I know you say you don't judge.....

[mamaamw]

I've lied. Again. It's a vicious cycle. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. I went 21 days and broke down. Called the dr for the script and that was history. Took 120 hydros in 11 days. I honestly thought I had it nipped in the bud this last time. I honestly thought that was it. I feel like such a failure. Now, I get to look forward to my dreaded withdrawals that I KNOW are coming! I know I have to want it enough... At times I do. Then something happens and I feel I need the pills. I need for it to end once and for all! I said it last time too. But I'm truly wanting to stop this cycle!!! I just took the last one and now it's time for hell to begin. Please God don't lecture. I've kicked myself enough!!!!!

[mamaamw]

Very true.

[marycarmel]

Not sure if this will help or not but instead of worrying about the withdrawals, think of them as the work as something that needs to be done to bring you to a place that you will receive the most wonderful gift and that every ache or symptom is bringing you closer to that gift of sobriety.  Someone once told me that with regard to my fear of labor and delivery.  Years later I still use that to get through difficult times or circumstances.

[mamaamw]

Thank you!!! The anxiety is KILLING me this morning. I'm thinking about calling in sick today at work. I don't know.... I can only work half the day Bc today is when I go to the dr. I just wanna stay home in bed.

[Yesidid]

I read posts here every night and fall asleep praying for my fellow addicts. Mama tonight I am praying for you. Isn't it funny how lying becomes so ingrained in us that we actually begin to believe that lies are an adequate substitute for getting well? It's like, if I say that I'm sober then that's good enough for now and I'll actually Do something about it tomorrow. We know ourselves (and therefore each other) all too well. This is no place to lie and think for a minute you are fooling anyone. It's time Mama. The alarm has sounded. It's hard but not impossible. Stay strong. I'm praying for you.

[meegWpaw]

hi mama amw, you are showing some real courage and perseverance! I think your doing great!

[littlebit667]

keep counting those hours!  Everyone is a step away from the pills.  So darned proud of you for calling the dr. office!