Rock bottom?

[GoodOldDays]

Daily reader, infrequent poster. Right now I can't imagine a bigger loser than myself. Keeping it short - I've been swiping pills from my mother. Last month she ran out a week early and had to ask an relative for pills. That relative was not happy and everyone thinks my mother is abusing her script. She got her refill and I have already taken enough that she'll run out again - a week or more before she should. Who the **** am I? This ridiculous behavior. Somehow I have to make it right and have no clue how to.

Lately I have read some inspiring improvement stories and terrific responses. Not that I deserve anything remotely kind from anyone as I'm a complete scumbag. I want to quit. I must repair the damage. I want look in the mirror and not see a bleepin loser! Or maybe that's the reality of who I have become. A junkie dirt bag who everyone thinks is a good guy. Yea - I'm a great guy (sarcasm at the highest level).

[GoodOldDays]

jifmoc - yes I've been struggling for quite some time. Unfortunately my efforts haven't panned out and it's time to take action. I wish I had been successful much sooner. But I feel as if I've hit my rock bottom and if I haven't I don't want to keep going to find out how much lower it can go.

[GoodOldDays]

You're right. It's night time and I have no access or desire for that matter. First item of business in the AM is to talk to her and get a lock box. Thanks for the response. It's the right approach...the only approach really. Still a scumbag and it'll be humbling and embarrassing but it's on me. It's the first step and then I can focus on recovery. As I said above, I stopped for 9 days not too long ago so I need to stop making justifications, excuses, or whatever learn to deal with stress appropriately. Maybe that means NA or some sort of aftercare. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a new beginning. It has to be if I'm ever going to respect myself again.

[jifmoc]

Hey friend. Says you've been at this since December. Are you sick enough of yourself to CHANGE? I called myself a loser til the cows came home, but it wasn't worth squat until I took action.

Vicki and Krissy are both right on. What are you going to DO to get clean and live clean? Are you willing to take action?

[vicki595]

Right now, you need to tell her to hide them better. Did you take any from her today? We understand the addict brain and you do, too. You know you need to tell her now and get her to hide them on her person.
You'll just keep taking your mother's pills and putting her in a bad position. When she runs out, she'll go into withdrawal and suffer needlessly. That's not fair to her. You need to take care of this right now.

[GoodOldDays]

She knows because she hides them...obviously not well enough nor should she have to. My thought is to come clean and purchase a lock box for her. Last month I stopped using for 9 days. I made it thru most of the physical w/d's but work has been extremely stressful so it's a way to let things go. I know that's nothing more than excuse. And when I don't use I work out and live smarter and healthier. Using not so much

[vicki595]

Hi there- I get that you think little of yourself right now and I can tell you how to fix it.

Go to your mother and tell her what you did. Right now. Tell her you have a problem and need her help. You need to take this step before anything else happens. She'll know how hard it was for you and she'll help you, I'm sure.

Good luck and keep posting!