MY RELAPSE CONFESSION

[flmagi]

I started back using sometime around Christmas. Family & friends know about it. But I have been to ashamed to tell anyone here. I also didn't want to discourage any newbies. I have no doubt some of you suspected the relapse.  I had been clean about 2 months, but as some of you know, I had become very depressed. Life was just so bad. Excuses.  I turned the pills away a few times, had them in my hands. I was so proud of myself. But it just took the right triggers at the right time and I lost. The anti-depressants I started taking weren't working fast enough.  So, work has picked up, actually getting slammed with jobs (good thing). Don't have the time to go thru withdrawels and certainly can't deal with the depression again. But I hate this. Don't want to take these pills anymore. So, so angry I ever got started on this stuff. What have I done to my life? I know so many things would be different if I had never started. Oh god, such a major life fuk up.  Major fuk up!!!    So Wed. we're (yes,Mary too)(sorry Mary) off to the Doctor to get on Suboxone. We're very excited about doing this and moving in a positive direction. A permanent positive direction.  We have no insurance, so it's gonna cost a bundle, but well worth it , I hope. Most every one that has or is on it, seems to swear by it. Wish us luck.
I feel I have deceived all of you by not admitting my relapse. I'm so sorry. But I could not really do that without turning Mary in too, and thats not my place to do Marys confession. I told her I was fessing up now. Its time. Long over due.
To all the newbies getting clean: Watch and plan ahead for trigger points. They will happen to the strongest of us. Be prepared, be strong.

[GoingToMakeIt]

I am proud of you for putting this out here. I know it was hard to do. We are here for you. Sub will be a good route to take. God be with you.

[avisg]

Getting therapy is soooo important ,you need to get to the root of your usage .If you want to stay clean you will have to do something , NA ,therapy ,addiction therapy , pastor ,something on a regular basis.

  I strongly suggest a quick sub taper and counseling  both can recover
    I am here to support you . I am proud of you for coming clean ,I was so disappointed and embarrassed with  myself in sept when I admitted I had used . I got threw it you to will too !!....
avis

[IBKleen]

Aftercare. But you knew that honey. I am worried about you.

[allaboutmary]

I know why I relapsed.  I was impatient.  It was taking so long to get energy and motivation back.  I was close to the 2 month mark and couldn't stand being so lazy.  I know I have much work to do on myself this time. I am excited about the suboxone, but at the same time I am scared. I know even when I get off the sub I have to give myself alot of healing time.  I have done so much damage. I'm very afraid I will never be clear headed again. I know I need some sort of therapy or N/A meetings. Wed. doesn't seem to be soon enough for me.  We have been struggling so because we planned on detoxing at home again and then work got really busy and it's just not possible.  I fear that the suboxone is just buying us a month and then we will have to be outta work for 2 weeks again. I just know I have to stop the pills now !

[allaboutmary]

I give you permission to lecture. You've earned it !  Lecture away.  I am so ready to take my lumps.    Mary
Magi should be back in a few hours.

[toxictome]

It takes what ever it takes....glad you fessed up, cuz that shame will EAT you alive, if you hold your secrets inside. So get your plan together and keep posting...you know we're here for you!!! GOOD LUCK!!!