'Guard Up' -- Best Ways -- Pride/Humility

EvolverU

Hello Friends & Fellow Comrades-In-Arms. This Is My First Ever Question On The Forum. I've Been Thinking A Lot Lately About The Mysterious Process Of:

1) What Finally Makes A Certain Time -- The Very Last Time We Use? What Made It The 'Aha' Time For You?

2) I've Also Been Wondering About What Others Consider Their Most Powerful 'Motivators' Or Techniques When The Cravings Come Whispering -- The Best Way They 'Guard Up'.

3) Lastly I'd Love To Hear If Others Feel (As I Do) That How We Deal With Pride and How Seek Humility Are Key Elements In Getting Clean & Staying That Way. Really Curious On Your Take & Experience With This One.

So, I'd Really Appreciate Any Experiences And Words Of Wisdom You Might Be Willing To Share re: The Above. Whether You Choose To Answer A Single Question Or Several, For The Sake Of Clarity, (And My Dulled, Sleepless Faculties), Could You Please Use The Numbers In Front Of The Questions In Your Response. Thank You All!

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kyle505

1 - More than ever before in my 15 years using, the pills had complete and total control of my life. Wife, children, work, friends, etc., etc., were alway second. I cancelled a long-planned vacation because I wasn't sure if I'd get a refill in time (lied to my family about why it was cancelled). I didn't go with my wife when she took my daughter back to college (out of state) because - you guessed it - I wasn't sure if I'd have pills. My kids are 24, 20, and 18. For 15 years they came second. All the wasted time finally caught up to me and I could not look at myself in the mirror. Not a dramatization, the truth.
2 - The way I've stayed clean for the last 17 months is because of the three step plan I put in place, with the most important piece being telling my secret. I found that once everyone knows (who needs to know, i.e., family, doc, dentist, etc) it is very, very hard to relapse. When my head starts talking to me, I talk to my wife. I've posted this before - medicine cabinets, people I know who've just had surgery or dental work (including my children) were and are sources. But since my wife knows this, she helps keep me headed in the right direction (watches me like a hawk).
3 - Finally pride - after all this time I have none left. I'm working on living a life and doing things that I can be proud of, but that will take some time. For me, pride had very little to do with my addiction. The minute I started lying to my children most of my emotional insides were trashed.
K

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weaver71

1) It was a day in spring, I had recently kept myself alive by breathing manually leaning on the back of a chair. I was still using after that, and fell to my knees sobbing. I was given a gift of clarity. I could feel my lack of connection to anything; God, people, my own thoughts. Like a flash, I knew that I would die soon and had been accepting that fate. I asked for help.

2) learning what addiction really is and the symptoms of active use, pre relapse, and stages of recovery have helped a lot. Terence Gorski's CENAPS model of recovery taught me how to use the above info in my daily life. I relapsed several times, but avoided taking drugs. My new tools warn me and help me get back on track, before I lose control of my actions again.

3) I'm still in early recovery, though I have had to adjust my expectations and program as I go. As I change, so does my recovery, that is what got me this far.

Excellent post, thank you so much, I gotta come back to this one.

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ricart70

I will answer # 1 right now and do more when I get back in.It is a busy day.
# 1 I really do not know the answer to this. I have heard lots of people in meetings say they had some magical moment and "knew that they were done" The only problem with this is I have also seen some of those same people relapse. So I guess they were not done.On the other hand I have seen some people with 20 years say "I could relapse tonight,I just don't know"
I look at this almost in a superstitious way .I don't think I will ever say I am done forever. I can say that right now I never use or drink.
Wow, how I have muddled up question number one. Can you make the test multiple choice? I will come back later and try harder to formulate something coherent.

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selfinduced

Evolver, You've been thinking WATCH OUT PEOPLE! I'll try to make this short. 1) My health started to fail and my family and friends who were not clued in to my addiction started to think I was hiding a terminal disease. I was missing my kids school functions, sports activities, totally disconnected with my husband and having to cancel important tennis matches cause I was constantly trying to detox and my heart was racing off the charts. Thought I was seriously going to croak. 2) my kids are my motivated hands down, and wanting to be a good grandma to their kids. The best way for me to guard up honestly is this site and all the friends I've made on here. I can call/text/ pm or post and get snapped right back into reality. I am still working on door number 3. Anyway, great question.....I owe my sobriety to this site and the friends I have here. THANK YOU!!!

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