Lookin for some serious help please

[lansing85]

I have been on extremely high doses of norco for some time now, the last year being the worst. This is my second day of Wes. It has been agonizing. I'm scared to death, I feel as if I'm mourning a friend... One how always made life a a lot easier. I don't know who I am now. I don't know how to get thru this. I feel like such a loser. Please offer something, anything that will help me thru.
God bless you all

[IBKleen]

Lansing, good for you that you are doing it this time. I really hope that you do get that aftercare that was suggested to you.

Recovery and being clean are two different things. Recovery begins when you begin to heal and I don't believe anyone can heal alone. Having outside support, such as meetings, is one way to go if you decide that works for you. There you can be around people just like you that understand what you are going through and understand your feelings. They can guide you and share their experience, strength and hope. There you can make new friends...clean friends who have found a better way. Give it a try and see if it works for you.

Here is the meeting locator link. No time like the present...

http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/

Keep hanging in there!

[scaredoutofmymind333]

You are doing great! Just keep hanging on. I know right now it seems like it is never ending, but the bad physical part will be over soon! When going through withdrawals there were times I had to white knuckle it and get through minute by minute. Try to find something, anything to take your mind off of this...even if it is only for a few minutes. A movie, a book, a crossword, a puter game. Any time you can divert your mind from the way you are feeling helps alot. Have you tried a hot bath yet? That helps alot. Make the water as hot as you can stand it and stay in as long as you can. Epsom salts in the water help too. Start preparing yourself for the mental of this battle, while not as painful as the physical, it is as hard and that is where aftercare will help. Just wanted to send some encouragement your way...stay strong and God Bless!

[lansing85]

Your words are EXACTLY what I needed to hear. You're right, gnarly, you are SO right. I just have to start believing it. I know I will make it, I know it will be a long road ahead and I will seek aftercare... I promise. I have had wds before when my pills ran out, but I always counted the hours until I could get a refill or make a phone call. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to wonder if I can attend a function, go to the gym or even make plans for vacation all around whether or not I will have the pills. That I have been doing for 8 years and that I am HAPPY to see go.

Please keep encouraging me. I feel so much on the edge and I want to stay away from it so badly, I don't wanna fall - not anymore.

[gnarly_1]

HI.....your going to make it over to the other side here shortly the shaking will stop the chills will go away you will begin to get your composure back....I cant over emphasize the importance of aftercare.....it will give you the strength to make it threw the mental battles that will have you doubting yourself...I always tell people this is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental
I never say it to play down the physical that part su cks but it is the mental part that breaks most people down you need to learn the tools and skills of how to go threw life without the pills....8 yrs is a long time you have long forgotten what normal is suppose to feel like
its going to take some getting use to....you will do fine in school without the pills
they cloud are thinking not make it clearer it all a delusion this weekends test will be a challenge you dont come off 450mg of hydro in a week mentally it going to be a wile b/4 your at 100% again with God and time you will heal...I just want you to know regardless of how long this takes ....it is so so worth it in the end hang in there ..keep posting good luck and God bless.....Gnarly        

[lansing85]

I, too have done many things I am not proud, all in the name of the pills. Sometimes, I still try to figure out how I got here. It's like I know, but I don't know... if that makes any sense. I'm just struggling so much with that calm feeling I always experienced while on them. Whether I had an arguement with someone I loved, had an exam coming, pressure at work, or had the flu, it didn't matter. I had my pills, so as far as I was concerned everything was going to be just fine.Everything could be handled... and it was. How do I learn to live without that crutch, that comfort of knowing that when I went to bed every night I could completely relax knowing that tomorrow would be a day I had my pills. So whatever was to come - Just Bring It On.

My semester is over in two weeks and I am just a few months from finishing grad school. I have worked so  hard, just months away from the degree I've dreamed of forever.  And I'm afraid I won't be able to do it now. I have an exam on Saturday and have NO idea how I'm going to pull it off at this point. I have managed to stay on the Dean's list the last 6 years of college, all on those stupid pills.I'm so fearful that's going to be my downfall, my demise - not knowing how to just "do life" without them. It scares me to death.

I'm praying hard that each minute gets easier. Saying my rosary, clutching it constantly and obsessed with thoughts of not making it as my body BEGS me for relief. It's like having this total disconnect between mind and body. Something I've never experienced to this degree.

I know it's only a matter of time before the wds begin subsiding. I  will admit though, that after 4 and a half days of this hell, my grip on it is loosening. It's like I'm in this deep hole and cannot even see the top - no light what so ever. But I will continue to seek your encouragement and I promise to hold as strong as I can.
You are helping - constantly giving me encouragement.

DayToTry - thanks for your words that remind me of what has to be done. I just have to find a way to keep these powerful pleas of relief at bay - the ones pleading for just a few pills. I want to prove I can do it.

God Bless.
Stay Well.

[DayToTry]

But eventually you'll be able to do all those things WITHOUT pills.  How nice to not have to think about pills.  Unfortunately the energy level and motivation are the last things to return but they will return.  Its way worth it in the end lansing.

[duluthguy]

Our situations are so alike- I don't remember the real me, did I even like me back then? I am ashamed at how I was a couple days ago tho, so anything would be better than that... I had to take anxiety medicine before I started on percs, will I have to again? I actually stole pills from a good friend, will I have the strength to ask him to forgive me when this is over? There are many things and situations that will come up as obstacles, lets just pray we can meet them head on- sober and with a clear mind!! god bless and keep in touch, its encouragement for me right now! Thanks so much

[lansing85]

I can totally relate to you that it takes an obscene amount of pills to make any difference - remember, I was taking 450 mg of norco each day up until a few days ago. I still cannot believe it got that high. I was just thinking earlier today that last year at this time I was taking about 250 mgs a day and how it has been basically doubled in this last year. I have been taking them for about 8 years and truly feel as though I'm mourning the loss of a friend... one that was behind everything I accomplished and my mind believes everything now, esp finishing grad school, will be impossible without it. Such a warped way of thinking. I think if I would have started today with a lessening in my wds, my attitude would have been a bit more positive. But since it's been the same each day so far, I'm truly beginning to feel discouraged. Once today I even caught myself thinking "is this worth it? Is going through this going to be to my benefit? Will I still like myself. Will I still sleep well, have enough energy to work full time, finish grad school full time, work out everyday, and feel happy?? For me, the pills weren't necessarily a way to feel numb or hide from pain. For me, they were a mood enhancer. One that just lifted my spirits and made me feel a little happier. That's hard to have to let go of.

I hope you are doing ok today. It's nice to have someone to talk with that understands what I'm going through. And by the way, thanks for keeping my head where it should be. Because I was MIGHTY close to making a phone call, but I didn't and I'm praying my rosary twice every day that I do not.

you hang in there too.

[duluthguy]

That phone is my enemy right now as well... But I just keep remembering that  I have to get clean, I need so so many pills for them to work- even then I dont feel good with them anymore... Hang on, it will progressively get better-

[lansing85]

Thank you for your comments. I hope you are doing well. It's so hard, almost impossible to bear. I thought it would get better by Noe, but it hadn't eased up at all. Very discouraging. I'm trying do hard to stay focused but finding it ridiculously hard. Came soooo close to making a phone call that would make it all go away...

[duluthguy]

I am on day 2, a few hours from day 3- You are so so close to going over the peak and down the other side... I am having the waves of pins and needles right now as I type, hot flashes and pain, sneezing nonstop, almost almost unbearable. But I know for a fact you are so close to the peak, could break at any minute... Minutes seem like hours right now but just keep it up, it is getting better!!

[lansing85]

Day 4. It feels the same as the first couple. I'm beginning to feel like it won't get better. I can't stop shaking, my body is riddled with physical pain, and I'm so weak that walking is a chore. How do I stay strong and focused? It's getting harder and harder.

[duluthguy]

I was on morphine 200mg and percocet 8 10mg a day for 2 1/2 years, quit yesterday. I quit once in may and relapsed in june (5 weeks) and now i'm doing day 1, boy is it tough. My wife at this point thinks i have the flu or strep or something, I haven't told her what it is, altho i cannot get any more pills after a long talk with my doc. He gave me clonidine and promethazene or something like that and told me the next 4 days would be uncomfortable- I know it seems impossible when the poison is calling for more poison, I just forgot how hard it was. I sure am thinking of others in my position out there. BTW I did try taking an adderall to help, it didn't help in the least, the only thing it did was keep me awake and concentrated on the pain!! What a mistake... good luck and god bless, the power of a sincere prayer is unbelievable too....

[gnarly_1]

HI  dose wile give it more intensity but its length of use that maters more you been on them a wile most withdrawals are a 4 day ordeal physically coming out of it on day 5 the mental
end can go on a wile longer that and overall recovery time....its going to take a month to feel like yourself again but the physical part should be over in a couple of days....we highly recommend some form of aftercare to help you deal with the mental mindscrew of living without the pills the cravings and triggers you will have to deal with both N/A and A/A offer free programs that work if you work them it will also give you somewhere to vent and shair
how your feeling with others that will understand....your doing good so far just hang in there
you should be seeing the light real soon keep posting for support good luck and God bless,,,,,Gnarly

[lansing85]

Well, I'm 37 and been on norco 8 yrs. This last yr outa control. My dosage is/ was 45 - 10 mg pills a day. That's 450 mgs each day. Will it take me longer to wd because of my dose?

[scaredoutofmymind333]

It is all worth it, and you would be suprised, I am sure that our eyes wouldn't pop out over your dosage. When I went to a pain control doc, I was on a dose of oxycodone so high that it had to be compounded by a pharmacy and delivered to my door monthly, and I took that three times a day plus 8 tabs of oxycodone 10mg a day for breakthrough pain. I cold turkeyed off very high doses of that about three years ago and remember shaking as bad as you are now. Methadone is worse, so please don't think about that. It is so very worth it. Withdrawals vary person to person and the dose you were taking, your age, the length of time taking, and how many times your have withdrawn all seem to factor in. You really are towards the end of the physical part, you should be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel by now, the physical part affects most people for 4-5 days. Just keep reminding yourself that every minute that passes you are closer to feeling better. Again, I know how hard it is, I lost alot of weight with my withdrawals too, but force liquids in! It is so important. I also drank lots of boost and/or ensure to help keep my protein and vits in, cause I couldn't even think of eating through it! Please keep us posted! Congrats on taking this enormous step and you are almost past the worst physical part.

[lansing85]

I just read on some internet thing that it takes 14 days to get thru physical wds from opiates.... PLEASE tel me that's not true. I don't think I could handle it.... I know I couldn't. Does it go by how much you are taking? Because if that's the case, I'm probably screwed. I don't even know you guys, you don't know me, and I'm still ashamed to tell you just how much I could take every day and feel fine.And I dont mean "High, fine". I mean absolutely normal fine. Your eyes would pop out. I probably broke some sort of record for the most ever taken in a day.

My hands are shaking so badly and these tremor-like feelings are horrible. I've lost 4 pounds in three days. Haven't had my head out of the toilet for more than 2 hrs at a time. Trying to drink water, ginger ale but everything sounds sooo NASTY.

Please remind me that this is all worth it? My mind keeps filling with visions of the easier life I had just 4 or 5 days ago.I'm in grad school and I have straight A's. What will happen now? I have been on these meds for 8 years and all I ever dreamed of was this degree. I'm not sure I can do it without my "help".

Nights are rough. The worst part of the day. But I will pray that maybe tomorrow will be a bit better. Thank you soo very much for helping me thru this.

[DayToTry]

You said you don't even get high from them any more they only make you feel "normal" now.  The thing is, if you just stick with this WD and make it thru you can feel "normal" WITHOUT the pills.  Now how great will that be!!!!  

Ok you may not feel normal tomorrow but you didn't only take those pills 3 or 4 days either right.  It'll take you just awhile, but ahhhh the feeling of being done with them.  It's freedom.

Hang in there lansing ...  3 days is awesome!

[scaredoutofmymind333]

Day 3 is great, you need to be proud of yourself! Don't give up now or like gnarly said, this will have been in vain! Remember every withdrawal gets worse, so you don't want to go through this agian and it will be even harder! You are almost at the point of feeling physically better. The mental takes a little longer and a little more work, but you will get there too. There is nothing amazing about us, we just got sick of being chained to a pill bottle and it sounds like you are too! You will find that life is enjoyable, fun, and manageable without pills, better without the fog off pills! Please remember to gets lots of fluids in while you are sick...you can dehydrate! Please keep us updated on how you are!

[gnarly_1]

HEY....well your making it congrats on day 3 for most its usually a 4 day deal with day 5 seeing the light some get lucky and its a 3 day deal no two withdrawals are the same
hang in there your almost there dont give in now ore everything you have gone threw will be in vein you can make it one more day if you made it this far hang in there keep posting for support we all want to see you succeed good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  

[lansing85]

Thanks again for all the comments. But, if I'm being honest, I am truly missing what I thought was the reason my life was the way it was... productive, and happy. It's like telling yourself if you go with out your diabetes meds or high bl pressure meds, you would become ill. That is how I have justified these meds. I was never "high". I just felt normal. My tolerance just got so extremely high that there was no longer any possible way of keeping up. I don't remember who I used to be. People are used to happy me. Now I am literally crawling to the bathroom as my legs are so painful and weak and my back so locked in pain that standing and walking has become  a treat. This is day 3. When does it make the bend for the better? I dont think I'm strong enough... I want to be, but it's like a wounded monster inside - begging me to put a stop to all this wd crap and go look for something to ease it. I am going thru this with nothing except tylenol and a few ativan I had that were like a hundred years old.
Once I convince myself that I can normal again without the pills, maybe things will change. I just haven't been able to yet. The people on here who have gone thru this and come out the other side are truly amazing.I hope the tears and dispair come to an end. I will keep coming on here. please don't forget me!!

[joyagain]

Hi .  I am 39 and have been taking a large amount of norco, percocet for about a year.  I do not know how to cope right now either.  I am just shy of 30 days clean, and I have to tell you that the first few days are very hard, but it does get better.  It doesn't get better right away.  The coping part is very hard.  I have kids, and worked full time and did school function, worked out.  I do not know how to cope with my current life right now without the pills.  This is a struggle.  It seems as though what will happen is you will have to be ok with letting go of a lot of the things you were keeping up with before.  You have to pick them back up in baby steps, and I mean baby steps because once the physical w/d wares off you still have a little physical and certainly a lot of mental/emotional healing to do.  Get some counseling and aftercare and don't expect things to happen right away.  Just make it to those meetings to listen to others and feel comfort that you are in a safe place there.  I am doing 7 days a week, by force for the trouble I have caused myself, but I have to say that it is a good thing.  The people at thos meetings will help you.  Have you thought of treatment center?  About the Thomas recipe... hyland restful leg for rls is good, melatonin for sleep, protein.  Listen to some U2, they have wonderful inspirational songs that have to do with addiction.  I sat plugged into them for days when I couldn't cope.  Go for a drive, take motrin and tylenol.  Hot baths.  Watch movies.  Keep posting I don't know what I would have done if it weren't for the people on this site......Joy

[throwindatowl]

  Be proud of yourself! Its hard I know. You want to take the step in the right direction and thats a huge thing to be proud of. Its alot harder to keep on using than quiting. Im finding out  the hard way. Not proud but honest. They say staying clean is the hard part and its oh so true. Dont be to scared. Be proud. Not to proud to not go get help. NA AA whatever it takes. I do remember my first rodeo-quiting attempt. It was worse than seeing a ghost. Ill keep working on me. You keep doing what your doing. Never stop fighting for yourself or give up on yourself. Thats something to be afraid of.

[DayToTry]

Lansing you'll be amazed at how proud of yourself you'll be in a few days.  Hang in there a little longer.  You'll start feeling better then you get this feeling like "Wow, I did it!"  You still have the mental battle to deal with but its actually fun counting days not using.  Woo Hoo I made it to a week!  Now 10 days!  Now 2 weeks ... a month!  

What you are doing is a very positive thing for your life. Keep telling yourself that you can do this ... its just temporary.  The clean afterward is permanent!