I feel so lost and alone post 1

I have recently moved 250miles from my home town to London after meeting a man on the internet.
We were dating for over a year and half before I decided to take the plunge. Before I met him I had never really left my home town but always had thoughts of living in London.
We would travel most weekends to see one another, throughout the relationship the journey got longer and made us both increasingly tired.
He is a detective, at the time of meeting I was an office manager but unfortunately got made redundant and later fought and won a case for unfair dismissal... this caused a whole host of personal financial issues leaving me to consider bankruptcy. Also we both have divorces pending neither of which is particularly straight forward. We have three children between us all of which have bonded like siblings and we have gelled into a family unit.
At the beginning of the relationship I sensed he was still interacting with other women via, msn, the dating websites and by going on what he claimed to be one date... yet when I would visit his apartment I would find empty champagne bottles and women’s hair on the sheets and in the shower. He always told me that it was in my head and that the hairs were probably there from months ago. The champagne bottles he would claim that female colleagues would come over and have meals.
There would also be occasions where I would ring him and he would not answer his phone... and if he did he would answer from what was obviously outside or in the bathroom... he would say that friends were watching a film so he didn’t want to interrupt it or make other excuses.
He also has a few ex girlfriends that he keeps in touch with one of which is his 'best friend' I have actually met this ex and she is lovely... but he still continued to sleep over her house and get drunk with her and sleep over and couldn’t understand why I had an issue with this, he said it was my own insecurities that made me jealous. I personally felt that whilst in a relationship that was not how a partner should conduct there self.
On one particular evening I phoned him when he said he was working a night shift and got no answer which I felt was particularly strange as he never wouldn’t call back or answer. He text me after me ringing and texting and said that’s a bit over the top get a grip. I tried to explain I was worried about him due to the nature of his job. Of course I also had other thoughts running through my mind also. He said that he was at work all evening and the reason he did not answer was because he was unable to and that I should stop being so jealous and made out as if I was pestering him.
I would have nights out with the girls and not get home until 6'oclock in the morning sometimes which was the norm for me and the lifestyle I was accustomed to in my home town. I would unfortunately lie to him when I got home at such hours and say I’d gotten home earlier when he knew full well I hadn’t. My reasons for lying were that I knew he would not be pleased about me out until that time as he already stated on a few occasions, he said it was for my safety, which I totally understand.
I myself was still talking to people more so due to the fact that I felt this relationship wouldn’t go far because of some of his actions.
He always denied these accusations and told me it was in my head and that I was over reacting.
A few weeks later he admitted that he was in a relationship when we met but had ended it a few days after meeting me as it was going downhill anyway.
Again he continued using the dating sites, getting phone calls from women etc, which all aroused suspicion with me. I continually asked, accused, assumed what was going on but he always denied any such actions and led me to believe it was all in my head due to my own insecurities and low self esteem.
I started not trusting him at all and continually started going through his phone, emails, pictures anything that I thought I could get confirmation from. On going through his things I would concurringly find phone numbers, pictures of exes or home videos all from past relationships but none the less still there... these things would cause arguments as I would raise them and he would eventually after getting angry agree that he should not still have them being in a relationship and promised time and time again to delete them (each time a new argument would arise due to me still annoyed that he hadn’t deleted them)… still to this day he has not deleted all and does not seem to understand how they would make me feel insecure or upset. After the arguments I was left feeling low and worthless and always seemed to apologise for causing the argument which I felt necessary because of the isolation he built around me.
I out of respect deleted anything like that to stop the same insecurities being inflicted on him.
Continually on a daily a basis I would make a point of calling him gorgeous or sexy and texting him just to let him know he was on my mind. Another of our main arguments was that he didn’t really do the same… he said it was because when he does say it he wants it to be from the heart and not words or feelings that are just thrown around. I feel appreciation in a relationship is key and this was my way of showing it.
I would moan that he would never just come out and call me gorgeous or sexy or jus say do you know what I love you so much.
He again blames this on my own insecurities.
When we would have arguments he would claim that I was forgetful and never remembered what I had said, this might well have been the case but I felt so flustered at times that I couldn’t always remember. He eventually began to tell me that I needed to see a counsellor.
I did… when I would go she would tell me that I had every right to have these feelings and ask for such emotions in return.
He told me that she wasn’t very good and didn’t know what she was talking about and eventually told me to find somebody new more qualified.
So I did, she was a joint counsellor. We saw her together, when I came out of seeing her I was so upset and in tears as she was pointing out to me that I had anger management issues and was insecure due to past experiences. I ended up apologising to my partner for everything I had put him through and promised I would seek more help to make me ‘normal’.
Deep down I felt that what she was saying was right but also felt that my partner had exonerated himself to her in someway in the session that he was of sound mind and almost convinced him self and her that the things he did were acceptable.
During arguments he would continually call me mad, insecure, with low self esteem, crazy, that everyone else saw that I was like this...................................... cont. in 2nd post