Aa
Only way to save myself......
I've tried a little bit of every type of detox program with the exception of opiate blockers and nothing has ever worked for me.......I think I made it a month after my outpatient 2 week daycamp (daycare if u ask me) but the mental grip opiates had on my feeling of well being never loosened. In the last 10 years the only clean time I've had was while I was active duty military. There is something about Uncle Sam that always seemed to keep me straight. I plan to start detox from opiates in about two weeks....give or take a week......and I smoked pot 4 the last time last night ( my friends threw me a "Last Dance With Mary Jane" party). I don't know how many addicts there are in the military but when I was in before it wasn't a prevalent problem. I want to fast track as much as possible on the mental side of things without anti-depressants.........physically I'm not worried about detox I've done it willingly and unwillingly so many times that I know it can be dealt with.........its just the feeling of well being that all opiates give me that I crave constantly. How do you deal with life without a crutch??? Has anyone ever joined the military just to beat an addiction??? How did it go 4 u??? Suggestions please...........................
I have 4 years in so.......................16 more till retirement. I really rather enjoyed the Army with the exception of being able to do drugs. I'll go back in as an E4 and make E5 back within 6 months of getting to wherever I'm stationed. I don't have to go back thru PLDC either. I don't need much more college and I can go ahead and apply for Warrent Officer School. There are negatives no doubt..........but like I said I really think the positives outwiegh the negatives.
Steve, you said you were in before, right? Well, they have not dramatically raised the payrate, ever, or at least since after Vietnam. As far as time off, what about deploying to Iraq/ Afganistan for 1 year+, then rotate back in as little as 4 months. The 1 year on 1 year off rule went out the window a while ago. And don't forget what will happen when the war(s) are over, can you say force reduction, there goes a carreer. Just trying to be devils advocate here, no flames. BTW, how much time do you have in?
Ever think of civil service? Your TIS counts towards your civi retirement, and yes, they do drug test, and frequently. Just a thought...
Ever think of civil service? Your TIS counts towards your civi retirement, and yes, they do drug test, and frequently. Just a thought...
No don't need to be in prison..........like I've said multiple times. There is a lot more positives to going back in the Army than just staying off drugs.......it just so happens that I know from before it will be a better lifestyle for me to stay clean in and its also a carrer and life decision. $$ wise it will be good for me and lord knows I had more time off in the Army than I did anywhere else.....so it will be time well spent with my new wife......insurance for both of us.......and retirement. I sat down figured out the positives and negatives and its right. It just so happens that the main reason I'm going back in is because I know it will help me stay clean because of the consequences to any actions I might feel compelled to take. Where as in the civilian life I wouldn't face the same consequences.
You have to go with your heart on this one. That somewhere may be the other side of the world but it may that somewhere you need to be. Drugs were always around me in the Navy, in the middle of the ocean, and i was a big time junkie before i went in, but i joined to find abstinence and get my life back so i found it easy to say no. I stayed clean for many years after the service but than let stress and some back pain start me on pain killers and you know how that story goes. Getting clean once again.
Yes, it must start somewhere, but for what you are looking for, you might as well be in prison. You seem to want to use Uncle Sam as a warden.
I can only say that abstinence did not work for me. After 15 years of abstaining, when I started again it was like i never stoped. I'm not saying that will happen to you but that is exactly what happened to me. Another thing is that during wartime it stands to reason that there are more active addicts in the military. God forbid you end up in Iraq or Afghanistan, how will you deal with the things you will undoubtedly see or do. I'm not dissing your decision to go back to the military, I think that is an admirable thing, but do it for the right reason.
david
david
If I have to white knuckle for awhile thats to be expected. The eventual goal is to be comfortable in my own skin right??? Recovery has to start somewhere and the somewhere is abstinence..............am I right??
"Abstaining from drugs is not the same thing as recovery". WOW...that was good!!!! Listen to the man Steve.
I spent 15 years on active duty. I was an addict when I went in and an addict when I came out. I too was scared of the random drug testing and early on got caught twice. That was before they became so strict. I used every once in a while but my drug of choice became alcohol. Not really different from any thing else but it's legal so as long as you stay out of trouble it was not a problem. Staying out of trouble was the hard part. When I left the military in 1996 I went straight to the drugs. I could not wait to be out from under drug testing. The only person who can keep you clean is you, not the military or anyone else. Abstaining from drugs is not the same thing as recovery as I have found out many times. If you don't work on the reasons you use the you are bound to use again.
David
David
Hmmmmmm..........you make a great point as far as the lack of forgiveness that the Army has today and I have thought about that considerably. I don't really worry about relapse once I go back. Hell I can't sit and worry about relapse regardless..........if I go ito recovery with relapse worry than that really will set up self defeat. I will always have a drug dependency problem its just a matter of whether its an active dependcy or not. I totally accept that I'm a full blown addict and always will be its just the strength to stay off that I need. In the civilian world it would be a hell of a lot easier for me to justify a slip here and there without the threat of random drug tests...............I can see it now.....1 joint won't kill me.............my knee hurts I'll ask my wife for an Oxy.........if I know that one slip could cost me not only my job but my freedom I think I might make my decisons a little better than I have before! This will be the first time I've ever set a quit date followed thru and had a plan to go along with it professionally. I guess the fact that I know I'll always be an addict no matter what I'm doing or where I'm at is making a little bit easier to cross the street without fear of being hit by a truck.....that was not literal of course!!! Thanks for the knowledge man!
Hi Steve, let me first say, "been there, done that, got a t-shirt". I have been battling demonsmost of my adult life; after high school I got into Cocaine, after ~5 years quit to join the service. Got an Article 15 for smoking pot, with just 10 months active service. I was lucky; it was 22 years ago and I had a solid group of people I reported to. I ended up winning some big awards. They helped get me to where I wanted to be. I was accepted to be a member of the USAF Thunderbirds and was a part of the maintence team from 12/88 to 2/1992 even becoming an Assistant crew chief (I was one of the guys on the ground, helping the pilot into the cockpit) I had my name on the side of the canopy. I was on top of the world. I could also drink like a fish, fringe benefit of the job.
Fast forward to 1/97.
Then I had a car accident, 16 months later am kicked out of the AF for unsatisfactory performance.
I had 13 ribbons with 21 total awards. Needless to say I was a bit disgruntled. Years later, and after much research by my wife and I, we found that I was suffering from a possible TBI and had most of the symptoms of PTSD. 30 months after the accident I voluntarily quit a heavy usage of Darvocet, I have spine surgery a month later, they fuse c5-c6-c7 vertibrae into one Mega vertibrae.
The surgeon did a great job, only about a 10% loss of motion. I had also slipped back into using Pot, it caused it's own problems. I ended up getting into a great carreer as a Structural Inspector, made great money, very easy and fun work.
Fast forward to 11/2005,
Another car accident, this time hurting my middle back, get me going on lortab... enough said.
Fast forward to 10 days ago,
I take my last lortabs at around 7pm and start the journey back to reality.
Here we are today, almost ten days clean.
Steve, before you join think of this; todays military is not as forgiving, if you join with a drug dependancy problem and don't disclose it and they discover you have it, not only will they give you the boot, but can prosicute you under the UCMJ. That could mean Prison time.
Yes the military is in need of people right now, having to maintain W's Crusade on terror. No, the military is not in the habit of adopting soldiers problems.
Just remember, You are the solution to your problems. The military is not a solution, mearly a way to bury or ignore the problem. If you don't handle addiction on your terms, by YOU, when you are ready, it will still be there, regardless of the environment.
Fast forward to 1/97.
Then I had a car accident, 16 months later am kicked out of the AF for unsatisfactory performance.
I had 13 ribbons with 21 total awards. Needless to say I was a bit disgruntled. Years later, and after much research by my wife and I, we found that I was suffering from a possible TBI and had most of the symptoms of PTSD. 30 months after the accident I voluntarily quit a heavy usage of Darvocet, I have spine surgery a month later, they fuse c5-c6-c7 vertibrae into one Mega vertibrae.
The surgeon did a great job, only about a 10% loss of motion. I had also slipped back into using Pot, it caused it's own problems. I ended up getting into a great carreer as a Structural Inspector, made great money, very easy and fun work.
Fast forward to 11/2005,
Another car accident, this time hurting my middle back, get me going on lortab... enough said.
Fast forward to 10 days ago,
I take my last lortabs at around 7pm and start the journey back to reality.
Here we are today, almost ten days clean.
Steve, before you join think of this; todays military is not as forgiving, if you join with a drug dependancy problem and don't disclose it and they discover you have it, not only will they give you the boot, but can prosicute you under the UCMJ. That could mean Prison time.
Yes the military is in need of people right now, having to maintain W's Crusade on terror. No, the military is not in the habit of adopting soldiers problems.
Just remember, You are the solution to your problems. The military is not a solution, mearly a way to bury or ignore the problem. If you don't handle addiction on your terms, by YOU, when you are ready, it will still be there, regardless of the environment.
13 more days till I come clean!!!!!!!! Going to see the recruiter today to find out some of my options and fill out the paperwork!!!
Man.....so good to hear someone else went the route I'm taking!!!! Luckilly I don't have to go back thru boot camp and hopefully I will have at least 2 months clean time when I go back in. As far as Suboxone goes I don't fear physical wd's. I can deal with feeling like I'm crawling out of my own skin, the stomach pains and all.........done it b4 several times by chioce and because nothing was available for a couple days...........it's all the mental thing for me. Does Sub help with the mental thing too???? I could never sit here and tell neone that I will not take another drug for the rest of my life because I know that I would be telling myself a terrible lie..........I would love to get to the point that there could be a bottle of narcotics in my house and it not be a magnet to my brain. I've never made it more than a month so I never really got out of my depression before I started self medicating again. This will always be a battle for me and I accept that...........I'm really looking forward to Dec 18th and the many moons to follow. I have this feeling I'm going to succeed this time because I'm gonna do it for me.................only for me and the rest will follow!!
Do you have a VA client near you to try and get some Suboxone from them or at least some help with the w/d's. And yes i joined the military as a last chance to save my life at 27 yrs old. I was either going to die or go to jail as was happening to alot of my friends. I did my detox in bootcamp and went from a low life to drug free and maintained a 4.0 average during my 4 years active. I feel i stayed clean not for Uncle Sam, but my job was to keep my country safe so i had to keep my head screwed on right while i served. That was about 28 yrs ago and i struggled with opiates for years since than but i am clean now for over 3 mos and starting to feel good about my self again like i did back than. Put your mind to work, you can do it. Good luck.
Yes I've attempted the NA thing both voluntarilly and involuntary..............it seems to be a great program...................it works if you work it right!!??!! Unfortunatly I never really worked it........I had a problem grasping a higher power and well.................looking back I don't think I was ever really ready to quit till now. I've set the date for the 18th. By xmas I'll have a week clean and maybe be able to smile a little bit. I'm really thinking about using the Thomas recipie........had never heard of it before yesterday. A little concerned about the benzos just cause they make me lose my memory but who wants to remember detoxing anyway huh..........
Glad to hear that brother. Have you researched PAWS (Post Accute Withdrawal Syndrome) at all. This could be the reason that you relapse. Having the knowledge about addiction is a key weapon to have when defending against it. Run your cursor over my name in blue and check my journal. There is some information on PAWS there that may help.
Have you tried NA or the like yet? Love and Strength to you!
Have you tried NA or the like yet? Love and Strength to you!
After talking with my fiance this morning I have decided I will set a date for my quitting today. So yeah a step in the right direction I suppose..............
When your ready, your ready. Just by coming here shows you are headed in the right direction. Your right , you must do it on your own terms and it's best to have a plan to get through this. We are here either way. Mary
thanks 4 the encouragement...............let me make clear that by no means am I ready to get clean yet. I've got to go out on my own terms..........I'm thinking next 2-3 weeks but I've also got the mindset that if I don't get nething today then I'm already gonna have 2 days under my belt so................we shall see.
Yeah, and I'm not sure how you change that. I guess it's something to work on. Having no one else to answer to. Like being alone in a room with pills and no one will know if you took some, just you. I know it's not a good idea for me to be alone in a room with pills. lol That is just self inflicted torture. Stick with this forum. Maybe together we can find that inner strength in you. Mary
I think you might have hit the nail on the head with the accountability thing. I never thought of it that way but it makes complete sense. I count be accountable to myself or the ones I care about but I can for the government.............kinda sad if ya think about it....
I understand kinda. Sounds like you need to feel accountability to someone. In your case Uncle Sam. Like weighing in at Weight Watchers. I have learned a lesson just in the past week.....I found out the most important person to be accountable to is ourselves. Being an addict I have learned to bullsheet everyone and can do it quite well. Accountability might be a good start, but when all is said and done, we are left only with ourselves and our addiction. I don't know if I'm explaining this very well. I guess what I mean is .... what happens when you leave Uncle Sam and have no one checking on you. Will you go right back to using ? Anyway, I think you can muster the strength to do this without enlisting. Stay with this forum and keep posting. Mary
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