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'Guard Up' -- Best Ways -- Pride/Humility
Hello Friends & Fellow Comrades-In-Arms. This Is My First Ever Question On The Forum. I've Been Thinking A Lot Lately About The Mysterious Process Of:
1) What Finally Makes A Certain Time -- The Very Last Time We Use? What Made It The 'Aha' Time For You?
2) I've Also Been Wondering About What Others Consider Their Most Powerful 'Motivators' Or Techniques When The Cravings Come Whispering -- The Best Way They 'Guard Up'.
3) Lastly I'd Love To Hear If Others Feel (As I Do) That How We Deal With Pride and How Seek Humility Are Key Elements In Getting Clean & Staying That Way. Really Curious On Your Take & Experience With This One.
So, I'd Really Appreciate Any Experiences And Words Of Wisdom You Might Be Willing To Share re: The Above. Whether You Choose To Answer A Single Question Or Several, For The Sake Of Clarity, (And My Dulled, Sleepless Faculties), Could You Please Use The Numbers In Front Of The Questions In Your Response. Thank You All!
1) What Finally Makes A Certain Time -- The Very Last Time We Use? What Made It The 'Aha' Time For You?
2) I've Also Been Wondering About What Others Consider Their Most Powerful 'Motivators' Or Techniques When The Cravings Come Whispering -- The Best Way They 'Guard Up'.
3) Lastly I'd Love To Hear If Others Feel (As I Do) That How We Deal With Pride and How Seek Humility Are Key Elements In Getting Clean & Staying That Way. Really Curious On Your Take & Experience With This One.
So, I'd Really Appreciate Any Experiences And Words Of Wisdom You Might Be Willing To Share re: The Above. Whether You Choose To Answer A Single Question Or Several, For The Sake Of Clarity, (And My Dulled, Sleepless Faculties), Could You Please Use The Numbers In Front Of The Questions In Your Response. Thank You All!
COMMUNITY LEADER
It is really late right now and i am tired so i am still not going to answer anything in detail.
2. Sponsor, meetings, my coffee group, MH and my Grandmas Molasses. I am sure you are wondering about the last one....When i get a craving i reach for this and spoon out molasses and lick the spoon. It takes me back to the days of grandmas house, It was a safe haven for me. It always smelled good in her house and she made some kick butt ginger cookies. If i looked tired she would give me a tsp, of molasses for the "tired blood" look!! It works wonders!!
2. Sponsor, meetings, my coffee group, MH and my Grandmas Molasses. I am sure you are wondering about the last one....When i get a craving i reach for this and spoon out molasses and lick the spoon. It takes me back to the days of grandmas house, It was a safe haven for me. It always smelled good in her house and she made some kick butt ginger cookies. If i looked tired she would give me a tsp, of molasses for the "tired blood" look!! It works wonders!!
For now, #2. When I have a craving or start thinking maybe it would be ok if I have a drink (I think about alcohol primarily, strange, because pills were my life for many years) I always force myself to play the tape all the way through. I absolutely know that I will not have A drink, I will drink the whole bottle, and then likely drink again the next day and so on. I can't fool myself into thinking I will stop at one, I know better. Another thing I do, almost simultaneously, is remember how proud I am of the clean time that I have, and how horrible I would feel if I had to start over, which I would. I remember how good it feels to be someone that my family, my husband, my friends, can depend on. There are so many different things that help me deal with cravings and thoughts, thank god.
I will try to answer the others later, I still have to pack the kid's stuff for camping:)
Allison
I will try to answer the others later, I still have to pack the kid's stuff for camping:)
Allison
Oh, Annie, this is a great post; really had to think about these and how to organize and fit SO many thoughts into a few short (well medium sized) answers!
1) My last time using occurred due to circumstances beyond my control as an online order I placed did not ship and left me unexpectedly without pills (and no way to get any) for at least 5 days. But more significant to me was WHEN it happened; I got the news about the shipment about mid way through a 24 hour period of time I spent (literally) sitting/laying on the floor next to my (semi-conscious) daughter waiting for her fever to break. She had contracted a really nasty strep infection; had her in the ER where they gave her a shot and massive doses of antibiotics. Once home I just could NOT get her fever down to a safe range, despite alternating doses of Tylenol and Motrin, applying cool compresses, dragging her in the shower, etc. My husband was out of town on business and my other daughter away at school. Major soul searching ensued that night as I fretted over her - I thought about all of the losses I'd incurred (and imposed on my family) over the past 15 years (when I first started on the pills). My kids were now young adults; I lost friends, walked away from a professional career, spent thousands of dollars and almost lost my life on a few occasions. When I got the message about the cancelled shipment, I was like, OK, I'm done....it just did NOT matter at that moment. Thank God she came around by the next morning. The withdrawals set in and it ****** big time, the most intense few days of my life, but I have not taken a pill since that day and have never looked back.
2) The biggest motivation for me to get and stay clean are without a doubt, hands down, my daughters and my husband, and the rest of my family. I am still working on forgiving myself for the years I "checked out" and the fact that I almost left them to grow up without a Mom on more than one occasion. I have 'come clean' to everyone and anyone in my life that would listen. All of my sources have been cut (or at least I thought so until a recent incident popped up unexpectedly - the threat was extinguished; no harm done - a topic to be explored later :). I also credit this site and the friends I have made here as another major safeguard to my sobriety. I know that in a matter of seconds any support I would need is a text, a call or a message away.
3) For me, pride is a big factor in staying clean as well. I am very proud of what I have done and because I have come out to everyone in my life, I would be extremely embarrassed and defeated if I were to relapse and then have to explain myself. I also know however, that it happens to people all the time and that I will NEVER, ever be able to just assume that I "have this" unconditionally. And I am humbled every day by those that have done this before me and have clean time well in excess of mine; it is again, another thing that keeps me on the right path and reminds me just how new I still am to this whole process. So - proud of the accomplishment for sure, but know that this is something I will have to protect and 'tend to' forever :)
1) My last time using occurred due to circumstances beyond my control as an online order I placed did not ship and left me unexpectedly without pills (and no way to get any) for at least 5 days. But more significant to me was WHEN it happened; I got the news about the shipment about mid way through a 24 hour period of time I spent (literally) sitting/laying on the floor next to my (semi-conscious) daughter waiting for her fever to break. She had contracted a really nasty strep infection; had her in the ER where they gave her a shot and massive doses of antibiotics. Once home I just could NOT get her fever down to a safe range, despite alternating doses of Tylenol and Motrin, applying cool compresses, dragging her in the shower, etc. My husband was out of town on business and my other daughter away at school. Major soul searching ensued that night as I fretted over her - I thought about all of the losses I'd incurred (and imposed on my family) over the past 15 years (when I first started on the pills). My kids were now young adults; I lost friends, walked away from a professional career, spent thousands of dollars and almost lost my life on a few occasions. When I got the message about the cancelled shipment, I was like, OK, I'm done....it just did NOT matter at that moment. Thank God she came around by the next morning. The withdrawals set in and it ****** big time, the most intense few days of my life, but I have not taken a pill since that day and have never looked back.
2) The biggest motivation for me to get and stay clean are without a doubt, hands down, my daughters and my husband, and the rest of my family. I am still working on forgiving myself for the years I "checked out" and the fact that I almost left them to grow up without a Mom on more than one occasion. I have 'come clean' to everyone and anyone in my life that would listen. All of my sources have been cut (or at least I thought so until a recent incident popped up unexpectedly - the threat was extinguished; no harm done - a topic to be explored later :). I also credit this site and the friends I have made here as another major safeguard to my sobriety. I know that in a matter of seconds any support I would need is a text, a call or a message away.
3) For me, pride is a big factor in staying clean as well. I am very proud of what I have done and because I have come out to everyone in my life, I would be extremely embarrassed and defeated if I were to relapse and then have to explain myself. I also know however, that it happens to people all the time and that I will NEVER, ever be able to just assume that I "have this" unconditionally. And I am humbled every day by those that have done this before me and have clean time well in excess of mine; it is again, another thing that keeps me on the right path and reminds me just how new I still am to this whole process. So - proud of the accomplishment for sure, but know that this is something I will have to protect and 'tend to' forever :)
I will answer no1 For me it was sitting with my ex smoking Herion & Crack & not caring & I had had a smoke and something snaped what? I don't know I just knew 2013 was a time for a huge change in my life since then iv been detoxing off methadone & when things get tough a higher power helps me through That 1 day as I know I'm not strong enuff myself (I'm an addict aren't I) Then I just feel to my knees Gave up & admitted I can't do this myself. I was humbled & striped to the bone. My lowest point ever, I'm now finding I'm at a cross roads & iv took the first step to recovery!!! To some its spiritual to others its health. We all have our own reasons Which means nothing if we can't succeed. But to me its spiritual in progress & its a 2way thing I do the work & with the greater power one day I will be clean. I will think about the other 2!!! Are we in the mood to be enlightened today then???
"Your ego is not your amigo"
I love that quote.
Gets to the heart of the whole pride thing.
I love that quote.
Gets to the heart of the whole pride thing.
# 2 My most powerful motivator and/or technique is the one that works for me next. I use any and all that have proven to work for me in the past.
At the top is probably taking care of myself physically. I run every day and that thing may very well be the most important as it provides some of the endorphin boost that I craved when I was using. It also keeps me on an even keel and above board as far as depression goes because I struggle sometimes with being disinterested and finding pleasure in things.
Another would be a more cognitive behavior oriented approach that helps me to recognize my dangerous thoughts regarding using for fun or to relive boredom.etc. These two things have pretty much helped me to be clean and sober for 4 out of the last 5 years (two relapses-one for 8 months the other for 3 months)
I also now really make sure I do not spend much if any time with people who are still using. Had I done this before I would likely have 5 years now with no relapses but who knows,I could have also gotten hit by a bus.
I also go to meetings in a treatment facility with inpatients. It helps to remind me of where I could be if I screw up again.The looks on the faces there makes it very easy to remember. It is sometimes hard to recall when I have been sober for a while. I had read that the addictive mind hijacks the part of the brain that makes a woman forget the pain of childbirth so she will not be deterred from having more. So it makes us forget how bad the bad actually was.
# 3 I am not a really prideful person. I don't relish and advertise all of my accomplishments. I kind of think that if I can accomplish it then it must not be that important. I really did not need to be torn down or demeaned to gain ground over my addiction . I needed to be built up to be able to believe in myself and realize that I can accomplish things like goals and that also includes sobriety. All of us are different though and that is for sure. If we are too far one way or the other we need to try and aim for the center. I am always thinking about working on this. Sometimes I don't work on it though . I guess that is a problem within a problem but as I have heard so many times ,if we go to sleep at night and we did not have to use or drink, then we have done a good job and should be proud.
At the top is probably taking care of myself physically. I run every day and that thing may very well be the most important as it provides some of the endorphin boost that I craved when I was using. It also keeps me on an even keel and above board as far as depression goes because I struggle sometimes with being disinterested and finding pleasure in things.
Another would be a more cognitive behavior oriented approach that helps me to recognize my dangerous thoughts regarding using for fun or to relive boredom.etc. These two things have pretty much helped me to be clean and sober for 4 out of the last 5 years (two relapses-one for 8 months the other for 3 months)
I also now really make sure I do not spend much if any time with people who are still using. Had I done this before I would likely have 5 years now with no relapses but who knows,I could have also gotten hit by a bus.
I also go to meetings in a treatment facility with inpatients. It helps to remind me of where I could be if I screw up again.The looks on the faces there makes it very easy to remember. It is sometimes hard to recall when I have been sober for a while. I had read that the addictive mind hijacks the part of the brain that makes a woman forget the pain of childbirth so she will not be deterred from having more. So it makes us forget how bad the bad actually was.
# 3 I am not a really prideful person. I don't relish and advertise all of my accomplishments. I kind of think that if I can accomplish it then it must not be that important. I really did not need to be torn down or demeaned to gain ground over my addiction . I needed to be built up to be able to believe in myself and realize that I can accomplish things like goals and that also includes sobriety. All of us are different though and that is for sure. If we are too far one way or the other we need to try and aim for the center. I am always thinking about working on this. Sometimes I don't work on it though . I guess that is a problem within a problem but as I have heard so many times ,if we go to sleep at night and we did not have to use or drink, then we have done a good job and should be proud.
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2 - The way I've stayed clean for the last 17 months is because of the three step plan I put in place, with the most important piece being telling my secret. I found that once everyone knows (who needs to know, i.e., family, doc, dentist, etc) it is very, very hard to relapse. When my head starts talking to me, I talk to my wife. I've posted this before - medicine cabinets, people I know who've just had surgery or dental work (including my children) were and are sources. But since my wife knows this, she helps keep me headed in the right direction (watches me like a hawk).
3 - Finally pride - after all this time I have none left. I'm working on living a life and doing things that I can be proud of, but that will take some time. For me, pride had very little to do with my addiction. The minute I started lying to my children most of my emotional insides were trashed.
K