Loss

[ShockMe24]

I signed up here a few days ago. I figured I should tell about what has happened to me. Over the past 3 months so much has happened to me. I'm just gonna list everything because I have to get it out. My Mother recently passed away from cancer in March. About a week later my uncle was diagnosed with cancer. Since these events I have lost my job (I got a new one though), was hospitalized for stomach problems on 3 occasions, hospitalized another time after having a seizure and crashing into a telephone pole, totaling the car, lost the woman I love forever, spent THOUSANDS of dollars on pills, got 2 tickets which may cause a license suspension.

Now I'm suffering with PAWS and I cannot retain any information at my new job. I need a new car and the way my situation is I'll have to pay for 2 cars every month and I'm not sure I can afford it yet. Basically I'm screwed. I'm not looking for pity, I just want people to know what's at stake. I think about suicide constantly. I'm trying to pull myself together and think of solutions but my cognitive skills are shot due to the PAWS. I don't even look like myself and people notice.

Having said all of this. there is a ray of hope. I'm still clean. If anyone is starting to spiral out of control, please get help. There is so much at stake and an addict may not notice what's happening until it's too late.

[GoingToMakeIt]

It is always good to share your story. You need to get it out. Like you, we all have reasons that we used. You are making some good choices that you will be forever thanking yourself for. Enjoy the beach for me too.

[OhioVicoguy]

I've hit bottom myself.....I know the pain....have lost both parents...and most relatives....so, I am my own family.....except for my dog......I too harbored thoughts of suicide.....pills and alcohol were my escape.....lock myself in the house for a week or two with vikes, percs...and beer.....hide from the world...and the life I didn't like.....but, know what? I"ll never be able to improve my life, or change things, or have a chance to experience happiness if I'm slowly killing myself with my substance abuse....its an escape, yet its a death sentence......I guess I choose to live, and try to fight back!!! I choose to remain clean....its the only chance I have!! And.....had a great day.....took my golden retriever for a hike.....did a run.....just finished a 14 mile bike ride(all hills) and am now going to cook dinner! Stay strong, my friend.....

[road2recovery]

Thanks for sharing...Sometimes it helps to just get it out..My addiction was about as long as yours was and i have had what i think to be PAWS twice...Once was only a couple months ago and i am 9 months clean...The second time i was prepared for it...and i think that was best...from reading so much and talking to my counsouler who is also in recovery..
You are hanging in there with all that u have been through and that goes to show how strong you are..I am sorry about your mom , but will not give u pity like u said...:) .We cannot change any of the past, but we are responsible for our future...with no one knowing about my addiction I pretty much had to do the saying of Fake it till u make it, and glad i did...Because it got my b u tt  moving...Taking my kids places, and going to social things when i just wanted to lay in bed...Before i knew it , it was easy to do and i was clean doing it....
Stay Strong and you will beat this thing...
r2r

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

You made a wise investment! My best to you....

[ShockMe24]

I picked up the aminos today. I spent a lot of money but I figure it's better than buying pills.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

I feel the need to add just how important nutrition is at this stage - check out the amino acid protocol and pay attention to it.....use vitamins and supplements - they work...and by the way .... I have had a lot of experience with both life and death (Nam) - It is NEVER too late and there is always a reason for drawing another breath.........good luck to you -

[ShockMe24]

I've been using for about 3 years pretty regularly. Less or more at different times.

[ShockMe24]

I was on 10mg percs, 10-15 a day for the past 2 months. I've been clean for 13 days.

[joann1975]

Wow...you are so strong! Thank you for sharing your story with us...it is inspirational. May I ask what you were on and how long you have been clean? I am sorry for your losses as well and I think you will find this forum a great help and find lots of friends and support on here! JoAnn

[sadinmichigan]

I am sorry to hear about all that you have been through recently..congrats on staying clean..You are right..there is hope..how long have you been clean? The emotional roller coaster os definatley compounded after the physical w/d is over..besides all that life has to throw our way sometimes..Talking it out is good..Please stick around..many of us can relate to what you are saying...

[worried878]

u r getting out to go to the beach...that is a good thing...sun will revive u....taking long walks on the beach is great for me...i am glad i live so close....hang in there....u will look back on this bad time in ur life one day and it will seem like a million miles away...hang in there...just do the best u can each day..keep posting

[dominosarah]

Oh my, you have really been thru an enormous amount of pain recently.  Stay in this forum and we are all here to help you.  You can talk to us and there is tons of support.  The people here are the best.  I am sorry for all your losses.

Congrats on staying clean.  Keep following that ray of hope!!!!