I need help

[Cdaisydoo]

Hello. I have no idea how to even put all of this into words that make sense.

I suppose I should start at the start. Really I'm just delaying admitting I have a problem but I do. I have never done anything like this before. It's not me. I've never reached out to anyone like that. I do feel ashamed of myself. I'm trying not to have a pity party.

I'm addicted to codeine. I have been for quite some time. The thing is, I'm only 23 and I feel like my life is over. I used to be a fully functioning codeine abuser. Around four years ago I broke a bone in my back.. My sacrum. I recovered very well! Some pain now and then. I was prescribed a concoction of 'wonderful' things. Including codeine. I love how it makes me feel. That warm everything is perfect feeling. I had a great life, always busy. I realised I had been abusing them for that special feeling. I was with friends, I had took too much and I vomited. They didn't even have a clue. I realised then that that was it. Time to quit. And I did. Cold turkey, sorted myself out.


So now, recently. I really don't have much going for me. I mean, I have a wonderful family and that should be enough I know. I however am stuck in a rut. I just can't believe it's got to this. I stumbled across codeine linctus around a year ago and from then I have been hooked again. It's so embarrassing. I have been being treated for depression and I stopped going to the doctor. I do feel slightly worthless. Even writing this, I'm trying to tell myself I'm worth more than this. I don't go out. I hardly ever leave my house. I can't go a day without codeine because I feel at the minute it's the only thing I have to look forward to. I know it's pathetic. I know I have an amazing family. I sound so selfish and ungrateful. I don't know what to do about it. Perhaps one of you could maybe help?

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

[CodeinexCompass]

boy you were all right - back up stash became 2 refills :-( so ashamed!
now am off 2 days and counting.  I have NONE in my possession now and will not get more...

[Cdaisydoo]

You're stronger than you think! I've tried to stop before a few times and never could but this time I've done it. 28 days on Thursday. Do you have an active lifestyle? I don't. I'd love to but then again I have no motivation. It's like in my head I'm pushing myself but it never amounts to anything!

[leahlee18]

Thanks.
I have been on this site before.  At the end of 2014 when I knew I had a problem and I tried to quit in January but relapsed after 3 days which I find a lot of people do after the 3 day mark.  I will keep coming on here for support, it does help.  

[Cdaisydoo]

Leahlee the best thing I did was come on here. I'm a girl with zero motivation for anything and I have managed to quit. I have quit other stronger drugs in the past but this was the hardest for me. The girls on this are absolutely amazing and can probably help you a lot more than myself but I'm always here as a shoulder! You aren't on your own anymore!

[leahlee18]

hey everyone
it's so funny how we all have the same thoughts. I always think 'just keep a stash somewhere just in case' but of course I'll take them as soon as I don't feel good.  It just doesn't work.  I am at work right now and have 3 left.  Wed will be my last pill and all I want to do is take these last 3 right now and get a few more tonight from my guy.  I keep telling myself not to.  I am at work and busy and yet all I can do is think about this.  It is so hard to be strong.  It is so much easier to give in but I don't want to.  My plan is to quit this week.  I have to stick to it.

[Cdaisydoo]

Also finding motivation to actually get out and about is very hard for me. However I'm off on holiday in ten days!

[Cdaisydoo]

Hey guys thanks krissy. How're you doing? I've told my family. They've been so great!

[Krissy_123]

Hey sweets. This is where the mental part can kick in hard. Have you thought about NA/AA? I still have cravings after 5 months. I get my butt into a meeting. If that's not possible I go for a walk with my kids/dog. Interact with others. Wheather on here or on the phone in person,until it's passed. So proud of you for still hangin in there!! Woohoo

[NeverAgain127]

Keep moving.  Just do what is in front of you, and remember that busy hands are your friend.

You can do this.  The road on opiates ALWAYS goes nowhere good.

[Cdaisydoo]

Oh gaaaaahd I'm struggling this evening. Major cravings. That I obviously don't want to satisfy with food. Hard hard hard

[Cdaisydoo]

I too thought I could get by thinking I had a stash. The next big step for me is contacting my doctor on Monday and permanently cancelling my script and stop purchasing codeine online. The thought fills me with fear

[Krissy_123]

Daisy,so happy you're feeling ok today!!!

[Krissy_123]

Compass,you can't have a stash. It doesn't work that way,we are addicts. If you have access to the pills of course you'll take them. Our brain is going to know there is a quick fix hiding in another room to take this pain away. That's why you've only made it 3 days. You need to cut ALL your recourses for getting the pills. If you woulda hung in there by day 4-5 you'll have started to feel a bit better everyday.

[Cdaisydoo]

You feeling very down? Go for it! I don't know what's gotten into me today but I'm feeling quite bright. I think it's because I'm with my friend.

I have been getting all of the usual disgusting feelings. I have been trying to rest a lot. However restless legs and cramps are quite annoying. You just have to read my posts previous to see how apprehensive I was! I know I'm only going into my second night but honestly, if I can do this.. You are more than capable! I'm on this all the time so you can always lean on me or just rant at me! I've been having hot baths, hot water bottles on my tummy just chilling and taking some vitamins. Eat what you want. Stay a little active if you can. God knows how I'll feel tomorrow!

Surely things can only get better for us eh?!?

[CodeinexCompass]

How do you cope with the wd? I'm starting the Thomas Recipe in the next day or two after reading through several email threads.  I was off codeine for 3 days but gave in and got them refilled, irrationally thinking I would feel better if I at least had a stash that I knew was there if it got bad.  Well, here I am again. I know how you are feeling.

[Cdaisydoo]

Thanks for the welcome spider☺️

Unfortunately I have already taken my first dose. My destist cleaned the area. I have however used the baking soda again. I will look into the garlic! Thank you! And well done on the 621 days. Amazing stuff!

[spider6]

Hi there....I need to say welcome ......I was addicted to codeine for 27 years...621 days clean today!    ...........one year ago, almost to the day, I got an abscess in my upper gums...two bouts of antibiotics and no relief.  I am a naturalist for the most part so I dont know why I didn't do this first ......the "this" is....slicing a piece of garlic and placing it directly on abscess...it will hurt....it will sting...it will draw out the poison immediately, it will WORK within a day!!  I cannot preach strongly enough about this.  Please google "dangers of antibiotics" first off, then google the "wonders of garlic therapy", I challenge you to find anything that doesn't support my advice. I gotta run but am interested to follow your story and am sending support via prayer (meditation).....again, hold off on antibiotics for couple days if you can and try garlic.

[Cdaisydoo]

Thanks. The baking soda is relieving the pain. I got antibiotics from the dentist today. I'll be staying with a friend tonight so another night without codeine. I'm doing it

[Krissy_123]

Yay!!! So awesome daisy! Sorry to hear about your absess. A table spoon each of salt and baking soda mixed together then put on a cotton ball works great to get rid of them until you can get to the dentist. Keep it in there for a few hours. Spit the blood/puss out though when it bursts. It's poison.

[Cdaisydoo]

So another update.. I really have made it through the day without any. Yay!

[Cdaisydoo]

Hey guys. So I have dramatically reduced from Sunday. I haven't had any today so far. I'm finding it hard to keep myself busy. I really picked the wrong week ha! I have an abscess on my tooth. Grim! And serious pms! But I'm doing it. Hope you are all ok!

[Krissy_123]

Hey daisy,I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing? Hope you're well and check in soon love!!

[NeverAgain127]

Aw, honey, I feel badly for you.   You're on that addiction spiral that all of us have been in.   The drugs make you feel great until they don't.

I am curious:  where do you get them from?  The first step is to cut off all sources of your DOC (drug of choice.)  If it's a doctor, tell him/her that you don not want any more refills.  If it is a family member/friend, cut them off---NOW.

There is a saying in A/A "you are as sick as your secrets."  Who knows about your codeine addiction?  Consider telling someone, along with the news that you are QUITTING.    Ask them to check in on you.

Withdrawals are quite unpleasant, but not usually anywhere near life-threatening...and they are temporary.    It will help you tremendously if you join a support group as soon as possible (AA, N/A, etc.)  

You wrote what your life was like before addiction, and what it is like now.   Keep re-reading that.  THAT is your motivation.

This is one of, if not THE most important things you will ever do in your life.   It's the right thing to do...no one ever says "gee, I wish I was an addict again."  

I'm having surgery tomorrow and won't be on the forum here for a while, but please, stay here and get involved...there are wonderful folks who will talk you through every step of this process.

Good luck and God Bless,

-Robin

[Krissy_123]

I am well thank you! It's been a beautiful Sunday. Kids and I walked to the river and had picnic. Can't ask for anything better. Don't be scared,yes the w/d's suc k,but we will be here for you,and honestly we work ourselves up so much that we cause the anxiety to be even worse. I remember doing that too. Just keep posting through your detox and we will help you the best we can with every new symptom. I was addicted to codiene before the oxycodone. There really isn't a big diff in the w/d's. You feel like sh!t,but I do remember with the codiene they didn't last as long. It's usually really crappy for 5-7 days,but it is doable. Lots of hot baths. Rest when you need,move around as much as possible. Little walks,stay hydrated,Epsom salts,melatonin,imodium.....you just have to getter done Hun. So much better on this side.