Rock bottom

[LisaM530]

I guess this is where I begin. I don't know how else to do this. Several years ago, I was prescribed vicodin for a toothache. Then another script for another toothache- you get the idea. Eventually I became dependant on them to just get out of bed and make it through the day. Here I am about 5-6 years later, and still taking them. I take what I can get which can on some days be up to 8- (yellow) 1,000's, but on average- about 7- 750's a day. I am way too ashamed to talk about it, and I CANT go to a doctor and just explain this, as I have way too much riding on anyone 'finding out'. The reason I am here today started out simple enough. I simply didn't have any and started (am) experiencing withdrawls. I started reading around online looking for anything related to overcoming  vicodin withrawl, and that's how I found this site. Yesterday, I had NO desire to quit. After reading around, and feeling what I am feeling now, I think I'm ready. This is the first time in all these years I have ever even entertained the thought of quitting. Im maybe even a little enthusiastic- but I'm terrified. Taking vicodin has been the only thing I have known for so long, I don't know if I can do it.
Is there anything I can do to subside the withdrawl symptoms that doesnt involve doctors or 'outing' myself? I want to be normal again. Thank you in advance <3

[Allicat0117]

The mental part will come so be aware..don't let it slap you in the face. You are staying strong!! Keep posting...and take the advice about calling your friend to tell her you have quit. Keep on puttting one step in front of the other and you will get there!!!

[flmagi]

Lisa, Just wanted to say congrats and wish you luck. Keep up the good work. I don't know if anyone in the posts above suggested it, but you need to call your sweet lady dealer(lol), and tell her thanks, but no thanks any more. Call her before she calls you.
Stay strong!!

[LisaM530]

Well, good for you on being clean & living addict free! :D
I hear you on the pain meds. I have severe teeth problems [in the back of my mouth only] and I am TERRIFIED the pain will come back because we know how well OTC meds work for tooth pain :/
On a brighter note;
Day 3 *****. Still don't have any energy, and my legs are very tore/tender. BUT I have gotten 4 phone calls from vic suppliers and have let my voicemail pick up each time. The physical pain is unbearable at times.. but emotionally, I'm well. I thought that would be the hardest part. The only time I felt tempted was when I went to another vicodin addiction site and noticed on the right hand side- pictures of alllll the different types of vicodins available. The yellow ones. The blue ones. etc. Why would they do that? lol Well, I clicked THAT page away and haven't wanted one since. :)
Mind over matter. But GOD it isn't easy.

[mom_of_two136]

I just wanted to mention, the reason I relapsed so many times (one reasone) is that I hurt my back. In the future, if you need pain medicine for a valid reason be really careful. I know that will be a weakness for me in the future if I do need pain medicine.

[mom_of_two136]

Hey Lisa. To answer your question, I am now on suboxone. Whether I am "clean" or not is up to debate. I feel I am clean and living a addict free life. Unfortunatly, I kept relapsing so I decided to go on suboxone. A year ago I became so depressed that I wanted to end my life. After three days on life support, the docs brought me back. So you can say suboxone literally save my life. You do not have to take the road I did. Please get aftercare. Anything even if its posting on this forum. Post often, NA, AA, there is help out there. You can do this CT. Stay strong!
Lisa

[LisaM530]

Hey Lisa :) . Just wondering.. are you still clean?
Good to know I should feel better by day 6. My plans for today is to just try to find it in me to get moving. The hardest part is this internal conflict that is convincing me I NEED it, but I know I don't. Telling myself I don't really helps with the emotional w/d. Makes sense to get busy. Thanks for your reply <3