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addicted to Tylenol 1's

I have been addicted to drugs in general since i was 12 i am 21 know and i have had an addiction to tylenol 1's for 2 years(takening them every day) i actually quite about 18 days ago i quite for a week then relapsed about 4 times...i was taking about 20 at a time twice a day and i weight 105 pounds and im 5'6...i cut down to 15 at one time a day know when i relapse i take 10 which is really low for me...i have a 2 year old little boy and all i feel is guilt guilt and for guilt which i should feel anyway...my bf works out of town and he stays in camp for a month at a time...he's found bottles of empty pill bottles on a regular basics but hasent said anything except for " That costs money you know" I was so proud of myself when i had quite for a week before this time and i told him that i have been addicted to them for awhile and he said "a week thats it" then i told him you had to of known i was taking them to much and he said "no" we dont have a very good relationship and he always says that hes gonna take my son away from me so thats why i dont really tell him about my addiction....the only thing keeping me from taking them all the time is my little boy so if i lost him it would either be my rock bottom and i would quite for good or i would just taken them more...i broke my hip when i was sixteen...i "fell" out of a second story building...i dont remember what happened because thats when i was drinking whiskey straight everyday my point is i have pain but i never use the pills for the pain because i can deal with that kind of pain i cant deal with the pain i feel inside...my mom died when i was 16 months old and my dad died when i was about 12 years old from a drug overdose...my moms mom took me in and it was hell...when i was a baby i had togo to a foster home over night because she was drunk in a bar with me(thats when they had places where they served alcohole and children were aloud in) i overdosed on my grandmas sleeping pills when i was 12 and again when i was about 14 and then when i was 15 they admitted me to the "crazy" house i spent a week there...worst week of my life and then the doc said "your not crazy you can go" and of course my grandma made me feel worse she would make it like she was the one suffering because what im doing but in a way that was so cruel...she use to hit me with rulers belts brushes anything she could get her hands on...even a hammer...so i always turned to my aunt because she was "good" to me besides the doing drugs in front of me and having sex in the same bad as me...then when i was older like 15 she turned on me...she strrted abusing me and nothing like my granma did...my aunt hit me and kicked me till i was bleeding...she told all my friends lies about me so they stopped talking to me she would feed me crack percacet tylenol 1's morphine pills sleeping pills crystal meth...and then she would insault me and put me down and hit me....my boyfriends mom things i have so many problems which i do but the way she see's it is if you wanna change your life your the only one that can do it so pretty much im pathetic...which i am but i try so hard not to seem that way because i dont want to be a victom...anyway i dont talk to anyone but my granma and a family friend...i dont have any friends...i isolated my self for 5 years and i always think people are starring at me when i go out...i think everyone hates me...i went to the doc one time for my sonand she looked at me and said you need a break so it's like i look messed up and i look pathetic...people can see it so i dont want to go out but i have to because i have alittle boy..thats probley why i take the pills because i have nothing to do besides clean clean and take care of my son...im 21 and i feel like im 60 years old...i feel my self yelling at my son more which kills me....it really really really does i hate mty self for that i hate my self for not working and i hate that my son doesnt have any little friends because i dont....if i didtn have him i would have killed my self...saying all this im breaking down right now and i want pills people just have no idea how strong i am for not REALLY going crazy....im alone way to much...the way i act is the person that i am inside i feel like running down the street screaming sometimes(not really) i wanna break out...i wanna get better and feel better about things but its like im just different from everyone and everyone see's it...my boyfriend even strrted saying i was hearing things and saying im crazy....i try so hard to be a good mother and for so long i just kept telling people i am a good mother even though they would say that im not...my mother in law critisizes everything i do she even called child protective services on me(she didnt admit it but know one else would of) because i moved out of her place...i asked her after i got the visit from them if she called and she said no then i said do you think im a good mother she said well i dont know because your not here(before she used to tell me that she was proud of me because i was a good mother....so one day i just said ******* im tired of defending my self IM A ****** MOTHER and i am i use to believe that i was a good mother but im not and thats whats tearing me up inside...i NEVER want my son to ever feel alone or lost or depressed i would die if he felt that way...because i know i could have did something different alot different...i cant even tell u how bad i would feel if i messed him up and i know that if i dont get help he will be messed up...my grandma was depressed all the time and i felt it growing up so i need to stop this cycle...so thats some of my life and those are reasons why I take the pills...i have such a strong craving for them esspeccially right now.....im just so scared i really am....does anyone have any answers or encourging advice or just to talk with me please (sorry for such along story)
42 Responses
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617347 tn?1331293081
Hi Bluntempire :)

welcome here !!

you are writing this because you want help to quit because you don't want to kill yourself... just like any of us here, we need help and support and we'll try helping you  but this is an old thread, why don't you copy your post and start a new thread ( green sign  above " post a question" )so that the members can get to know you and you can follow their answers much better ?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
im looking for help......I am addicted to T-ones I have been for five years.. i started with 15 tablets a day I am now at 20 tablets in the morning and another 20 in the pm....I take anywhere from 40 too 50 tabs a day......I know that they will kill me it just seems like quitting is impossible......I dont know why im writing this.   I guess im just looking for someone that has been able to stop and how does one deal with the fallout
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Avatar universal
yooowhoooo???? you there? just thought id check in again, it's sunday evening at 9:15pm my time, how are you? r u doing ok? the little man? Please, please, scared, just a quick note, to say, he all im fine, hanging in there, just dont feel like posting, now. ok- well if you get a chance please let us, let me know how we/i can help! thats what we're here for, strength and encouragement, when your feeling vulnerable, & let down!  much love!! XXOOO
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Avatar universal
Ok girly, I haven't heard from you in a few days, are you ok? PLEASE let us know how your doing!  The last thing you asked was about relapsing, if you have it's ok! Its going to happen, please come talk to us! We are all here to support you throught his, the ups & downs, the bad & the good! Especially the bad- i'm sure you could use a friend right now, right? Let me know your ok, even if you just get on & say, hey i'm ok, thats all- just want to know your still hanging on!!! lots of love!
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Avatar universal
Hey girl, where are you? Is everything ok? Checking up on ya, please let me know your doing ok!! Kay?? :)   smooches!
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340590 tn?1290952141
hey girly, i am just stoppin in to show you some love and see how you are.  please ignore johnny, sometimes i think he post when he should just got to sleep lol.  keep on keepin on.  let me know if i can help ya.
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Avatar universal
Just what lucyred said! Everybody relapses it's normal I believe to do that when your trying to get through it! So, don't beat yourself up, just like lucy said, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on pushing forward!  You can do it- we all know you can, and you know you can!! Your a tough woman! What is the plan? Talk to us, we're here for you!
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217599 tn?1202850952
no, hun, when you relapse, it just means you had a weak moment.  just pick up the peices, dust yourself off, and start again.  we all go through that.  i don't think anyone in here has gone trhough wd's without relapsing at least once!!

Lucy
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Avatar universal
When you relapse does that mean you dont REALLY want to quit??
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Avatar universal
SO, how are you doing today? the little guy? Just checking on you, let me know how it's going!!
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Avatar universal
AMEN SISTER! Yeah, it's amazing what people will say, when they are so low themselves that they have to put other people down just to build their own selves up! It's actually, sad & pathetic. Obviousely, Johnkelley has some very deep, emotional, problems as he continues to throw out there the "psychlogical" issues & "psychological help", that everybody else in his opinion, gravely needs, and then being a hypocrite on top of all that, well I guess what he's saying is that he really needs some psychological help, & maybe he's crying out for help from all of us??? hmmmm......what do you think? Ok- & that's my therapy session for him, for today, n/c for this advice! LOL!!!  Scared, and all you beautiful people, have a great, restful (if possible), night, sweet dreams, and to a brighter day tomorrow!!! Each day is new & offers new hope! GOODNIGHT! Give the little man some hugs & kisses, & tell him to give mommy bunches too!!
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Avatar universal
thanks so much for the kind words again....sortamental its nice to know that theres people that go throught the same situations...i really appreciate the love you all have for me and my son...you all are in my prayers as well



lucyred...i read the guys post and yah what a hyprocrit...i read another comment he left someone else...pretty much telling her she was "crazy" as well...it's funny what people have to do to make themselves feel good....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I just want to offer my support and friendship to you as well. I, too, isolate myself and choose not to have many friends in my life. The ones I do have, I don't open myself up to. It is important to have good friends you can trust though, and you are sure to find some here.

You and your son will be in my thoughts. Lots of love to you!
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217599 tn?1202850952
about "johnnykelly" if you go onto page two of the forum, you will see what a hypocrit he is as he has been using much longer and is on percocet, oxy, and methadone.  all much stronger and more harmful than tylenol 1.

Lucy
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Avatar universal
You know what?, I am very proud of you!  I know it's going to be hard, but after the life you have been brought up in, doesn't it almost seem like a cake walk? I mean, you have endured things, that people alot older than you have never endured, or haven't had to endure until they are older. YOU ARE 21!! YOU have your entire life in front of you, and that is exciting! You can be, & do anything you want to! When I was 21 I had a baby also, she was just about 2 weeks old, on my 21st. b-day, and i was with her father who was a complete loser! I mean, boy i could tell you some stories! Anyway- it's hard to change a life that you have lead for so long, or just try & be alone, even though you know it's the right thing. It's scary, because your so used to the way things are. But when i finally broke free, it was like I was a whole new person. yes, I had to "learn" all over again the whole dating thing, the games we play! OH MY! But it's EXCITING! And I know we're jumping here, kinda far out there, but you will have all that you want in time! You will. You have heart, your brave, & your so worth the best & only the best, and your son, also is so worth the best!! I applaud you, for making goals, & plans with what you want for your life!! I think that is also the first step in recovery! At least that's what I have read! It's great to have a plan,or you gotta have a plan rather! You are a trooper, and your son is going to benefit so much from your complete transformation!! Sorry it took me awhile to get online, worked all day- and WHAT A DAY I HAD! And you already realize, not to let that 1 negative post get to you! We both I guess need to learn to watch our "tempers" huh??! LOL!!! Keep on striving, & pushing forward!!! You my friend, are a great inspiration!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hugs & kisses XXXXOOOOO
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Avatar universal
LOL! i as well thought about what i typed and yes i let the jerk get to me but i figured he should know my thoughts on his comment...it's nice to have some back up though lol thanks you guys! It really pissed me off when he had the nerve to comment on how wasted my life is and how my son would fallow in my "pathetic" footsteps...and the terminally ill thing sure caught my eye lol i know i got problems but come on. Anyway forget him all the positive feed back cancelled out that ONE negative comment! Enough of that...i wanna comment about what i had said before about having no friends...i have friends i just dont go out with them because for so long i isolated my self and i just dont know how to have fun or act without the booze and the drugs...which im sure is a commen thing to go throght after...im also a VERY shy person...i couldnt even look at a boy till i starrted drinking and doing drugs...it's like i have to start way back to when i was 12 and work my way up to 21...i heard that when you start abusing drugs you stop maturing,...i also heard on "dr phil" lol that it takes a year to function normally...i was so happy when i heard that because i wouldnt wanna be messed up for ever. The thing that hurts the most is that i was taking these stupid pills since my son was born and i know i said that i never starrted taking pills for pain but i guess in a way i did but it was never really all because of pain(They forgot a stich in me and it got infected) anyway i was doing thwe pills when my son was born so its like i never really got to enjoy my son when he was a little baby...i robbed him of that bonding time and that just really kills me cause there is no going back but i know i cant change the past but i can change the future so thats what im trying to do. yes your right church would be an excellent place to find some good healthy people to talk to. Im excited to change my life but theres one thing i know i need to do and it's really going to sux...me and my bf my baby's father can no longer stay together because we got together for all the wrong reasons... but thats another story lol. Anyway i know that the daycare thing can be done i just have to sux it up and get out into the world and do my job...taking care of my son and give him a balanced life which would intale him going to daycare and being social! Then i can go back to school...easier said then done but gotta do what you gotta do....first things first i need to see a counceler so that i can deal with my self and everyone around me.


Thanks everyone for the support i havent felt this good in a long time. Raventwo your a lifesaver....you all have such kind hearts and i know i can do this!!  
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390416 tn?1275185087
Welcome to the forum..THis is a great place for help and support. It looks like you have already gotten a lot of good advice. I dont' know about Canada, but here in the states a lot of churches have "MOPS" programs.   It is a group for mothers of preschoolers...anyone can attend...check out your  local churches and see if they have anything like that. It will help you make some new friends with other mothers of young children...and give your son a chance to meet some playmates....
It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do....you may want to taper a little if you don't have anyone to help you w/ your son.         Good luck

Keep posting...we're here for you! Take care!!!
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401095 tn?1351391770
I read that post earlier and was wondering where that came from....we all have bad days I guess...I know I do...we are here to support each other on those days...I really dont like posting when I feel weak about something as I dont like to deter others by thinking it still is a battle sometimes later on...I can see how negative posts in return can damage an already bad day...please keep posting...lots of support here
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Avatar universal
Ok, sorry- should have probably went about that johnny post with a little more dignity huh? like you, guess my anger got the best of me! oops! hard to see somebody attack somebody you care about without piping up! Especially when that person has no clue whats going on, & what your looking for is just positive reinforcement, & to come on here and say something so utterly ridiculous, & attack is just down right abusive, & uncaring & insincere, & negative.  SO, Scared, please forgive my own ignorance! Maybe I should have just went about it a little more subtly (sp?)!!  :)  love you!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yeah, Johnny boy needs to keep his negativity to his damn self, and thats the kind of post that medhelp SHOULD be deleting! The nerve of this person! You are at a delicate state right now, and of all things this loser says, he wants to say such horrible things?? Thats what happens when people sit up on there pedestals, and JUDGE!! Just what we're not here to do AT ALL!! Go to another forum johnny boy, and pipe up somewhere else, where YOU HAVE WALKED IN THAT PERSONS SHOES! YOU KNOW THE EXPRESSION, WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES, THEN GET BACK TO ME!! He has no CLUE whatsoever what your going through at all!! So, don't even let him discourage you in any way, ignorant, that's what that post was, stupid & ignorant! So, WE the rest of us, are here for you, don't let one dumba** discourage you from coming on! And that's why I was like, "what are you talking about? did i miss something here"??? Well, i agree with lucy, if you can get to a church, and get around people that are just Pure POSITIVITY do so! They have the daycare for the kids especially, and I bet your son would love, love to hang out with some other kids, how fun for him huh?? Sweetie, we are here for you, like i said, and like i will continue to say, your a great person, and the first step is to admit you have a problem, and you've done that! This guy is clueless!!!!! Love ya babe!!!! XXXOOOO
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217599 tn?1202850952
Hey , Hun, don't be so hard on yourself.  everyone loses it and yells at a two year old once in a while.  they aren't called the "terrible two's" for nothing! LOL  anyway, you were saying that you have no friends.  That is a problem in many ways.  we all need someone to talk to about our bproblems and to listen to about theirs and love them anyway.  You said that you were considering going to church.  That could be a good idea.  also it would be a good place to find some friends that aren't into drugs. There are many churches full of loving people who would welcome you into their congregations.  Look for one with an active young adult group. there should be one in your area that has a young parents group.  try a few till you find one that is welcoming and where you feel comfortable.  i know, if you came to ours, you would be welcomed, mothered and loved.  

I'll be praying for you and your son.  you both need some love in your lives and friendship.

Lucy
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Avatar universal
that is why i didnt want to post
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Avatar universal
Wow...im not sure if you read my FIRST post or my SECOND or THIRD but im not using my son as an excuse I BLAME MY SELF AND ONLY MYSELF. There is a nice way of telling someone to get help just like the many caring paople have already...terminally ill??? I did not come on here to be critised and feel worse about my problems and dont think for one minute that YOU helped me realize that im hurting my son I ALREADY KNOW THAT!!! Didnt i say "it sounds like im making alot of excuses IM NOT i just cant believe how thought less people can be...and another thing...you said that people admire people who seek help...what the hell do you think i just did...if you cant be supportive dont comment. MY SON MEANS THE WORLD TO ME OTHER WISE I WOULDNT GIVE A **** i cannot believe how ignorant you are especially saying that my son is gonna follow my pathetic footsteps YOU obviously have no idea about addiction and you sure as hell have nothing good to say  and by the way you should read it more carefully I posted the forum not raventwo.




THANKS TO EVERYONE ELSE THAT DIDNT JUDGE!

I appreciate the advice beenthere and raventwo and i do go to his level and talk to him in a caring manner but sometimes my anger gets the best of me but thanks so much for the kind words...at this point i just cant handle the negativity from people like johnny



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Avatar universal
I'm sorry, did I miss something??? What was that about? As I am completely lost here?
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