Aa
If you have relapsed what are you going to do differently this time
Many of us here have relapsed some one time some many times .You here alot that relapse is a part of the disease it does not have to be .First thing you have to think about is why after being clean for a while what makes you pick up that pill or drug again .What are you going to do differently so you dont end up going down the same road three months down the road .There so many members that think they can do it on there own with this forum that will keep them clean yet many many of them have relapsed.I was one of them .So after my first relapse I had to take a good hard look at myself and figure out what I was going to do so 6 months down the road. I was not back on day one .First thing I did is cut out anyone in my life that could give me drugs .2nd and most important I got recovery care for me .For me it was an addiction therapist .However there are so many choices out there aa/na other programs your church pastor .There is something for everyone whether you can afford therapy or not . If nothing changes then nothing changes you will continue to go down the same road every time .You will be clean for a while then relapse again .Do it differently this time make this your last relapse .I have 2 years and 4 months clean now recovery care really does work .Good luck find what works for you but plz dont keep going down the same road .
luckily i have never relapsed but know there s a chance i may...i tried to taper in march of 08 but never finished cos i got a phone call....yeah i bought more.....4 months later i got smart...told everyone the truth...deleted the phone numbers and just quit ct....i still got calls but after saying no a few times they stopped...i see my dealers all the time...you know what...they are struggling right now cos they can t sell their $hit.... who in the heLL can afford 5 and 6 bucks a pill? hang tough everyone....maria
Amy ,
You are going to make it !!!! You already have figured out what you need to do instead of making exsuses for why you cant do it ....That can sometimes happen here alot .If you ever in to talk send me a pm .....
You are going to make it !!!! You already have figured out what you need to do instead of making exsuses for why you cant do it ....That can sometimes happen here alot .If you ever in to talk send me a pm .....
I have deliberately ignored this particular post since I first saw it a day or 2 ago, because, quite frankly, I had no idea.
Now the fog leaves me and my mind is more able and strong, and I can say a few things about what I intend to do differently.
I am going to put MY recovery first. Not my bestie's, not my friend's, and not my relationship. MY recovery MUST come first, for me.
I am going to start learning....LEARNING....to be honest, and trustworthy. If I lie, I am practicing quick amends, as soon as I realize the faux pas.
If I am ugly to another, I will try to see MY part and leave theirs alone.
And first and foremost, I will NOT use, just for today.
I also will hang around here, and NA meetings and people who don't use.
I have already deleted numbers, and cut all ties.
Good night, MH.
Amy
Now the fog leaves me and my mind is more able and strong, and I can say a few things about what I intend to do differently.
I am going to put MY recovery first. Not my bestie's, not my friend's, and not my relationship. MY recovery MUST come first, for me.
I am going to start learning....LEARNING....to be honest, and trustworthy. If I lie, I am practicing quick amends, as soon as I realize the faux pas.
If I am ugly to another, I will try to see MY part and leave theirs alone.
And first and foremost, I will NOT use, just for today.
I also will hang around here, and NA meetings and people who don't use.
I have already deleted numbers, and cut all ties.
Good night, MH.
Amy
I agree unfortunately lots of people fight it and think will power is enough and its not
GA yes it has been I would love a full forum for recovery because that is the hard part we do have a group .Its been slow with the hollydays but we need to get it up and going again .geting off the drugs is the easy part staying clean can be very hard .You have to work it all of the time
This is a very good question for us all. This is my first time of a relapse and hopefully my last. I thought I could get thru the first time on my own. Wrong! I never considered myself an addict the first time. Now I view it differently the second time around. I am an addict and I am going to see a Therapist on Thursday hopefully It will start to shed some light on my situation. I will always view myself as an addict an try try try not to let my guard down. I've accepted the fact I do in fact need the aftercare.
Yes my wife is a lifesaver for me, I need to be a better person for her and do this on my own and not expect her to get me out of this mess. I am going to do it for her, my kids and myself.
I think for most of us aftercare is the only answer whatever it be.
Yes my wife is a lifesaver for me, I need to be a better person for her and do this on my own and not expect her to get me out of this mess. I am going to do it for her, my kids and myself.
I think for most of us aftercare is the only answer whatever it be.
For me, I had to drop the stubborn attitude and ask for help as well. It took 3 years of relapses before I sought out a rehab and got myself into AA and NA meetings. After all these years I still think I can and will solve every problem by myself. That's why meetings are so important for me. It's that constant work with other alcoholics and addicts that keep me clean. This is also why I cringe when I see someone here secretly trying to quit and wondering "when will it get better". I know from experience that the physical gets better with a little time, but my diseased mind stayed sick no matter what amount of clean time I got. The reason I've attained my clean time this time is that I'm working on the mind and not trying to white knuckle things. I can say that I've seen the forum move more towards preaching aftercare the last few months. I'm glad to see this. It's truly a fact when someone told me that "the withdrawals are better in a bout a week, but then the hard stuff starts".
what is your recoverycare progarm ?what do do when you want to use do you have an addiction theripst that knows what your are going threw do you find an aa meeting when you have been clean for a few weeks and want to go back to using ?
COMMUNITY LEADER
You forgot to mention that you finally realized you couldnt do this by yourself and you dropped the stubborness!!! mp
I have learned something from each relapse since I got serious about getting clean. When I first started out, I knew I had to change, people, places, things and finally accepted it's not ok to use just once, I can't use just once because I am an addict.
After a relapse, I tried to figure out most of my triggers and limit as many of them as I could. After my last relapse the only thing I have changed is I will not promise to never use again, I promised that many times and messed up:( That may sound dumb, but taking it one day at a time is what I do now and I am almost back to 6 months. Getting support and some type of aftercare is important and if I let my guard down, my clean time go's down too. I can promise to stay clean today though:)
After a relapse, I tried to figure out most of my triggers and limit as many of them as I could. After my last relapse the only thing I have changed is I will not promise to never use again, I promised that many times and messed up:( That may sound dumb, but taking it one day at a time is what I do now and I am almost back to 6 months. Getting support and some type of aftercare is important and if I let my guard down, my clean time go's down too. I can promise to stay clean today though:)
COMMUNITY LEADER
You are dancing with the devil. The pills give us a false sense of security. They will turn on you in a heartbeat and you wont feel anything but pure torture.
Shrimpman......Congrats on 53 days!!!
Shrimpman......Congrats on 53 days!!!
What's different for me this time is that I have accepted the fact that I'm an addict----that's tough to admit but now that I realize this I know that for me I never take opiates again or I will quickly be back to former level of abuse----this forum has been my aftercare and has been critical to my recovery. Thank all of you for the support you have given me----I have not really told my story but it is similar to many of you-----I'm a baby boomer and have used most of my life----weed, alcohol, and tobacco mainly but the damn opiates are what really got hold of me----I have always liked the way they made me feel -------but I really never had a steady supply of them until I went to the dr. 3.5 yrs ago -------not blaming my dr.-------so as my tolerance increased my dr. increased the amount until I was up to 6--10/325mg of percs a day-----I just got tired of living from pill to pill to try to feel normal---so I quit with the support of of the awesome people who responded to my questions--------53 days clean and feeling good again-------Jon
Straight up...I LOVE the warm feeling of pills. Even after a month of being clean I'll try a couple not thinking it will drag me back to it, but it always does. :o(
I find that pain pills dont just relieve physical pain, they relieve EVERY pain, at least for me they do. Physical, emotional and spiritual. They make me soooo happy and feel goodie that I just cant say no sometimes.
I find that pain pills dont just relieve physical pain, they relieve EVERY pain, at least for me they do. Physical, emotional and spiritual. They make me soooo happy and feel goodie that I just cant say no sometimes.
i don't know what i would do differently. it's become very difficult to continue trying since it simply seems to be impossible for me to quit. whats worse is that when i do quit, i can spend hours thinking about about how to get more pills and looking up information on the internet about how to get better ones and where...
this has really destroyed my life. i've got clean in the past....but it's a process that takes years and even then it's still a life long journey. i can make it a couple weeks...maybe a little more...but in the end i always end up in the same place. part of the reason is because i'm not sure that i truly can do it...to even think about how long it will take before the cravings subside and the agony i'll have to go through to get there....well, the thought takes me to some very bad places inside my mind. i'm 24 and more than half my life has been spent with these pills as the center of my world....
i was listening to the song "come sweet death" by bach over and over again....and while i certainly could never bring myself to commit suicide, this song does make me wonder if the day that i do finally die, i'll be free. if so, i would almost welcome it. until then, it seems every step i make forward is met with a step backwards, and what i plan to do the next time i finally 'get clean' is prevent that step backwards...but it seems that an addict is met with torture either way. when you're sober, all you think about is getting high...and when you're high, all you think about is getting higher.
sorry to be such a downer.
this has really destroyed my life. i've got clean in the past....but it's a process that takes years and even then it's still a life long journey. i can make it a couple weeks...maybe a little more...but in the end i always end up in the same place. part of the reason is because i'm not sure that i truly can do it...to even think about how long it will take before the cravings subside and the agony i'll have to go through to get there....well, the thought takes me to some very bad places inside my mind. i'm 24 and more than half my life has been spent with these pills as the center of my world....
i was listening to the song "come sweet death" by bach over and over again....and while i certainly could never bring myself to commit suicide, this song does make me wonder if the day that i do finally die, i'll be free. if so, i would almost welcome it. until then, it seems every step i make forward is met with a step backwards, and what i plan to do the next time i finally 'get clean' is prevent that step backwards...but it seems that an addict is met with torture either way. when you're sober, all you think about is getting high...and when you're high, all you think about is getting higher.
sorry to be such a downer.
Corey,
I really like that-beautiful.
I have to say something though. I AM an addict- I know this now. It is very hard for me to say. Why? Because I've never been addicted to anything in my life and I now know how this happened to me. Just like many of us on this forum- it started with an accident. For me a boating accident that sent me into a year of horrible pain. That's when I was prescribed the percocet. I started taking them as prescribed (every 4-6 hours.) I really liked them. I continued taking them even when I wasn't in pain. I know, I know- same old story right? But for me I KNOW that if I could make it through the friggin torture of withdrawl, I'd NEVER and I mean NEVER touch another pill again. I watched my mother, an alcoholic, put me and herself through many waisted years. Day after day of abusing herself and choosing men who inturn abused her. All while I watched. My father, a functioning alcoholic, eventually killed himself- as the "drink" (which meant more to him than I or the love of his grandchildren), ate his liver away and then one day after a very painful year of bed pans, morphine and hospice, he finally met his maker. I'm still angry that he "chose" alcohol over his own family. My mother (thank God), has not had a drink in over 15 years and is here for me and my kids and is a wonderful grandma. She IS however addicted to pain meds but does not abuse them and only takes what is prescribed. I guess my point here is- after growing up around two severely alcoholic parents, I vowed I'd never go down that road and I never did. I drink socially, but it had to be a worthy event. I'm a good mother and take care of my resposibilities and I even was leary of taking tylenol or advil- that is until that God forsaken accident that led me down a road I never thought I'd see. Never thought this could happen to me. But I can honestly say- I feel this is purely physical. I know that hearing the story of my chilhood and the addiction that runs in my family, it's hard to believe that I too don't have the very same issues with addiction. But I know I never would desire the pills, if it were not for the physical part of it. In other words- if there was a way to take away the withdrawls- I'd be done with it FOREVER and never look back. The times I've tried to stop the pain of w/d was just too much for me to take. I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't enjoy the way I feel while on them, because I do, but NOT enough to ruin my life and stay on them forever. So I have no idea how I got to this point. But it's OVER. I'm starting my taper in a few days. And the only reason I'm waiting a few days is to be sure the suboxone I had taken (one day only- on the 9th of Nov), is OUT of my system completely. Then I'll taper, then I'll jump. Then I'm done for life. I swear on everything I am, everything good I've ever been or could ever be- I'm DONE.
Forgive this long rambling post. And it's not meant to say I'm better than anyone else, because obviously we're all in the same boat in one way or another. We just took a differnt path to get there.
I'll be posting a lot throughout this ordeal and pray that you'll all be here for me . I realize what a blessing this forum is and thank God that I found it and found all of you amzing people. God bless you all.
I really like that-beautiful.
I have to say something though. I AM an addict- I know this now. It is very hard for me to say. Why? Because I've never been addicted to anything in my life and I now know how this happened to me. Just like many of us on this forum- it started with an accident. For me a boating accident that sent me into a year of horrible pain. That's when I was prescribed the percocet. I started taking them as prescribed (every 4-6 hours.) I really liked them. I continued taking them even when I wasn't in pain. I know, I know- same old story right? But for me I KNOW that if I could make it through the friggin torture of withdrawl, I'd NEVER and I mean NEVER touch another pill again. I watched my mother, an alcoholic, put me and herself through many waisted years. Day after day of abusing herself and choosing men who inturn abused her. All while I watched. My father, a functioning alcoholic, eventually killed himself- as the "drink" (which meant more to him than I or the love of his grandchildren), ate his liver away and then one day after a very painful year of bed pans, morphine and hospice, he finally met his maker. I'm still angry that he "chose" alcohol over his own family. My mother (thank God), has not had a drink in over 15 years and is here for me and my kids and is a wonderful grandma. She IS however addicted to pain meds but does not abuse them and only takes what is prescribed. I guess my point here is- after growing up around two severely alcoholic parents, I vowed I'd never go down that road and I never did. I drink socially, but it had to be a worthy event. I'm a good mother and take care of my resposibilities and I even was leary of taking tylenol or advil- that is until that God forsaken accident that led me down a road I never thought I'd see. Never thought this could happen to me. But I can honestly say- I feel this is purely physical. I know that hearing the story of my chilhood and the addiction that runs in my family, it's hard to believe that I too don't have the very same issues with addiction. But I know I never would desire the pills, if it were not for the physical part of it. In other words- if there was a way to take away the withdrawls- I'd be done with it FOREVER and never look back. The times I've tried to stop the pain of w/d was just too much for me to take. I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't enjoy the way I feel while on them, because I do, but NOT enough to ruin my life and stay on them forever. So I have no idea how I got to this point. But it's OVER. I'm starting my taper in a few days. And the only reason I'm waiting a few days is to be sure the suboxone I had taken (one day only- on the 9th of Nov), is OUT of my system completely. Then I'll taper, then I'll jump. Then I'm done for life. I swear on everything I am, everything good I've ever been or could ever be- I'm DONE.
Forgive this long rambling post. And it's not meant to say I'm better than anyone else, because obviously we're all in the same boat in one way or another. We just took a differnt path to get there.
I'll be posting a lot throughout this ordeal and pray that you'll all be here for me . I realize what a blessing this forum is and thank God that I found it and found all of you amzing people. God bless you all.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Corey, you rock girl. Love the sidewalk. So very true......sara
I posted this once before and it was so me ....only I fell into the hole many more times.For those beginning their journey, use all of the help that is out there. Percentage wise the odds are against all of us for staying clean. They increase so much with support and time in recovery.This is not an easy journey. Some want to quit with all of their being and can't stay clean. Get support and tell on your addiction when those thoughts of just 1 pill linger in your head. This can be done. Do it with all of your might. You will get your life, peace and happiness back.
Chapter 1 of my life
I walked down the street and there was a deep hole in the sidewalk and I fell in it.
I am lost, I am Helpless, but it's not my fault.
I't still takes forever to get out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street and there's a hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place, but it's not my fault.
And it still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street and there's a hole in the sidewalk and I see the hole.
I fall in anyway.
My eyes are open and I know I see it.
It's a habit. It is my fault.
I get out right away.
Chapter 4
I walk down the street and there's a hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down a different street.
Chapter 1 of my life
I walked down the street and there was a deep hole in the sidewalk and I fell in it.
I am lost, I am Helpless, but it's not my fault.
I't still takes forever to get out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street and there's a hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place, but it's not my fault.
And it still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street and there's a hole in the sidewalk and I see the hole.
I fall in anyway.
My eyes are open and I know I see it.
It's a habit. It is my fault.
I get out right away.
Chapter 4
I walk down the street and there's a hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down a different street.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I was just thinking about putting a thread up similar to this too avis!! One of the things i hear alot is "I cant".....what that really means is i dont want too. Getting clean is a life changing process and you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to get there. Dont let fear hold you back. sara
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