others? Something to get you out of your house and meeting others who may become potential friends. Get involved in something where you can meet others your own age. You will have to push yourself to get out at first, but if you find something that you enjoy it will not feel like a chore.

Friendships can come and go, but don't let that hold you back from enjoying life. There will always be people who are not the nicest and spread rumors, but you'll learn to ignore those types of people.

Hope it all goes well.

[arusi]

Thanks...I'll try some of your suggestions. And about the sexual abuse thing, I don't really care about it. I got past that a looong time ago. Anyway, thanks for the help though.

[k9helper]

HI,
Just a comment on the sexual abuse issue. You may think you are over it and perhaps you are but these things have a way of coming back to you. Maybe because you have not received help for it you have now developed these other issues. Sometimes our brains take a problem we think we've forgotten about or gotten over and turn it into a new problem. I think you should see a professional about it. You want to be a phychologist, so maybe that would be a good person to see. They could also help you with your self-esteem issues. I too think you should try joining some clubs/groups that interest you and meet new friends. At your age dating should be low on you priority list. Boys will always be there. Get your education and your life back. Don't let bitchy girls (and girls can be very bitchy and cruel), keep you inside playing video games.

If I can ask what problem makes you think you don't smell very good?

[arusi]

To tell you the truth, I have no clue what made me think that. Well...i'll take ur advises and go see a professional.

[arusi]

Also, I asked my mom and she just told me that I was being paranoid. And the thing is, is that when i'm around people and they sniff I get self conscious about it.