Needing advice

[ABL4ME]

I've been reading a lot of the posting in this forum on and off all day.  I've started at least 3 questions and was interrupted...I'm hoping to get this one through :)  My situation is very similar to many here.  I started taking prescription pain meds in December 2006.  To date, I take over 15 pills a day because of my tolerance.  Long story short, I had a long talk with my specialist yesterday.  She pulled my pharmacy records, which dated back to 2006.  I was shocked, embarrassed and very defensive.  After sleeping on her advice, I decided she was absolutely right, I need to stop taking the medication NOW...regardless of my pain level.  I've known for quite sometime that I had developed a problem, however, wasn't ready to face it.  The addiction has taken over most of my life.  I can't travel unless I have enough to last for several days, I can't do a lot of things simply because I am worried about running out of my meds.  So, instead of focusing on the real problem, which is my back, I've allowed the vicoden or the vicoprofen or the percocet dictate how I go about my daily life.  I realize I am cheating myself out on so much of my life because the drug has consumed me.  I have never had a problem with alcohol or drugs, therefore, I never believed something like this could happen to me.  My specialist gave me another prescription...to taper me off.  Yea right...someone who takes over 15 pills a day is not going to take 4 a day when there is a bottle in front of them.  My decision is to go cold turkey..starting within the next 24 hrs.  In the past, I've gone 24 hours without the medication in my system...so I have a good idea what the withdrawal is going to feel like...however, I have never made it beyond that time frame.  My husband seems to think it would be a good idea to keep a few pills in the house, in case the "anxiety" from the withdrawal is too much for me to handle.  My opinion, if they are here, I am going to find them, take them and lose my battle.  Does anyone agree?  I'm here because I really appreciated how everyone is so willing to help the other out.  I am hoping someone will be able to hold my hand via Internet (lol) over the next 72+ hrs or so.  I do not "think" it will be a problem for me if I can make it past 72 hrs...simply because I am determined to get my life back...but, I am afraid of caving in because we get soooooooo sick from the withdrawals.

Any advice given is so greatly appreciated!

[K Todd]

Isnt funny how we get so defensive when someone confronts us with the truth....

The greastest thing you did, is that you face the cold hard fact, eye to eye..and you seem to have the perfect motive.

My story with hydro's is about the same is yours. Right now I am on day 6 from 18-20 a day...c/t.

I have quit in the past, I know all the withdrawls..like getting all the flu like symptoms, being colder than usual, diareha, sweets, nights sweets, sleeplessness, emotional up and downs..etc

For most, you start to see the light after the 3-4 day is over...but believe not just me, be prepared to go thru 3-4 days of hell. I am not saying this to discourage, but to let you know what to expect.

Do yourself a favor, and get some Immodium AD...that way you wont have to drag a toilet with you!

You just keep up the right motive, and we all have to go through hell to reach paradise...and thats what you want, your life back 100%.

It is the same with me...I had to pop 5-6 in the morning just to function, then more just to live and function normal...so I know where your coming from.

This time for me, what has the biggest difference, is that my heart was ready and I asked God to prepare a way out for me, and He did...so all my trust and faith is in Jesus Christ, Who has given me the strength unlike anyother time before!

If you have any questions, just keep posting, or you can PM anytime!
May God Bless You and Hold you tight in His Loving Arms!
Love,
Todd

[K Todd]

By the way,

Let me guess...your doctor gave you Ultram  (Tramadol) 50mg 4x daily

Let me know if you doc did.

Love,
Todd

[Enough22]

Your in good company here, as it seems you've already determined by what you've read so far today!
My personal opinioon is this - I agree and admire the determination to do a Cold Turkey, but, quite simply, I believe it's a little too ambitious to go from 15 to 0 without putting yourself through a little bit of Hell (Been there - never going to that travel agent again), and, ultimately, risking your health (seriously).  It sounds like your husband is on board with the program, which is great, so here's what I would propose:  I've just begun a cold turkey (not my first, but with help will be my last) after getting myself down to 4 a day from just north of your neighborhood (about 20 most recently).  This ended up being uncomfortable but reasonable for me.  If you and your husband can work together, you can make this a pretty comfortable withdrawal.  There will be someone else here shortly, I'm sure, that might have their own advice regarding where exactly to start, by I would begin with 12 a day and see how you feel in 3-4 days.  Again, this is my opinion, and reducing my number immediately by 3 is what worked for me - as I'm sure you've read, though - we're all different in how we handle this.  The key is to have your husband and you make a plan, put it in writing, and have him agree to dose you as you both determine BEFORE you start.  Crankiness is bound to happen when you taper, so your plan and your focus are your tools.  These are the tips I learned, in abundance, from the wonderful people here, and I'm beginning to feel so much better. You will too.  Just don't go cold turkey from that many pills a day.  Ouch. .... good luck; I hope I helped a little, and God bless ....

[K Todd]

one more thing..if you have already started your cold turkey....if you take even just one...99% chance youll be right back where you started.

Please dont think "i will just take 1 to ease up the pain"...trust all of us in here...you will not stop at 1.

Todd

[K Todd]

Enough...I would agree with you, to an extent...a year ago tapered from 10 a day down to 3-4..and it was not that hard..

But now, I am so addicted taking 18-20 a day...I tried to taper so many times at this level and just could not taper at all..only very few can.

Newbie if you know yourself, have you tried to taper down before? If you had no success, than I would just keep going..this is my opion, and you well go thru 3-4 days of hell, but we all did, and made it...

Just think really hard, you know yourself..
Love,
Todd

[Enough22]

Todd -- the advantage I was keying on was that Newbie has a potential support here that can help her.  I agree - I was never able to taper the first few times by myself, and the bad first days you speak of are exactly what drove me back.  Would you agree that, although she may not be able to taper herself, she should try with the help of her husband?  It reads as though this is her first attempt at a complete withdrawal, and even at my toughest, I wouldn't try to go cold turkey from 15.  Newbie, you have an advantage that many here, including me, did not have, and that's the guy in the other room with the ring on his finger.  Again - just my advice for a first time taper.  I'm a single guy, and I've written here (Aug 14) about what I went through with no help from a pretty bad place, with ridiculous doses.  Be good to yourself, if you can, is all I'm recommending.  Wouldn't you agree, Todd?

[justme__]

Tapering is difficult.. especially when you are going from 15 pills a day to 4... but when you are taking so many pills a day you need to taper, cold turkey can be dangerous in some situations. I went cold turkey the first few times I attempted to quit and got bad insomnia, cold sweats, nausea and anxiety. My doctor put me on an SSRI (zoloft) and it helped with the anxiety and all around "feel better" feeling. I felt great and i've been on zoloft for almost 2 months now and I am 30 days clean today. You can do it, you just need to get past the first few days. Those are the hardest... especially day 4! Beware the day 4. It can be pretty tough but once you get to day 6, 7, 8... time just seems to fly by so quickly! Before you know it you'll be back to normal living your normal life again. [= Good luck and keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.

[K Todd]

Enough..okay I see what your saying, on her having the advantage of having support.

Unlike us, both single males...we have to go with it.

I'm not sure what she should do..she's already 24 hours into it, maybe she should just go for it and see if she will pull thru.

It already sounds that the doc, red flagged her with her pain meds...so how is she going to get more to taper anyway.
I understand what you are saying now, but I guess we will have to wait until she replies with a little more info.

God Bless,
Todd

[enemy48]

If I had to do it all over again, knowing what I know, I'd give the pills to someone to distribute in a taper.

I have detoxed many many times.  I always had to go c/t, because like you said, if they're in front of you, you'll take them.

The withdrawal just has to be much easier with a taper.  My body went into shock basically, and my heart rate was not good!

Best Wishes,
Pamela

[K Todd]

God is my witness...I came off 18-20 hydros a day...and I past thru the worst..and I am not looking back to those hydro's ever again.

It doesnt really matter how many you cold turkey from 10 and above is the normal in here, and plenty have been successfull (with many relapses also)

To me, I am approaching Day 7, from 18-20 and that was cold turkey...and its getting better everyday...the biggest thing that differs this time is that I really wanted to quit, and had a pure heart and motive.

All the other times, I was quitting because I was forced to due to running out of them...and that is not the right motive.

This time I had almost 2 full bottle when I made up my mind, and gave it to God..and that is what made all the difference in the world.

We all have to go thru the worst 3-4 days of our life...it we want to reach the other side, wether its c/t or taper...its just the the truth

[ABL4ME]

I am so new to this sort of thing I am trying to figure out how to reply to everyone without sending separate messages.  I think I've got!!!  If not, I'll keep everyone laughing with playing a new hide and go seek "where to newbie post this time" theme :)

First of all, I want to thank you for taking the time to respond to my concerns. This is the first time I've looked for outside help when trying to stop this insane addiction. It's so nice to know I have a place to go...tomorrow through most of next week is going to be extremely hard for me.  I greatly appreciate knowing, when I log on to the computer tomorrow morning, there will be someone waiting for me.

I look forward to the kind words and advice, which will be much needed tomorrow and many days to follow!

[Enough22]

You've got a great attitude!  You've chosen a tough path, and I respect that - Just watch yourself and be safe.  Stay strong and God Bless ....

[justme__]

Keep posting, we're all here for ya! [=

[K Todd]

You just  go for it and dont look back!  - You will be in misery (but just for a short while)...so expect, no energy, symptoms I described above, and the roughest part in the first 3-4 days..is your body wanting relieve from misery so bad, that your mind can tend to bounce back and forth on what to do...that is the part where it gets us all.

As long as you keep your positive attitude up, and you want your life back 100%...and you are willing to go through hell to obtain victory,...you will come out with Victory!

After reading your PM, make sure you stay in much prayer and just ask Christ for His help.

I will be praying for you all the way long!
PM anytime...and Keep Posting!!!
May God Bless You with all the strength and comfort you need to get thru this!
Love,
Todd

PS:  After reading your PM....Cold Turkey really is your only option now....but that is what you want to do anyway..so just go for it and keep running right thru the Valley of Shadow of Death...and you will come out the other side!  (-:

[K Todd]

by the way, your timing is perfect, because we have a 3 day weekend...and if you work, you wont be able to the first couple days.

Dont forget to get the Immodium AD...you will need it, trust me.

God Bless,
Todd

[broknbck]

I would never advise anyone taking that much to go cold turkey without first getting down to at least half of that.

[K Todd]

What would you do, if you want to quit, and have less than a 1/4 pills left?

Go to ER..they wont give you hydros?

Nor will her doctor anymore...

So what would you do?

God Bless,
Love
Todd

[ABL4ME]

Thank you so much for your concern.  My doctor is actually trying to taper me off.  However, the way she is suggesting I do it simply will not work for me.  Considering the amount I am used to taking, she is prescribing 4 a day...after this prescription is gone she said it would go 3 a day to 2 a day to 1 a day (2 week supplies).  I honestly have accepted for the first time that I have a real problem and opened my eyes to what my life was like before the pills.  I realize I am going to have to deal with my back pain daily, but I do that now.  If the pills were really working, I would not be in pain....which means I've been taking them for all the wrong reasons.  I understand the next week is going to be complete hell, and trust me, if I feel that the withdrawal symptoms are getting to the point where I feel my life is at risk, I will call my doctor immediately.  However, I strongly feel now is the time to bite the bullet and beat this thing.  Right now I am not going through the "bad" withdrawals.  I am a little shaky/nervous, but think I should be able to get at least a few hours of sleep before the "real" symptoms kick in.

It's is an overwhelming feeling to know there are so many people out there that care about complete strangers.  I seriously thank everyone....I'll thank everyone more after I get through the next 72 hours :)

OH...Todd - I haven't been red flagged just yet...I'll say I got a verbal warning lol...I think my specialist was letting me know she is on my side and is going to do anything and everything to help me get through this...but I better not screw up...the trust issue is what she is focused on...  hope that makes sense :)

[K Todd]

Good to hear from you, I was wondering about you.

Have you just started, did you take your last pill yet?

I dont know if you take anti-anxiety medications, but alot of people have found xanax to be real helpful with sleep and anxiety.

You just have to be real careful with benzo's. Xanax is very addictive, however if you can get some from you doc for 1-2 weeks, that will help alot, you just have to stop them before a month hits, because you dont want to get addicted to another drug...

So...how are you feeling right now? Are you sleepy at all.

Just remember why your doing this, and never forget it, even during the worst of the worst...and we'll be here for you thru the 72 hours and the next months to come (-:

God Bless,
Lots of Love to you,
Todd

[ABL4ME]

I took my last pill(s) about 10 hrs ago.  I am used to going this long, however, I am usually sleeping through much of it :)  I'm planning on going to bed in a few minutes as I know what I am in for tomorrow.  As for the Xanax and anti-depressants...I really did not like how I reacted to them.  And, it could be my paranoia, but I swore I felt mild withdrawal symptoms from Xanax after 2 days ...and that was just taking 1 before bed.  And, you are so right, the last thing I need is to get hooked on another pill while defeating another.  I went out earlier and bought Immodium and Tylenol PM.  If that doesn't work...well, we'll see what happens.  I am just going to take each hour as it comes and pray for the best.

I'm off to bed.  Hope you get a good nights sleep and.... YOU keep up the GREAT work!  YOU should be VERY PROUD of YOURSELF!!!

[K Todd]

xanax gave me the same type of feeling.

It's good you got the Immodium...and you might want to try melatonin with over the counter sleep aids. You can get benadryl...it has the same ingredient that tylenol pm has...however the tylenol may help with your pain.

Well, I soooo proud and happy for you, and I still dont get alot of sleep, so I will be here in the morning for you!

Have a good night rest, this will mark the first day, for a healthy and happy life right ahead of you.
Good Bless you, and your in my prayers.
Love,
Todd

[ABL4ME]

Good Morning.  I am sure you already know I am not feeling that great.  No major symptoms yet, but really do not feel like doing much of anything but lay in bed.  I am NOT looking forward to the next few days but know it is what I have to do to get my life back.  The good thing is..I have a dog (a collie) who is demanding I take her on a walk. (Everyone else in the house is sleeping)  Although I look like **** at least I am keeping myself moving in spurts...lol I am sure that will end soon too.

Hope you have a great day and I'll be back on later.
Take care and stay strong.

[wannabefree330]

congrats on your decision! We are all rooting for you.  We all know you have a few rough days ahead, but listen....try not to think about tomorrow okay?  Think only about getting through today.  All you need to worry about is today and deal with the rest when it comes.  Time seems to go by soooooo slow during w/d.  So hang in there!  I remember getting so excited when nightfall came!  Another day under my belt.  Believe in yourself that you can get through this.  4 days of being sick is so much better than a lifetime of misery being a slave to some dammn pill!

[anewbeginning]

I just wanted to wish you the best of luck & let you know that like Todd...I went c/t from the same dosage & same drug. I wanted to be done & get it over with & I survived it just fine. I am clean, sober, & all thanks to this forum. Good luck & keep posting!

[K Todd]

Good morning (well at least here)

You know, I found out...that getting out of the house is one the best things during the first couple days of w/ds.

Because we tend to stay inside with our suffering, and dont feel like doing much. But to much of my supprise, I have found that the moment you step out of the house...and just take a 5-20min walk, it does wonders...especially when you get bursts of anxiety.

As I wrote to you last night..on what to expect today...your doing great and will sail right through this, you have the perfect motive and a beautiful heart.

God Bless You,
Lots of love to you,
Todd

[james2069]

Go cold turkey. I jumped of a 14 year opiet adiction (addiction). I was taking opana 2 40s in mourning to get me going. And 2 oxy 80s at night to sleep. I went to the methadone clinic for 2 mounths. I started at 35mg and went to 60mg. I just quit. I spent 7 days really sick 5 days emotional 2 mounths no energy. and hung drywall through all that.My advise to you is just bit the bullet keep motivated more you sweat the faster it will be done. what I did was work harder dont think about it and it will go away?

[ABL4ME]

Thanks for advice.  I am surviving day 1...a little better then I expected.  I am spending a lot of time in bed, watching T.V.  I am fortunate to have my husband off work for 3 days to help out around the house, with the dog and my daughter.  It helps knowing that the weight of the world will not be on my shoulders while I fight this thing.  I have so much to do Tuesday and hope that the worse is over with by then.  

Stay strong everyone!

Thanks again!

[K Todd]

I am so proud of you!

You are doing great, and everything seems to be falling right into place for you. Its normal to feel exausted, fatigued the 1st and 2nd day. Your doing great!

Just, try not to worry about Tuesday...for that day will forehold its own....just keep going, your going to be into Day2 before long, and you have all the support around you and also here.

Sooo glad to hear from you, and dont let anything stop you from moving forward, right into the life that you want back, and so much deserve!

Still in my prayers!
Love,
Todd

[worried878]

good 4 u....long post and i skimmed it due to the overwhelming response of the great members of this forum...did not figure out ur DOC but tapering down a bit may be a good idea if u r at 15 pills a day...and hubby can hold them for u...write out a plan and pick a quit day...CT works for many as well/if it is trams a taper is a must due to seizures but most narcs u can CT from safely.....either way read the article on the thomas recipe and tapering in the health pages
One problem i see with tapering is people are so gun ho and then they fizzle out and dont make it...do something/make a plan that u can stick with and make a plan that is short enuf so u dont lose motivation...Motivation can be lost so quickly...good luck and get it done

[ABL4ME]

Well, day 1 is behind me.  Day 2..not so much fun.  Too bad we just can't sleep through this ****!  Even with taken A LOT of tylenol PM I can't sleep.  Hummm  maybe I will just run head first into the wall and hope to knock myself out! lol..j/k  

I can't wait to come back on tomorrow and be able to say I made it to day 3.

For now, I am going back to bed!

Stay strong everyone and thank you for being here for me!!!

[ABL4ME]

Well it is day 3 and I feel much better then I did yesterday.  Day 2 was definately a test of my strength and will to beat this thing...but I made it thanks to the wonderful people I've met here. Everyone keep up the great work!  I'll be checking in later on today.

Take Care and thanks so much to those who helped me through this!!!

[Rick2385]

yesssssssss stop while your ahead you can do it its onnly a week of your life thats it you can do it i have been one this site for a week and everyone here had got me threw my withdraws i promise you there are so many good people on this site that can help you foreal

[K Todd]

DAY 3 today for you!!!! - You are doing it !!! I am so proud of you!!!

Keep posting today, like you wrote...its tough, but your almost throught the worst...and then the relief comes!

You just keep up your great motive, and your going to run right through this!

God Bless You,
Love,
Todd

[ABL4ME]

I have energy today...but the wrong kind.  I'm wishing I could go back to sleep so I didn't have to hear that evil little voice saying "one more won't hurt you...it's just one."  Funny how we go from so sick to feeling OK..but mentally crazy!  This is the longest I've gone in all my attempts to quit..and do believe this is it for me ~ thanks to all of the wonderful people here.  My family and friends keep saying how proud they are of me...to have gone from 15+ a day to 0.  I'll tell ya cold turkey is rough, however, there is no way tapering would have worked for me.

I will keep all of you in my thoughts today as those evil voices dig at my sole.  I hope everyone stays strong today!

[broknbck]

Sounds like you are on your way and determined. you have made it so far already, that is soooooooooo cool. i do realize that tappering is not an option for everyone. and you are watching for like an emergency. so quitting is what is important, not how you do it.

Wishing you all the best and so proud of you!

[K Todd]

As I PM you....after today, you will have surrpassed the day from hell...

You are living proof, to me and to those preparing to quit...that this is 100% possible. The mind is the hardest thing to battle with, but you have had a great upbeat a determined heart before day 1 began...now your going to be hitting day 4 less than 24 hours from now...your gonna make it all the way! I am so proud of you!

Love,
Todd

[ABL4ME]

I'm not going to lie..there have been times already early in this day that I was ready to throw in the towel...then I think of why I started this to begin with and refuse to give up.  Right now I am having an "OK" moment....not saying 5 minutes from now I won't be crying like a baby..but for now, I am doing just fine!!!  YES it is possible to do on your own...anyone out there who thinks they can't do it simply needs to dig down deep and remember the old you and how much those pills took over your life.  I can't wait to be 100% ME again!!!!  When that happens we can have a lot of fun and good conversations here :)....LOL..but, until then, I am going to boohoo for a few more lonnnnng hours! :)))

Take Care and Love All who have helped me!!!!!

[lady67]

Hey girl!  Since we have a few days out of school, I am able to catch up on my posting.  I am so sorry for what you are going through.  I have posted this before and some people are probably tired of hearing it, so I am going to send you a message about my ordeal and how I got clean and stayed that way with the help of my husband,

I wish you the very best and if I can be of any help to you, please please let me know.

[sleeplessinWilm]

My story is very similar to everyone on here. I am just starting day 4 cold turkey. I was on approx. 12-15 10mg per day of whatever pain meds I could get. This is my first attempt at quitting and like you, I am doing it because I want it! I want my life back. I haven't slept in 2 days except for a 2 hour nap. I dreamed I was in a flood on a raft trying to get to the pharmacy! It is all I can think about.
The last few days have been pure hell and when I read the posts here I feel like I am not alone. I do not have anyone to help me through this so I appreciate reading here. Thank you

[ABL4ME]

Day 4 here too!  Congrats to you for making it to this day with me....it's very nice to know someone out there is on the same day as me.  I've been able to sleep, but wow it takes several hours of tossing and turning, and a lot of Tylenol PM lol.  

Stay Strong.....we're in this together!

[sleeplessinWilm]

To everyone:

Day 4 is passing by...slowly. I drove my son to school then came back and took a nap. It was so nice to sleep! I am laying in bed telling myself to get up but don't have the energy. I took the week off from work so that is helping ALOT!
I have to remind myself every 15 minutes why I am doing this.
I think about nothing but pills all day and night. Can someone on here tell me when that goes away??????
Thank you for the tip on Tylenol PM. I will try that tonight.!!

[ABL4ME]

I'm so glad to hear you haven't given up!  I am with you every day...we're the day 4 dynamic duo!!!  I am surprised that I am feeling as good as I do today.  Like you, I still have cravings and think "oh I can get just one"...but that voice is so soft now..the smart voice is A LOT louder and stronger and immediately takes over...the same will happen for you, trust me.  I had a lot trouble sleeping last night, however, by the time I woke up this morning, like you had to get my daughter off to school, I started to feel better...little by little I felt better.  I will say I have to give Todd a lot of credit..I'm still driving him nuts LOL.
Yes, try the tylenol PM..a lot of people do use prescription sleep aids, however, considering I have am trying to recover from a pill addiction, the last thing I want is to replace it with another...so, please try Tylenol PM...make sure to take 2 LOL.  I can't tell you personally when they cravings will go away, but will let you know, from what I've been told, it's just a matter of days for us!!  HANG IN THERE AND DON'T GIVE UP!!!  

[ABL4ME]

Well, I did it!  Cold turkey and on day 5.  On day 3 I was ready to throw in the towel but, thanks to everyone's help and a great friend, I made it!!!  No worries...I'm not going back this time!!!

Love to all!
Newbie

[K Todd]

SEE,

It was so possible, and you did it! DAY 5!!!!....I am so proud of you !

You made the greatest accomplishment in your life!

You went for from the begining and never looked back! Now your on Day 5, and everyday is going to get better and better!

You rock, and I am so proud of you!  (-:

God Bless,
Love
Todd

[ABL4ME]

When I joined this forum, you were on your day 6....well well here I am on my Day 6!!!  I can't thank you, as well as the others, for helping me get my life back.  I will NEVER go back to those sneaky little pills!

OH by the way, isn't today a HUGE Congrats to you on Day 12???!!!!

You and the other will always be in my heart!!!

~Newbie

[GoingToMakeIt]

Way to go on day 6! Be sure to get exercise and to eat right. Take vitamins 2x/day and amino acids and supplements. The will help you more than you can imagine.

[sleeplessinWilm]

To All:
I am also on day 6 and staying strong! I still can't sleep at night but I just tell myself that it can't last forever..LOL.
I am going to get myself out of the house today and go look at the surf and buy some hurricane supplies. I live on the coast of Carolina and it looks like Hanna is heading my way.
I have no energy and I am wondering if anyone else on here feels that way??

Thank you to all for posting. It is a huge help to me!!

[ABL4ME]

Thank you, thank you for the compliment!  I feel unbelievably good today.  I actually got a solid 6 - 7 hrs of sleep last night (keep in mind I starting dosing myself with Tylenol PM around 4 pm...falling asleep around midnight lol).  My biggest problem is my legs. If they would just lay still I think I could get to sleep a lot faster!  But, trust me, I am not complaining...I'm just so happy that those pills are history!

Thanks for the advice on the vitamins.  I just may "walk" to the pharmacy today!  OH wow...my pharmacy will see me coming and start looking for a script for me LOL...they won't know what to do when I walk out with "real" vitamins!!!

Take Care,
Newbie

[ABL4ME]

I had ZERO energy yesterday...not a second of sleep going from day 4 to day 5. I took a good bit of Tylenol PM resulting in a good bit of sleep last night.  Everyone is different, but sleeping makes such a difference.  I don't feel comfortable yet advising anyone on anything because I am on the same day as you...all I will say is WTG US!!!!!  

STAY SAFE!!!

Take care and Stay Strong!!!
Newfie

[liscamdave]

I am just now seeing these posts. Let me tell you this. When I started the post, you were just beginning, now you are already on day 4 or is it 5? Well, I mean, WOW...that is great. Are you so proud of yourself? You should be. Its tough. I know. I wouldn't wish W.D on anyone. Just take it one day at a time. ANd one day, the w.d will be over. Its a lifelong battle. But the better you feel, the easier it will be. Good luck and post and keep us in the loop. We are here to help.

lisa

[Enough22]

Nice work, Newbie!  I was writing on Todd's post yesterday, and I relayed to him that I am right in the same neighborhood as you (today is Day 7 for me), and it has helped more than you know to check in here and read how you guys are doing.  I know Todd is a few days further down the road than you or I, so it has been nice to see what to look forward to the next few days .... I have to say I'm pretty impressed with your ability to go from 15, c/t!  Great job!  You may recall (*see top of this post) that I was a bit wary of your choice to go c/t from a high dose, but you've proven my worry unnecessary!

So, have a great Day 6 .... mine was good, and "they only get better each day" .. I had past c/t's very similar to what you, Todd and others are going thru and posting here, but those 6 words in quotes (above) from all the posts are what has gotten me thru to Day 7, you know?  The days "only get better each day" .... prophetic words to live by!

Congrats on your staying strong (you could kick my a**!) and your Day 6 ....

Thanks and God Bless -
jms

[ABL4ME]

First off...THANK YOU THANK YOU A MILLION AND ONE TIMES!!!  

I do feel really good today...and the caffeine is kicking in LOL.  Yes, I am on Day 6!!  What an unbelievable journey this has been in just a short amount of time.  All I needed was for someone to be my backbone during the process and ALL of you have been mine.

Now for a little more truths....as I stated in the original post, I did a lot of reading before I posted.  It didn't seem like anyone had actually abused the pills as much as I did...the only person I actually told the truth to was Todd, and that wasn't until yesterday.  

jms - if you were worried about C/T on 15 wait until you read this....my last binge was 150 vicoprofens in 5 days, 60 percs in 2 days, another 120 vicoprofens in 4 days...ending it with about 60 vic ES...that is where I was on August 29.  I was on my way to self destruction and knew if I didn't stop myself I would die soon.  It also helped that my specialist confronted me with my pharmacy record...wow how embarrassing.  

Anyway, that life is history and I will NEVER go back.  I LOVE being in control and not some tiny little pill!

Again, to ALL..from the bottom of my heart I thank you!

Love,
Newbie

[Enough22]

Ok, now I'm sure you could take me in a fight, and I'm no punk.  But, to read where you were on 8/29, and THEN you went c/t??  I'm running if I see you .... Seriously - that's an incredible job, and you're doing much to help me through this as well, so - Thank You.

I think I know exactly where you were, mentally, i.e., when you wrote that you "did a lot of reading before (you) posted.  It didn't seem like anyone had actually abused the pills as much as (you) did..." ----  I felt exactly the same (lots of guilt/shame/worry), and, although we obviously don't wish any bad on anyone else, it absolutely helps so much to know that others have struggled with the same challenge as us.  Here's a "truth" from me for you -- I had been reading and posting a little on here since July, but using different names and emails (remember what I wrote about shame??).  Then, back on Aug 13, I started this account with my main email addy and wrote this (I saved it in a word doc for reference):

"Coming Clean - Man, I’m so done with this vicious cycle, but I don’t know where to start.  I’ve been reading this forum for about a month, trying to get a grip – you all are incredible.  I read what some of you are going through and I feel like a fraud.  As I wrote, I’ve read the forum since mid-July, and I’m just now getting the guts to come clean.  I’ve been pill-less since Monday (2 days), and am now starting my all-too-familiar slide into withdrawal.  I’m hoping I’ll read someone’s words and find that one inspiring sentiment that will finally get me out of this ****, although I know that’s up to me – not you.  I started on Vikes in 1999 when I was diagnosed with MS, and I haven’t looked back since.  At my worst (about 5 years ago), I was taking @600 Vicoprofen per month, along with 120 OC 20’s, and handful’s of Xanax 2mg bars.  Lately, I’ve been down to @280 Vicoprofen per month; no OC’s, a little Valium.  Yes, I’ve been to hell and back – CT with a seizure at one point – and I was probably about a pill away from an OD at another point, down on my hands and knees on my bedroom floor.  Who saved me from that?  Not real proud of some of the ways I’ve gotten my hands on my pills, either.  As of tonight at around 6pm, I’ve over-drawn my bank account again (too many times to even think about counting) to pay for pills which I’m supposed to get tomorrow morning.  A Fraud.  Every time I refill, I think it’s the answer to any and all of the anxiety I feel about my MS, my unemployment, my empty bank, my loneliness.   I pray, I ask for help – I‘ve even found myself believing I’m on my way out of this hell when I’ve run out, withdrawn, and felt better.  Even got myself riding @20 miles a day on my mountain bike back in 2006.  Then it starts over again, and I’m back into my escape.
I won’t even think of asking any of you heroes if you have words of support or if you’ve ever felt like I do at this point.  I’ve read your struggles; I’ve read your triumphs.  I just needed to write it down somewhere, because I’m tired of carrying it.  Again, you’re all pretty special.  Someday I’ll pull myself out of this.  I just hope it’s soon …. Thanks for reading …."  
  
SO - that's where I was.  Then I ate the Vicoprofen I had gotten that morning on Aug 14  and came back to the forum the night you posted, after I had finished my Day 1 .... You helped me stay with it because I thought, "Here I am being as 'selfish' as this, and I have no kids, etc., and this woman is gutting it out - STOP IT".  And that's what it took .... there it is.

Thank you much - God Bless -
jms

[ABL4ME]

You're about the fifth person who has brought tears to my eyes today...but wonderful tears that I'd cry every day of my life knowing that pills are out of my life.  

I'm kinda speechless right now ....lol

Trust me, I talk a lot so I will be back to say something very soon!!!

Stay Strong and may God Bless you too!!!
Love,
Newbie

[ABL4ME]

I told you I'd be back...lol.  Someone is trying to talk me into cleaning my bathroom today...he's on my ignore list right now (lol) so I thought I'd come back out here.

Trust me, my mind, body and soul are stronger then my physical so you'll be OK...I won't beat you up!  That cracked me!!!

I got my strength from a few different places....like most God first, then the forum...(husband really wasn't that supportive but we'll forget the drama lol) when it got very difficult...I remembered what I had to do for my Dad last year.  He almost died from liver failure.  I moved back in with them for a month or two and helped care for him after his hospital release.  My dad is now a recovering alcoholic.  He was a VP at a local bank in their area...a bank bought out the bank he worked for and his job went out the window...he turned to alcohol.  I figured..after caring for him and watching him fight and continue to fight.. if he could do it after 15+ years, so could I.  And trust me, what I witnessed and had to do to get him to where he is today was much harder then fighting this thing.  On a funny note, I'm 4 hours away from where my pills...you should have seen me sweating it..calling everyone I know to see if they could meet me half way if I gave them gas money...oh what a mess.  That is why I am so thankful for being on Day 6...looking back is just a memory.

Glad you are sticking with us...and so glad to hear that my fight helped your fight.  Just proves how strong we really are when faced with evil.

Love,
Newbie  

[Enough22]

I'm sorry you had to go through that with your dad.  I had some similar caretaking time with my mother, so I can understand some of your struggles, for sure.  It's interesting how all the bad in our lives somehow, at some point, finds its way back to give us strength, yes?  Actually, as a person of Faith, you know that it's not "interesting" - it's part of a Master Plan that we're each a part of.  He's definitely helping me as well, and I'm blessed to have found my faith again about 2 years ago.  Lost for a long time.

Thank you for your kind words.  And, regarding your anecdote about the scambling you had to do when you were hours away from your meds -- something I've been able to do more and more is realize that it's such hard work to stay with the pills, wouldn't you agree?  It's so much harder to maintain them then it is to live without them, regardless of why we began having them in our lives.  Wow.

Be well, Newbie - God Bless ~
jms

[flmagi]

Just reading your posts and it brought back some vivid memories of going cold turkey myself. It's an awful thing to have to go threw, but you did it. You really need to pat yourself on the back. Be very proud of what you've done.
But don't let your guard down, some of the worst cravings are yet to come. You'll really start feeling better each day, then the demon will come out when you least expect it. Trust me on this and others will tell you too. Be ready to confront the addiction demon. If you are aware it will happen, you can deal with it.
You're doing so great, keep up the good work and stay strong.
Magi

[ABL4ME]

Well today I start day 7.  The most amazing part of this morning was the biggest, most beautiful rainbow I've seen in such a long time.  I can remember my daughter saying MOMMY MOMMY come look at the rainbow (during my almost 3 yrs of fog)...I'd look and think ok..it's a rainbow.  Today that rainbow really meant something special to me.  I encourage everyone to look for something that makes them feel the way I do right now :)

Thanks to all who continue this journey with me!!!

Love,
Newbie (now know as Amy lol)

[ABL4ME]

ooops on spelling...I meant known

[tryinhard78]

I'm so happy for you...You are doing great. Well its raining here so I am happy we are finally getting rain :)  I have always loved the rain so that's my rainbow today.

Stay Strong!! And keep kickin a**


Susie

[enemy48]

Waking up to a rainbow........and enjoying it!  That is a new life.

So how's your energy & other issues?

[ABL4ME]

Thanks so much for the support!  Energy - mentally good so far today...Physically - exhausted...no sleep last night.  But, I'll blame myself for that...too much caffeine.  As for any other issues...mild cold sweats..the mood swings...other then that I am great and so glad to have made it this far!!!

I hope both of you have a fantastic day!

Stay Strong and Take Care,
Amy

[ABL4ME]

To all of you who have been so helpful with knowledge, support, love and, most importantly, having Faith in someone like me who knew she would never make it without a few people taking turns being her backbone...I thank you.
To those of you who I drove nuts today..I apologize...but know, if you ever have a day like mine, I will be here for you as well.
I have just completed my first week with you!  Know in my heart, without you, I wouldn't be going crazy today...trust me..I'd rather be going crazy then for the pills.

Love to all,
Amy

[K Todd]

Oh Amy...

Just keep being yourself...YOU MADE IT 1 WEEK !!!

Tomorrow is a brand new day....and also will be Day 8 for you..

You already know how proud and happy I am for you!

Love,
Todd

[worried878]

girl  u r licking this doomer drug...i am hoping u have no more in ur house...period..if u do..flushem...it is a mental relief and a power play....by flushing u take control away from those little suckers!

[K Todd]

Yes...flush em  ( no dumbsters! )

Still proud you got rid of em real quick !

Love,
Todd

[Enough22]

Just wanted to give you a preemptive "congrats" on your Day 8 .. I'm sure you're feeling even better today.  My D8 was interesting, in that I actually felt a little worse than I did the previous 2 days.  That noted, today is my Day 9, and I hope you experience it tomorrow just as I am -- I'm feeling a clarity today that I've been waiting and hoping for, although I know tomorrow, etc., may be a little slide backwards.  That's ok.  I know from what you write that you're seeing the kinds of things, and appreciating the kinds of things, that you may not have thought possible a week or so ago, yes?  After sharing what you did with me (2 days ago), I'm so happy for you.  If I was a big "exclamation point" guy, that last sentence would have a few on the end ....

So, here's a little contemplation for you which may or may not help and apply  for you -- As of this morning, with the 'good' start, I'm now at the point where I've chosen to look at this part of the journey as an interesting challenge;  What will today bring?  Will it be a "progression" day, or a "regression" day?  Frankly, since we're past most of the severe physical negatives, I welcome this new challenge of seeing what kind of day I'm faced with each morning.  Either way I know I'm one day further down the road, so that, in and of itself, is a progression, regardless of how I feel -- so we're ahead of the game!  (There's an exclamation point for you ..)

Stay as strong as I know you will, and God Bless ..
jms

[Enough22]

PS - (I meant to write this within my send-off line) -- I look forward to reading about your next "rainbow", whatever it may be ....

[ABL4ME]

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back on here and thank you for being so supportive.  I'll tell ya, if I don't crave a pill while watching this nail biting football...I NEVER will!!  Everyone did a great job keeping me focused and gave me the Faith to believe in myself, which was a lot of the problem.  My day 8 is great...yesterday was horrible for me, but that's history.  I am going to continue to pray that every day gets even better then today AND keep in touch with all of you.

As for a rainbow today...I found a knock on my door hilarious this morning.  My neighbor's are used to seeing me frequently throughout the day.  Of course, the past 7  days (now 8), the first 3 in bed for the most part, I was MIA.  My daughter told me a few days ago that people were asking if I was OK.  My daughter said "oh mommy has a REALLY bad flu." lol  This leads up to the knock on the door. I am enjoying my 2 hours of sleep when I hear a the "knock."  I get up, of course looking horrible because prior to my 2 hrs of sleep...I think I was going on over 48 hrs w/out...(lol history right), open the door and there stands one of my neighbors with with food.  "Amy we heard you were very sick so we thought we'd (the neighbor's) bring you food."  I got a big container of chili, 2 steaks and an apple pie.  It took everything I had in me not to laugh uncontrollably.  All I could think is....these people think I am dying...little do they know I am living better then I have in close to 3 years.  So there ya go...hope you enjoyed that one...LOL

jms I always love to hear from you...please keep posting!
God Bless You and Stay Strong!
~Amy

p.s. WTG on Day 9!!  Double digits tomorrow!!!  Remember when Todd posted his double digits...tomorrow it's your turn...next day mine, along with a few others...WOW what a great team!

[K Todd]

jms

Good Job!!! On Day 9 !!!

I was reading your reply to Amy, and was going to reply their, but just wanted to shot this over for you...

Day 9 was really the turning point for me, likewise. Day 9 was the best out of the previous 8....And after Day 9 it has stayed the same, except only gets better!!!!

Watch...now the days start flying faster than you think.....and my sleep returned to me on Day 11 ...8 hours every day since...

Keep up the Awesome Job, we all have fought with with everything we have....and we have takin our life back!!!!

God Bless You, and dont be a stranger brother!!!  (-:

Todd

[K Todd]

Amy,

Day 8 is here and rolling for you!!!!

You are really something else and so special, and the days are going to get brighter and brighter with each day....

I am glad that we are fighting the good fight and winning!!

Ohhhh Yes and God Bless You Amy!
Love,
Todd

[Enough22]

Great stuff with the neighbor!  I'd be laughing too ....  Just an example, I believe, of people being placed in your life exactly when they need to be, yes?  He works in mysterious ways .... I'm happy you have people around you - even people you don't expect! - that care enough to make the type of gesture that your neighbor made.  I'm really liking that hot-ticket daughter of yours, too, for making the very simple comment that perhaps set that whole thing in motion.  What a great gift!  I'm so happy you have caring family around you!  See, now you'll be able to look back on this particular period of time, as the clarity has been coming to you, and be thankful for the gifts you've no doubt always known were there (daughter; caring neighbors), but were somewhat unaware of because of the side-tracking that was going on with the "distractions".  Does that make sense?  I write those things because I've personally had, like, a dozen little things that I've begun to "re-notice" these last few days that make me stop and think, "Wow - I've been missing that for too long" ....

Thank you again for your kind words .... I'll absolutely keep posting, and I look forward to reading all the stories you have coming to you ....

God Bless ~
jms

[Enough22]

KT -  Thanks for the pump-up, Brother - I laughed out loud (literally) when I read, "Day 9 was really the turning point for me, likewise. Day 9 was the best out of the previous 8....And after Day 9 it has stayed the same, except only gets better!!!!

Watch...now the days start flying faster than you think.....and my sleep returned to me on Day 11 ...8 hours every day since"

Great inspiration, and I so appreciate the fact that you offer these insights about the days to come .... As Amy alluded to earlier, the 3 of us (in particular with our closeness in number of days) have a pretty good thing, here.  Of course, we are just tiny pieces of The Game which is this message board, yes?  You probably read me refer to them as "heroes", and I don't think any of us would diagree with that assessment ....

Thanks, Brother ... . God Bless~
jms

[Enough22]

PS - Sorry for my selfishness;  Isn't today #14 for you??  Talk about "Way To Go" ..  I've entertained the thought that I may begin to use "weeks" instead of "days" for my counting, once I have more than a few to use for reference ....

Once again, more great work from you, Bradah . . Congrats on 2 weeks!

God Bless ~
jms

[Enough22]

Amy - Just wanted to wish you a happy Day 10! .... I hope you've had a good last couple of days!  I'll be looking for you latter on ....

God Bless~
jms

[ABL4ME]

As always, it is very nice to hear from you...and THANK YOU.  Yes, it is Day 10 and I feel great.  I would never change the way I feel, even if it means going on 5 hours a sleep a week for the rest of my life!   Along with Todd, you have been very supportive with your inspiration, I thank you.

Keep going strong jms ~ it seems to me the days only get brighter :)

Love,
Amy

[tryinhard78]

Congrats on day 10!! Alot of people right in the same range on the forum. You have done a great job. Right behind you with day 9

~Susie

[ABL4ME]

Thank you and Congrats to you too, along with everyone else who working to improve their lives!!

Take care and stay strong,
Amy

HEY...I just realized a huge congrats to you on your Day 10 today!!!!!  Keep going.....

[wanttobeclean]

I just read through this whole post. You have done great!  You should be so proud of yourself.  Happy day 11!  I am 63 days off oxycodone and although I wouldn't wish the first 2 weeks on anyone, it was SO worth it.  I don't just have my life back...I have a much better, happier, life and can finally look myself in the mirror and feel pride.  Way to go Amy!

[Enough22]

Amy - I just left you a message, and wanted to leave you a birthday wish on your thread - Congratulations!  You've put in so much hard work these past 11 days, and I think your birthday is a great way to give you a little smile for all this hard work ..

Wishing you a wonderful day -
God Bless~
Jonathan (jms)

[ABL4ME]

Thank you so much!  You have been wonderful with encouragement and praise!!!  I do appreciate the B'day wishes as well!!!!...and yes, I am having a wonderful day!!!!

Keep going strong...I am right behind you as each day goes by...!!!

Love,
Amy

[ABL4ME]

Thanks so much for your support...if it wasn't for this forum I know I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own!

Take Care
~Amy

[ABL4ME]

Congrats on Day 14!!!!  Wheeww!!!  You have done so great with this fight. What amazes me is the transformation of this thread.  LOL...I don't want to go back to Day 3 ever again!  I know there have been several bumps along the way, but what road do you know doesn't have a few of those...watch out for the pot whole that comes up when you least expect (I found that one today lol).  I am going to take a day or so away and start looking for the "rainbows" again.  Just like everyone here, feeling better is something to brag about.  Moods change through the day, and yes I would love to sleep too..lol  But my main focus is WOW you've got to be kidding me, I did this.  And, I did it with the help of so many here.

jms, continue to stay focused and true to yourself.  You're an amazing person who has helped more then you'll ever know...!!!  I can't wait to come back to this thread and see DAY 30...lol, I got the chills just thinking about it!!!!!

I pray that everyone continues this fight, no matter how tired or crabby we get from our daily lives of being clean.

Love, Strength and Blessings to all,
Amy

[tryinhard78]

I just wanted to say Congrats to you...You have done an awsome job.I am so happy for you. We all deserve a BIG pat on the back.

Can you believe its been 2 weeks...Now we can say weeks instead of days!! The first week I thought would never end but it went by pretty fast actually.
Great Job to you!! :) Have a great Day

~Susie

[Enough22]

Thank you so much for your kind words!  And congratulations to you on Lucky Day 13!  I'm not sure I would wish these past 14 days on anyone - friends and enemies alike - but I know I've been taking the hits I needed to take for me to get through this .. beginning this journey with this forum is, I'm convinced, the only way I would personally be able to make these first steps toward clean living, and I'm so thankful to have been able to share with you along the way .... I'm so happy for you and your steps, too!  As I noted back on 8/29, you chose a tough path, and I so respect what you have done!


I agree - I've gone back a few times and re-read this thread from the beginning, and all I can think is, "what a transformation"!  Night and day, yes?  We're at the beginning of something that we'll look back on as, perhaps, one of the most important experiences we've ever gone through ....

I hope the "Rainbow Search" days you are now taking yield many, many beautiful gifts .... you deserve it .... I wish you all the best ..

God Bless ~
Jonathan

[liscamdave]

Girl, look at you now....I am just so happy. Soon enough we will be celebrating a month, then 2 and so on. I just know it. You are the best and I love ya already....

Hope you are well...

Lisa

[Enough22]

Congratulations on your 2 Week mark!  I wanted to post this much earlier - having some computer issues, but I'm back online and wanted to send this your way .... As I have been alluding to, the 2nd week for me was a bit of a ride, but I've been out and about the past couple days and am so grateful to be able to get around with some semblance of normality again .... I hope you're having another solid, wonderful day!

God Bless ~
Jonathan

[ABL4ME]

Thanks so much for the Congrats on 2 weeks!  Yes, what a ride of emotions...I thought I was going to have to call someone to take me away in a straight jacket yesterday!  I feel great today, just like most days...but, wow be warned of that Day 13 to anyone who is a few days behind me...yikes!

You, along with so many others, have been such a tremendous support!  I got by Day 3 and 13 ONLY because of the Faith that lead me to this forum.  Thanks goodness that is the past and I have so much to look forward to.....

God Bless You and thank you my friend!
Love,
Amy