I can understand what your going through. I'm 36 come tomorrow and I had my first one when I was 25...I read this book called 203 ways to satisfy a man. I dont remember the authors name but there was a story in it that really made me look at myself as a woman.
Men described how the confidence in woman made her sexy and how graceful her curves moved to him made him want her all the time. Her know that made her have one.
Also there was story that a woman told that everytime she rides and sit on it all the way and move her hip back and forth she would have two or three...trust me that one works...thats how i got my first one.
But its to each it own..and the other ladies are right you do have to learn your body first.
Have you thought about practicing with a sex toy, maybe? on your own to see where you might feel the most pleasure and then try to use that with your partner too
Can you O when you masturbate?
Try not pressuring yourself. I don't think any man can make a woman get there unless she can please herself first. It's about comfort.