addicted to Tylenol 1's

I have been addicted to drugs in general since i was 12 i am 21 know and i have had an addiction to tylenol 1's for 2 years(takening them every day) i actually quite about 18 days ago i quite for a week then relapsed about 4 times...i was taking about 20 at a time twice a day and i weight 105 pounds and im 5'6...i cut down to 15 at one time a day know when i relapse i take 10 which is really low for me...i have a 2 year old little boy and all i feel is guilt guilt and for guilt which i should feel anyway...my bf works out of town and he stays in camp for a month at a time...he's found bottles of empty pill bottles on a regular basics but hasent said anything except for " That costs money you know" I was so proud of myself when i had quite for a week before this time and i told him that i have been addicted to them for awhile and he said "a week thats it" then i told him you had to of known i was taking them to much and he said "no" we dont have a very good relationship and he always says that hes gonna take my son away from me so thats why i dont really tell him about my addiction....the only thing keeping me from taking them all the time is my little boy so if i lost him it would either be my rock bottom and i would quite for good or i would just taken them more...i broke my hip when i was sixteen...i "fell" out of a second story building...i dont remember what happened because thats when i was drinking whiskey straight everyday my point is i have pain but i never use the pills for the pain because i can deal with that kind of pain i cant deal with the pain i feel inside...my mom died when i was 16 months old and my dad died when i was about 12 years old from a drug overdose...my moms mom took me in and it was hell...when i was a baby i had togo to a foster home over night because she was drunk in a bar with me(thats when they had places where they served alcohole and children were aloud in) i overdosed on my grandmas sleeping pills when i was 12 and again when i was about 14 and then when i was 15 they admitted me to the "crazy" house i spent a week there...worst week of my life and then the doc said "your not crazy you can go" and of course my grandma made me feel worse she would make it like she was the one suffering because what im doing but in a way that was so cruel...she use to hit me with rulers belts brushes anything she could get her hands on...even a hammer...so i always turned to my aunt because she was "good" to me besides the doing drugs in front of me and having sex in the same bad as me...then when i was older like 15 she turned on me...she strrted abusing me and nothing like my granma did...my aunt hit me and kicked me till i was bleeding...she told all my friends lies about me so they stopped talking to me she would feed me crack percacet tylenol 1's morphine pills sleeping pills crystal meth...and then she would insault me and put me down and hit me....my boyfriends mom things i have so many problems which i do but the way she see's it is if you wanna change your life your the only one that can do it so pretty much im pathetic...which i am but i try so hard not to seem that way because i dont want to be a victom...anyway i dont talk to anyone but my granma and a family friend...i dont have any friends...i isolated my self for 5 years and i always think people are starring at me when i go out...i think everyone hates me...i went to the doc one time for my sonand she looked at me and said you need a break so it's like i look messed up and i look pathetic...people can see it so i dont want to go out but i have to because i have alittle boy..thats probley why i take the pills because i have nothing to do besides clean clean and take care of my son...im 21 and i feel like im 60 years old...i feel my self yelling at my son more which kills me....it really really really does i hate mty self for that i hate my self for not working and i hate that my son doesnt have any little friends because i dont....if i didtn have him i would have killed my self...saying all this im breaking down right now and i want pills people just have no idea how strong i am for not REALLY going crazy....im alone way to much...the way i act is the person that i am inside i feel like running down the street screaming sometimes(not really) i wanna break out...i wanna get better and feel better about things but its like im just different from everyone and everyone see's it...my boyfriend even strrted saying i was hearing things and saying im crazy....i try so hard to be a good mother and for so long i just kept telling people i am a good mother even though they would say that im not...my mother in law critisizes everything i do she even called child protective services on me(she didnt admit it but know one else would of) because i moved out of her place...i asked her after i got the visit from them if she called and she said no then i said do you think im a good mother she said well i dont know because your not here(before she used to tell me that she was proud of me because i was a good mother....so one day i just said ******* im tired of defending my self IM A ****** MOTHER and i am i use to believe that i was a good mother but im not and thats whats tearing me up inside...i NEVER want my son to ever feel alone or lost or depressed i would die if he felt that way...because i know i could have did something different alot different...i cant even tell u how bad i would feel if i messed him up and i know that if i dont get help he will be messed up...my grandma was depressed all the time and i felt it growing up so i need to stop this cycle...so thats some of my life and those are reasons why I take the pills...i have such a strong craving for them esspeccially right now.....im just so scared i really am....does anyone have any answers or encourging advice or just to talk with me please (sorry for such along story)

[mimi1313]

Hi,

Wow, sweetie, you've had it really rough. My heart goes out to you.
I'm glad you want the best for you son.
Have you tried tapering at all. That many tylenol is soooo bad for you. You may want to go to counseling and try to get help becasue of all you've been through, you can't do this alone and it sounds like your boyfriend isn't really going to be there.

You can do this and you have a whole forum full of people to help you.

Plese keep posting, it really helps.

Much love,
Melissa

[chef4u]

You poor child I have always had addictions my whole life but I think the first step is knowing YOU are worthy and Jesus loves you as far as getting off the drugs that is kinda of the easy part im on day 4 cold turkey vicodins its the mental that is hard and by your story you have some deep issues there and remeber those ppl that did those bad things where also addicts no excuse just saying I think you probably need some indepth rehab my first step might be a N.A meeting they really help also if I can ask do you have a belief in the Lord cause giving it all to him is amazing truly can get you any thing! if you want to talk about the Lord or anything pm you are loved sweetie I love you and God loves you God Bless
gerirose

[beenthere125]

Wow...you're not alone. Read my journal. At my worst I was taking about 17 at a time...but I took them every 4 hours!...and I've been doing it for over 5 years. Today is the first day that I've only taken 3 in the morning and I'm actually feeling okay. I feel for you and the life you've led...I lived in a abusive household with alcoholic parents who didn't give a damn. So...I do understand violence, drugs and abuse. You came to the right place for support. I've only been on here less than a week...and already I know I wouldn't have made it this far without this forum and the amazing people who have supported me. Tapering is you best option with Tylenol 1's. I just gradually took a pill or two less each time until I was down to only taking three at a time. Last I had any was this morning at 6am...it's now 1 pm and surprisingly...I have no headache or major withdrawal symptoms. It can be done...and the worst part about these damn pills...it's not the codeine that'll do you in...it's the acetaminophen that will do MAJOR damage to your liver. It is possible to quit and I'm sure your not enjoying the buzz as much anymore...so why do we keep doing these things?? I have 5 pills left...and let me tell ya...I've been soooo tempted to just take 'em all and enjoy one last buzz. But it's a constant battle and after many health problems...enough is enough...I'm only 27 and I want to live long enough to have kids and watch them grow up...so here I am trying to stop a VERY nasty habit. Good news is...if you're a smoker...trust me...this is SOOO much easier to quit than cigarettes!
Good luck to ya...and feel free to ask me any questions...I'm a pro on Tylenol 1's now! lmao! Please take the time to read my journal or some of my other posts...it can give you an idea of what to expect.
Keep posting!
Melanie

[scaredOFreality]

thank you so much for posting it`s very nice to know that people care...i actually cried when i read these 2 posts because sometimes the world feels so lonely and sometimes it seems as if im the only one in it. the bad thing is i bought the tylenol 1`s...its like when i make up my mind thats it! i will take 10 then flush the rest down the toilet...i know stupid but its not the withdrawls that scares me it just the pain inside i guess and i am past the point of having fun but its like for that 20 mins that im high it feels good espessially since i havent been taking them on a regular bases for a coupkle weeks so the high is good again im just scared that i will go right back into it hard...the other thing is i smoke pot which isnt so bad because it calms me but i know its still a drug and i should nt smoke it cause i have a child thats more important but anyway i dont wave any weed so it`s like jumping from one addiction to the next i know the only way i will be able to stay sober is if i go to counceling and aa meetings because i will have support but i have no one to watch my son...can i take him with me to  Aadac? i know theres a way im probley just making up excuses

[LexiDoodle01]

Im sorry you have been through so much , Thats hard to deal with and im sure that it is going to take you a while even after the drugs to get everything out and dealt with , Just take one day at a time and know that you are in the right place for help and support

<3 Lexi

[beenthere125]

Wow...we really do have a lot in common. I've smoked pot fdaily or years and still do. I have every intention of quitting that too...but I'm taking this one addiction at a time. I'm not in a good place financially and if I try too much all at once...I'll be setting myself up for failure. And yeah...I understand the crying bit...I did the same thing when I first had people respond to me on here. We're so used to worrying about what people would say if they knew...that it's always great when the responses you get are from people who really do understand. Don't beat yourself up over buying more...maybe try the tapering thing I suggested...you may find that works best for you. Oh...and one thing I forgot to mention in my last post...stop feeling guilty for all that you've done wrong...it's time to start feeling good about the things you're doing to change it. I don't know about bringing your son with you to meeting...but I'm sure if you called them...they might have options for single parents with no babysitters.
Lottsa hugs!
Melanie

[cathy5841]

i am sorry for your story.  you are so smart to want to break this cycle before it affects your son.  maybe you could an aa/na meeting in your area, so you could get out.  this forum is a great place but, you need outside counselling.  not just for the drug issues but to help you deal with your past.  i am really proud of you for taking the 1st step towards regaining your life.  can you set up your profile so i can pm and add you to my friends list?

[scaredOFreality]

thanks for you post as well. My grandma was always kinda religouse in her own kind of weird way so thats how i starrted praying and stuff so i do pray...this probley sounds kind of weird but im not totally sure if there is a god but i like to think there is...i even starrted thinking that maybe i should start going to church and stuff because i wasent sure what else to do..i like the idea of a higher power looking out for my son so thats manly why i pray...somethings you just cant stop so i ask "god" to look out for my son and protect him i also pray to "god" to give me strength to kick the addiction and for me to be a better mother...im sure that if there is a god he cant make me be a better mother but i  ask to give me the   will power and strength and courage to quit so that i can be a better person and a better mother...i sure this doesnt make much sence but it sounds better when i think it lol

[poetrygirl1960]

Good advice on conquering one addiction at a time.  I started getting clean the last week in January and I didn't think it was even possible.  I am still shocked that I've come this far, and you too will go far.  It really is SO possible!  I would suggest a treatment plan as Gerirose said because you have so many more issues than just drug use.  I think with most of us that is the case.  I have gone through 10 lifetimes in this one life and when I first went in to rehab I just had to keep telling myself the bad stuff in my life was part of my past and I was not allowing it in to my present and future.  My mother gave me valium when I was nine because I was hyper, my grandfather was alcholic and sexually abused me - still have some hate issues there, I had uncles and aunts that were alcholics, and my brother who I looked up to as a god had some very intense addictions.  I'm not trying to make this about me, but the point is all of this happened way before I started using.  I was in my early 30's and had all of my kids by the time I started abusing pills, and the hardest to get off of was Darvocet.  Everyone scoffs at that as if it was only candy, but I guess it was just my thing.  Anyway I'm sure most of us have lots of precursors to our addictions besides the fact that we were born with these lovely addictive personalities!  You are young, you have a son, and you have already admitted you have a problem.  Those are some great things on your side, good luck honey!  Gerirose is also on target when she says Jesus loves you and you are worthy, he makes us worthy.  I could not have done any of this had it not been for my faith.

Lisa

[worried878]

Does tylenol one have codeine in it?  I realize I should be familiar with it and will google it...have heard of tylenol 3 in the hospital but not "one"   I am so sorry for all u r going thru...neither of u are alone...and just to keep it straight...r u both CT/quitting right now?  I know I had some days where the depression felt so intense...had crying jags and the whole nine yards...it passes and gets so much better...r u both taking the amino acids and the vitamins you need during detox?  exercise also helps the doomers go away...u 2 keep posting..ya hear!  lol

[scaredOFreality]

yes tylenol 1's have codien and here in canada u dont need a prescription for it so its so easy to get. i would love to go to rehab but i dont feel like i have that choice because my mother in law already wants my son so if i went to rehab that would be a good reason for her to take him away...i am with my son 24/7 and dont have anyone to watch him except for my mother in law(when its good for her that is)...she took him for a month one time and by the time the month was up she did not want to bring him home...alot of the time i think she is there to help becasue she did say she wanted to give me a break to get my act together (does not know about the pills) but like i said she was reluctant to bring him home(when she did bring him home my son starrted calling me by my name might i add) but i will look into out patient treatment as long as it doesnt cost much or if i can get it through welfare...the only thing thats stopping me is my excuses i guess cause im sure i can find a sitter for my son its just i dont trust anyone lol. Oh and thank you poetry girl for telling me your story it's good to hear other peoples stories so thank you all

[raventwo]

I rarely post, once in awhile i stumble across someone's post that really grabs & pulls at my heartstrings, and boy if your story doesn't scream for some love, i don't know what would! I am so busy on this forum trying to get help for my own self, thats why i dont post much on other peoples posts, but I have to tell you, I feel for you so so deeply. I cannot imagine the life you have had, and your only 21 yrs old! I cannot help but to be totally pissed off at the people that were supposed to be there to PROTECT you, not HURT you, and that's exactly what they have done, and they wonder WHY your addicted to pills???? I COMPLETELY blame the adults in your situation. HOW DARE they raise you the way they did, and then have the nerve to make you feel like you are unworthy of anything!? You are 21 yrs old, YOU ARE STILL A BABY! You should have had love, & guidance, and somebody that was supposed to be looking out for your best interests, and protecting you. And you had the exact opposite. YOU ARE WORTHY, you are loved, you have a beautiful son to remind you every day, how much you are loved, and the people on this forum, including myself, will show you how much we care for you and love you, and don't even know you! But guess what? WE CAN SEE somebody in pain, who is suffering daily, and is blaming herself, and please you have no reason to blame yourself at all! Please don't do that- Listen, You are STRONG, mentally & physically, YOU HAVE to be, look at what you went through, and you came out of it. Yes you are still suffering for it, and what those people did to you, your taking the guilt they should all feel, & your putting it on you, and YOU dont deserve that!  I'm sorry to say, but your gma your aunt, these people that were supposed to protect you, should be held liable and should have to pay for their mistakes. I also don't believe in blaming the adults in every case for what we do when we are adults, HOWEVER, I do blame the adults when they coached us, showed us how to do things, NEVER taught us right from wrong, the things that are soooooo not normal, they make as if it were normal. I believe in spanking, BUT NEVER to the extent of blood or physically & brutally hurting a CHILD!! I believe that the world has gotten soft, and the reasons kids do the things they do, is because we aren't tough enough, but TOUGH with LOVE, & guidance. We dont stick to our punishments, we give in, we don't make kids say "yes m'am, yes sir", we allow them to treat adults as if they were kids! And the parents are at fault for that. I dont mean to go on a rant here, really- I dont mean to get political AT ALL either, just my opinions. I feel for you so much, I want to take you & your son, and just protect you & show you unconditional love, which to me sounds like you have never known.  I have a feeling or I know that you will know what NOT to do with your own son, and I belive that he will have an over abundance of love & guidance from you, because you will give him everything that you didn't get growing up. Thats why its so important to hang in there, & continue to be strong, you can get through this, you WILL get through this, you will show all of them just how worthy you are, and most of all you will show yourself. We dont know how much strength we really have until we are pushed to the edge. You have been pushed, now it's time to start pushing back. Keep coming on this forum, I will continue to look out for your posts, and I will continue to support you in any way that I possibly can as will all of the wonderful people on here!! Your son deserves as mother, he deserves you, and you deserve him! Your family however, NONE of them deserve either of you, and it sounds like your bf is on their bandwagon! I'm sorry, if I sound so harsh on your family, but like i said- they were supposed to be there to protect you, and guide you, and they let you down, immensely. And I know you don't want pity, and i dont mean to pity you but damn- its wrong! its just plain wrong what you have had to endure in your short life. If your alone at home, use the time, when you get it, because  raising a baby is ALOT of work, but try & read lots of books if you can, good self help books, get your hands on as much material as you can, & just immerse yourself in it, and just use the time to educate yourself, and make yourself stronger, by the minute, not that your not educated i dont mean that at all!! but just use the time to learn about everything you can, and about what you love, do you have a hobby? if you had the chance, what would you want to do with your life? school, be a career woman, etc...? But you can do it, you CAN & WILL come out on top!!! PS: YOUR NOT PATHETIC BY ANY MEANS, YOU ARE LOST, BUT YOU WILL FIND YOUR WAY AGAIN!!! All my love, lots of hugs & kisses as well to you and your son!!! XXXOOOO

[scaredOFreality]

THANK-YOU!!! You are such a loving caring giving person i cannot believe what you typed it's just so touching and i just dont know what to say...i just starrted sobbing literally when i read what you said...im not sure if you read the part were i said im yelling at my son but i do and i have to say it again because i need to let people know for that reason im a terrible mother cause like you said i should know what NOT to do with my son and whats wrong and whats right...i told my self that i would never treat my son the way i was treated and the yelling that i grew up with was horrible so i told my self i would never ever do that to my son...i failed at being a mother in a way because i catch my self yalling at him...my little 2 year old boy...how am i able to do that and feel good about myself....then i take more pills because i feel so dam guilty....ahhhhh!!!! i try and bite my tounge go for a smoke count to 5 it works and then other times it doesnt i know its horrible but dont get me wrong its not constant but yelling at him once is bad enough...cause it's not his fault he's just alittle boy and he's learning through me and let me tell you he's picking up on some off my bad behavior...like if i get mad about something i dont handle it well sometimes and i can see that when he gets upset about something he REALLY gets upset...he's a very good little boy and soooo sweet. I need to say this because i am not innocent when it comes down to getting anger and yelling at him...i AM trying to do things different does anyone have any advice on how to control anger? I am going to attend a parenting course because like i said in my other post if i damage him thats it i have failed in life FORSURE and thats one thing that i cannot fail at...i know that he's only 2 so if i stop this ridiculous behavior NOW he will be fine and not remember that mommy yelled at him...this all goes back to my addiction to the pills cause like all you guys probley know that when your stressed or if something bad happens the addiction sounds pretty good...of course in the end you feel worse but at the moment its good....it's just so sickening to think that i do that to him but i know that if i keep beating my self up it wont get better itll just get worse because i feel worse. so when ever i let my voice raise to him i immediately feel guilty and i just think it's not exceptable AT ALL but in the end guilt will eat me up so i just try and deal with it better the next time. If i sound like im making up excuses im not i know how that effects a person and alittle child so i just wanted to vent on that one as well...

[raventwo]

You yell at your son? I yell at mine, did I yell at him when he was 2, hell yeah! If you don't spank him, you raise your voice so he knows your not playing, and your yelling at him, because he's doing something wrong. I mean, we do that, because we have to protect them, from hurting themselves. some yell, some might smack their hands, you know what i mean. I'm not saying, that you should be beating your child, but a pop on the diaper butt, doesnt hurt anybody. And if you find, that you are screaming at your kid, for no reason at all, then you realize it, because your saying it right now. But please, your finding reasons to hate yourself, and there is just no need for that. You are saying, hey i yell at my son, he's only 2, but i yell at him, i am a horrible mother!! But your not, but these people have broken you down so much, that you feel like everything you do, or say, is wrong, and do NOT let them do that!  ARE YOU ABUSING your son?? Do you find yourself just at the edge, and unfortunately he may have to hear mommy and she's not so happy, but do you think you are abusing him? From what I have read, I dont feel that that is the case. I feel that you are in a bad place, I feel that these people have or are trying to push you down, and I feel you are on the edge, but I also feel like you may feel that you need to constantly be punished for something, and you don't!! You realize you have a problem with the pills, you realize what your triggers are, now we just need to figure out, how to get you wiened down, to the point that you don't need anything somehow without you having to hand him over to the open arms of your mother in law just waiting for the opportunity to take him and not give him back!!  You will get the help, love, and understanding you need from us here, now I know that it probably will take more than this, I dont know, i just know I see a girl who is 21 yrs old, who is a young adult, raising a baby, and she's been through hell & back, and is still punishing herself, and is having problems, but we are all human! We all make mistakes! ANd guess what, nobody is perfect!! we will continue to make mistakes!! BUT we learn from them! And once your in a better place, state of mind, you will see this!! I promise! You know what to do, & what not to do, but guess what, YOUR NOT HEALED YOURSELF, and your trying so hard, to not be what they were to you, to your son- i can't imagine! I really can't. Still dealing with life like that, and on top of it, trying to be happy, and loving to your son, when it sounds like you barely love yourself? Please, please, just realize you ARE stronger than that!! YOU know what you can be, you know you are a great mother! you love your son and thats what matters  most, you would never harm him, or let anybody else harm him for that matter, you would protect him with your life right? We all are good mothers, are we perfect no, never will be, atleast I KNOW i never will be, but my kids know I love them, they know I would never let anybody hurt them, and they know I would die for them, and thats all they need to know.  WE ARE HERE FOR YOU! WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU!! You can do this, I'm telling you, I KNOW you can!!

[scaredOFreality]

No now that i have read what you said no i dont abuse him...i dont beat him...sometimes when i do give him a spank he trys to sit down really quickly  so a couple times i missed and spanked his back which of course i would feel guilty because it would hurt him because as we know the diapers are cushioned so i spank him harder on the diaper then i would on the hand...but not to the point were he's being abused...in the beginning i wouldnt even spank him but i realized that you gotta do what you gotta do to get them to understand that whatever they did to get the spank or slap on the hand is not tolerated so No i dont abuse him but i know that i need to cut the yelling out in some cases because in sertain situations it wasent called for...thanks again for the advise and you helped me once again thank god for people like you...i didnt really think posting would help but the first reply i got really did help and like i told another women on here in a matter of hours i went from totally feeling depressed to loved and if i feel this good about my self just from what you and a couple people have said i know theres hope...i also know that just because i feel good now there will be other days that i will feel like **** but just wanted to let you know that you really have helped ALL OF YOU!!

[beenthere125]

Okay...look...it hurts me to even hear you say you've failed as a mother. You haven't!! How do I know? Because you feel soo guilty over yelling at him! Yes...he's only two...but remember girl...no one is perfect and you've led one of the most tragic lives. The good news for you...is if you set yourself straight now...he'll never remember you getting upset for the little things...he'll remember all the effort you put into trying to be the best mother you can be now. If you weren't a good mother you wouldn't be feeling guilty over all of this.

Best advice for controling your anger: Everytime you get upset...stop...count to 10 outloud or in your head. Ask yourself what your angry about and then crouch down to his level and explain to him in a calm voice why you're upset. I know it may sound corny...but try it...I gaurantee it will work!!

Hope you're doing okay!! And raventwo...that was a beautiful message!

Melanie

[johnnykelly]

IM Sorry ,you are i dire need of (INPATIENT) rehabilitation help,and please dont use,the i have a child excuse.The way that you are abusing yourself eventually that poor child will be forcibly be rewmoved.At this time if you truly face your demons,the law will be on your side,as the best place for a child is with its mother.But if you continue the three places that you will call home will be Jails, institutions and the last step will be Your Death.What a wasted life and a child to grow up without any guidance and love,possibly to follow in your pathetic footstsps.I want you to make some calls in the morning and try to get yourself some help.People admire people that look for help and people who dont,well they get what they refused to put in. Go get some help,as you are terminally ill

[raventwo]

I SECOND THAT!! That is ABSOLUTELY PERFECT! And no it doesn't sound corny, yes you have to get down on there level, and explain the best way they can understand. Scared, you can do this, and beenthere is soooo right, when she says, no way have you failed because look how upset you are over yelling at the little man!! YOU HAVE HEART!!! AND THATS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!! HEART!!! and when you got heart, well- that's all we need to know! AND we all knew you had heart by your post! So, I already knew the answer to the "do you abuse him" question, I know you don't, You love him! Your yelling because your protecting him, & yes you are also on the edge, but your reaching out, and that's #1!! Trust me honey, you will find the support here! I promise! I didn't believe it either, I was on here for my husband's problems, and the second i posted, just thought I would see, because I had been lurking around the forum first, and knew the people here had such compassion for others, that I couldn't go wrong, and sure enough without fail, BOOM- their they were! All willing to help, and all with open arms! And if i can help anybody in the slightest, I know I can't go wrong either!! So, here we are, with open arms, telling you we're here for you, you are loved, you are worthy, you are a great mother, and YOU WILL CONQUER THIS!!! Keep your chin up! We are here for you!

[raventwo]

I'm sorry, did I miss something??? What was that about? As I am completely lost here?

[scaredOFreality]

Wow...im not sure if you read my FIRST post or my SECOND or THIRD but im not using my son as an excuse I BLAME MY SELF AND ONLY MYSELF. There is a nice way of telling someone to get help just like the many caring paople have already...terminally ill??? I did not come on here to be critised and feel worse about my problems and dont think for one minute that YOU helped me realize that im hurting my son I ALREADY KNOW THAT!!! Didnt i say "it sounds like im making alot of excuses IM NOT i just cant believe how thought less people can be...and another thing...you said that people admire people who seek help...what the hell do you think i just did...if you cant be supportive dont comment. MY SON MEANS THE WORLD TO ME OTHER WISE I WOULDNT GIVE A **** i cannot believe how ignorant you are especially saying that my son is gonna follow my pathetic footsteps YOU obviously have no idea about addiction and you sure as hell have nothing good to say  and by the way you should read it more carefully I posted the forum not raventwo.




THANKS TO EVERYONE ELSE THAT DIDNT JUDGE!

I appreciate the advice beenthere and raventwo and i do go to his level and talk to him in a caring manner but sometimes my anger gets the best of me but thanks so much for the kind words...at this point i just cant handle the negativity from people like johnny

[scaredOFreality]

that is why i didnt want to post

[lucyred68]

Hey , Hun, don't be so hard on yourself.  everyone loses it and yells at a two year old once in a while.  they aren't called the "terrible two's" for nothing! LOL  anyway, you were saying that you have no friends.  That is a problem in many ways.  we all need someone to talk to about our bproblems and to listen to about theirs and love them anyway.  You said that you were considering going to church.  That could be a good idea.  also it would be a good place to find some friends that aren't into drugs. There are many churches full of loving people who would welcome you into their congregations.  Look for one with an active young adult group. there should be one in your area that has a young parents group.  try a few till you find one that is welcoming and where you feel comfortable.  i know, if you came to ours, you would be welcomed, mothered and loved.  

I'll be praying for you and your son.  you both need some love in your lives and friendship.

Lucy

[raventwo]

Yeah, Johnny boy needs to keep his negativity to his damn self, and thats the kind of post that medhelp SHOULD be deleting! The nerve of this person! You are at a delicate state right now, and of all things this loser says, he wants to say such horrible things?? Thats what happens when people sit up on there pedestals, and JUDGE!! Just what we're not here to do AT ALL!! Go to another forum johnny boy, and pipe up somewhere else, where YOU HAVE WALKED IN THAT PERSONS SHOES! YOU KNOW THE EXPRESSION, WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES, THEN GET BACK TO ME!! He has no CLUE whatsoever what your going through at all!! So, don't even let him discourage you in any way, ignorant, that's what that post was, stupid & ignorant! So, WE the rest of us, are here for you, don't let one dumba** discourage you from coming on! And that's why I was like, "what are you talking about? did i miss something here"??? Well, i agree with lucy, if you can get to a church, and get around people that are just Pure POSITIVITY do so! They have the daycare for the kids especially, and I bet your son would love, love to hang out with some other kids, how fun for him huh?? Sweetie, we are here for you, like i said, and like i will continue to say, your a great person, and the first step is to admit you have a problem, and you've done that! This guy is clueless!!!!! Love ya babe!!!! XXXOOOO

[raventwo]

Ok, sorry- should have probably went about that johnny post with a little more dignity huh? like you, guess my anger got the best of me! oops! hard to see somebody attack somebody you care about without piping up! Especially when that person has no clue whats going on, & what your looking for is just positive reinforcement, & to come on here and say something so utterly ridiculous, & attack is just down right abusive, & uncaring & insincere, & negative.  SO, Scared, please forgive my own ignorance! Maybe I should have just went about it a little more subtly (sp?)!!  :)  love you!

[worried878]

I read that post earlier and was wondering where that came from....we all have bad days I guess...I know I do...we are here to support each other on those days...I really dont like posting when I feel weak about something as I dont like to deter others by thinking it still is a battle sometimes later on...I can see how negative posts in return can damage an already bad day...please keep posting...lots of support here

[toxictome]

Welcome to the forum..THis is a great place for help and support. It looks like you have already gotten a lot of good advice. I dont' know about Canada, but here in the states a lot of churches have "MOPS" programs.   It is a group for mothers of preschoolers...anyone can attend...check out your  local churches and see if they have anything like that. It will help you make some new friends with other mothers of young children...and give your son a chance to meet some playmates....
It sounds like you know exactly what you need to do....you may want to taper a little if you don't have anyone to help you w/ your son.         Good luck

Keep posting...we're here for you! Take care!!!

[scaredOFreality]

LOL! i as well thought about what i typed and yes i let the jerk get to me but i figured he should know my thoughts on his comment...it's nice to have some back up though lol thanks you guys! It really pissed me off when he had the nerve to comment on how wasted my life is and how my son would fallow in my "pathetic" footsteps...and the terminally ill thing sure caught my eye lol i know i got problems but come on. Anyway forget him all the positive feed back cancelled out that ONE negative comment! Enough of that...i wanna comment about what i had said before about having no friends...i have friends i just dont go out with them because for so long i isolated my self and i just dont know how to have fun or act without the booze and the drugs...which im sure is a commen thing to go throght after...im also a VERY shy person...i couldnt even look at a boy till i starrted drinking and doing drugs...it's like i have to start way back to when i was 12 and work my way up to 21...i heard that when you start abusing drugs you stop maturing,...i also heard on "dr phil" lol that it takes a year to function normally...i was so happy when i heard that because i wouldnt wanna be messed up for ever. The thing that hurts the most is that i was taking these stupid pills since my son was born and i know i said that i never starrted taking pills for pain but i guess in a way i did but it was never really all because of pain(They forgot a stich in me and it got infected) anyway i was doing thwe pills when my son was born so its like i never really got to enjoy my son when he was a little baby...i robbed him of that bonding time and that just really kills me cause there is no going back but i know i cant change the past but i can change the future so thats what im trying to do. yes your right church would be an excellent place to find some good healthy people to talk to. Im excited to change my life but theres one thing i know i need to do and it's really going to sux...me and my bf my baby's father can no longer stay together because we got together for all the wrong reasons... but thats another story lol. Anyway i know that the daycare thing can be done i just have to sux it up and get out into the world and do my job...taking care of my son and give him a balanced life which would intale him going to daycare and being social! Then i can go back to school...easier said then done but gotta do what you gotta do....first things first i need to see a counceler so that i can deal with my self and everyone around me.


Thanks everyone for the support i havent felt this good in a long time. Raventwo your a lifesaver....you all have such kind hearts and i know i can do this!!  

[raventwo]

You know what?, I am very proud of you!  I know it's going to be hard, but after the life you have been brought up in, doesn't it almost seem like a cake walk? I mean, you have endured things, that people alot older than you have never endured, or haven't had to endure until they are older. YOU ARE 21!! YOU have your entire life in front of you, and that is exciting! You can be, & do anything you want to! When I was 21 I had a baby also, she was just about 2 weeks old, on my 21st. b-day, and i was with her father who was a complete loser! I mean, boy i could tell you some stories! Anyway- it's hard to change a life that you have lead for so long, or just try & be alone, even though you know it's the right thing. It's scary, because your so used to the way things are. But when i finally broke free, it was like I was a whole new person. yes, I had to "learn" all over again the whole dating thing, the games we play! OH MY! But it's EXCITING! And I know we're jumping here, kinda far out there, but you will have all that you want in time! You will. You have heart, your brave, & your so worth the best & only the best, and your son, also is so worth the best!! I applaud you, for making goals, & plans with what you want for your life!! I think that is also the first step in recovery! At least that's what I have read! It's great to have a plan,or you gotta have a plan rather! You are a trooper, and your son is going to benefit so much from your complete transformation!! Sorry it took me awhile to get online, worked all day- and WHAT A DAY I HAD! And you already realize, not to let that 1 negative post get to you! We both I guess need to learn to watch our "tempers" huh??! LOL!!! Keep on striving, & pushing forward!!! You my friend, are a great inspiration!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hugs & kisses XXXXOOOOO

[lucyred68]

about "johnnykelly" if you go onto page two of the forum, you will see what a hypocrit he is as he has been using much longer and is on percocet, oxy, and methadone.  all much stronger and more harmful than tylenol 1.

Lucy

[sortamental]

I just want to offer my support and friendship to you as well. I, too, isolate myself and choose not to have many friends in my life. The ones I do have, I don't open myself up to. It is important to have good friends you can trust though, and you are sure to find some here.

You and your son will be in my thoughts. Lots of love to you!

[scaredOFreality]

thanks so much for the kind words again....sortamental its nice to know that theres people that go throught the same situations...i really appreciate the love you all have for me and my son...you all are in my prayers as well



lucyred...i read the guys post and yah what a hyprocrit...i read another comment he left someone else...pretty much telling her she was "crazy" as well...it's funny what people have to do to make themselves feel good....

[raventwo]

AMEN SISTER! Yeah, it's amazing what people will say, when they are so low themselves that they have to put other people down just to build their own selves up! It's actually, sad & pathetic. Obviousely, Johnkelley has some very deep, emotional, problems as he continues to throw out there the "psychlogical" issues & "psychological help", that everybody else in his opinion, gravely needs, and then being a hypocrite on top of all that, well I guess what he's saying is that he really needs some psychological help, & maybe he's crying out for help from all of us??? hmmmm......what do you think? Ok- & that's my therapy session for him, for today, n/c for this advice! LOL!!!  Scared, and all you beautiful people, have a great, restful (if possible), night, sweet dreams, and to a brighter day tomorrow!!! Each day is new & offers new hope! GOODNIGHT! Give the little man some hugs & kisses, & tell him to give mommy bunches too!!

[raventwo]

SO, how are you doing today? the little guy? Just checking on you, let me know how it's going!!

[scaredOFreality]

When you relapse does that mean you dont REALLY want to quit??

[lucyred68]

no, hun, when you relapse, it just means you had a weak moment.  just pick up the peices, dust yourself off, and start again.  we all go through that.  i don't think anyone in here has gone trhough wd's without relapsing at least once!!

Lucy

[raventwo]

Just what lucyred said! Everybody relapses it's normal I believe to do that when your trying to get through it! So, don't beat yourself up, just like lucy said, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on pushing forward!  You can do it- we all know you can, and you know you can!! Your a tough woman! What is the plan? Talk to us, we're here for you!

[cathy5841]

hey girly, i am just stoppin in to show you some love and see how you are.  please ignore johnny, sometimes i think he post when he should just got to sleep lol.  keep on keepin on.  let me know if i can help ya.

[raventwo]

Hey girl, where are you? Is everything ok? Checking up on ya, please let me know your doing ok!! Kay?? :)   smooches!

[raventwo]

Ok girly, I haven't heard from you in a few days, are you ok? PLEASE let us know how your doing!  The last thing you asked was about relapsing, if you have it's ok! Its going to happen, please come talk to us! We are all here to support you throught his, the ups & downs, the bad & the good! Especially the bad- i'm sure you could use a friend right now, right? Let me know your ok, even if you just get on & say, hey i'm ok, thats all- just want to know your still hanging on!!! lots of love!

[raventwo]

yooowhoooo???? you there? just thought id check in again, it's sunday evening at 9:15pm my time, how are you? r u doing ok? the little man? Please, please, scared, just a quick note, to say, he all im fine, hanging in there, just dont feel like posting, now. ok- well if you get a chance please let us, let me know how we/i can help! thats what we're here for, strength and encouragement, when your feeling vulnerable, & let down!  much love!! XXOOO

[Bluntempire]

im looking for help......I am addicted to T-ones I have been for five years.. i started with 15 tablets a day I am now at 20 tablets in the morning and another 20 in the pm....I take anywhere from 40 too 50 tabs a day......I know that they will kill me it just seems like quitting is impossible......I dont know why im writing this.   I guess im just looking for someone that has been able to stop and how does one deal with the fallout

[laurel453]

Hi Bluntempire :)

welcome here !!

you are writing this because you want help to quit because you don't want to kill yourself... just like any of us here, we need help and support and we'll try helping you  but this is an old thread, why don't you copy your post and start a new thread ( green sign  above " post a question" )so that the members can get to know you and you can follow their answers much better ?