Bad Cravings

[coconuts27]

Im on day 2 again. I actually hit day 5 for the first time last week, but messed up wednesday nite while hangion out with friends. Friday nite I made the same mistake. Both times I asked no one for help. I just gave in to the temptation. Well today, the cravings are really bad. I am so tired. I keep fighting with my mom and my ex boyfriend. Even when I'm sleeping, I'm dreaming about hurting my mom. It's horrible. I'm exhausted, but my nightmares only allow me to sleep for about an hour at a time. I keep trying to find things to do. I'm making dvd's for my kids, slide shows of our good times. I miss them so much. I've spent half my day crying. I'm cleaning, watching movies. I been craving coke since the fight I had with my mom yesterday. I been pretty strong so far. But now I feel so weak. What I need is a phone call and 5 minutes away. I wanna throw my phones out the window. I want to feel better, but I need to be strong. It's tough cuz I finally got an appt with the treatment center. It's May 28. 17 days away. I know I can use today and still be clean by then. But I know I shouldnt. I need help. Somebody please talk me out of this.

[sadinmichigan]

LOL...are you still up?..obviously..(i know I'm one to talk,lol) I actually fell asleep and woke up to a freakin nightmare about my daughter. I did not hear from her today, forgot to tell you that, but I did the other one..so thats good.  You can call me anytime. I would much rather you do that than the dealers too. You are doing good..day 4 ids commin then5,6,7 etc..and you are right about the pills. Just try not to increase the amount of them to try and replace the coke. k..you already don't take near as many as most of us on here, so don't turn that into a bigger beast.  Love you girl..

[coconuts27]

Thank you everyone for your encouragement. I'm sure I dont have to try to explain how much it helps, but thank you. Gizzy and Corey and Worried, thanks so much for believing in me. I am happy to report that I did not use coke today. As much as I wanted to. That makes tomorrow day 3 and it does feel good. The vics are a different story, I know thats a demon I need to face really soon, but not yet. I think I will be much more successful if I can get the coke off my mind first. I do plan to start very very soon though. I have everything I need to succeed, I just need to wake up one day and find the courage to start. Thanks Lisa for calling when you did. I love talking to you, and your conversation is so much more interesting that my dealers, LOL. No seriously, I know that we are all living in our own h*ll. And one person's isnt any better than the next persons. But I do find strength in you, just like I find strength in encouraging others. I will keep posting, and I will not use cocaine. I've decided to stay away from all my friends for a while and call Lisa when I need to (hopefully I wont drive you crazy, lol). But thank you guys so much for being here. You are all true blessings.

[sadinmichigan]

Hi my girl...You are going to be ok..I have talked to you enough in my opinion that i feel like you are on the right track..yes...we alll have weak moments. and as I just told you. i do NOT suffer more than anyone else here...I love you and care about you.I have no corner market on suffering. I am not as strong as people think. I am just at a point in my life where I need to reach out to those who have gone before me and draw strength on them as well as my Lord...I am here for you and don't think for a second that I can't handle ot or have too much going on to care...I care deeply for all...that is human kindness.. That is the emotion that seperates the a&&es and the suffering..please...you are only a human. i have yet to meet a perfect one...including myself...Help your friend as best you can but recognize when you can't...love you girl....Lisa

[gizzy32]

you said yourself you made the mistake to ask nobody for help and caved in. the fact you posted here tells me you don't really want to use and im happy to see you reaching out. are your cravings still bad at this point? have they progressed at all? DO NOT BREAK. everytime you can get through a craving like this you will get stronger. stay busy and if you must stay on here or call a friend. do not let this drug trick you, fight this with all you have and wake up tomorrow feeling good about yourself. i wish you the best of luck.

p.s. the nightmares you are having now are common, but very scary but they will pass. please hang in there, you can do this

[corey411]

Glad you are fighting it....it feels really good to win so keep that in mind too. You will feel so much better tommorrow if you can post I didn't use.

[sadinmichigan]

calling you right now!!! Love you  lisa

[coconuts27]

Thank you for replying corey. I know no one's on here, but I'm trying to be strong. I use pain pills too. I'm trying to fight one at a time. My pain pills arent that bad, or werent that bad. I been takin like 2 norcos a day for two years. Since I been trying to get off coke I find myself binging on pein meds though. I know it really doesnt help, but it hurts so much. This thing with my kids is killing me. I am so angry and nothing helps. I keep trying though. I will read cathy's list now. Thanks for the suggestion and encouragement. Hopefully I'll get some sleep soon. I know that will make me feel better to. I'm gonna keep trying. I plan to stay on here til I get sleepy, that way I wont make the call. Thank you.

[worried878]

Corey is right...print that cravings list and keep it next to you....it helps...get busy and keep posting to keep urself strong...remember the reasons u want to quit...repeat them over and over...the vikes wont help anything...only make it worse...i am so tempted sometimes when i need energy to get some myself at times...read the list in the health pages...save it to ur desktop

[corey411]

Hi coconuts, Vics were my DOC. not coke but I can say from my experience that it is gonna take a little more time than this. You have slipped twice in the passed week and that has only made your today alot worse than if you hadn't. If you use right now tommorrow won't be any better, only worse. You will still have 16 days to rehab and this vicious cycle that our addiction trys to con us into to keep us using will continue on and on. You have to get strong and stay there. You will do alot better going into rehab if you have a little clean time under your belt. Please rethink this and find something else to occupy your time. DONT LET YOUR THOUGHTS STAY ON USING. Go to cathys craving list and how to intervien on a craving top right under health pages and READ. I hope tis will help..not alot are on posting right now. Please rethink this. You don't want to use or you would not be posting. Corey