mother of 2 addicted to lortab wants help but cannot get it

[lacie510]

ok here i go so i am new here...this is a little about me..im a mother of 2 i have a 3 month and a 10 year old..i am a addicte and i am addicted to lortabs and tramdol...i have been on lortabs for about 12 years now and tramdol..well maybe 6 years or so...i cant really tell u how meny i take cause i dont count them..but it goes something like this i get 180 lortabs a month the 7.5/500 and i will go through them withen somewhere around 10 days ya scary i know...the tramdol i get 60 about every 10 days...they last maybe i week..i try and save my tramdol for when i run out of lortabs cause even though the tramdol..makes me sick it keeps me from going dope sick...then im finding myself begging trying to find someone to sale me something...so i had decided enough was enough..instead of chasing a pill i would love to be able to chase my kids around instead alot more funner..so ii found this website..found a place through here for my town..contact this doctor i guess left message never called me back...see its hard to get help where im from...if u go to a reguler doctor they will give u like  2 week supply say ok taper off and never come back haha yea right that does not work..tryed to detox at home nope didnt happen...ok so i found a detox center and rehab place in my home town called the hotline today..haha u know how meny thousdands of dollers they want to get into a place like that..for someone whit no credit no job and 2 kids surely cannot afford..i know u are gonna ask how i afford the pilss.well for 2 dollers a peice its cheap....and i only can get a very few...like maybe 10..so do the math..i do have medicade haha joke they wont help with something like this...im sorry it pisses me of that i want to get clean and stay clean but no one wants to help me...but yet they want to look down on u wtf....its ok for a doctor to get u on these u get hooked thats fine..u want to admit ur a addict and want help..hahahah....good luck the doc says..how in the world is that right..they see people like me dying our lifes destoryed then the medical communtiy just shakes there heads and are like we just dont know what to do to help these people..so lets do this nothing....well you know what if u would offer ur time to people like me who want and need help.there would be alot of us getting and staying clean thats what they want right??? or at least i thought so,...guess not....sorry so long im just so mad dont know where eles to turn or what eles to do but to stay this way...ive tryed going through the withdraws ive tryed tappering down ive tryed having a family memeber hold my pills for me...and it has not worked thanks for listening i guess since thats all anyone can do,.cause no one who can help will..man screw  my life...

[lacie510]

i have to say without everyone that is on here i dont know what i would be doing or how i would be doing this...having u all here that understand and care and u al have ur own problems also..and things to deal with but at the same time..u find the time to help me and others...i couldnt do it without this site well. not the site but the people that are on here...god bless each and everyone of u..it is awsome what u are doing to help me and others...even if it may seem like ti is not alot   trust me the wor ds that are typed from another person are wor th more then what it may seem like...everyone have a good night i am going to bed with positive thoughts about tomorrow and getting that conusling that i need..one foot in front of the other...one step at a time.and before i know i wil tackle this mountain with god and people like u all on my side..thank u and god bless

[atthebeach]

that is a huge step on the recovery road.good girl so proud of you that you made that phone call.  therapy is wonderful. it isnt a magic bullet. the healing doesnt happen in one or two sessions, but then again your addiction didnt happen in one or two sessions. it is a process and as long as you are moving forward that is the most important step. one foot in front of the other, minute by minute,hour by hour, day by day. you will do just fine be honest and let it all out.
hugs and blessings
debbie

[donewitis]

well not my demons..but the ones who have been controlling my life.

[donewitis]

I just read the entire thread and am amazed at all the support you've received and also your honesty, it's awesome. I really hope that you get all the help you need, for you first and for your babies.
I just found this group..and researching. Started tapering today until I can get Thomas Recipe and also  possibly go to hosp./rehab...not sure I can do this alone... Oxycodone and Zanax are my demons. I just wanted to let you know that reading this has helped me.
God Bless You.

[Innerstrength67]

I completely relate to the whole "buddy" concept. I'm trying so hard to taper. Everytime I say no more drs, I find myself back at the drs office hoping they will give me a script. Then I get my little buddies and feel safe again. It's so crazy!!! I feel like a crazy person. I keep chasing the high and it only lasts for a few minutes. I want my life back! Thanks for listing

[lacie510]

i got in contact with one i go in tomorrow to speak to her wish me luck...i just want the gult and the excuse and all that to be gone im just so so over it..i want my life back