What is she using now?

[Utility]

My girlfriend has been a heroin user for 3 months until she admitted herself to the local hospital. The hospital sent her to a rehab clinic where she stayed for 3 days of detox. The doctors there prescribed suboxone, which seems to have worked great for her as she didn't experience any withdrawals. She started looking totally different (in a great way) and is very proud of her accomplishment to get sober.
However, the past couple of days, she went back close to the city where she used to get her dope and would act very strange when she comes back. She also asks me for money but I have no idea what she goes and buy but I know it's not legit. She would get very upset with me when I question her and I very carefully look at her arms and there are no fresh needle marks. Also, she takes suboxone in front of me. Is there a way that she is already back on heroin or is she using another drug now? If so, what drugs can one use while on suboxone?

[ang_811]

Wow so I kist read ur whole story and listening to everything shebput u thru reminded me of my sneaky ways and all of my lying I did. Trust me u have every right to not believe aword she says. She's lying! When she comes right out and says I'll take a drug test just shows u she's still taking drugs. I've said that and was high when I said it.  Sorry to be telling u all this but things always happen for a reason. U have been great and at least u know u did everything u could in ur power for her.  I rely feel for u.

[Utility]

She has literally been texting and calling me daily urging me to reconsider. She is again adamant that she is 100% clean and she only gave a ride to the city to her mom's so she can see her sister (I don't believe that one bit). She offered to administer a full panel drug test in front of me but I am not responding to her as I just don't believe her. At one point, I thought I could handle alot but this has taken an unbelievable toll on me.

[AKAmildred]

You have recieved alot of posts regarding your situation, i scanned through but dont have time to read all but from what i have been able to get, my advise is to tell her one last time clean up or you're out of the relationship. and then followup on what you tell her, in other words leave if you have any doubts. dope addicts are the best liars on the planet. If you don't get out now, you will be dragged into all her drama and it will ruin your young life of which you should be out enjoying life and making your life productive.
NO ONE can help her get off drugs. she is the only person that can decide to clean up. If she is serious she will check herself into a rehab and do the work to stop.
good luck

[shinningmom]

Let me say first to Utility that I am very sorry that she did not take the many opportunities you gave her to have a better life.  I think that you did a tremendous job at trying to help her I dont feel that you were an enabler.....  
Which brings me to my comment to Lizzie Lou, this man loved this woman/girl.  He wanted to believe that she was turning her life around and as soon as he realized she was not he took back the things that helped her in her drug quest, he refused to give her money.....  He was not enabling her, he thought that she was putting her life back together and he was helping her to do so!  Your words are harsh to someone that in my opinion has done nothing to deserve those harsh words!  Did you not read his post correctly he took back the car and did not give her money that day and before that it sounded to me that she was doing a good job at pretending to be clean.  
Maybe you did not mean to sound as though you were scolding this man for believing in someone he loves but you did.....  Let me just ask you, beings that she was doing what he asked of her to prove her sobriety before getting the car.  How long should he have waited to give her that car?  He was going to have to take that chance at some point an addict can relapse at any time.  Now he knows that she was not serious about being clean and he can walk away knowing that he did everything he could.
Lizzie Lou I am not trying to argue with you so I apologize if I come across that way, I am just trying to understand how he was enabling her when as soon as he suspected she was being dishonest again he took back that car, he didn't give her money.  

[Utility]

Hi Lizzi, I only bought her the car once she passed some of my tests such as taking suboxone, getting a job.... I now realize that it was a mistake and I got the car back. She doesn't need me to enable her, she is obviously addicted to something and had I known for sure, there's no way I would have given her a penny or the car.

[LIZZIE LOU]

YOU ARE ENABLING THE HELL OUT OF THIS GIRL.  dont give her money...dont give her a car...and dont believe a word she says.  when you give her money...you may as well be injecting her yourself.  when you give her a car...you may as well be driving her to her next score.  what are you thinking???????  you say that you want to help but at the same time you are making damned sure that she can get more drugs.

you want to help?  get yourself to some meetings and learn how you are contributing to her addiction ! ! !  

[vicki595]

I'm so sorry for your pain. You do deserve better...she can't be fixed until SHE decides
to end this slow suicide ride she's on.
All the best to you~
Keep posting;you know we're here...

Vicki

[avisg]

i am sorry things turned out the way they did .i hope at some point she gets clean .your are right u need to go on with your own life you have done everything you can .best wishes

[Utility]

Hi friends,

I have a latest development on this saga and unfortunately, I have some sad news. She called me yesterday asking for money again because she needed gas. 2 days earlier, I had just filled up her tank and she wasn't really supposed to go anywhere. Plus, she asked me for $60, which is double what she needs to fill up her tank. I profusely refused and she got very upset again saying that she is tired of me questioning her. I called her an hour later and she didn't answer and I had very strong suspicions that she was headed to the city. So I asked a friend of mine to accompany me to the city and I knew exactly what street her aunt lived in. On the first drive by, the car was parked right there and while I wasn't surprised at all, my friend was bewildered in amazement. I knocked on the door, asked her for the keys and after exchanging words, I had to wrestle the keys from her and drove away with the car while my friend drove my car. I, now, have no doubt that she is using considering her bizarre behavior and her strong urges to go to the city. I still have no idea what it is (crack maybe?). I don't believe she is shooting heroin as I have seen her dissolve the suboxone twice and I even asked her to open her mouth.
One of the conditions that I had imposed upon buying her the car was for her not to drive to the city under any circumstance, to which she responded that she has absolutely no reason to go there and that it will never happen. She understood that failure to respect this condition would result in her losing the car.
So besides risking my life arguing with a girl in a very rough neighborhood, I am left with a broken heart (the first after high school). I will let time heal my wounds as I have officially turned the page on this chapter in my life. I didn't think this would hurt this much! It's a double edged sword, the hurt from losing someone you cared so much about and the hurt from seeing that very person ruin their life.

[shinningmom]

It seems you two are doing well right now, thats great!  As for her not sleeping, I too have trouble sleeping since I have stopped using oxycontin.  Also just because she still has bad habits she may have picked up while using doesnt mean she is still using.  Taking extended bathroom breaks and hiding text messages may just be bad habits..... I am very watchful of phone and I too may spend too much time in the bathroom.....  I cant really explain why just bad habits I guess.  When I am in the bathroom though I am usually just doing girl stuff, messing with my hair or makeup.  As for the text messages there could be a number of different reasons for that.

[micheleTX]

hey :)  You are doing everything you can for her, so be proud of yourself for that!  I sure hope she is continuing to do better, getting work and straightening out her life.  I will pray for you two, and hope that you can de stress from this soon :)  take care of yourself too!

[Utility]

Thanks for the compliments. I have my faults as well, they just don't have anything to do with drugs. As for the relationship, it is a tough one because of the distance. She wants me there pretty much every day and I can barely squeeze twice/week. I can tell she needs me by her side but that's just not possible so we have to make the best out of the situation.

[vicki595]

All I can say is:  You are a wonderful man.  You obviously love this girl very much.
Being a crazy romantic myself,I hope this all works out...for her sake.  I hope she knows what she's got!!
I wish you all the best...you deserve it. Please keep posting when you can.
We'll be here...
Vicki

[Utility]

There has been some major developments to this story the past couple of days. We spent both days together and I have used many advices from here.
First, thanks to all of you for your concerns and advice and here is what I have.
As soon as we met up, I said we arent going anywhere until I, 1) see the suboxone 2) see you administer it appropriately. She immediately pulled it out of bag, put it under her tongue and let it dissolve. She had absolutely no reaction whatsoever.She again reassured me that she will never do heroin again and that to this day, she still doesn't understand how she ever did that. So far, I believe that she is no longer doing that.
Second, I wanted a valid explanation as to why she needed money twice to go close to the city. She said that she owed her aunt money because she was getting her the drugs and she wanted to pay it off so it can serve as some sort of closure. I know for a fact that her aunt is a user and used to provide her with the drugs at her own house. Both times she went by there, she met her aunt at her job, not her house (I am certain of that).
Third, I wanted some explanation on how she got the job so quickly and she said that they only gave her a Sales Associate position and that I am welcome to call when she starts next Friday. Also, coincidentally, as we were driving, another job she applied for called and asked her a dozen questions and invited her for an interview Monday.
Some of you said that she can find a way to get placed without a car but I can assure you that it is virtually impossible for her to go anywhere. She lives in a small mountain community and she walks 2 miles just to buy a pack of cigarettes. So based on all these facts, I went ahead and bought her a car so she can get on her feet. It was an inexpensive car for her to get started. If she blows these chances, I am confident and relieved that I tried everything in my power to "resuscitate" this girl.
Last but not least, she insisted that I meet her parents and while I was hesitant at first based on unfair comments they made about me, I went to their house and it was delighting to talk to them. They pretty much have the same concerns I have and are on their last bit of rope. We all said the same thing, if she turns it around, we'll all be there for her but the second she slips, she will be shown the door and they have no problem doing that.
Ladies and gentlemen, I don't think I am out of the woods as there are still alot of questions to be answered and there are still suspicions out there. She still takes extended bathroom breaks, she still tries to hide text messages from me (and no, I don't believe she is unfaithful), she still doesn't sleep at night and she is still extremely negative about life. If this works out for her, I would be the proudest man alive, if it doesn't, at least I know I did everything I could for her and would not hesitate to turn the page for good.

[shinningmom]

I have to maybe rephrase what I said I would like to hear that you are still helping her because it seems as though she needs you however I do not think you should get her a car.  People find a way to work with out a vehicle, it ***** but it can be done.  The child needs someone for sure and if she wants to be clean she needs to know that there is someone there who wants her to be clean as well.

[Pebbles66]

U need 2 google an Al-anon meeting, u can NOT get her a car, apartment etc. This is enabling. By her continuing 2 get all she needs she WILL NOT get the help. She will not feel she is that bad off and will continue the self destruction. U are not helping her by getting her those things. At these meetings there is people with loved ones who have gone thru and no exactly what u need 2 do! And give u the support u need.
U can help her child, "What is the best interest of the child?" 4 the child's sake, only u should stay in touch 2 continue monitoring what and where she is going with her child. Who's watching her while she's going 2 work? That's a scary thought.(If she isn't now speaking 2 her parent's?) If the child is in danger u have 2 call CPS or where is the father?
I'll be praying 4 u and her and the child, keep us posted!

[taperme]

Vicki-I forgot about the two hour distance. I guess he could ask her when she starts work and then call her. If they say nobody by that name works there he has his answer.

[avisg]

Listen its sounds like you have already done everything you can she has to want to get clean .You have to TAKECARE OF YOU .Its not your job to spend the rest of your life trying to convince her to get clean .She has to hit her rock bottom and who knows when that might be .You need to move on with your life ... Maybe she will get clean and down the road if depending on where you are in your life maybe then you could work something out .However I would stop putting your life on hold .

[vicki595]

Taperme :   He lives 2 hours away from her...seems like an impossible situation,huh?

V.

[taperme]

Why don't you ask her when she starts and try to give her a ride to work. Then you can go in and check to see she is actually working.

[shinningmom]

You don't want to make things awkward for her on her first day if she isn't lying, I think cleanmom has a good idea.  I know that when it comes down to it she is not your problem but you have to know you are her only hope right now......  When trying to get clean you have to have someone that is just there for you no matter what because its gonna be rough.  When that one person gives up on you it makes it much easier to just go get high.  I have been going through my current detox alone, not actually physically alone but just that no one knows with the exception of my best friend.  I was not able to tell my boyfriend because he went through a detox with me a few years ago and I would never let him know that I slipped away again.  I believe he would leave me... you see we have a son that is almost a year old and he would think it completely unacceptable that as a mom I would snort oxycontin.  My family doesn't know because I don't want the judgement again.  My best friend is the only one who knows and she is have a hard time because she too is detoxing from snorting oxycontin.  I have to go on about my day as though I have not had a drug problem for the last 9 months.........  My best friend though she has this boyfriend and he is in the same situation with her as you are with your girlfriend.  If she hasnt given up then don't give up on her.......  Ask her just that, she will probably breakdown but it should make her think so just ask her "Have you given up on yourself?"  Let her know though that it is not about her that if she has given up on herself she needs to let someone care for her daughter.  Sometime you need to push a certain reality button for the thought process to start.  My first day detoxing I looked at my son and started crying hysterically how could I have done this to my time with him!

[vicki595]

LOL  Yes...10%.  I can see you're an optimist. I'm more pragmatic...but that's okay...
Keep posting so we know how you're doing    :)     Or if there are any new insights~

Vicki  xo

[Utility]

I am about 90% she is lying but there is always that 10% that makes you wonder!

[vicki595]

Yes,it would be odd for you to be calling for any reason if she just got the job today. Even if you say you're her brother,she hasn't started working yet.  But,I'm so sorry to say this but I think she's lying.  After yesterday's drama,sleeping in the basement like a homeless person,she all of a sudden has a job this morning??  And needs the car you promised???   What about a place to live? Why isn't that on her mind?  And the baby???  This doesn't add up,Sweetie.   And why couldn't the friends parents know?
She apparently has quite a reputation.  You COULD call her bluff and tell her you called the new job and they never heard of her.    She is waaaay defensive.  I don't believe her.
You can't fix this...
Vicki  xo