I am an addict. I have been addicted to most drugs I've ever put my hands on. Starting with speed when I was 16, to coke, crack, heroin, benzo's and alcohol.
I've tried most drugs and I've definitely abused them to extremes that people probably wouldn't believe.
Just before I went into rehab 2 and a bit years ago, I was dealing coke to pay for my heroin habit, lots of coke.
To start with I bought a car, a new iPhone. All the smack I wanted.
It wasn't long before I was cooking up the coke (just to test it) this woke up a sleeping monster in me. Within 8 months I had gone from earning 1000s a week to smoking crack ALL day and night. I think it was about 3 weeks I went without eating a thing, the occasional sip of water would wet my mouth, just enough so I could do my next pipe.
I injected heroin, I smoked crack non stop, I took handfuls of benzo's to crash for a couple of hours before starting again.
ALL of this was done in my mothers house as she helplessly watched, giving the occasional empty threat to throw me out.
She paid my dealer 10000 to stop me being killed. By this time I had lost 5 stone. I'm 6ft 3 and I was now 9 stone... no car, phone, friends, no hope.
I walked into rehab as "rock bottom" as anyone could be.
I didn't find the lord, or any higher power in rehab.... i found myself, I looked deep into why I did the things I did, why I made those choices. It turns out I had so many core beliefs, schemas, whatever you want to call them. Abandonment issues, fear of failure, self sabotage, subjugation.... the list went on.
I couldn't get any lower, I wanted answers, about ME. I wanted to change and I was willing to do anything to make that happen, and with hard hard work and the love and support of my family I've been clean for 2 years.
I still have days where I KNOW heroin would make life a **** load easier, but I also know there is NO SUCH THING as a 1 off.
I'm now doing a life coaching course and an NVQ level 3 in advice and guidance.
I hope this story brings hope to somebody, because I've been to hell and back and survived situations no human should have. I GAVE MYSELF ANOTHER CHANCE.
Removing chaos from my life, removing drugs, removing the bullshitters and blaggers was the best thing I ever did. I hope you can do the same. Much love.
This site complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information.
The Content on this Site is presented in a summary fashion, and is intended to be used for educational and entertainment purposes only. It is not intended to be and should not be interpreted as medical advice or a diagnosis of any health or fitness problem, condition or disease; or a recommendation for a specific test, doctor, care provider, procedure, treatment plan, product, or course of action. Med Help International, Inc. is not a medical or healthcare provider and your use of this Site does not create a doctor / patient relationship. We disclaim all responsibility for the professional qualifications and licensing of, and services provided by, any physician or other health providers posting on or otherwise referred to on this Site and/or any Third Party Site. Never disregard the medical advice of your physician or health professional, or delay in seeking such advice, because of something you read on this Site. We offer this Site AS IS and without any warranties. By using this Site you agree to the following Terms and Conditions. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your physician or 911 immediately.