I need advise

[magnumman]

OK, I have been happily married for 17 years to a great women and fantastic mother to our two children. Over the past two years I been obsession about my wifes lack of orgasim. To be fair she has never experienced one, or at least with me. I ve tried to get her to work with me on this and to try things by her self so she can teach me, she feels like that is dirty and wants no part of it.Over the last few months I have not even wanted to have sex with her because I feel like it is just a let down, I cant talk to her about trying new things or getting crazy in bed because we have been doing the same old thing for so long It just doesnt happen, If I ask her to try new things she thinks I am a perv, and say the reason she only will do it missionary style is do to weight gain a poor self esteem. I recently was awake at night when it looked like she was asleep but breathing like she used to when we had good sex. I think she also had an orgasm or at least a body jolt, am I insane or could she be having a orgasm without me.  What do I do, I want to be involved with her  and enjoy sex untill I am old and pass on. All I think about now is my not being able to get her to the big O. She also says for her the O is not the important thing that being close and ingaged with me is the satisfaction for her. I have recenty turned to the wed for my gratification, I know this is the  worst place to go but I am beond frustated. I used to be so sexual orally and phisically before her, I now feel like a trapped animal. What do I do. Please help me before I damage my marriage.

[bigsissie]

Have you talked to your wife about how it makes you feel? I mean really talked to her about it. I do believe sex for women can be gratifying with out having a orgasm because we are looking for the intimacy not just the physical. The problem is probably your wifes low self esteem. Try to tell her how you see her because all she is seeing is her flaws. I am going to message you also because I have some personal experience with this but the bottom line it talk to her. Best wishes, Sissie

[AnnieBrooke]

If she says she is satisfied, trust her.  What kind of contest are you engaged in (and with whom?) that says you must must must must cause your wife to have an orgasm?  If she says she is satisfied, trust her!

If your problem is really that you want to do more hot sexual stuff and are getting bored with the missionary position, then don't cloak it in the obsessive desire to give your wife an orgasm.  (For the record, some women can only have an orgasm in the missionary position.)  

Talk to a therapist before you drive yourself nuts, and get to the bottom of this apparent competitive drive to get her to something she doesn't particularly think is important.  You're placing a ton of value on it that comes from somewhere other then her.