Getting Busted, a Blessing in Disguise.

[lesson_learned]

evening. Last week I got a blessing in disguise, I'd been abusing vicodin since last fall. Getting 3 refills a month. I came up with every excuse to keep taking them as directed. Then some a$$clown suggested I crush them to get a stronger effect, me being an addict,did so. Well, I got busted the FIRST time I did it. As I said, it was for the best. Doc will no longer prescribe narcotic classed drugs to me-ever. Said I broke my narcotic agreement, which pretty much black lists me from getting narcotics anywhere, ever in my life. Hopefully I won't ever need them for something serious, now that I've gone and been a fool, and screwed everything up. >:(
I'm angry at myself. Can't believe I was so weak.

She referred me to a substance abuse doctor, who called me and interviewed me. I'm having such a hard time. This discontinuance occurred three days before I was due for a refill. So I split them up into 5's from 10's. I've been sneezing, unable to sleep long, diarrhea,body aches, my injury seems to hurt 3x worse. But this is for the best. I'm not making excuses anymore. It's so easy to wrap up addiction into a pretty little package...and yet so hard to see it for what it *really* is. I wish I was strong...on Thursday, at 12pm I will take my last dose of Vicodin, hopefully ever. I see this substance doctor on Friday at 3:30pm -well- into withdrawals. I'm scared..like anyone else. I don't even know how to live sober. I set up an apt with a substance abuse councilor but I don't see them until Aug10th. I hope I can post here for support. I know I screwed up, so I don't need any hard talk, just need some support so I stay on the right path. I can't sleep either =( I heard Effexor is good for the anxiety and even pain relief.  I'm kinda moody, find myself crying at the drop of a hat....I gotta get through this. Help. I'm an addict, and I f*ked up. Big Time. ="(

[scoenen]

How did you get busted?  

[proudmomma2007]

it is very hard to stop and live life normal but in time it does and will get better but you have to live life day by day and learn to love yourself again and see the joys out of life that once made you happy before you got addictided,and as withdraws yes you probley can take something to help but as time goes on it will ease up,and i know you are reading this thinking ya right whatever you say,but as time passes all the pooping and everything will get better but wanting doesnt you have to stay strong!

[lmccoy]

I'm sorry you are haveing this experience, but don't feel like the Lone Ranger, as you read the posts here you will find that these embarassing and demoralizing experiences are almost universal for people with addiction problems. You can and will get great help here and it sounds like you have a good plan in place for recovery. Its not much fun getting off the drugs, but your life will be so free when you do. Its very worth it. You'll do great.

[ang_811]

Ur doing the right thing by posting here, I can't tell bow much support I've gotton from here. This site has changed my life. Neways ur a step closer to getting ur life back. Cudos to u onseeing an addiction counselor. I can't tell u how much of a huge  Difference it makes n my recovery. U will learn how to live clean again thru ur counselor. I'm at 36 days and still finding myself figuring out how to live clean. But this is the life for me. It's a great feeling and a high itself.    As for sleeping u should go to wal mart or a market and get some melentonin, valerian root or alteril they r all natural sleep aids and promote serentonin. Check out the Thomas recipe here. That also played a huge difference n my recovery also.  Keep posting here and u will find so much support. This site and seeing my counselor r the 2 main reasons y I'm still clean. Tomorrow u will get a bunch of responses. Sundays r kinda slow here. But know u can do this!! It takes positive thinking. That changes everything. Also have faith n God and pray that also played a huge role n me getting clean. Good luck and if u need nething just message me

[jewlz2626]

Hello. You came to the right place, many have been in your boat, as well as going through, or about to go through withdrawals. More people will respond to you soon, and no one will judge you here. Your subject line said it, it could be a blessing in disguise. Hold tight, some one more experienced will be here shortly. They have a few pages and some info that may help you out during your withdrawals! Top right click on "Health Pages" and look for the Thomas Recipe & The Amino Acid Protocol, read a bit while you are here. I really hope you are ready to get clean, if so you are in the righ tplace! People here are amazing! Keep ya head up! And God bless! Julie

[buzzhorn1]

Yup, Thomas Recipe will help.  Immodium AD for the runs, Motrin/Aspirin/Tylenol for pain, Clonodine for blood pressure and drowsiness.  Anxiety and moodiness are tough, Inositol (a B vitamin) is suggested at like 6 grams 2x daily.  I don't have any of that but have been megadosing Lecithin and B vitamins.  I think it helps.  Your substance abuse doc might set you up with Rx stuff like Clonodine and Effexor.  A lot of people say valium helps.  I'm getting very very gun shy about any drugs that are addictive.

Keep posting!  You have found the best forum on the internet, I kid you not!

Stay Strong!

[lesson_learned]

Thanks everyone for your support :)  (First responder: You know those "nose checks you get at the doc's office? That's how. Stupid, I know, but when your on that high, you feel invisible...I get stupid about drugs.

I  also checked out the Thomas recipe, it helps, even a little. I've been drinking a lot of water, and took some potassium and magnesium, and aleve, I also took an ambien for sleep. I've taken these off and on, and luckily don't seem to have a problem, but to not risk my doctor directed sparingly. Since it's 1am and I'm still wide awake, I'm taking one. but also going to get the other stuff on the recipe tomorrow.

I mean to do this. I sat outside on my porch tonight, and just stared at the sky, it was one of those "eye of the storm" moments. Usually my mind is so jumbled with a million things, that I am overwhelmed. Tonight,  I felt this clarity and peace, I haven't felt in so long. Hard as it is, being high loses it's awesomeness pretty fast. Vicodin makes me, happy one minute, pissed off the next,I go from social butterfly to an exact example of hikikomori. I will no longer be a prisoner of a little white pill. And thank you so much, everyone for your support. I really mean that, bless you.  

[lesson_learned]

My doctor mentioned that when one has been on narcos a long time that they stop being as effective anyhow. May be some truth to that. Either way after this. I plan on NOT touching this again. Definitely not all fun and games, denial is a powerful drug, my friends. Sorry I'm posting so much just thinking a lot, and not want to be tihnking about the fact im still awake.

[pillfree21]

You are the right place for the moment, no one will judge you here for sure.  One of my greatest challenges was to develop the ability to forgive myself for all the things I do or did not do while chasing the pillhigh and/or running from the WDs...that is no life to live and I realized that it has all happened so all I can do is move forward to heal myself which means I am healing all those old wounds.

I watched Kung Fu Panda yesterday with my 5 yr old and the turtle (Master Ugway) said this that stuck with me....."The past is history, the future is a mystery, but the TODAY IS A GIFT, that is why they call it the THE PRESENT!

You will look back on these days and be thankful that something happened to wake you up out this fog that all of us having walking in for so long....good luck.

[lesson_learned]

I like that saying its nice. My sleep was horrible, broken at best. Few hours here, few hours there. I won't lie, I FEEL like Blah.My body is punishing me for punishing -it- for so long. My nose is running away, still have diarrhea. Guess I'm just checking in.

[lesson_learned]

I wish there was someone on the forums today, I feel just awful ='( I'm tempted to go seeking cause the wd's are so bad. Good thing for me, I can barely move off the bed. Anyone out there?

[dominosarah]

I am here.........keep talking.  Using is not an option.....Getting better is.  This part is only temporary and you can do this.           sara

[jewlz2626]

Yes! it is only temporary! Your body has been mistreated for so long, it has to get used to being treated correctly. YOU GOT THIS!! Try the melatonin or valerian root for some sleep, I know how you feel and it will pass. Its such a small price to pay for your freedom!! Do what you can to keep your mind busy, I know its hard, but it makes a difference! We are here for you!! Jewlz

[dominosarah]

Hopefully you are sleeping right now!!

[jordy662]

You can do this. Stay busy.  Bannas will help you too. The key is to stay active. Day 6 here and feeling alot better. You will make it, stay strong,

[lesson_learned]

Hey guys, I'm still here trudging along. I waited 13 hours before I took my next half. I must admit this does require great control, but I have a trusted person dispensing my medication as needed. I am thankful for that. And thankful people here are so supportive too. This is probably one of the hardest things I will ever have to do..I want to go to an N/A meeting but I'm nervous, and worried I will make friends with people who may tempt me, but going alone isnt a good idea either. Just some thoughts. On a side note: it feels nice to not be lying to everyone and making excuses.  How much potassium a day is best? I'm taking 90 right now one potassium pill a day. The restless limbs thing is driving me MAD. Wold muscle relaxers help with that?

[laurel453]

there is a natural remedy for the restless legs.. HYLANDS restful legs, a magnessium+calcium supplement along with the potassium is also recomended and don't forget taking long hot baths, you will feel much better after one ( if you add epsom salts, much much better :)

[Mike_B_]

I know how hard this is.  At least you had a few to taper with.  I hear the hyland restless legs helps.  I looked it up and they have it at Walgreens.  Good luck to you and may you get some much needed rest and sleep, and come out much better on the other side.  

[lesson_learned]

I wish there was a walgreens near me but alas there isn't. :(  I'm feeling a little better. It s still in the back of my mind, but today I was compulsive about organizing my house trying really hard to keep vicodin off my mind. I kinda feel like that guy on that commercial, where the shark is biting his hand off and he's all, "cigeratte,cigeratte,cigeratte,cigeratte," then takes a nicorette, and yells, "SHARK!!"

Anyway, I'm following a taper schedule then have to go ct for 28 hours in order to go on Suboxone. The dont trust me, lol. All I got was a 3 day supply. Guess I proved to not be trustworthy, so I don't know why I'm whining about it. So, I imagine I will either be posting here a little too much or not at all, which means I'm going through a hell of a time. I hear some people get mad sick on their first does of Suboxone, and I'm also worried that I will get too little a dosage, and be stuck on it for a week. (That will be my next appt.)  I'm still here, wanting people to know I haven't given up. Today was hard because my injury reallly reallly hurts. No more pushing my limits with it without narcos I guess. But yeah, here. Thanks for your support too I'm going to get some epsom salts before the ct 28 hours.

[buzzhorn1]

All the best and glad to hear it's going well!  Our prayers and thoughts are with you!

I've heard suboxone is actually really good for pain.  And, as it doesn't get you high?  It's easier to wean off of when you're done.

Good Luck and Stay Strong!!!!

[lesson_learned]

still here still awake.....seems like the thread has kind of died down. Is there somewhere else I should be posting, cause this isn't really a "question" now.

[wishful1]

Whats up how are you feeling?

[Storme]

Hi lessen, I just wanted to tell you that you are so doing the right thing for yourself and though you feel stupid and shamed for getting caught by your doctor, you probably saved yourself from going down a much harder path than you are on right now. As of today, I am 30 days clean from Vicodin and I cannot tell you how mu ch more beautiful the world is to me. You, my friend, can do this. Ask for help here any time. Even if all you need to here is words of encouragement. We're here, we'll listen and even cry along with you. I still have very hard days myself. I was giving Valium and Clonodine to help with my withdrawals and  they truly helped me get through the worst of the twitchiness and sleeplessness as well as the major anxiety but I used them very sparingly. I now have a major problem taking any pills and some I must take for a heart condition...but yeah, keep strong hon, you have back up here.

[Anonymousfornow]

This is my first post on here but I have to tell you, "Lesson," you've been looking for encouragement, but you are now an encouragement to me. I'm a 30-something woman and I've been addicted, (whew... said that out loud so many times, but haven't confessed it much to strangers before), to Vicodin (this time) for nearly four years. Previously, I struggled with it about 10-15 years ago and in between, while I didn't struggle with addiction, (in the 'can't go without it' sense), I did take it for recreation at times even though it was prescribed to me for legitimate purposes. Anyway, this is it. This is my tapering time and I'm done feeling like a cat, chasing its tail - the constant 'feast or famine' life of chasing that high while running from the withdrawls. I don't want to go into the enormity of the emotions, but I chuckled when you mentioned that cigarette-abatement ad with the shark, I laughed and recalled yesterday, when I became wide-eyed when that came on because I could just soo relate. I'm in between rushed trips to the bathroom, (the fasted onset w/d symptom for me), and I'm just feeling a little less alone right now. Thank God for this site, its outreach, your transparency and the honesty of so many on this site. Soooo... I'm here! Anybody wants to engage in dialogue about this, I'm joining you all in the life boat.