Aa
I'm at my rock bottom. Please help!
I'm asking all of you, my friends, to be part of my last desparate hope. I call you my friends, even though I have not posted a lot, but I have seen yiour hearts, felt your pain, and cried with you over countless hours the last few months. I'm crying now, as I write this, because I will have to leave a very wonderful friend to face the demons of the pills of false happiness alone. It is not my choice, because she has pushed me out of her life, but as many of you have warned me, addiction can ruin the lives of those near the addicted. I'm still willing to have my heart pierced a few more times, but maybe it is for the best, for me.
Please find one more example of the compassion you have shown by writng an anonomous letter to my friend when answering this post. She is 34, single, and has had "a problem with pain pills "all of her life" (problably roxycodone). To my knowledge she has kept this a secret from everyone. She is not at rock bottom, and I believe she is in and out of withdrawals as her money dictates. I cannot get her on this forum. I don't know her dosages.
Please write the letter to "A", from (your first name) (or nickname), where you are from, and what you would like to say to her. I know this is a long shot, and that she has to be ready, but when things get desperate, one must try anything.
I sincerely thank you all from the bottom of my heart. My prayers will continue to include all of you, and her, and I wish you all the best as you try to get your life back.
Sincerely,
Friend999
Please find one more example of the compassion you have shown by writng an anonomous letter to my friend when answering this post. She is 34, single, and has had "a problem with pain pills "all of her life" (problably roxycodone). To my knowledge she has kept this a secret from everyone. She is not at rock bottom, and I believe she is in and out of withdrawals as her money dictates. I cannot get her on this forum. I don't know her dosages.
Please write the letter to "A", from (your first name) (or nickname), where you are from, and what you would like to say to her. I know this is a long shot, and that she has to be ready, but when things get desperate, one must try anything.
I sincerely thank you all from the bottom of my heart. My prayers will continue to include all of you, and her, and I wish you all the best as you try to get your life back.
Sincerely,
Friend999
The best advice I can give is that she has to be ready to give up the opiates for herself!! I'm 7 days clean and it hasn't been easy but I already notice how much better my life is!! Encourage her to join this forum and read, read, and read!!
I am from East Lansing, Michigan. I am a 20 year old male college student. I have been addicted to hydros for nearly a year and recently quit c/t.
My suggestions to your friend is to ask her what matters most to her. You must understand she is an addict and those darn pills change the person she is. Does she have kids/care for her family? Where does she see herself in a couple months, a year, or even 10 years if she keeps using? Then ask herself "where does she see herself in the future if she were to stop taking the pills now.
The pills ruin lives and by that I mean relationships, friends, family ,etc etc. I hope she realizes that all those things are way more important than some stupid little pill.
She needs to quit, either by cold turkey or by tapering.
There is a Thomas Recipe that I SWEAR ON. It worked tremendously for me and I am sure it will for her. Send me a personal message if you would like that Recipe. Its pretty much vitamins, amino acids, and a benzo like ativan or klonopin to help w/her anxiety and sleep because once she quits she will be hurt w/out using the recipe.
Hope this helps and God bless!!
My suggestions to your friend is to ask her what matters most to her. You must understand she is an addict and those darn pills change the person she is. Does she have kids/care for her family? Where does she see herself in a couple months, a year, or even 10 years if she keeps using? Then ask herself "where does she see herself in the future if she were to stop taking the pills now.
The pills ruin lives and by that I mean relationships, friends, family ,etc etc. I hope she realizes that all those things are way more important than some stupid little pill.
She needs to quit, either by cold turkey or by tapering.
There is a Thomas Recipe that I SWEAR ON. It worked tremendously for me and I am sure it will for her. Send me a personal message if you would like that Recipe. Its pretty much vitamins, amino acids, and a benzo like ativan or klonopin to help w/her anxiety and sleep because once she quits she will be hurt w/out using the recipe.
Hope this helps and God bless!!
Dear A.
Hello. My "name" is confused456 and I am writing you because you have a wonderful friend who cares deeply for you and I hope that you will see that there are many right where you are now. I too am an addict. I am 39 days clean and this forum is the best thing I could have ever found. Everyone here understands and is in the same situation or a similar one. I was addicted to Lortab 10's. I took them for many years. Your friend is reaching out to you, and I hope that you realize these addictions are ruining our lives when we continue to use. Please think about coming to this site, even if it is just to read a few of our posts. I wish you the best of luck.
Sincerely,
"Confused456"
Hello. My "name" is confused456 and I am writing you because you have a wonderful friend who cares deeply for you and I hope that you will see that there are many right where you are now. I too am an addict. I am 39 days clean and this forum is the best thing I could have ever found. Everyone here understands and is in the same situation or a similar one. I was addicted to Lortab 10's. I took them for many years. Your friend is reaching out to you, and I hope that you realize these addictions are ruining our lives when we continue to use. Please think about coming to this site, even if it is just to read a few of our posts. I wish you the best of luck.
Sincerely,
"Confused456"
You are an Addict, your actions have not only affected your life, but now the lives of others. Untill you are Ready my words will mean nothing, but when you are ready these same words will be a pillar of support. Addiction can only end in 2 ways recovery ,or life ruin and death.Remember the person you were before the pills, You want your Life Back! Your good Friend wants your Life back! You will be Ready at some point it might as well be now! Your an Addict, because you choose to be. Myself I choose Life!!
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
To everyone else, please write a letter to "A". Maybe, maybe, what YOU say just might be a trigger to push her in the right direction.
She is a WONDERFUL person, and you could save her life. Please try!
Friend999
To everyone else, please write a letter to "A". Maybe, maybe, what YOU say just might be a trigger to push her in the right direction.
She is a WONDERFUL person, and you could save her life. Please try!
Friend999
"A", I am writing this letter to you as a mother of a now- 36 year old woman who had an additction to Oxycontin for many years and was finally, 2 years ago(your age right now), able to say 'enough' and quit destroying her life, and the life of her family and friends. Today was really tough for me, A. My daughter decided to go to college after she got clean, and is now a Dean's List student in Social Work. She sent me an email several hours ago, and asked if I would help her with an assignment for her Group Counseling class at school. I told her I would...what did she need for me to do? She said she needed for me to write a eulogy for her...about her. At first I was angry...how could a teacher ask such a thing of me? What mother could put on 'paper' how much her baby girl had meant to her, and how her death would affect me for the rest of my life ?
Oh Lord, how can a mama do such a thing without breaking down?? How could I write about my own daughter as if she had died? When I told her I wasn't sure I could do it, she told me to think about where she was 2 years ago, and what might have happened if she hadn't taken control and quit drugs. A, I have to tell you that was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do, and one I pray God I will NEVER have to do for real in this life. I thought I was an unemotional person until I sat here at the computer and started writing that 'eulogy', but I found out how weak I am. I cried as I wrote, and I still feel uneasy inside two hours after I emailed it to her.
A....don't make your mama, or your siblings and friends who care about you so much, ever have to contemplate sitting down and writing a eulogy to read at your funeral, because the attraction to drugs was more important than they were to you. Do what you need to do to get clean and stay that way. There are people right here on this board who will be your 'cheerleaders' all the way through detox and withdrawals. They can give you advice about what to expect and how to relieve some of the worst wd symptoms. I think some of them would probably call you on the phone if you need them to. A, please, please don't make those who love you ever have to give that eulogy because the drugs won. Please.
Kathie
'mawmaw3'
Oh Lord, how can a mama do such a thing without breaking down?? How could I write about my own daughter as if she had died? When I told her I wasn't sure I could do it, she told me to think about where she was 2 years ago, and what might have happened if she hadn't taken control and quit drugs. A, I have to tell you that was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do, and one I pray God I will NEVER have to do for real in this life. I thought I was an unemotional person until I sat here at the computer and started writing that 'eulogy', but I found out how weak I am. I cried as I wrote, and I still feel uneasy inside two hours after I emailed it to her.
A....don't make your mama, or your siblings and friends who care about you so much, ever have to contemplate sitting down and writing a eulogy to read at your funeral, because the attraction to drugs was more important than they were to you. Do what you need to do to get clean and stay that way. There are people right here on this board who will be your 'cheerleaders' all the way through detox and withdrawals. They can give you advice about what to expect and how to relieve some of the worst wd symptoms. I think some of them would probably call you on the phone if you need them to. A, please, please don't make those who love you ever have to give that eulogy because the drugs won. Please.
Kathie
'mawmaw3'
wow, Kathie, as the mother of a 20 year old daughter, that one shook me up big time. she is not an addict, but the thought of writing her eulogy is unbearable.
Lucy
Lucy
Your killing me, I thought my crying phase was over with, My daughter is 13. I don't know if will get through to A, but you got through to me.. Thank You!
My guess would be that your not feeling totally addicted. I'm reading denial between the lines. Alot of people who use then run out and get a little sick for a few days..then use really feel they are in control of things. Can you stop using??? Try just once and see how long it takes to delude yourself into believing there is no problem. These periods of using get longer annd stronger until your control becomes less and less....then none. You begin doing things more and more desprate to use..need more and more drugs and the ability to stop gets so difficult you wouldnt believe it. Thats when the lying, stealing, anything to anyone esp. those you care about starts. Reading these posts probably won't mean a thing if you don't believe you have a problem but there are tons of people on here and noone started getting addicted thinking WOW Im getting a little out of control here. These are real life and death issues. We realize when it's too late, damage is done and we can't quit no matter how hard we try. Some people get so tired and lose all hope and just end it. Hitting rock bottom is a long way off...I used to go to NA/AA with my son and esp. when they had recovering addicts as speakers(You can do this and say you are coming to better understand addiction and they never minded where I live) My son lost his job, they sold everything...even their furniture, My grandson was carried to term and born to a heroin addicted mother and thank God is OK...he's 5 now. He(my son) was involved in a drug deal gone bad where the dealers that werent his usual one's said they needed him to drive them somewhere to get the drugs...this was a really crime ridden area of town....he kinda knew what was going to happen cause they made them drive down a sidestreet and said he needed to get all the stuff(furniture and stuff they were trying to sell out of the back seat to pick the stuff and another guy up. They told him the air was low in his tire and to come look...Put a gun to his head cocked it and said they wanted the keys and car. He convinced them he wouldn't tell anyone, just to take the car and by the grace of God they didn't kill him or the girl he was with. Only stole the car and left them stranded... and thinking of how stupid this addiction was....NOT...They were thinking of how they were going to get heroin wo a car this late. He and his girlfriend stole from and aileinated everyone they knew and totally denied having any kind of problem. About 2 years into thier addiction and after a family member of his gf stopped enabeling them by paying their bills she got talked into going to rehab. My son did not talk to me for 6 months for calling CYS to try to get my grandchildren out of there. Someone they used with (these are the only friends you end up with) killed himself...shot himself in the head at 24 leaving a note for his parents saying he just could not go through wd again.... he kept going back to using and wanted to quit so badly saw taking his life as the only way out. After this my son tried to wean a day or 2 and had to quit ct on the floor of a 1 room efficiency he payed for by the week with the money he could get selling the last few things of any value in the house. I allowed him to come home when I was convinced he was clean and he went to meetings everynite, got a job and looked wonderful and healthy for 3 months..then he relapsed...it took me 3-4 weeks to know..I suspected but knew missing money would be the best way to tell and I had stashes in places just to check..none missing for weeks although I could tell something was wrong with the picture I too was in denial. He had been getting the mail and stealing my conveience checks...cash advances on my balance free accounts and getting to the bills first....over 15 thousand dollars. I pressed charges to try to get him put in jail to save his life. I threw him out and he spent the winter having to spend many nights down by the river with a campfire...even caught his coat on fire once. Sometimes he broke into abandon warehouses to sleep out of the winter air. He had to go to rehab to come back home...He passed 1 oppertunity and chose the life he was living. After he finally got arrested and went through wd in jail I guess what they call rock bottem happened. They released him on his own recognisece after 11 days and he walked to the nearest DVD store, stole some DVDs and sold them at the second hand store for money for heroin...He had come out of denial enough that he made arrangements for Rehab and actually had a place that could take him in about a week. I let him come home until then since I was off work and he agreed to be joined at my hip till rehab. He will be clean 3 years next week, My son is an awsome guy. He's a great son and dad. Noone would have ever convinced him he would or could have stolen from me or anyone. He was very family oriented and could not stand lying of anykind. He made it through adolesence wo drinkin and druggin and allowed someone he hadnt seen for years to convince him to try oxycontin. He told me much later that after a week he and his gf didn't have anymore and were on day 3 of what they thought was the flu and later found out to be wd. They got more and thought I can't believe I was that sick and all I needed to do was take more of these to get over it. They were snorting heroin saying they would never mainline the next week then shooting up the next week. Addiction is like cancer of the soul. Not everyone gets as bad as fast of uses heroin but I wanted to give you a picture of rock bottom. Sounds like your at a point where it might not be as easy as your probably thinking to quit but easier than longterm addiction. The longer you use the harder and worse it gets. This is the time to do it. If u continue you won't have friends to care and you will lose yourself in your addiction. The reason they call it a progressive disease is cause it ALWAYS gets worse. I wouldn't be writing all of this after a long day at work if I did not know first hand where you are headed. Stop now and love the people in your life and let them love you back. Read other posts and see the similaraties and pain in the stories and understand we were all where u are now. We will give you all the help you need. Corey
WOW!!!! That's all i can say!!! Those are a couple of powerful posts!! Thank-you!!
WOW! to both of you, and thank you.
Please all, write your letter. What would you say to her?
Thank you,
Friend999
Please all, write your letter. What would you say to her?
Thank you,
Friend999
Please come and read on the forum. I hope it helps you to see where your life is headed. Only you can decide whether you have a problem or not, but if you think you may...we'd love to support you in getting clean. You are lucky to have a friend who cares about you and is concerned about what is going on in your life. Addiction steals the soul right out of your body...and you don't even know it until it is too late....and all your left w/ is an empty shell of a person. You become numb and hollow to life an dall tha tis going on around you.Take an honest look at your life and save yourself before it is too late...because addiction has no boundries!! I hope all these letters bring you back to reality!!!
Good luck!!
Good luck!!
Dear A,
My name is Magi. I am oldest of three sisters, all of us are pain pill addicts. Myself and the youngest sister, Mary, are on the road to recovery. The middle sister, Dee, is still very actively useing and in extreme denial. I am going to speak to you as if you were my sister, because you very well could be.
To my sister,
I have so much fear for what IS happening and may happen to you, that it consumes my thoughts on a daily basis. I know you don't see, feel or beleive the changes that are slowly takeing over you, but I have been there, I recognize them. I didn't see them in myself either until I stopped. I'm so afraid you will never admit that the pills are takeing over and takeing you further away from us. I know you think you have it under control and that you have a high tolerance, when in all actuality, you have lost all control. Why can't you see this? We have warned you of every step of this addiction thing. You have seen first hand what it did to us and the struggle we've gone thru, time and time again, to break free of this. But you continue to put your hand up to us in dismissal, like we're exaggerating it all and like we're anti-drug zealots. Don't you understand, we're trying to pass on our knowledge to you, so that you won't need to go thru what we have.
I'm so afraid you will never stop the pills. That you're gonna keep increasing the amount you take, until one day, you don't wake up. What are we gonna do then? How will our family go on without you? How can we wake up every day knowing your not there anymore? That maybe I could have done something more? Said something that would have made a difference? Why couldn't I have stopped you? What will happen when I go to call you and remember that your not there? How will there ever be a holiday again? How will I ever be able to look your son in the face? What do I say to him when he crys " Why didn't you make her stop?, "You knew, you should have done something" My Mom is dead because you did nothing". He won't understand when I tell him, addicts have to want to stop and that I tried to warn you. What do I tell him when he asks " Why didn't she love me enough to quit?", "Why did she love the pills more than me?". These thoughts haunt me everyday.
We see the changes happening, you don't laugh anymore, not like you use to. Its the addicts forced laugh. You're getting more and more impatient with people...and alittle snippy. Your becoming numb. The sister I know is starting to disappear. Its getting uncomfortable to be around you. You are not the same, even though you think you are. Its getting harder to talk to you, you're moving into your own little world. I know you don't see this happening, you don't beleive it. How do I make you see it? What do I do? I cannot handle loosing a sister. I can't loose either of my sisters, but I worry about you even more. You've never really been one to stop and take a long hard look at yourself. You're always to busy helping or fixing everyone else.
Your sisters love you and worry so much about you, that if it were possible to trade places, we'd take your addiction away from you and onto ourselves to save you.
We are here for you and will do whatever we have to, to help you get clean. Please stop now. We can't loose you. Please. We'll help you.
With love and a pleading heart,
Magi
My name is Magi. I am oldest of three sisters, all of us are pain pill addicts. Myself and the youngest sister, Mary, are on the road to recovery. The middle sister, Dee, is still very actively useing and in extreme denial. I am going to speak to you as if you were my sister, because you very well could be.
To my sister,
I have so much fear for what IS happening and may happen to you, that it consumes my thoughts on a daily basis. I know you don't see, feel or beleive the changes that are slowly takeing over you, but I have been there, I recognize them. I didn't see them in myself either until I stopped. I'm so afraid you will never admit that the pills are takeing over and takeing you further away from us. I know you think you have it under control and that you have a high tolerance, when in all actuality, you have lost all control. Why can't you see this? We have warned you of every step of this addiction thing. You have seen first hand what it did to us and the struggle we've gone thru, time and time again, to break free of this. But you continue to put your hand up to us in dismissal, like we're exaggerating it all and like we're anti-drug zealots. Don't you understand, we're trying to pass on our knowledge to you, so that you won't need to go thru what we have.
I'm so afraid you will never stop the pills. That you're gonna keep increasing the amount you take, until one day, you don't wake up. What are we gonna do then? How will our family go on without you? How can we wake up every day knowing your not there anymore? That maybe I could have done something more? Said something that would have made a difference? Why couldn't I have stopped you? What will happen when I go to call you and remember that your not there? How will there ever be a holiday again? How will I ever be able to look your son in the face? What do I say to him when he crys " Why didn't you make her stop?, "You knew, you should have done something" My Mom is dead because you did nothing". He won't understand when I tell him, addicts have to want to stop and that I tried to warn you. What do I tell him when he asks " Why didn't she love me enough to quit?", "Why did she love the pills more than me?". These thoughts haunt me everyday.
We see the changes happening, you don't laugh anymore, not like you use to. Its the addicts forced laugh. You're getting more and more impatient with people...and alittle snippy. Your becoming numb. The sister I know is starting to disappear. Its getting uncomfortable to be around you. You are not the same, even though you think you are. Its getting harder to talk to you, you're moving into your own little world. I know you don't see this happening, you don't beleive it. How do I make you see it? What do I do? I cannot handle loosing a sister. I can't loose either of my sisters, but I worry about you even more. You've never really been one to stop and take a long hard look at yourself. You're always to busy helping or fixing everyone else.
Your sisters love you and worry so much about you, that if it were possible to trade places, we'd take your addiction away from you and onto ourselves to save you.
We are here for you and will do whatever we have to, to help you get clean. Please stop now. We can't loose you. Please. We'll help you.
With love and a pleading heart,
Magi
My name is Mary. I'm 48 years old. I take Suboxone, so I am not clean yet, but headed in the right direction.
Are you feeling that this addiction is much stronger than you ? That your not like other addicts, that you won't be able to overcome this ? That your too far gone to be saved and you will be an addict until it kills you ? Do you wake up every morning feeling hopeless and think I will never be able to get out of this vicious cycle of abusing.
These are all the things that used to go through my head.
You are not alone in this.
I guarantee some of the things you are thinking, I have thought also.
Please don't be afraid. Just take one step for today. Just one step.
Come on this forum and read. No commitment . Just read.
Never lose hope ! Hugs to you. Mary
Are you feeling that this addiction is much stronger than you ? That your not like other addicts, that you won't be able to overcome this ? That your too far gone to be saved and you will be an addict until it kills you ? Do you wake up every morning feeling hopeless and think I will never be able to get out of this vicious cycle of abusing.
These are all the things that used to go through my head.
You are not alone in this.
I guarantee some of the things you are thinking, I have thought also.
Please don't be afraid. Just take one step for today. Just one step.
Come on this forum and read. No commitment . Just read.
Never lose hope ! Hugs to you. Mary
I am overwhelmed by your support. These are exactly the type of letters I was hoping for. Bless you all. I do not have the experience of being addicted (Experience? I can't believe I said that) but it is really hard for me to believe that such powerful messages such as what I have read here cannot penetrate the "fog". You folks say probably not, but isn't it worth the try?
To all others, please write a letter to my friend "A". I would be so gratefull.
To all others, please write a letter to my friend "A". I would be so gratefull.
Sorry your not getting a bigger response to this. I think its probably hard for some people to do, because they may have to turn inward and think of what someone could have said to them to get them to wake up.
I really wish you could get your friend on this forum.
I really wish you could get your friend on this forum.
I'm still very much at the beginning of my recovery - thank God for the powerful posts above. I'm 15 days clean - but am struggling with cravings - the words help me remember what I'm working towards and walking away from. Thank you all
A - I've got 2 wonderful kids and am shamed when they follow up on something they've told me the night before that I can't remember because I was high. I want to be proud of myself and there for my family. I realized that when a handful of Vics hardly does anything I'm in trouble. I'm tired of feeling hollow, lying and being selfish and I know it would only get worse if I continue. I can't keep track of who I've lied to and which pill source to use. I steal pills from people who really need them. I'm afraid of getting caught and going to jail, loosing my job and everything that's important to me. Life is too crazy when I using. I want sobriety so I can live with myself. Want it for yourself.
A - I've got 2 wonderful kids and am shamed when they follow up on something they've told me the night before that I can't remember because I was high. I want to be proud of myself and there for my family. I realized that when a handful of Vics hardly does anything I'm in trouble. I'm tired of feeling hollow, lying and being selfish and I know it would only get worse if I continue. I can't keep track of who I've lied to and which pill source to use. I steal pills from people who really need them. I'm afraid of getting caught and going to jail, loosing my job and everything that's important to me. Life is too crazy when I using. I want sobriety so I can live with myself. Want it for yourself.
Flmagi, I too so want to get her on this forum. In a sense I am taking the forum to her, but only a small piece. Yes, I can see how it might be difficult for some to look inward to come up with a letter. I'm just asking them to write a letter to someone from theit hearts. The heart can speak volumes.
Untwisting, thank you. You are a gem, and your post was definitely from the heart, a beautiful heart that is 15 days closer to living with yourself, proud of yourself, and being there for your family. Fight those cravings with all of your being, work on ways of getting past them, scream at them with all of your might! I'll pray for you!
Please, what would the rest of you say from your heart to someone who is where you were. Please write a letter to "A". She needs you.
Friend999
Untwisting, thank you. You are a gem, and your post was definitely from the heart, a beautiful heart that is 15 days closer to living with yourself, proud of yourself, and being there for your family. Fight those cravings with all of your being, work on ways of getting past them, scream at them with all of your might! I'll pray for you!
Please, what would the rest of you say from your heart to someone who is where you were. Please write a letter to "A". She needs you.
Friend999
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
To everyone else, please write a letter to "A". Maybe, maybe, what YOU say just might be a trigger to push her in the right direction.
She is a WONDERFUL person, and you could save her life. Please try!
Friend999
To everyone else, please write a letter to "A". Maybe, maybe, what YOU say just might be a trigger to push her in the right direction.
She is a WONDERFUL person, and you could save her life. Please try!
Friend999
Dear A -
From someone who has been in your shoes - who abused pain pills and didn't necessarily hit rock bottom, I imagine you are feeling the loneliness and quiet despair I was. The hopelessness. That steady, grey, empty feeling of depression as well as not really feeling any emotions (well, except the explosive ones. The ones where you feel like a "victim." Oh, and the anger.) Also the desperation.` Quiety hating yourself and what you are doing. And again, feeling tremendous shame...
You're probably still chasing the "high" too, of a few pills at a time, that high that doesn't come anymore... Maybe you're also going back and forth in your head too, between justifying your use, and knowing you have a problem.
You HAVE a problem. You've stopped living. You've stopped feeling joy. Your soul is dimmed...
You will only know what it feels like to feel joy, love, beauty again when you quit pills.
It's scary, I know. They're your "pal." It sure helps to block out all the b.s. in the world..
Unfortunately, it blocks out everything. It blocks out life.
From being on both sides (yeah, I coulda kept going... I hadn't hit "bottom"..) you need to know that life with pills and life off of pills are two different lives.
I now feel joy. I now feel love. I feel ALIVE. And I am SO grateful. So happy to be alive now. I look forward to the next day to see what life is going to give me! Not avoiding my friends, the phone, work and everything else..
But you ain't gonna feel that on pills, sister. You know exactly what I'm talking about.
So... put them down for awhile. Do you really think everyone is "lieing" or "doesn't get it" when people say life is so, so very much better now?
Put 'em down for awhile. H e l l, you can always go back, right? So give it a shot and just see if what I'm saying is true. If it's not, go back to using.
I'm sure your friends and family really miss you. The real you. The authentic you. Which I'm sure is a really beautiful you... don't you want her back?
Be well,
mj
From someone who has been in your shoes - who abused pain pills and didn't necessarily hit rock bottom, I imagine you are feeling the loneliness and quiet despair I was. The hopelessness. That steady, grey, empty feeling of depression as well as not really feeling any emotions (well, except the explosive ones. The ones where you feel like a "victim." Oh, and the anger.) Also the desperation.` Quiety hating yourself and what you are doing. And again, feeling tremendous shame...
You're probably still chasing the "high" too, of a few pills at a time, that high that doesn't come anymore... Maybe you're also going back and forth in your head too, between justifying your use, and knowing you have a problem.
You HAVE a problem. You've stopped living. You've stopped feeling joy. Your soul is dimmed...
You will only know what it feels like to feel joy, love, beauty again when you quit pills.
It's scary, I know. They're your "pal." It sure helps to block out all the b.s. in the world..
Unfortunately, it blocks out everything. It blocks out life.
From being on both sides (yeah, I coulda kept going... I hadn't hit "bottom"..) you need to know that life with pills and life off of pills are two different lives.
I now feel joy. I now feel love. I feel ALIVE. And I am SO grateful. So happy to be alive now. I look forward to the next day to see what life is going to give me! Not avoiding my friends, the phone, work and everything else..
But you ain't gonna feel that on pills, sister. You know exactly what I'm talking about.
So... put them down for awhile. Do you really think everyone is "lieing" or "doesn't get it" when people say life is so, so very much better now?
Put 'em down for awhile. H e l l, you can always go back, right? So give it a shot and just see if what I'm saying is true. If it's not, go back to using.
I'm sure your friends and family really miss you. The real you. The authentic you. Which I'm sure is a really beautiful you... don't you want her back?
Be well,
mj
Dear MJ:
What a powerful letter to "A". Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Friend999
What a powerful letter to "A". Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Friend999
I am a wife and Mother to 6 beautiful children. I too let pills take over my life. I kept telling myself that I had it undercontrol and that I didn't have a problem. Once I ran out of pills my sister saw me hit rock bottom. I was at the point of not caring about my children or my husband or anyone for that matter. The only thing that matterd in my life were those pills.
I lied to everyone especially to my husband. I was stealing money from him to buy my pills and then had to make up lies about where the money went. After 6 years of being an addict I finally opened my eyes and saw what I was doing to myslef and to everyone else.
Here is just a few things I have been through in the past 1 1/2 years because of my addiction. My Mother and Brother stopped talking to me and even called the cops on me to have my kids taken away ( luckily because my husband was there they didn't take my kids). We had 2 cars go through repossesion, our house just went through forecloseure, I lost all of my family and friends, I almost ended up in jail for prescription fraud, and noone knows this not even my husband but I even cheated on him to get pills. I really saw my life slipping away.
I finally decided that I have been through enough. I was tired of my kids seeing mommy cry all the time, and was tired of acting a way I never acted before. I pulled out an old photo album of me ( before my drug use) and saw how happy I really was without drugs. That was when I decided I wanted to be like that again.
I found this Forum 2 weeks ago and I was amazed at how wonderful these people are. Right now I have been clean for 2weeks and I will NEVER go back to those pills. It was my will powere to quit but most of all these great people on here.
You have a great friend who is worried about you. You also have all of us now who are worried for you too. If you don't post just keep reading until you get the power to write.
We are here for you!
Jess
I lied to everyone especially to my husband. I was stealing money from him to buy my pills and then had to make up lies about where the money went. After 6 years of being an addict I finally opened my eyes and saw what I was doing to myslef and to everyone else.
Here is just a few things I have been through in the past 1 1/2 years because of my addiction. My Mother and Brother stopped talking to me and even called the cops on me to have my kids taken away ( luckily because my husband was there they didn't take my kids). We had 2 cars go through repossesion, our house just went through forecloseure, I lost all of my family and friends, I almost ended up in jail for prescription fraud, and noone knows this not even my husband but I even cheated on him to get pills. I really saw my life slipping away.
I finally decided that I have been through enough. I was tired of my kids seeing mommy cry all the time, and was tired of acting a way I never acted before. I pulled out an old photo album of me ( before my drug use) and saw how happy I really was without drugs. That was when I decided I wanted to be like that again.
I found this Forum 2 weeks ago and I was amazed at how wonderful these people are. Right now I have been clean for 2weeks and I will NEVER go back to those pills. It was my will powere to quit but most of all these great people on here.
You have a great friend who is worried about you. You also have all of us now who are worried for you too. If you don't post just keep reading until you get the power to write.
We are here for you!
Jess
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