Introduction

[10356]

Hello my name is Lesa.. I thought I would put this Journal entry out here as a way of introduction and to let you all know where I'm at... My tracker is wrong I'm about 30 day as I had some in between and did not update.. I have been working on quitting for awhile, my Hubby had knee replacement 2mo. ago finally there are no drugs in the house first time in more years then I care to think about... He is fine and the pain manageable :)  If you can take something from this great.. You all have been my silent and a few my vocal support... I would like to take this time to Thank-you all... Warmly lesa..

Called in a script today for 100 Norco.. 2hr's later canceled it... This is so flippen hard.. I'm a drug addict....  I started my journey 9mo. ago here.. Never used the computer for anything but cards (that's changed:) anyway it takes some of us many try's to kick before we succeed.. I found it to be so with Heroin, Alcohol, Crank, Coke never liked the psychedelics... But with the drugs I had just listed I think for me it was easier too change my life relocate make wise decisions and with the grace of the good spirits able to put them and that life behind me.... I do not crave them although I do crave a glass of wine once in awhile I have succeeded...  The difference from then and now pain... I'm a Drug Addict... I have a list of everything wrong with me in my back journal , although my kidney is doing a lot better :) My wonderful husband whom I give so much thanks for without his total support this would be impossible, listened to me cry and convince myself too cancel the script.. My Dr. knows of my past he supports me clean, but he also supports use of pain meds as I have every reason to need them but I'm a Drug Addict.....I have turned down pain management as I do not want the harder drugs nor do I want morphine what my Dr. suggest.. I'm a Drug Addict.... This has to come from me inside way deep where nobody else goes.... I have the courage and strength but I'm also nervous of being without a crutch... I have not gone through life without some kind of vice since I have been 12 yrs. old... As I was the master of trading one Addiction for another Alcohol being my longest.... This is the last... I have used them all up.. I'm at the end of the road, nothing more to abuse.... Prescription drugs are hard to quit, there cheap easy to get for a person in my position but I'm a Drug Addict.... I will become accustom to my pain I'm sure as it has gotten better with every time I quit... I had seen a great therapist and my mind is healthier then it has ever been since I was 9......

I have an excuse I can fall back on and it is screwing with me..... Before I new it was wrong but I did not care about myself then... I was on self destruct mode... I care now... I have so much too care about.... I really dislike being a Drug Addict.... How I have been married and raised respectable and clean adults is beyond me... I'm just so grateful for this and my husband... This is so freakin hard but so freakin worth it I want to see them get old...

I do not know where I'm going with this but I did a good thing today I canceled the script... It was my decision only.... I had beat my Addiction today and I'm proud.... lesa

[10356]

Oh my Dr. is well aware of my past and desires.. Thanks worried..

[worried878]

cutting off ways to get those puppies seems crucial for most...telling ur doctors or friends u can get them from..i told my doctor i was afraid of them..did not go into detail..and he wrote it on my chart...if i called..well i dont think u can call here for a scrip..u have to go in..anyway it is on my chart....stay strong

[10356]

Thank you cathy that is music to my ears..

Me Scottish Lass you know how I feel about you..

Gator my gentle friend you have been there more then you know...

Thank you for your encouraging words they mean more then I can convey... lesa

[gator145]

Don't be afraid at all to see just how hard your struggle is.......Does it get easier for some yes others no........You have the desire which is the most important attribute of any struggle.......Stay with it as long as you can.....When you think you are going to stray, contact me and we will try as hard as we can to keep you straight........The most important thing you have to remember is how much you will benefit from this struggle........You are a hero so stand tall .....Gator

[lostdreams]

Lesa, (my indian lass)
You are such an inspiration to me and you know that! Well done girl.
Doing that today took some strength and determination. I truely admire you so much.
You suffer with so much pain, yet you are able to pluck up the courage and not take anything because you know you are an addict. You rock girl.
Luv ya muchness.

[cathy5841]

good job, lesa.  keep taking it one day at a time!!!!  you will make it.