How on earth do I stop?

[ladymp72]

My question is I want to stay clean from opiates however I think my addiction to calling in prescriptions is part of the problem. The rush that I receive knowing I pulled one over on someone is kind of like a high. I know this may sound stupid, but any advice on this would be appreciated. Thankyou

[FINISHED!!]

You HAVE to stop doing this. You will not be enjoying ANY high in jail. You need to find something else that gives you the rush that calling in your own scripts is giving you. Take a long run. Ride a rollercoaster. Addiction is a shape-shifting demon & the only outcome is a bad outcome. The sooner you realize this, the closer you'll be to recovery. It'd really break my heart to see anyone here get into more trouble than were already in by substituting one form of addiction for another. Has some sort of psyc doc or therapist crossed your mind? There is no shame in seeking WHATEVER help we need. I think you're playing a dangerous game of Russian Roulette. Please don't take that chance. We ALL need one another here. We need YOU here!!! I'll pray that you find what is needed to fight this demon.

FINISHED!!

[suzieneedshelp]

Sweet Lady... get real hon.   Now this may be harsh but believe me i have been there.  Imagine this when u want to call next time.  THis is what happened to me.  Forged script.  Pharmacist calle Dr., Wont fil it so as i leave pharmacy i know i may be going to jail!  Most horrifying time of my life!   Police call me at home.  Charged with felony...which hurts your entire carreer cuz of background checks.  Go to police station and be fingerprinted like a common criminal.  GEt lawyer.  Terror every minute that you will be put in jail.  Terror that you will lose your child.  Terror that your family and friends will find out.  Is this really the kind of thrill you  want to face??
Peace to your soul!
Suzie

[suzieneedshelp]

AS it turned out by the pure grace of God..i was put in special program that erased this felony from my record!  So.. God gave me a clean slate and a new chance to be a better person.  I had chronic pain and could not get the med i needed so i had forged it.  Until i got caught i was in total denial that i ever coudl get caught!  Believe me it is the worst possbile nightmare come true.  
Luv,
Suzie

[Vicqueennomore]

Not only are chemical substances addicting to addictive personality "types" but actions such as shoplifting, gambling, sex, etc.....you have 2 different ones, one that will cause physical w/d from hell and the other that will as finished said get you in jail. I have to agree with the getting help from a therapist advice or these forums which are seeing me thru my 16 day of hydro clean. I have a feeling the high from getting away with it is more feeding the relief of knowing your addiction will be fed. Just a thought. If I knew I could get a supply from a phone call I may not even be on this forum......just being honest. I am now glad that I couldn't. I am glad to be rid of the lil demons.....

[ladymp72]

Guys I understand I did get caught in 2001 and was let off pretty easy. I kind of miss doing it (I have been clean one month yesterday)yeahh!! I guess in a way I wish they did not make it so easy for us junkies to be able to do this. I have been staying with my sister and she has been a great help to me. She holds on to every penny I have and monitors my phone calls. It sometimes feel childish but I know that she is doing it for my own good. I get mad about it sometimes but I know I have put myself here, so even if I called one in I could not pick it up hell I can't even call it in no way to use the phone without my spies. :) But I know in the long run she is doing it because she loves me and right now considering the hell I have put my family through I am truly grateful for her. Even though she has not been addicted to anything, she seems to understand the best she can. A lot of times I have found that people whom have never had this problem can be very hard on you they say things like why don't you just stop. My sister did in the beginning but once she realized how severe the problem was she tried everything to get me to stop. My final straw was on Dec 21, 2002 I had had enough and checked myself into the hospital for detox. I had tried several times before to stop but failed simply cuz I was not ready. I guess in Dec I finally got tired of the rat race: fear of running out, when I where would I get my next prescription, what is the best pharmacy to to this at. I just wish I had put that much effort into other things in my life and maybe i would not be where I am at today (living with my little sister with my children) well sorry for the rambling but I know from ready this forum every day that you all will definatly listen to what I have to say. Thank you for all the support I read day after day.

Love,
Michele

[hippy]

i hear a lot of people talk about being
more into the chase for drugs , then the drug itself.
i have heard it put -- addicted to the jazz of the chase.
i think it gets a bit grandiose,
a lot of it is in our head and the fourm doc here should
have a question he can answer,

peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The Golden Slipper]

I can relate to you situation.  I got that rush when I knew I had conned a doctor to give me the drug I wanted. Or when I called the pharmacy for a refill too soon and told them I was going on vacation and needed a vacation override.  It worked everytime and everytime I knew it had worked I got that same rush.

I never started forging or calling in my own prescriptions. I am sure that it would eventually have led to that if I kept going the way I was going.

I have been clean since just before Thanksgiving from and addiction to baribituates.  I still have cravings and sometimes think of ways that I could score the pills.  I do now find I have some days where I feel very peaceful and realize how insane my behaviour was and that yes eventually it could have led to forgery and jail.

This is a scary disease not to be taken lightly.  Please know that I understand the feeling you describe and it can be overcome.

I will pray for you

Golden Slipper

[vikequeen]

Lady , you must stop this at once! I too have been where you are, I worked for a dentist and called in my vike script everyday at every Pharm is my area. I even called from home on the weekends pretending to be the female dentist. I got caught by the doc but they did not press charges and I got help. I went to detox and was clean 5 years until I started working for a friend who used to be a nurse. I got re-addicted. The worst part? This female doc forgave me and we have been friends all this time but in Oct she called me to come work part time in her office. I will not ever call in drugs again, but I am still addicted getting them from various specialists and buying them. I get sick and she wonders why I am sick all the time. I would give anything in the world to go away for a few days and detox without anyone knowing. I would hate to see you go to jail since you already have a prior. Take care sweeite Love Badd

[kilo]

Well your question only has 2 answers. 1. You can stop on your own or 2. You can stop in jail.
I don't mean to sound rash or uncaring, but those are your choices. I can tell you this, that by posting to this forum you are asking for help.

It would be nice to know more about you and your habit. I'm into day 5 of at home detox and I can tell you that things are looking up. But it's not easy...it's just my first step towards a life free of drugs.

How long have you been using?
How much have you been using?
Do you want to stop?

We are here to help you, and not judge you, but bring you strength, encouragement and hope...and a ton of love.

Hope to hear back from you.

Kilo

[suzieneedshelp]

Robin r u ok?  
Suzie

[FINISHED!!]

Suzie...are YOU O.K.?

FINISHED!!

[straightjacket]

my question is , i have used for 20 years and have gone thr wd more times than i can rember i am 12 days clean i am still having bad leg cramps and nervious legs im living in my tub , is this to be expected is there a point when it will subside ,12 days of this **** is getting really old fast it is about impossible to sleep any sugestions besides standing in a snow bank have to joke about this its a big mind game,good vrs evil i keep telling myself tommorow will be better,

[Rex1]

Finished! Are you OK?

Congrats to everyone on this thread. You are either in detox, in recovery, or asking for help. Thats an important first step!

Rex

[ladymp72]

Guys I appreciate your input, if u look at the post I did (the real long one) it explains a lot and that I have been clean now 31 days. I have not called one in but I do think about it all the time. Please read my long one above....
Michele

[FINISHED!!]

I'm O.K...Hurtin a little bit today. These stupid rods hanging from my ankle snag on everything. It feels really good when that happens. How are you buddy?

FINISHED!!

[Vicqueennomore]

I am on day 16, I was at a 12-14 a day Vic ES habit. DR gave me valium to take first 4 days and Catapres TTS patch. Once a week for 4 weeks. On day 7 I discovered the Thomas Receipe and this forum. I have been using the Catapres patch and the Thomas Receipe now and I have no RLS. I rehabbed 5 years ago from a same habit. I had RLS so bad (no Thomas or Valium or Catapres help). Don't get me wrong I still have some anxiety but it passes after a bit. I could only take a guess and say that maybe the Catapress is the reason for no leg cramps or RLS or the potassium....
Not sure if this helps but I feel for ya bud......

[ladymp72]

lloking at everyones comments I feel somewhat ignored since u did not bother to read a few posts down from me. Thanks for wanting to know if I quit and so on but it has been done.

Also for those of u that wanted to know my drug of choice was Tussionex or hycodan any kind of cough syrup with hydrocodone not codiene that was a joke. I found that calling thses in under kids names I had a lot of success since they don't ask for id on controlled substances when they are under 18. I would drink the equivelant of 45 vikes a day. The only good thing I can say is there was not any tylenol in it so my liver was kind of safe. People look at me crazy when I say cough syrup but what they don't realize is there are syrups out there that are actually a lot stronger than pain pills. So any way that was my demon for a year and a half every single day.....
Michele

[Vicqueennomore]

Hydro being my drug of choice, I know about the cough syrup. All to well, I would go to docs with a "terrible cough". I have allergies so I would always have red tonsils, sinuses etc...
You are not unusual or alone to the cough syrups. In fact, 1 lady at work gave me the rest of her cough syrup and I took it and got the refill on it that she had left. Don't know if she ever figured it out or not, don't work there anymore.

[Bungee7]

I know where your coming from. It is a rush to call in your own prescription and get away with it time after time month after month. I did it for 6 months and never once got caught, one time the pharmacist called the doctor back...but I guess he didn't call the cops, because I just left the pharmacy and that was it! Looking back on it I think of how stupid it was to do this, but I kind of miss it because it was a rush and made me feel like I could do something few others could! I have been clean 6 days!!! Today is the first day that i'm doing ok. I don't feel like I used to feel(I hurt all over still, especially my teeth). Anyway, calling in your own prescriptions is not good....don't do it, think of how much it would suck to have to detox in jail!
If you ever need to talk you can email me or IM me at Bungee7!

-Anthony

[ladymp72]

Thanks for the words I have been clean for 31 days and I will tell u it is not easy but I have to do it. I AM tired of calling in the scripts but u are right it was something that amazed other people that I could do so well. Even when I told them how very few could do it, not that I am proud of it. I have yahoo IM it is ladymp72 if u would like to chat that way.
Michele

[ladymp72]

this is the one everyone seems to have missed

[FINISHED!!]

I didn't miss it. My concern lies in your other addiction. Please seek help. This sounds dangerous.

FINISHED!!

[Rex1]

How's the pain level today?

Rex

[BLUE501]

Hi, I'm relativly new hear. I have been reading these forums for sometime though. I know what you are dealing with. this is my story. I was prescribed vicodin hp and oxycontin 40mg for degenerative disc disease due to an auto accident. For two years i went to a specialist and took my meds as prescribed. A friend of mine went to the same doctor and had told me that he had copied his prescriptions and had them filled. I decided to give it a try, kinda to see if i could get away with it. Well, i did. and i did and i did. In a two month period, i had wrote 8 presciptions and had them all filled. Then one day I got a call from a detective. To make a long story short, I now just finished court and received a 2 year defeared sentence with 60 hours of community service. I am on my fourth day of detox and it's not easy. Please be careful, I'll pray for both you AND me.

linda

[ladymp72]

Thank you for your advice, I have not called any in or copied any my only concern is I think about it a lot and wanted to know what other people that have done similar things do to subside that thought. Thank you Hope you are feeling well today.
Michele

[FINISHED!!]

On a scale of 1 to 10...about a 37!!! No, it's tolerable...but barely. Could always be worse. Thanks for asking. How are you these days? Has that nasty little fog cleared?

FINISHED!!

[J. E. W.]

Glad to here your doing alright today. Take care and Gods speed to your healing!! (NO MORE Evil K`Nevil tricks on that bike!!!!) Do you remember him???? It sounds like you with all your breaks and wrecks you just keep getting up and back on your bike!! Crazy world huh!!       God Bless..      J.E.W.

[Blackbelt]

Been there, done that, Like you I was lucky to stay free. 10 years ago, and courts still make me tighten up.
  To answer a question or two---Everyone needs a goal,ever a daily goal, to us users our goal is to score and we feel oh so clever.If I could take a company, legal of couse, and divert these goals. We'd all be rich.
  I thought I was a big deal and could talk my way out of trouble. Didn't work.but I got a great lesson. To the person calling them in , I have two words of advice--STOP IT!!
    Love.
     B'Belt

[ladymp72]

Well I usually just stay a shadow every day and look at all the wonderful words of encouragement you give one another. Well today I actually got to post a question and you know what feel let down. Is it some secret pact you have that I am missing? Well I just wanted some advice on a question and instead all I got was "stop doing that" "don't do it" "don't call them in you will go to jail". Well don't you all think I know that (that is why I am not doing it anymore) I simply asked the question of what things can I do when my brain starts thinking this way? I got one answer and thank you for that. However I am sad to think that no one here wants to help me with it? Maybe it is not a valid problem who knows. All I know is you all gave me answers to something I fixed a month ago. Thanks and how do I become someone on this forumn that you all actually give a damn about. Well sorry to be so rude, but I just feel let down this is for venting as well right?

ladymp72

[Rex1]

I didn't take the comments that way, but you did so maybe we screwed up a little on this.

So lets start fresh, Ok? What is it that you believe you want to do next, and how can we help? (because we all want to, sincerely!)

Rex

[J. E. W.]

What I find helps me is to go for a walk and breath in the fresh air,read a book,take a hot bubble bath, buy yourself something you want but dont need,listen to the everyday noises we all to often ignore. After SEPT.11th. I myself even enjoy hearing an airplain in the sky....And I live about a half mile from boeing and here the engines all the time. Just try anything to get your mind off of the bad thoughts and back on to the good.. Take care my new friend Im listening. Sometimes it takes awhile to respond but Im listening..(I think Im delayed from the fog in my brain......)Sometimes we dont like what we here but it is all good advice.. Dont let yourself feel left out this will lead to depression, AND ITS NOT ALOWED)!!! We feel bad enough without it..  Ill be praying. God Bless J.E.W.,

[Vicqueennomore]

I hear ya, at first when I commented, I did it with out knowing you quit and are struggling in recovery, I think that was the case with most of the others too. There is a delay when you post and you can be writing at the same time someone else is still working on the above post.
I kind of thought some were harsh statements but I think it just was a concern and not a scolding finger-pointing.
If you notice my next post to you was relating to the syrup.
Yesterday my question was can you become addicted to your recovery because now I find myself at this computer most of the day or at least when I have that "craving".
I am only at day 16 for the 2nd rehab in my life and know that I have struggled with ways to escape most of my life and have become consumed with finding happiness, bottle, pills, food, whatever....
I don't know the answer but I know how you feel in being so consumed with these thoughts of addiction....

[Esmith28]

HOLY COW..calling in your own scripts how do you do thjat? dont they need like a doctor number?...Today is not the day I need to hear that people did this and got away with it..I am wayyyyyy too chicken S***..thank God cuz I would get there if I wasnt working on getting better...today I am having bad bad bad cravings..did I said BAD? I mean REAL bad...I read, worked, picked up my kids now I am just racking my brain trying to figfure out how to get some...so I took a muscle relaxer and I am going to watch my soap...check yall later...
Elizabeth
Finished how are you feeling today ??? Suzie??? everyone else?? Bless you all!!

[FINISHED!!]

Your frustrations are warranted.
1. You're right. This is for venting too.
2. You're WRONG. We DO "give a damn about you."
If you read my reply to your post, you'd see that I said we all need you here. I don't quite know how to answer the question better than I did. I recomended, & still do seeking the help of a therapist of some sort. You have a problem the same as many cleptomaniacs & obsessive disorder sufferers have. I've never battled a problem like you have so my advice is what I feel. I was concerned for you & your freedom...from drugs & jail. If my reply seemed uncaring, insincere or accusatory...I apologize. Not one person in this forum is better than any other regardless of their place in recovery or otherwise. We view each & every member as brother, sister, friend or mentor. Please do not take the lack of response or understanding as the people here not caring for you. You couldn't be FARTHER from the truth. I care...WE ALL CARE. Please understand that we are all recovering & as many who witnessed my overreactions a few months ago, we're also sensitive. Please post with whatever the outcome of your craving is...because WE CARE!!!!

FINISHED!!

[J. E. W.]

I forgot to tell you I think Im addicted to these post!!!!!!!!  all I do all the time when Im home is get on this forum and hope someones has posted so I can read.. how crazy is that????????? I think we all have crazy and strange things we do while trying to consume our thoughts so we dont think about those devil pills..    God Bless..    J.E.W.

[FINISHED!!]

Hey E,
  I'm feeling...well kinda poopy. (can you say poopy here?) No...actually doing REALLY well all considered. Thanks for asking.

Kick that craving in the crotch. Remember...it's just that. A craving. All cravings pass with time & get farther & fewer in between. Hang in there.

FINISHED!!

P.S. Watching soaps? Talk about cravings. I've never craved anything more than when my Mom was watching soaps. I craved a bolt of lightning to blow the TV in half.

[Vicqueennomore]

Read C32 of todays question and my question yesterday. I feel like I am becoming addicted to these forums too!!!
Med Help Dr said at least is for a good cause(in so many words) but I don't know. I could be doing something constructive right?
Not sure what yet...

[Esmith28]

Finished you made me laugh out loud on the kick it in the crotch...hell if you are int he kind of pain your in and controlling your addiction...why cant I?  Thanks for your support...you are the evil caneval here right who ate their leg up on track?? Just making sure...

Queen...If jumping on the bed naked in front of my family and hour a day helped me not keep an addcition going that will destroy our lives...I would do it and deal with the jumpin naked later...It is fine to be addcited to your support group..hell it kept me 100%sober for 5 years, and gave me the happiest years of my life...it is a good addiction..it is our way of getting by...So dont worry I jump on the computer like I have a boyfriend on here or something..and it is you guys!! IT is OK if it keeps me clean and feeling better...
Bless you all

[Esmith28]

OK I forgot to say something about the soap LOL I only watch one in between doing things..I am not a person who watches many..also..I think your desire to blow up the TV to rid it of soaps is what first inspired folks to buy a second thirds fourth TV for their home :)

[FINISHED!!]

Oh...There's only myself & my fiance in my house now & we have 4 T.V.s I was referring to when I was a kid (we grew up poor) we had 1 T.V. & my mom made me watch "One Day of Our Life in General Hospital"...or something like that. HORRIBLE!!

[FINISHED!!]

I'm no Evil but yea that was me that broke some more bones. I can control my addiction because I came a long way of being clean before today. I'm not fooled by these pills. I know that they're evil & they know that I'm onto them. They don't call MY name. They know better...otherwise it's FLUSH!!!

FINISHED!!

[J. E. W.]

I agree!! Those soaps suck!! They do the same thing over and over again.. (hey sounds like us!!!) My mom was same way.. Take care.. Glad your doig good.  God Bless..       J.E.W.

[ChiTownGirl]

I posted a long comment down below in another thread, I was able to successfully detox this past weekend and am at DAY 7 with no pills!  Being sober is kinda weird feeling right now.  I still have some lethargy, no appetite and the runs, but its nothing compared to what I was feeling those first 2-3 days.  I was kind of fortunate because as you know I was taking upwards of 15-25 Norcos-10 per day and was able to reduce my daily intake to around 2-4 pills per day, and when it finally came time to completely stop, it wasnt as bad as I thought it out to be.  Anyhow, just thought I'd post another thanks to all out there who helped me.  CHITOWNGIRL.

[Vicqueennomore]

Thanks for the support, anytime I start to do something over and over that I like I start to feel quilty, this was becoming one of those things. They say anything in moderation but I do not know what that word is because I AM AN ADDICT...

[Vicqueennomore]

Congrats!!!
Just curious...are you from the chicago area, as your name suggests??
I am far western chicago burbs...

[ChiTownGirl]

Yes I am from the windy city, lived here all my life.

[FINISHED!!]

There you are!!! We were getting a little concerned. CONGRATS are in order here. Ya see...the mind is stronger than the body. The pills unfortunately inhibit the mind & it's hard to see the "other side." Welcome!!!

FINISHED!!

[Vicqueennomore]

Same here, burbs or city?
I am on day 16 of a 12-15 vic es habit and the cravings still get me but not as much, everyone here is great, even if its just reading or posting this really helps. Someone told me to exercise when I get a craving and so I have been doing jumping jacks alot the last few days....I guess it helps, it certainly can do good for the extra 25lbs on put on from the pills.....

[FINISHED!!]

Still exercising? GREAT!!! I hope I don't come off like some Richard Simmons wannabe exercise nazi but I KNOW what worked for me & I KNOW what will ultimately work for all. It's proven that exercise releases the "feel good chemicals" in the brain. We ALL like to get high. Exercise is a cheap way to do that. I'm proud of you Queen!!! I knew you had it in you. Trust me on the cravings; They WILL go away. They were COMPLETELY gone for me after about 3 weeks. I love life WAY more than I ever loved pills. I crave life...EVERYDAY. I crave a long, healthy, pill-free existance as I'm sure you do. You will beat this with no problem...as will we all!!! Again...we're ALL engaged in our own little battles but we're fighting the same war...and we're going to WIN!!! Look out devils...here we come!!!

[Erika_Ann]

Was getting worried too. I thought about you alot. I knew how scared you were. Glad to hear your doing okay.
Erika

[Esmith28]

I wish I was doingbetter than I am today...I am having a BAD BAD mental time here...I cant concentrate and I have to go to the grcery ugggh and cook dinner and clean...then be at work at 8 to take care of a bratty three year old and a one year old ALL DAY...then come home and take care of my family...this is the hardest thing I have ever done..I wish I wish I wish...It will get better? It wont when hubby gets his meds refilled...cant bring myself to tell him dont offer..I am sick :)

[Vicqueennomore]

You are definately one of the keys on this forum, you are an inspiration and I love your zest and hope that I can soon have that in my life. I do want to be high again, but I want it to be on life and not on any chemicals (vitamins excluded, of course).
Thank you for being there, everyone!!

Erika - Are you doing ok? Is your email working yet? Just worried about ya??

Lifeisbetter - I look forward to talking the "super" mom talk again without "mamma"s little helpers", it's a struggle I am having that you seem to know alot about...

[J. E. W.]

I know how your feeling. When I got up I was o.k. But I am getting very lonely feeling for about the last hour or so.. I have to go to work in 2 hrs. I watch up to 8 kids (preschool age)at a time.. Dont want to move much less babysit. I guess it will be better when I get out of the house. Its raining and windy here so I didnt take a walk.. I guess I need to listen to my own advice. Sometimes it just seems that nobody responds back on this forum. I know its just a stage of wds. but man it sucks... Take care and God Bless...          J.E.W.

[Erika_Ann]

Sorry to worry you. Ive been down all day. Crying, frusterated adn hopeless. Im just really drained and burned out. Im working 10 hour days trying to hold on and keep sain. My joints ache, I want pills and I just want to get away. I dont want to deal with anything anymore. Sorry I need to vent and my husband never listens or just says"I'm sorry" what a dorky thing to say that someone is reaching out and all he has to say is Im sorry? God I hate that. I just wish he would talk to me like a normal human being. Just talking helps.! Ya,know! (that felt better to vent)
Luv ya-
Erika

[Vicqueennomore]

Vent away, honey, I am always here...really....Like J.E.W. said earlier, I too think I am becoming addicted to these forums because I have the computer on all day and in between kids and housework I am on here writing and reading and feeling everyones pain.
Like I said in the email, sometimes the ones who love us the most want so bad to help and when they can't they put up a wall and hence they don't realize they don't even have to do anything but listen just to help. But you know what.....thats what we are here for....we understand, we care, we know, and we are right there with you every little struggle, want, desire to fight with lack of inner strength...we are here!!!For each other!!!
Love ya, Tammy

[Vicqueennomore]

By the way, I am thinking about shortening my handle cuz now that I see what this is all about it is long to write...just put vicq or as some put queen (I am a queen if I get thru this one) and I will know who you are posting to....

[Vicqueennomore]

Hey Lady, are you still with us on the forums here??? I hope you didn't get discouraged earlier, this really does help with recovery, everyone here is really a big support, really? Please come back.....

[suzieneedshelp]

Lady...WE all make mistakes and i am sorry if some of us misunderstodd your original post.  But..WE DO CARE.. or we would have just scrolled right on down.  
**Esmith.. so sorry u feel so low.  I have a horrid headahce and am just on here a moment.  One day at a time realy is good advice.  Or even just one hour at a time.  Hopefuly we wont have to live our lives in such tid bits forever.. but for now it will have to do.
**Chi-town!!!!!  You GO GURL!  I am soo happy for you!  WAs thinking about u too!  Here comes some confetti and balloons to help you celebrate!
Suzie

[Jo Balls]

I just found this forum tonight, and I cant believe how familiar this all sounds.  Im in NY, and we've had those Triple form scripts for all narcotics.  but that didnt stop us.  I have a history of shooting H way back in the early 70s.  But in the late '70s, I discovered pharmacies. It got to the point where my ex wife and myself would phone in our own scripts, and with triple forms, thats no easy task.  She would 'borrow' books of script pads from her doctors, and we did this for quite a while. Id also like to comment on those who have used Hyrdro Cough preparations.  My favorite drug back then, believe it or not, and the one that sunk me deep into addiction, was Hycodan Syrup!  Yup!  That stuff felt just like H as drank it down. I started off innocently enough, but even after my first teaspoon full, I knew I was a goner. Its why some people can take it with no effect, and people like me can take it, and feel like theyve seen God!  I was traveling for business at the time, but I always made sure take scripts with me to fill wherever I was.  

But this is a cautionary tale.  Know where it ended?  Ive been on Mdone since '86, 90 mg/day.  And since then, Ive been completely clean. ITs worked wonders, but as you can see by my participation in this board and ones like it, I have no delusions. If it werent for Mdone, Id be right back on it. And IM no spring chicken, so this craving never leaves you.  Be careful!

[Blackbelt]

Sorry if I sounded abrupt or un caring. I just don't anyone to face the costly,embarrassing mistake I faced. I really care but don't know what phase you are in. It sounds like me during w/ds when I feel so sorry for myself. We do love you and don't ignore your plea. If you are in sales use that clever talent to make more money. I don't hear from many either because I have mentioned Jesus and guess since I have that answer what do I need?
Like J.E.W and Rex I derive power over these demons by sharing.I know people don't want to be pushed or preached to( I sure didn't) but I began seeking truth and found it. I'm just a weak man with a strong God who has spent years whipping me into shape and trying to get thru my thick head that He is my source of joy--Not the devil's toys. I'm sure many who know me think I'm a tremendous hyprocrit because of my weakness. I pray that I can repair that damage. If one person reading this not only makes his life better but seals his eternal fate. What a joy! and i'm not looking to score points with God. I just don't want anyone to face a hell worse than we are facing here.
  Please remember--Just because a person doesn't think there is a hell doesn't make it true. What if they are wrong and I'm right?
       God Bless Both and all who reads these words.
            B'Belt

[Erika_Ann]

Thank you for that post. It made me tear. Thank you so much. I needed that. Im just really confused right now..I dont know how to handle my disease anymore(arthritis). I wish it would just go away....:( I dont mean to feel sorry for myself, but it means alot that you will listen and give me real advice unlike my husband with "I'm sorry". so that touched me.
Thank you friend! :)  Love ya---Erika

[unpilled1]

Just a few comments/suggestions: 1. WOW! >30days clean & haven't done a call-in yet = miracle! Reward yourself (not with syrup :-) 2. If you are HONEST with yourself that the thrill is the actual getting by with calling in the script and getting by with it, go ahead and do it, BUT (big BUT) - afterwards, call the pharmacy back to "see if a script has been call in for 'something' for the cough" -if yes, tell them that you won't be needing the script afterall and to please cancel the script. If the thrill is REALLY the calling & getting by the with it - you accomplished that - but if it's your addiction trying to trick you into getting more - THEN you know. If the thrill is TRUELY the calling & getting by with it, the next step is to commit to next time the "constant wanting to" occurs, call ALL the pharmacies you've done this calling to in the past and tell then that a relative of yours has a drug problem and that you've just become aware that they have tried to call in script under your I.D. so that they know that if this occurs (i.e. "there's a call-in") to please verify this with the doctor in order to keep you name clear. If you then call, the pharmacy likely will see 'on the screen' to verify all controlled scripts & you know that it transaction won't go through. Get it. Sounds bizarre, but I know a girl that did exactly this because of the very same issue you have. Hope this helps.

[a549056]

hey kid--aint nuthin wrong with feelin sorry for yourself. when your in pain, theres gonna be confusion, strange thoughts, and everthing else you can think of. absolutely normal my friend. thats why we're all here. to support each other. i recon im lucky cause i done finished up with all the physical pain....and believe me hon, i was one hurtin s.o.b. i believe you have my email. heres my phone--520-387-5071 if ya get really down and need ta talk at someone thats been there. this number goes for everbody who is "jonesin" and needs to talk. i'll tell y'all, i sure wish i wudda had someone to talk to when i was "jonesin" but i hadda do it by my lonesome. however, if you read tween the lines here, you'll see that........it  can  be  done. the hurtin WILL go away. again....it WILL go away...really...honest.
  God be with us all--
tf

[a549056]

hello lil lady. hows everthing this fine day? feelin ok? ruff? need ta yell at someone? im all ears :)

[Esmith28]

OH LADY I am soooooooooo sorry. We all were looking at your post as a liability issue....we were worried about you going to jail...hell who am I kidding with addiction today I was iwhsing you would call something in for me :) Just kidding  I think.. anyway, you seemed more like how do you stop a an addiction to calling, we didnt hear your pain in between your words..I am very sorry..I think we were all JOLTED by your addiction mainly because we know how damn risky it can be...so sorry sweetie...we are here and hope you will give us another chance!!

[Vicqueennomore]

Hi you....
I am hanging in there on Day 16, really becoming obsessed with these forums. Don't know if you've had a chance to read all of todays but I think I found a new addiction....
Thanks for checking on me, it really and truely means alot.
As for the w/d's, still sneezing, somewhat anxiety but oh so much craving. I was looking for a toy that I took away from the kids cuz they were fighting over it some time ago and I found myself hoping I would come across a pill...how sad!!! How pityful!!! I really think I would have justified some reason to take it to. Will that go away soon, God, I hope so cuz I know eventually they will cross my path and then what will I do???

[a549056]

ya know i read some of the posts where some say there might be mis-understandings of what was writin. well, recon we all need to look at it this way:
      when an addict is hurtin, he/she may type things in confusion--also may read things the wrong way. hey folks---its all ok. we're a bunch of addicts. bottom line is......we all are lookin for comfort from anywhere we can find it. so___ none of us is meanin to hurt the other..we're all hurtin together..and healin together. you guys are the best bunch a junkies i ever had the pleasure of knowin. God bless each and every one of ya--
tom//

[suzieneedshelp]

WEll said...AS well as us being addicts and testy at times to say the least...The written word too is so much more difficult by nature.  They say that 80 % of communication is the nonverbal and 20% the actual words.
Peace !
Suzie

[a549056]

well now lil queen..hehe
hopin ta find a pill...ahhhhhhh yes my dear, know the feelin well. i once was cleanin my office at work. i found a oxy. 5mg. i didnt think for an excuse....i slammed the lil evil in a heartbeat. started to feel the "feelin" ...wasnt gettin enuff. i tore that office all to hell. i was throwin **** all over the place. found nuthin. went into the bathroom....started throwin things around....searchin frantic. then it happened.......i looked up into the mirror over the sink. i seen the most pathetic ******* i've ever seen in my in--tire life. there was this weak, pale, face. sweat poorin down. look of sheer panic. i stood there staring at this pathetic soul in the mirror. i started to cry tammy. i cried harder than i ever have in my life.----tammy, that was 48 days ago today. i feel great!! craving is gone. my life is kikkin ass! i love life now...simply love it.

[a549056]

also well said. i believe we can communicate with each other no matter what is typed. ya know, maybe one day we can all organize a get together somewhere. police would luv that huh? junkie convention?

[Vicqueennomore]

Wow-the queenster. Amazing because my old boss use to call me Tamster and now that is incorporated in my email address. Anyway, it just brought a really big smile to my face and a another connection to you. I agree with you, it would be really cool to get all of us together.
I almost tore the seats out of my car once because I thought I had to have dropped one sometime in there when I was driving and popping....they say Don't drink and drive but they never said Don't Pop and Drive.
I always wondered if being under the influence of a prescription drug could get a DUI even if I had a legit prescription, anyone know???
Love ya Tom, really...you inspire me and make me laugh all at the same time and i need that....

[suzieneedshelp]

Yes to meet everyone would be really special!  I've often thought that over the months i have been connected to these awesome people.  So.. ya'll e-mail me and tell me where u live...
***@****
I am in sunny Fl.. it was in the 60's today but wil be 14 tomorrow night...  Geez!
Suz

[Vicqueennomore]

I am in very, very cold burb of Chicago.......

[a549056]

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients
made while he was performing colonoscopies:


1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone
before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"

5. "Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?   Are we there yet?"

6. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

8. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You
do the Hokey Pokey...."

9. "Hey!  Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

10."If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

13. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head
is not, in fact, up there?"

hehehe

[Thomas03]

I don't think I can say anything to get you to stop calling in scrips, but let me just tell you, I've gone to jail 3 times for doing exactly what you're doing. You have no idea what's in store for you. Remember, the cops and pharamcists can **** up a million times, but you can't miss ONCE. They're going to bust you. You're going to call one in, and, though you thought from the pharmaicst's tone that he might smell a rat, your need will make you go to the pharmacy anyway. You'll be arrested, cuffed and taken to county jail. My advice then? You'll get one chance during intake to make your case to a doctor. Tell the doc how much you've been using. Lay it on thick! It's your only chance at getting into the jail hospital. If you don't, you'll withdraw in a dorm where the ruling group or race will take everything you have, including your meals. If you're arrested for Rx forgery, will your folks or friends bail you out? I have noticed that, more and more, Rx forgers, telephonic or otherwise, are being prosecuted as felons. The charge is at their discretion. It can be a misedemeanor or a felony. Your bail will be at least $10,000. They never OR'd me. You might think about who is going to make your bail. In my outlaw years, I called in at least 300 scrips. Believe me, I paid my penalty for every one of them. And it's much harder to do now. Many pharmacies have unlisted numbers for doctors offices. If you call in on the public line, they'll bust you. You've got it a bit easier than I did. I had to impersonate a doctor. You can impersonate a nurse. But they bust junkie nurses all the time. I really wish it were in my power to get you to stop. But you've got the bug. You get a high from doing it. It's part of your habit now. Take care, if you can.

Thomas

[Esmith28]

I am in Atlanta...and Tom, I tore my house up this weekend...sooo crazy looking for a prescription my hubby said he lost a while back all the time knowing he just lied to get more LOL LOL and Tom how old r u? r u married? YOUR PRECIOUS...I am married but just curious if a woman has snatched you up...because she needs  to...
I am all over a get together...lets do it some where warm please...going to be 9 on friday here...
Love you guys...
OH Today I thought if I could just unscrew my hubbies seats in his car there would p[robably be a whole prescript...LOL we are what we are what we are!!!

[a549056]

46 yr old junkie from ajo, arizona. 30 miles north of the mexico border

[unpilled1]

I'm in Atlanta too! It'd be nice to come together for a more personal tough.
-M

[a549056]

yeah, got hitched up 21 yrs ago. the little woman might argue bout the "precious" thing tho. but thx for the compliment tho.
  whats your evil esmith. mine was synthetic herion, morphine, all pain killers, and just about anything else that would release me from reality. just wondered around aimlessly for bout 7yrs with the all famous "illegal smile"
  better days........
tf

[Esmith28]

Hey there neighbor...what is your story..I have missed your post if you have been posting...I am 10 days off my hydro...(ok ok two days ago I took two tylenol w/codiene) not my drug of choice and it didnt do diddly....but anyway..I would love to meet at a meeting or something...

[unpilled1]

Hi! Been posting a couple of weeks here. Was abusing hydros for some time now (on & off) i.e. several detox's & clean periods. Weaned down from Christmas till first of January and took my last hydro on Jan 5th ... now 17.5 days clean! Doing well, but like the support of this forum. So we're really close in our early sobriety. Thanks for the response. Live in Midtown/Buckhead area.Work in Norcross.

[Esmith28]

Well glad to hear you been married so long...how did ya do it?
My little addiction started long ago..broke my ribs 3 of them...so was on meds for at least 2 months..got off them no big deal...then I found out I had buldging disc and herniated disc...and I have been on Hydrocodone for a couple years...got to 6-8 a day...and took them because I wanted them and needed them mentally..my back does hurt but it probably doesnt need those evil suckers especially the way I was eating them...took them wehter I was in pain or not....
I have been addicted to many other things at different times of my life...just switches to what ever is around ....
Night all

[Esmith28]

I live in Smyrna/Vinnings area...work all over...you ever go to AA meetings? How old are you? M/F? Do you have kids? I am a mommy of two, married to an addict of percs10 and will probably never stop..(his foot was run over by lawn mower when young has constant pain)Anyway congrats with your progress...we can do it!!!!!!!

[a549056]

how did i do it???
  oxycodone
  hydrocodone
  oxycontin
  morphine
  herion
  cocain
  LSD
  weed
  percocet
  demoral
    etc.,

      etc.,
        
           etc.,,,,,,,,,,,,

ya know, there was a time not long ago when i could not be humorous, nor did i think anyone else was humorous. people would try to humor me and i would tell them to eat **** and die. i didnt really like anyone. but let me assure you guys,,,, the "jonesin" and everthing associated with it leaves.....IF you want it to. ya gots ta want it my friends, or it aint gonna work.

    48 days clean and feelin good--no more pain, parinoia, and the rest.  BUT......im still an addict and still need all you guys. thank you

[unpilled1]

Yes. Go to AA/NA meetings virtually daily (trying 90 in 90). Caucasian male 39 (really). No kids. Just dogs & work. How the hell do you stay clean with an active addict in the house? Boy, do I admire you!! Thanks for the congrats ...back at you ...we can all help each other!

[a549056]

17.5 days-----you got it partner. you ought ta perty dam proud of yourself. i am
tf

[J. E. W.]

I just love reading your post you make me laugh. Your a good person and a joy to have here.......                             God Bless...     J.E.W.

[J. E. W.]

Where you at. Are you lurking?? No onestalking to us anymore sine we got chewed out!!! I just got home from work. had those deman dreams last night.. But they cant get me!!! HA HA HA  .Just checking on you my friend...                           God Bless...     J.E.W.

[Elvis27]

Sorry I have not posted in awhile but I have been feeling pretty good and I was just waiting for my appointment with the addictionologist.  I went today and I am not sure what to think now. Just as you did, he told me to be glad that I wasn't going to different doctors, and that I was recognizing I had a problem early on. He also told me to be glad that I was on a relatively low amount of meds.( I am trying to maintain my dose of ms contin to 2 pills (30 mg. each) a day). He told me that I should go to this methadone clinic that he runs and that I could probably use the program for about 3 - 5 months and begin to wean off of that stuff very slowly.  The program would include group time several times a week but I would have to go to the clinic every single day, including weekends for my "daily dose".  It would be very hard to do this. Also, I don't want to be in denial about anything but my initial reaction to the meeting is that this seems kind of extreme.  I think I am going to go get an evaluation by someone else.  What do you think?

[lifeisbetter]

Hey girls! I'm sorry I'm not able to post more. My bosses office is near my desk so I have to be really careful at work. Then comes the whole getting the kids, soccer game, dinner, homework, wind down, Not enough down time for me right now.Its actually past 12 midnight and its the only time I have to post lately. I do read your posts and have been keeping up with you. I have two email addresses, so you can write me if your in that crisis mode. Home email is ***@**** and work is ***@****. Email is up all day please use it when you need to. I'll give you my number via email so you can call to its a 1-800 number.

Erika you especially need support now. vicsqueen made a very good point in one of her posts.  The people who love us the most do get frustrated that they can't help, so they shut part of themselves off. Plus, men are fixers and women are listeners. So talk with your girlfriends instead. I've just accepted the fact that my husband can be a butthead who never wants to talk about feelings...but then again, he's my butthead and he has stuck by me at my worst. For the most part we make a good team as parents. To be very honest though, I am more comfortable with it this way. Real intimacy scares the **** out of me.

vics, do you think there is a connection to your kids fighting and the craving you had right away? You should start a journal of when cravigs hit and you'll see what triggers them so then you can work on the trigger. Early on, my kids were a big trigger. I couldn't take their fighting, so I would literally "check out" for awhile. I did spend alot of time in the bathroom saying "help me help me help me God" the good news is that they're still alive and well today so he must have been listening. It is really really hard to be a mom at the beginning of recovery. I was told that I should concentrate on myself and my recovery because if mommy gets better then the kids get better too. I went to meetings alot because it was a great excuse to get away from my kids and my husband. I had no sense of maturity or gratitude for my family at that point in my life. But the longer I stayed clean,and the more I learned about letting go of the super mom image. I've lightened up alot. Here's a good tip: When my kids are fighting I don't get involved unless they get physical or verbally abusive to each other. Instead, I take the toy, send them to their room together and they can't come out until THEY have resolved the fight NOT ME! It's great too, because I get some well deserved silence for a few minutes. (Plus its too cute to hear my 4 year olds give her terms of settlement to my 6 year old and hearing his reaction which is usually something like "yeah right" or "oh please, give me a break," but eventually they do agree on terms. I don't even answer when they ask me who's right about something. I say work it out and don't ask me to choose sides, because if I say who is right the one who isn't will think I love the other one more. I simply say I love you both and its your fight. If its important enough they can find the answer themselves. Besides, I don't know if Spongebob squarepaints wears a hat or not, nor do I care! They have the most ridiculous arguements! Hmmm wonder where they get that from? My husband and I do tend to have stupid fights as well. Anyway the bottom line is...you didn't find the pill! Don't worry so much that you'll find one and then what? If it ever happens, so what?  You'll think it through from the first pill to your next detox and realize how horrible the thought of going back to pills has become to you... Your clean now, so you do have the power back over these pills. If you want the power that is. Your doing great you'll be out of this depressive mood soon. Keep posting and don't feel badly about posting alot and becoming addicted to this board, you need this place!

[lifeisbetter]

Hey you! Glad your still around.
I hate to say this but, I strongly urge you NOT to take methadone AT ALL. Anyone I've talked to says it is the most difficult opiate to come off of. It sure looked like it to me. When I was in rehab there were a few people trying to stop methadone and my goodness their detox was horrible and took forever. Everyone of them relapsed as soon as they got out because they still felt so badly. Most people end up taking it the rest of their lives. Why do that when you can be off the opiates completely? My Dr. says no way to methadone and I totally trust him. Read the other posts about it, I know there is one a few threads down started by "Sharonver. Thats just my opinion so please read the others opinions as well. Keep posting when you can.

[straightjacket]

i have tryed the meth. prosses i dont think they should eaven give that **** to lab rats , its brutal , if you start it your going to have to taper of of it no fun or take it forever , i will always be a junky my logic is i would rather taper of a drug that gives me a buzz i know thats not the correct logic but then im a junky ,hope i dont catch to much **** for my words of wisdom , i wish you the best .

[minime]

I have been through getting busted for fake scripts, and it isn't fun.  I was handcuffed in our small town supermarket, that is where the pharmacy is, and walked through it while people that I knew stared in horror.  Although the charges were dismissed my name was still in the paper under "arrests" and my reputation has suffered.  No one would have ever suspected me of doing anything remotely illegal.

My point here is that I don't think Lady should call the pharmacies at all.  Even if she did what you suggested how will she explain to the pharmacy about all the scripts that were called in and picked up?  Obviously she had to have been the one to pick them up so she must have been the one who phoned them in.  What I did is I called all the pharmacies I used, and there were many, and I told them I was an addict and to please not let me get any opiates from them ever again.  For the most part they respected this greatly.

I wouldn't fool around with calling just for the high and then cancelling it - too risky!  I'd lay low and stay as far away from these places as possible.  Good luck to you.  You are doing a great thing by quitting and a great thing by writing about what you've done.  Addiction makes us compromise any and all morals we might have had doesn't it?

[ladymp72]

yes it does. I never broke the law before (maybe eating a grape in the supermarket):) but when u start to call them in it is hard to stop. Why go from doc to doc when in a matter a 2 minutes u have what u need at the pharmacy. Also I usually never used my real name. I would call them in under fake kids names and that way they woudl never id me. You know the little sign that says we id on all controlled substances. Well if the person is under 18 that does not happen. I am just worried that all the scripts I have called in may come back to haunt me. But I am thinking that maybe since I used fake everything there is really no way for them to trace it back to me. What do you think?

[ladymp72]

Look at c-89 I am sorry u felt chewed out. You know you really don't have to joke or make little sly remarks about it. :(

[FINISHED!!]

Hey Lady,
  How's though cravings today? I sincerley hope you understood my last post to you. We DO CARE. I CARE!!! I'm sorry if you felt alienated or judged or whatever. That was not my intetion & again I apologize if that's how you took it.

As far as past "call-ins" coming back to haunt you...I doubt it. I think if they don't catch it at the time, it's a wash. But I'm not 100% sure of the way that works. I wouldn't worry myself about that. You're clean & doing GREAT!!! You now have a long, pill-free future ahead of you. Have you given any thought to seeking the help of a professional in regards to the current cravings? This may be more common than you think. Adrenaline junkies like myself also enjoy the RUSH. I just chose a different way to substain those cravings. I hope & pray all is well with you lady. Kick those cravings in the crotch!!!

FINISHED!!

[J. E. W.]

Sorry I didnt clarify myself. I was refering to a couple of days ago when we were talking about religion!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im so glad your feeling better today... you sound like a wonderful person. Stay away from the phone though!!!!!!  Your doing a good job. Give yourself a big hug from me...                     God Bless...          J.E.W.

[J. E. W.]

Sorry about the 28 to manmy numbers my brains in a fog!!!!!!!!!

[FINISHED!!]

Hey J,
How are YOU doing today. You've spent a lot of time helping others so you must be cruisen' along alright.

FINISHED!!

[J. E. W.]

Doing good!!! Except for the fog in the head.. But it will pass in time..  Hows the pain management going? Good I hope. DONT WANT NO SUFFERING!!!! That would be soooooooooooooooo very hard to go through... Stay strong my friend..                         God Bless...     J.E.W.

[bigmistake]

Thank you thank you Thank you for the Thomas Recipe.  I hope this works.  I had a flip out earlier today because I couldn't find any percs, but as soon as I heard I could get some, I began to feel better and was able to pull myself togther to go out and get them.  

I am so ashamed to admit that I have screwed myself so badly and gotten myself into a situation where I have to ask for help.  This is unacceptable.  My family would never understand.  I don't understand how I could have let this happen.  This is SO NOT me.  I am going to work my ass off this week and finally commit to ending this madness next Wed.  Until then, I am going to do my best to take less and less.  It is pathetic that I feel guilty going to the mall and spending a few hundred dollars on clothes for myself but won't think twice about spending that much on pk every week.  I must have wasted at least $20,000 on drugs in the last two years.  

I want to thank all of you for your support even though I feel so lame for having to come in here and tell a bunch of strangers how weak and pathetic I am.  You guys wrote back to me the first time so quickly and I seriously need to hear from you all so I don't lose my mind.  It amazes me that I have read some threads that sound like they came right out of my own brain.  Thanks!

[Rex1]

I am going to make a bold statement here, and just hope you will trust me.

It has been my experience, and many others, that you CANNOT do this alone. This is the first step of AA/NA - "we are powerless". Yes this forum can help, but imo, you need a live body, someone close to you to help you. Who is that person in your world?

I do not know your family, but would be suprised if they acted the way you think they will. Explain the truth to them, thta you never saw this coming and didnt intend for it to happen. "Now I need your help".

Your doc might understand too.

At any rate, if its an NA meeting, where you meet a friend, or a significant other, tell someone - this will be such a relief to you, imo.

Rex

[Rex1]

How ya feelin today bud?

Hope that ankle is getting better.

This, courtesy of my 11 year old, to help you feel better:

-------------------------------------

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

-------------------------------------

OK, so you may be worse now but we tried.

Everyone on this forum - feel better soon!

Love and bad jokes,

Rex

[FINISHED!!]

Hey Rex,
Feeling "O.K." A lttle worse actually than yesterday. I ended up taking one of the percocets the doc gave me & it worked but knocked me out. That was good seeing as I didn't get any sleep the night before. I got about 2 hours last night. We actually made it to the "Torque" movie premire. I'm glad I didn't end up riding in that one. Pretty bad movie. Bad bad...not bad good.

Thanks for the joke. Here's one for you...courtesy of my 14 year old cousin. Keep in mind...She's pretty weird.

Why do Eskimoes wash their clothes in tide?
Because it's too cold out tide!

Oh...that's bad huh?

FINISHED!!

[bvenz]

Hello to all you amazing people that I have been secretly getting to know for about 3 weeks now,finally got up enough nerve to write.Anyway,I like most of you have a hydro addiction that just does'nt want to leave me.I've detoxed at home (cold turkey)oh probally 5 times,thats gotta be the hardest thing I've ever had to do!!!!!I'm getting ready to do it agian,this time the little spree only lasted maybe a month but all in all I've been poppin' pills for 18 months.It started out just on weekends then a couple times a week then everyday(4 or 5) now 15-20 lortab 10's a day.You all know the story.I'm not really sure what I'm looking for from this forum,maybe srength,support,or just to know I'm not alone with this demon that I've let take over my life.Anyway my name is Brandy and I would love to get to know ya'll better.

[FINISHED!!]

WELCOME.
You are not alone nor will you ever be on this forum. Post anytime you like with any question you have. We'll be here.

FINISHED!!

[Rex1]

Brandy,

welcome.

Read some of the archives, and put a plan together. Why do YOU think you are relapsing. As the forum doc, and my pals Hippee and Mike would tell you:

"You have to replace your addiction with something positive"

Here's the Thomas reciper used for detox.

Thanks to Thomas -
----------------------------------
Thomas Detox Recipe

PLEASE NOTE: I am not a doctor, simply a long-time Rx opiate junkie who has had many opportunities to develop a way to detox. This is a recipe for at-home self-detox from opiates based on my experience as well as that of many other addicts. It is not intended as professional medical advice. It is always wise to make sure none of the recipe ingredients or procedures conflict with medications you may be taking. Likewise, if you have any medical condition, disease, allergy or any other health issue, consult your doctor before using the recipe. Thanks, Thomas

This recipe is designed for cold turkey opiate detox. It assumes that you can get about 5 to 7 days away from your job or household responsibilities during which you can sleep, veg and act as miserable as you feel. Opiate WD mimics the symptoms of the common flu, so, if you need a smokescreen, hide behind a bad case of the flu.

If you can't take time off to detox, I recommend you follow a taper regimen using your drug of choice or suitable alternate -- the slower the taper, the better.

For the Recipe, You'll need:

1. Valium (or another benzodiazepine such as Klonopin, Librium, Ativan or Xanax). Of these, Valium and Klonopin are best suited for tapering since they come in tablet form. Librium is also an excellent detox benzo, but comes in capsules, making it hard to taper the dose. Ativan or Xanax should only be used if you can't get one of the others.

2. Imodium (immodium) (over the counter, any drug or grocery store).

3. L-Tyrosine (500 mg caps) from the health food store.

4. Strong wide-spectrum mineral supplement with at least 100% RDA of Zinc, Phosphorus, Copper and Magnesium.

5. Vitamin B6 caps.

6. Access to hot baths or a Jacuzzi (or hot showers if that's all that's available).

How to use the recipe:

Begin your detox with regular doses of Valium (or alternate benzo). Start with a dose high enough to produce sleep. Before you use any benzo, make sure you're aware of how often it can be safely taken. Different benzos have different dosing schedules. Taper your Valium dosage down after each day. The goal is to get through day 4, after which the worst WD symptoms will subside. You shouldn't need the Valium after day 4 or 5.

During detox, hit the hot bath or Jacuzzi as often as you need to for muscle aches. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of hot soaks. Spend the entire time, if necessary, in a hot bath. This simple method will alleviate what is for many the worst opiate WD symptom.

Use the Imodium (immodium) aggressively to stop the runs. Take as much as you need, as often as you need it. Don't take it, however, if you don't need it.

At the end of the fourth day, you should be waking up from the Valium and experiencing the beginnings of the opiate WD malaise. Upon rising (empty stomach), take the L-Tyrosine. Try 2000 mgs, and scale up or down, depending on how you feel. You can take up to 4,000 mgs. Take the L-Tyrosine with B6 to help absorption. Wait about one hour before eating breakfast. The L-Tyrosine will give you a surge of physical and mental energy that will help counteract the malaise. You may continue to take it each morning for as long as it helps. If you find it gives you the "coffee jitters," consider lowering the dosage or discontinuing it altogether. Occasionally, L-Tyrosine can cause the runs. Unlike the runs from opiate WD, however, this effect of L-Tyrosine is mild and normally does not return after the first hour. Lowering the dosage may help.

With breakfast, take the mineral supplement.

As soon as you can force yourself to, get some mild exercise such as walking, cycling, swimming, etc. This will be hard at first, but will make you feel considerably better.

PLEASE NOTE: If you have any medical complications, first check with your doctor before detoxing to verify that this regimen is safe for you.

[bvenz]

Hey everyone this is Brandy agian.Just wanted to say thanks for the quick response and the recipe I am trying to round up all the ingrediants and go ahead and enter the "hell week" although after it's all over it does'nt seem that bad.Unfortunantly I can't take off work,I'm a nurse (crazy huh?) another thing thats bad is that I really have pain due to a car accident and I had my spleen removed,broke ribs and pins put in both sides of my pelvis but I can't seem to take one every 4-6 hours but more like 4-6 every hour.I swear this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do,sometimes it seems impossible!!!Your mind is the hardest thing to fight and it's like my mind is saying"eat some you'll feel better"but thats all it is,in my mind.As soon as I can realize that I think I'll be better,I think.Anyway my congrats to all of you who are obviously stronger than me.Bye for now.

[unpilled1]

Brandy, welcome to the forum. You are among a family-like bunch here. I too read and studied the forum posts for awhile before I began posting. Take to heart the suggestions you get from all us addicts/junkies here & follow the suggestions. It can save you as it did me. I too am in the medical field & it's not "crazy" - our professions expose us to alot of drugs, but unfortunately, we are as the alcoholic bartender. Don't feel ashamed that you are a nurse who's an addict. You/we have a disease called addiction. My advise otherwise would be to taper down very slowly if you have to continue to work. I tried to go to work through my withdrawal & it was a disaster. You've been taking a high dose of hydro on a daily basis, even if it's been a month or so "this time". I really think that a gradual weaning is the best way to go and still hope to work. Go back and read the Thomas Recipe text - it does work, but it specifically points out that it's intended for cold turkey detox and days of shear physical hell with time off to go thru it. Good luck with any approach you take. We ARE here...keep posting.
Hugs, -M

[bvenz]

Hi everyone!I feel like I'm living on this forum but seems weird that I actually have something that interest me other than finding pills,finding money to feed my habit,worring about running out etc.so if I'm posting to much just bear with me.Tommorrow is going to be my first day with no pills.So I'm a liitle nervous,ok a lot!!!My main concern is to make sure my 5 year old daughter does'nt know anything is wrong.Thats hard but I am determined for that,I think I may use the flu thing to help.I swear if I put forth the energy,time and determination towards school as I do for pills by now I could be a brain surgeon!!!One good thing is my husbands totally understanding b/c he's going through the exact same thing with me.He's stronger than me though.I've always had an addictive personality.I'm only 23 and I've always had to dive in head first into everything thats came my way,taking the hard road everywhere I go in life makes it very difficult to stay straight!!!But hey I choose these things so I have to live with the consequences.I'll keep posting.

[teeitup]

Congratulations on making the step to get control, taper was the best choice for me due to medical problems. Don't let yourself suffer to much if you try cold turkey and trying to work and take care of your daughter. trying to be supermom may be tough right now. good luck and I'll be thinking of you!

teeitup!

[Rex1]

Hey T - how many days are you at. 63 for me.

Rex

[teeitup]

You da man! 43 days at 1-2 ES's, had a few 0 days in there but not many. My vascular problems are doggin me pretty bad right now and it's all I can do to make 12 hrs. between doses. keep me in your thoughts, the mental let down is what's taken it's toll.

teeitup!

[Rex1]

Hang in there bud...

Rex

[pillhell]

I AM DEFINATELY IN NO SHAPE TO GIVE YOU ADVICE.BUT I DO KNOW ONE THING-EVERYONE IN THIS FORUM CARES ABOUT YOU.THE ONES YOU FELT WERE COMING DOWN ON YOU,JUST DONT WANT YOU TO END UP WHERE THEY WERE.BUT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO FIGURE **** OUT ON YOUR OWN.LIKE WHEN YOU TELL YOUR KID,DONT HANG OUT WITH HIM-HES BAD NEWS.WHAT IS THE KID GONNA DO-RUN TO HANG OUT WITH THAT LITTLE PUNK.I KNOW YOUR NOT A KID,AND ITS TOTALLY DIFFERENT.I'VE NEVER BEEN WHERE YOU ARE,SO IM NOT JUDGING YOU.I THINK ITS A LITTLE LIKE TOUGH LOVE,YA KNOW?I THINK YOU ARE REMARKABLE!!!31 DAYS CLEAN IS AN AWESOME ACHIEVEMENT.BE PROUD OF YOURSELF EVERY DAY.YOU ARE WINNING THE GOOD FIGHT.I MYSELF AM TRYING TO COME OFF OF METHADONE WAFERS.WHICH SOMETIMES I THINK IS NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE.IF ANY OF US WERE IN YOUR SHOES WE'D PROBABLY TRY TO CALL IN A SCRIPT IF WE THOUGHT WE COULD GET AWAY WITH IT.SO DONT BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF,OR THE PEOPLE FROM THIS FORUM,THEY REALLY DO CARE,THEY (WE) FEEL YOUR PART OF OUR FAMILY.WHEN WE SEE SOMEONE ACTING DESTRUCTIVE,WE TRY AND HELP ALL IN DIFFERENT WAYS.YOU HAVEN'T DONE IT LATELY WHICH YOU SHOULD ALSO BE PROUD OF.LOTS OF LUCK TO YOU IN THIS FIGHT AGAINST YOUR DEMONDS.KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.