I'm at my rock bottom. Please help!

[Friend999]

I'm asking all of you, my friends, to be part of my last desparate hope.  I call you my friends, even though I have not posted a lot, but I have seen yiour hearts, felt your pain, and cried with you over countless hours the last few months.  I'm crying now, as I write this, because I will have to leave a very wonderful friend to face the demons of the pills of false happiness alone. It is not my choice, because she has pushed me out of her life, but as many of you have warned me, addiction can ruin the lives of those near the addicted.  I'm still willing to have my heart pierced a few more times, but maybe it is for the best, for me.

Please find one more example of the compassion you have shown by writng an anonomous letter to my friend when answering this post.  She is 34, single, and has had "a problem with pain pills "all of her life" (problably roxycodone). To my knowledge she has kept this a secret from everyone. She is not at rock bottom, and I believe she is in and out of withdrawals as her money dictates. I cannot get her on this forum. I don't know her dosages.

Please write the letter to "A", from (your first name) (or nickname), where you are from, and what you would like to say to her. I know this is a long shot, and that she has to be ready, but when things get desperate, one must try anything.  

I sincerely thank you all from the bottom of my heart. My prayers will continue to include all of you, and her, and I wish you all the best as you try to get your life back.  

Sincerely,

Friend999

[corey411]

My guess would be that your not feeling totally addicted. I'm reading denial between the lines. Alot of people who use then run out and get a little sick for a few days..then use really feel they are in control of things. Can you stop using??? Try just once and see how long it takes to delude yourself into believing there is no problem. These periods of using get longer annd stronger until your control becomes less and less....then none. You begin doing things more and more desprate to use..need more  and more drugs and the ability to stop gets so difficult you wouldnt believe it. Thats when the lying, stealing,  anything to anyone esp. those you care about starts. Reading these posts probably won't mean a thing if you don't believe you have a problem but there are tons of people on here and noone started getting addicted thinking WOW Im getting a little out of control here. These are real life and death issues.  We realize when it's too late, damage is done and we can't quit no matter how hard we try. Some people get so tired and lose all hope and just end it. Hitting rock bottom is a long way off...I used to go to NA/AA with my son and esp. when they had recovering addicts as speakers(You can do this and say you are coming to better understand addiction and they never minded where I live) My son lost his job, they sold everything...even their furniture, My grandson was carried to term and born to a heroin addicted mother and thank God is OK...he's 5 now. He(my son) was involved in a drug deal gone bad where the dealers that werent his usual one's said they needed him to drive them somewhere to get the drugs...this was a really crime ridden area of town....he kinda knew what was going to happen cause they made them drive down a sidestreet and said he needed to get all the stuff(furniture and stuff they were trying to sell out of the back seat to pick the stuff and another guy up. They told him the air was low in his tire and to come look...Put a gun to his head cocked it and said they wanted the keys and car. He convinced them he wouldn't tell anyone, just to take the car and by the grace of God they didn't kill him or the girl he was with. Only stole the car and left them stranded... and thinking of how stupid this addiction was....NOT...They were thinking of how they were going to get heroin wo a car this late. He and his girlfriend  stole from and aileinated everyone they knew and totally denied having any kind of problem. About 2 years into thier addiction and after a family member of his gf stopped enabeling them by paying their bills she got talked into going to rehab. My son did not talk to me for 6 months for calling CYS to try to get my grandchildren out of there. Someone they used with (these are the only friends you end up with) killed himself...shot himself in the head at 24 leaving a note for his parents saying he just could not go through wd again.... he kept going back to using and wanted to quit so badly saw taking his life as the only way out. After this my son tried to wean a day or 2 and had to quit ct on the floor of a 1 room efficiency he payed for by the week with the money he could get selling the last few things of any value in the house. I allowed him to come home when I was convinced he was clean and he went to meetings everynite, got a job and looked wonderful and healthy for 3 months..then he relapsed...it took me 3-4 weeks to know..I suspected but knew missing money would be the best way to tell and I had stashes in places just to check..none missing for weeks although I could tell something was wrong with the picture I too was in denial. He had been getting the mail and stealing my conveience checks...cash advances on my balance free accounts and getting to the bills first....over 15 thousand dollars. I pressed charges to try to get him put in jail to save his life. I threw him out and he spent the winter having to spend many nights down by the river with a campfire...even caught his coat on fire once. Sometimes he broke into abandon warehouses to sleep out of the winter air. He had to go to rehab to come back home...He passed 1 oppertunity and chose the life he was living. After he finally got arrested and went through wd in jail I guess what they call rock bottem happened. They released him on his own recognisece after 11 days and he walked to the nearest DVD store, stole some DVDs and sold them at the second hand store for money for heroin...He had come out of denial enough that he made arrangements for Rehab and  actually had a place that could take him in about a week. I let him come home until then since I was off work and he agreed to be joined at my hip till rehab. He will be clean 3 years next week, My son is an awsome guy. He's a great son and dad. Noone would have ever convinced him he would or could have stolen from me or anyone. He was very family oriented and could not stand lying of anykind. He made it through adolesence wo drinkin and druggin and allowed someone he hadnt seen for years to convince him to try oxycontin. He told me much later that after a week he and his gf didn't have anymore and were on day 3 of what they thought was the flu and later found out to be wd. They got more and thought I can't believe I was that sick and all I needed to do was take more of these to get over it. They were snorting heroin saying they would never mainline the next week then shooting up the next week. Addiction is like cancer of the soul. Not everyone gets as bad as fast of uses heroin but I  wanted to give you a picture of rock bottom. Sounds like your at a point where it might not be as easy as your probably thinking to quit but easier than longterm addiction. The longer you use the harder and worse it gets. This is the time to do it. If u continue you won't have friends to care and you will lose yourself in your addiction. The reason they call it a progressive disease is cause it ALWAYS gets worse. I wouldn't be writing all of this after a long day at work if I did not know first hand where you are headed. Stop now and love the people in your life and let them love you back. Read other posts and see the similaraties and pain in the stories and understand we were all where u are now. We will give you all the help you need. Corey

[Shotrock]

Your killing me, I thought my crying phase was over with, My daughter is 13. I don't know if will get through to A, but you got through to me.. Thank You!

[lucyred68]

wow, Kathie, as the mother of a 20 year old daughter, that one shook me up big time.  she is not an addict, but the thought of writing her eulogy is unbearable.

Lucy

[Mawmaw3]

"A", I am writing this letter to you as a mother of a now- 36 year old woman who had an additction to Oxycontin for many years and was finally, 2 years ago(your age right now), able to say 'enough' and quit destroying her life, and the life of her family and friends. Today was really tough for me, A. My daughter decided to go to college after she got clean, and is now a Dean's List student in Social Work. She sent me an email several hours ago, and asked if I would help her with an assignment for her Group Counseling class at school. I told her I would...what did she need for me to do? She said she needed for me to write a eulogy for her...about her. At first I was angry...how could a teacher ask such a thing of me? What mother could put on 'paper' how much her baby girl had meant to her, and how her death would affect me for the rest of my life ?

Oh Lord, how can a mama do such a thing without breaking down?? How could I write about my own daughter as if she had died?  When I told her I wasn't sure I could do it, she told me to think about where she was 2 years ago, and what might have happened if she hadn't taken control and quit drugs. A, I have to tell you that was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do, and one I pray God I will NEVER have to do for real in this life. I thought I was an unemotional person until I sat here at the computer and started writing that 'eulogy', but I found out how weak I  am. I cried as I wrote, and I still feel uneasy inside two hours after I emailed it to her.

A....don't make your mama, or your siblings and  friends who care about you so much, ever have to contemplate sitting down and writing a eulogy to read at your funeral, because the attraction to drugs was more important than they were to you. Do what you need to do to get clean and stay that way.  There are people right here on this board who will be your 'cheerleaders' all the way through detox and withdrawals. They can give you advice about what to expect and how to relieve some of the worst wd symptoms.  I think some of them would probably call you on the phone if you need them to. A, please, please don't make those who love you ever have to give that eulogy because the  drugs won. Please.

Kathie
'mawmaw3'

[Friend999]

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

To everyone else, please write a letter to "A".  Maybe, maybe, what YOU say just might be a trigger to push her in the right direction.

She is a WONDERFUL person, and you could save her life.  Please try!

Friend999

[Shotrock]

You are an Addict, your actions have not only affected your life, but now the lives of others. Untill you are Ready my words will mean nothing, but when you are ready these same words will be a pillar of support. Addiction can only end in 2 ways recovery ,or life ruin and death.Remember the person you were before the pills, You want your Life Back! Your good Friend wants your Life back!  You will be Ready at some point it might as well be now!  Your an Addict, because you choose to be. Myself I choose Life!!