Abused and she wont' divorce him

[maybebaby29]

We have a friend who has been married for 6 years and has a 2 year old. Her marriage was never good and besides low self esteem, we never understood why she married him. He never, ever paid attention to her, never was home, was horrible with money, and just didn't care.

Within the last 2 years the marriage has turned for the worse. He has bought and crashed leased Lambos, Ferraris, etc., he spend $5k on coke, he doesn't go to work anymore, he got involved with some mob guys in Miami, and every penny that he has his name on is gone. He could care less about his kid but when it comes to control, he sure wants to keep him. He's cheated on her multiple times. My own husband confronted him about all this because her own brother won't (nice huh?) and the guy was just full of lies and cluelessness.

She's talented, beautiful, etc. but she just won't leave him. I told her what domestic violence does to kids who witness it and it's in one ear or out the other. I, myself, grew up in a very abusive home so I know what I'm talking about. She just had the cops over there this weekend for a literaly tug of war with her child and the husband. The cops said because he is the biological father, she can't take the child out of the home.

Every single person in her life wants her to get rid of this jerk but she won't. All she does is get angry at him and says "he needs to live on his own since he never did. He always has a home here once he straightens himself out." Stupid talk. He will NEVER straighten himself out. He has had drug issues before. He doesn't love her but used her as a trophy wife to get what he wants.

We want to help her but the whole situation is getting old. How many times does she expect all of us to stick up for her and fight for her in front of her husband and cops? We have our own lives to deal with, not baby sit her. I just feel it's totally selfish for her to stay with him under these circumstances and expose her child to all of this unrest.

[RockRose]

She will ask you to support her bad decision as long as you are willing to stand there and support her,  maybebaby.  This is how she's choosing to live - don't know all her past history,  but my guess is it's very comfortable for her to have a husband she can openly disdain.

If this didn't feel comfortable for her,  she wouldn't be there.

Best wishes.

[maybebaby29]

I'm not the one taking her calls. My husband is, her brother, her mother/father. It's just getting old. Everyone cares about her (we really do) but her stupidity is wearing on me. I don't know how much I have to continue to tell her what this will do to her kid, hoping at least she would care enough for the sake of her child and let her own self esteem issues pass to the wayside.

[treazzure007]

"The cops said because he is the biological father, she can't take the child out of the home." -never heard of this lie before.  the cops are obviously not the brightest men on earth if they really said this.  if there is abuse in the home, and this is her child, she has every right to remove herself AND the child from the home.  
you should cut her off.  let her know that when she is ready for you to support her efforts to be on her own and start over, you'll be there.  dont let this type of stress and drama get you down.  some couples use this drama as foreplay oddly enough.  id excuse it as being that for now