Aa
Expectations
So...I thought I was further than I really am. My mind is pretty fragile and has been for a while. I have a couple other posts and was basing my clean time on my sons visit and some events that ensued. I wasn't really keeping track until things started going crazy. I thought I was at like 19 days now...I'm really only at 14 days...with 0 sleep in the last 8-9 days...not specifically tracking that...but that is very close.
That recent revelation is crushing me. I thought I had to be right around the corner to some sleep and maybe feeling a little better. I'm not looking for a miracle, but man...my physical and mental state suck and I'm in a bad way. Any suggestions as to what to do when you aren't sleeping for a long time and you are starting to literally hate everything that you have been using to kill time?
I could really need some help.....I'm getting scared of myself and my surroundings.
That recent revelation is crushing me. I thought I had to be right around the corner to some sleep and maybe feeling a little better. I'm not looking for a miracle, but man...my physical and mental state suck and I'm in a bad way. Any suggestions as to what to do when you aren't sleeping for a long time and you are starting to literally hate everything that you have been using to kill time?
I could really need some help.....I'm getting scared of myself and my surroundings.
Killer,
You say jumped from 2mgs after being on SUBs for 2 years, it's no wonder your WDs are severe. First, what was your drug of choice when you jumped to SUBs? Having been on SUBs that long I'm sure by now you have heard to clique "Less is More". It is absolutely true. While the Suboxone plan normally starts you out at high doses, 8-24mgs/day, once your system has incorporated the Med, dropping rapidly to say 4mgs within weeks of starting and down to 2mgs shortly there after is exact how SUBs are designed to work. I like you, was on SUBs much longer than I should have been and when I had had enough of being controlled by SUB's, I almost jumped from 4mgs. Luckily for me, I had a friend who disclosed to me that she had went the SUB's route to kick a nasty Opiate habit like I was trying to do and after 11 months of taking SUBs and tapering down, come to find out i wasn't close to the daily level for kicking SUBs, as you have found out. I jumped from .75mgs/day and had restless legs for about a week and fatigue for about 2 months. No anxiety, no pain and no other symptoms not mentioned. You are on day 15, how are you feeling right now. From your other posts your WDs seem extremely harsh from where you jumped. Everyone experiences WDs differently and even though you have been through Opiate WDs before, SUBs have an extremely long half life and you know that means WDs will last so much longer than an Opiate WD. I only said all this because I didn't want to assume you knew all of it. I completely understand wanting to get off SUBs and get clean for good. My only suggestion would be if the WDs become too much, like I have seen from dozens who attempted to kick off them at your level and higher, once they understood the realities of SUBs most went back on SUBs and tapered down below 1mg a day in a short time, experiencing very mild WDs such as I experienced. PLEASE don't read this as me suggesting you do this! It certainly wasn't my goal to make you think that. Its just that jumping at 2mgs and after 15 days you are still experiencing HELL, is an indication that you jumped too early. After all, taking a MED with the half life of SUB's for 2 years, just means its going to take time. @ 15 days, it will only get better every single day. Having been clean from SUBs for 22 months, I can absolutely assure you life is so much more fun when you're clean! Best of luck to you, I know SUBs saved my life especially after realizing the proper way to use it!
You say jumped from 2mgs after being on SUBs for 2 years, it's no wonder your WDs are severe. First, what was your drug of choice when you jumped to SUBs? Having been on SUBs that long I'm sure by now you have heard to clique "Less is More". It is absolutely true. While the Suboxone plan normally starts you out at high doses, 8-24mgs/day, once your system has incorporated the Med, dropping rapidly to say 4mgs within weeks of starting and down to 2mgs shortly there after is exact how SUBs are designed to work. I like you, was on SUBs much longer than I should have been and when I had had enough of being controlled by SUB's, I almost jumped from 4mgs. Luckily for me, I had a friend who disclosed to me that she had went the SUB's route to kick a nasty Opiate habit like I was trying to do and after 11 months of taking SUBs and tapering down, come to find out i wasn't close to the daily level for kicking SUBs, as you have found out. I jumped from .75mgs/day and had restless legs for about a week and fatigue for about 2 months. No anxiety, no pain and no other symptoms not mentioned. You are on day 15, how are you feeling right now. From your other posts your WDs seem extremely harsh from where you jumped. Everyone experiences WDs differently and even though you have been through Opiate WDs before, SUBs have an extremely long half life and you know that means WDs will last so much longer than an Opiate WD. I only said all this because I didn't want to assume you knew all of it. I completely understand wanting to get off SUBs and get clean for good. My only suggestion would be if the WDs become too much, like I have seen from dozens who attempted to kick off them at your level and higher, once they understood the realities of SUBs most went back on SUBs and tapered down below 1mg a day in a short time, experiencing very mild WDs such as I experienced. PLEASE don't read this as me suggesting you do this! It certainly wasn't my goal to make you think that. Its just that jumping at 2mgs and after 15 days you are still experiencing HELL, is an indication that you jumped too early. After all, taking a MED with the half life of SUB's for 2 years, just means its going to take time. @ 15 days, it will only get better every single day. Having been clean from SUBs for 22 months, I can absolutely assure you life is so much more fun when you're clean! Best of luck to you, I know SUBs saved my life especially after realizing the proper way to use it!
Hi bud,
I can feel your torment......I'm not feeling good at all right now, I was up sick through the night with vomiting and headache. I just want to say
I'm still praying for ya and your release should be just around the corner.
I still have trouble getting solid sleep at 61days clean but what I wanted to
tell you was that I use gravol to help me get some slumber. I don't know
if you guys in the states can get that OTC or not.....it's worth a try.
God bless you and pluck you out of this hell.
prayers peace hope health and hugs.
I can feel your torment......I'm not feeling good at all right now, I was up sick through the night with vomiting and headache. I just want to say
I'm still praying for ya and your release should be just around the corner.
I still have trouble getting solid sleep at 61days clean but what I wanted to
tell you was that I use gravol to help me get some slumber. I don't know
if you guys in the states can get that OTC or not.....it's worth a try.
God bless you and pluck you out of this hell.
prayers peace hope health and hugs.
Honestly the main thing keeping me taking 1 more minute each and every day/night is the thought of the future and getting my **** back together. Now the drugs did and didn't have something to do with my downfall. I never got in trouble taking anything or got caught....I just made bad decisions while on them and I still pay for some of them today. My plan is to kick it and then move on. It's just so hard when you have been awake for soooo long, you are in the middle of the worst of it and you know there is more around the corner. I will keep posting and let all know when I really feel I've turned a corner....not yet.
It is a long road my friend but a one more than worth walking down, it will get better, that much I can promise you! I agree to a certain extent about the Subs, I guess I'm still trying to figure out if they are helpful or not! I personally couldn't beat Heroin straight, I was taking so much the detox was horrendous, but after what I've been through detoxing from Subs, the Heroin detox seems mild. Who knows though, I would probs be still running around like a loon if I hadn't went on meth/subs so I can't say they are useless! They certainly are not for the faint hearted though. They require a big fight to kick, which you have, ;) You got this my friend, don't look back, do you fancy going back to square one, I know I don't! You've come so far!
I'll tell you what...I went to Brighton Hospital for my detox 6.5 years ago. At the time they used suboxone and counseling. After about 4 years they discontinued the use of suboxone. I can see why. I've cold turkeyed from opiates once before...it was hell...but coming off suboxone is a long road through and then back around hell. I hope to get some relief soon...we will see.
Weaver is so right, it kind of hangs on you on the edge for a day or two, like it's last good fight, then sleep finds you, that's when you realise you have it by the balls instead of it having you, once this realisation strikes everything becomes more clear and more achievable. You just got to keep pushing my friend, never back down! When I was growing up my dad always told me, dig your feet into the dirt and don't back down to no one! Boy did that saying run through my head for the first few of weeks, it helped so much though!
I did do a taper, but went from 2mg/day to 0. Unfortunately my taper was over 2 years from 16 mg to 2mg. I will be going to the grocery store and CVS today and I don't care what it costs, what I have to get...I'm getting it. I'm so tired and my mind jerks a lot. What I mean by that is each night I can tell that something in me wants to go to sleep
If you haven't left for the store yet....Magnesium capsules should be at CVS, Walgreens, etc...Also, get some cold tablets containing DXM which I don't always recommend. But it works for sleep and RLS and other symptoms. It actually works very well...and I know you're desperate. I hope you get some sleep...you'll feel a lot better!
One thing I had to learn real fast was to adjust my expectations. I actually had to learn that I had no idea what to expect. Even now, I have to check and adjust what I expect to do or feel. Keep trying the things suggested and play it by ear. If you keep trying new things long enough, you will feel better. At day 18, I was about to snap, day 19 and I felt some relief. It seems to push you so close to the edge, then your devotion pays off. A new life is waiting right around the bend.
I picked up a 16oz bottle of CALM at the Heath food store..It did not cost to much..I also ordered the RelaxaMeg (Magnesium) for sleep over the net and also some Magnesium oil that I would rub on my legs and bottom of my feet to help me sleep and relax the Legs a bit..I did not get the RLS this time around becasue of the things I was using..(I Guess)..I prayed in church with a prayer group not to get this too (rls)..Well something worked. The Epsom salt has the Magnz in it..This is why it draws the poisons out so I used to add a lot. Try wrapping some wet warm towels around your legs. The tighter the better I heard. I used to get under a Heating Blanket for the aches and pains and also the chills. I am sure this is going to pass any day now..I know I was on the Methadone for many years and came off of 2 other drugs with it..So this is why it took longer.
Did you do a taper from the Subs or just c/t it at a certain mg??Sorry I forgot.
Did you do a taper from the Subs or just c/t it at a certain mg??Sorry I forgot.
Do they carry CALM at most general drug stores..CVS, walgreens..? I had a hard time finding a lot of the other stuff at the local grocery store. Yeah tonight is exceptionally hard..for me at the moment it's all about my legs, jitters and it feels like the nerves in my legs have an electric current running through them. I can't lay down for even 20 seconds without thrashing around. I'm hoping to get the things mentioned above...I have also seen the Hylands stuff mentioned so I'm going to try and grab it also. I may be able to get some Clonindine but not sure I can get into a doctor right away. I'm just so mentally crushed at the moment every minute is a struggle for me and with so many in front of me it's hard to even type this. I bounce my legs and it seems to just irritate things even more. I get scared at times thinking I just can't do this anymore...but I do. I'm just worried that with really no end in sight...can I keep it up. All the information is great...I just can't seem to put it all together and make anything work. The biggest things I need to try next is the magnesium tablets, the calming agents and more Epsom salt baths - which I did do....but I'm out of the salts. By the way...how much of the salts do you put in the bath...it didn't seem to really say.
Did you pick up the Ds, Cal, Sodium works for the muscles and some Melatonin? We have all mentioned this to you in the beginning. You can get some powder called CALM..It has most of this in it..Alot of Magnz to relax you. Go Buy some relaxing Teas or Sleepy teas. These things take time to kick in. You could get some OTC sleep meds too. Subs, Methadone and Trams are so synthetic that they do not like to let go..They are the longest detox out of all the pain pills. They are all basically the same detox but just a bit longer. Maybe talk to the Dr for some Clonindine as we have mentioned this one also..You have to get on it so it has time to work..I would think you should be turning a corner soon..We have all been here and we know it is he11. I hope you get some kind of relief..Try the CALM I highly recommend it.
It's hard to relax when vomiting is the best feeling you've had this evening. It actually relieved the tingling and the agitation for a very little while. I'm just going to have to gut through this, but I really would rather take something. I would and wouldn't....god.
Try to relax take your mind off of how horrible you feel, listen to some music with ear phones or watch a movie. I have been where you are at and understand the night is the worse to get through, some Tylenol PM or Zee Quill have been helping me make it through the night, just don't give up this is all doable you will be fine.
I am in hell!!! I want to take something so bad I really don't care anymore. This night thing is warping me. How on gods earth do so many of us do this to ourselves. I would give my last dollar to be done with this. I can't hardly type this without wiggling my legs and cursing god. I hate the fact that I turn to a pill to help eleviate things, but I can't hardly help it. I desperately want to be able to stop...I feel like every nerve in my legs and arms are electrified...how long will this last? Because I'm literally about to quit this ****...which I can't. I want to die honestly.
I do not have subs wd experience, but I can really relate to the fragile mind thing. Progress seems so slow, but its real. Just hang on and have faith that what we promise you will come true for you.
My sleep is still iffy at 100 days clean. Just me. I am still moody, but getting better. From my AA days I was told we could plan the plan but not the result. So I just keep doing all the right things and have faith my mood will improve and so will my sleep.
My bottom line criteria is still: any day clean is the goal. Some days thats all I get.
But that is way more than I have ever done using.
Old memories are coming back slowly. I appreciate the little positives a lot more now. I know I am only one pill away from disaster, so I try not to take the endless chatter in my head too seriously-in fact my best thinking got me here.
Today was full of big challenges for me. Some I prevailed, some I lost, but I did not reach for a pill bottle.
That gives me a head start on tomorrow, which I am hoping, be a better day
(if I stay clean, I figure I on a great day no matter what)
Best to you!
My sleep is still iffy at 100 days clean. Just me. I am still moody, but getting better. From my AA days I was told we could plan the plan but not the result. So I just keep doing all the right things and have faith my mood will improve and so will my sleep.
My bottom line criteria is still: any day clean is the goal. Some days thats all I get.
But that is way more than I have ever done using.
Old memories are coming back slowly. I appreciate the little positives a lot more now. I know I am only one pill away from disaster, so I try not to take the endless chatter in my head too seriously-in fact my best thinking got me here.
Today was full of big challenges for me. Some I prevailed, some I lost, but I did not reach for a pill bottle.
That gives me a head start on tomorrow, which I am hoping, be a better day
(if I stay clean, I figure I on a great day no matter what)
Best to you!
I'm starting to feel suboxone is the worst drug on earth. Too many horror stories involved with it. Man I feel for you. I'm so sleep deprived right now that I'm having auditory hallucinations. Like that scene from Kingpin where he yells out " who you calling a psycho?!". And the guy at the bar says "I didn't say nothing!" Dang I wish I had that movie. At least I would have something to watch tonight. Rage rage against the dying of the light. For there is nothing more that I fear than the impending night. Sorry for the rambling.
Magnesium should be in the vitamin isle...I have not been on suboxone but norcos and tramidol for over 10 years! I hope you get some rest soon!
I can't believe how bad I'm already doing tonight. I can't believe that 14 days into this I'm still feeling like my nervous system is on fire. Anyone able to give me a general time table as to when folks coming off long-term suboxone use can expect to go back to sleep for a night?
I really need some things to look at as I'm going up the walls tonight.
I really need some things to look at as I'm going up the walls tonight.
I went to the grocery store and couldn't find magnesium tablets.....is that what I'm looking for?
Have you tried melitonin for sleep with Magnesium? Sure helps me to get some sleep
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