Beer blahs.. and more..

Ahg, where to start really. Well, I just drink a lot of Bud Light - maybe 9-10 within 4 hours and then begin again when I wake up around 9-10am., if I have the day off. My bf does the same, or more, each day for the last 2.5 years. Last couple weeks I tryed to just stop, but it felt like my heart was beating so hard and loud it was going to just stop and it felt like the inside of my chest - heart & lungs were shaking hard. Couldn't sleep and was scared of course -  I missed the next day of work due to this and not being able to sleep all night listening to my heart beat, scared it would just stop. I just had 2 beers right now and it stopped. What can I do besides a few beers - I already gained 40 lbs. becasue of beer which is RIDICULOUS for me - embarrassing also to say the least. It does not dothis to my bf, except on occassion - I CANNOT do this for very much longer and am tired feeling like ****! So lazy & stomach pains & diahrrea - I never shop anymore, just want a beer when I get home, which leads to more beer. On good days I feel great, on bad days - like I'm dying. What can I do to wean off beer - I do not drink any other alcohol. I tried valium to help, but it doesn't seem to do it, but make it worse. Thanks.

THAT WAS MY 1ST POST..
now it's 7/2010. I still drink 8-9 beers a day although I am trying not to during the week. I only drink "budlight" lik ebefore. I need otlose 40 lbs. to get back to 125, which was normal for me. I love beer, it' takes the edge off life, and makes me happy. Too much='s real sick, tremors, hand-shaking of course, dry-heaving, unable to drive work, move, makes my body still as if I could never move again. Ever since i met my boyfriend who started me on this whole thing of "it's only beer", which I agreed with at the time, I have gained 30+lbs., been depressed, lost a job, been tired and lazy, and had severe anxiety. I cannot blame it on him, although he brings an 18 pk over each night, maybe 2, every night of the week. I can't do it anymore, I feel like ****. He's genuinly nice and says we should stop during the week and listens, but man he pounds beer lik eno tomorrrow, yet he can work the next day and feel lik ecrap, while I'm lying in bed stiff as a statue, trembling inside. I don't want to feel lik ethis anymore if I don't have to. If I stop for a few days, I seem to be fine and everyone says how nice and attentive I look and ask if I've lost weight. The other days, well the other days barely anyone sees me, becasue i'm inside looking out my window wondering if this will ever change. Anyone similar?
I have started my own business on another note of animal care, and valium seems to calm me 0.5mg, when I do not drink and just relaxes me a bit to focus and calm me.
Please write me back. I dropped all my "bad friends" and no one is left except my boyfriend, who listens the best he can, but I really don't think he knows/ feels the weight gain & tremors I get and how I feel. And he wonders why I don't wanna do anything... hmmmmmmm.......

[Jacker]

HI bruiser- the symptoms you're discussing sound very familiar to me.  I was also "just a beer drinker" and I used that to minimize the seriousness of the drinking, but alcohol is alcohol (regardless of the form).  Sometimes, I think that beer can fool you because you're generally able to 'maintain" a buzz without getting drunk too quickly.  That being said, you're still drinking major amounts of alcohol every night to the point of drunkenness, and that makes it no different than the abuse of any other type of booze.  Regarding your withdrawal symptoms, they show a level of addiction and you have definitely crossed a line.  If you continue drinking, you'll find that the progression of symptoms usually gets worse (if if you keep drinking)...... and not better.  You need to sober up safely.  I would highly encourage you to go see a doctor and tell him you need help breaking an alcohol addiction.  The Doc can help medicate you during the worst of the withdrawal,and your heart won't beat as fast.  No matter how you choose to withdraw, make sure you drink plenty of water and fruit juice, and stay away from caffeine if your heart his beating too fast. The worst of the withdrawals will end in 3-5 days, and most of it will be gone (physically) in 7-10 days.

As a general rule, I never tell anyone whether or not they are an alcoholic because they have to figure it out for themselves, but I have to say that I believe (personal opinion) that you crossed the line into that territory.  I did too, but it took me some time to admit it. If that's true, then each time you start drinking again, you'll gradually return to your old ways.  Maybe not every night of the week, but you'll drink to excess each time you pick up and your feelings of anxiousness will continue.  The only cure is to stop drinking and learn how to live life without numbing yourself.  

For what it's worth, alcohol is a depressant, and it can lead to anxiety.  I never thought I could relax without a few beers either, but I'm much better now that I've completely eliminated alcohol.  And I went back and forth for quite some time after my initial detox (4 days off, then 2 days drinking, then a day off, then a day drinking, etc).  During this time of sporadic drinking, I was a bigger mess than when I was drinking every day.  

The truth is, we don't need alcohol to survive.  We just think that we need it, and the "alcoholic voice" within us will always try to convince us that it's okay to have just one or two.  Then the one or two always leads to several more.  That cycle of thinking is what AA people refer to as "realizing that we are powerless over alcohol", but we are only powerless if we keep making the same mistake over and over again.  In the end, the first drink gets me drunk, so I change my thinking patterns so that I will not even want the first one.  This comes with time and practice.  

I encourage you to get some help with the detoxing, and then pick up a program that will teach you how to live life on life's terms (without the need to numb yourself through alcohol).  Trust me, I've been where you are.  I minimized my drinking because I never lost a job, got a DUI, and I also run a business.  None of that mattered- .......a line was crossed and we have to deal with the situation that we have now.

There is a bright future for you if you get off the beer!  Keep posting, and tell us how you're doing, okay?

[Purbeckgirl]

Hi, I am with Jacker above. Keep posting to us and I am sure we can help. I only drank 'just beer' budweizer too because it is a strong drink. Please make an appointment to see a doctor and let us know how it goes.

[surfin]

hey,

boy, you sound like you truely want to quit.  i did too, and i quit on my own, but i failed after 6 weeks and relapsed for 3 months.  i stumbled into AA, and that's when things started to get better for me.  i recommend it.  keep us posted with your condition, and don't forget, see a doctor when you try to quit!

[dominosarah]

Do you take valium on a regular basis??  This mixed with alcohol can be a deadly combination.  I hope you will look into some type of recovery care.  You HAVE crossed that line and now it will only progress.  Getting and staying sober is a life changing process.  I have concerns with your BF who drinks too.  Being with someone who drinks is hard when a person wants to stop.  Make you the No.1 priority right now.  Get some help with this and get your life back.  You dont have to be a prisoner to alcohol anymore~~~Keep us posted.       sara

[bruiser2]

Hello,
No, I don't take valium on a regular basis. But it is prescribed for people getting off alcohol & withdrawls. I do not combine the 2 (beer and valium). Yes, without my boyfriend drinking all the time, this would not have jhappened to me, becasue I do not need alcohol all the time. weekends & hangouts, fine, but definately not every day, I mean come on - that's ridiculous. Yet, he still comes over, starts to have a few then then 18 is done, and he drinks fast. But he still, talks, acts, and does everything normal as he did before the beer, unlike me.
Hard alcohol has got me in some pretty deep **** before, that's why I "switched" to beer, but everyday is not good, and not so much.... which my BF agrees with, and occassionally stays home and doesn't drink (well 3-4 beers probably), but then he starts wanting to come over again and have a "few beers" becasue he's had a "long day". He probably thinks that becasue I don't work now, except starting my business last week and school, that I can drink and nothing will happen because i can just stay home. Wrong, I feel like **** and can barely move, let alone drive somewhere to get something done for the day.. I hate it.

[bruiser2]

Also, just for a note, I also do other activites, horses, quad, and am a 7yr. veteran of lifegaurding, animal rescue, and boating. And you can guess all the relaxing activites, everyone's drinking "a few" beers or coctails. It's everywhere I go.

[Purbeckgirl]

Make tomorrow your first sober day. Take it by the hour.

[Jacker]

It sounds like you're telling yourself that you need to cut back (which is true), but based on your symptoms you really need some sober time to get your body back on track.  Seriously- If you can get some medical help, you should commit to 90 days.  That's enough time to fix a lot of your physical issues and you'll see weight loss too if you are active.  

Whether or not you ever drink again is up to you.  I tried numerous times after my detox, and it was never the same.......but it allowed me to see the reality of my life, and compare the "sober me" to the "drinking me".  If your symptoms are as bad as you describe when you stop, then you need to take care of this problem.  

And if you work with horses, I think you know that it's hard to do it without a clear head.....at least it is for me. I have several of my own!

[bruiser2]

Yea, I need to stop. My "thing" right now, is to stop durin ghte week, period. And then have afew on the weekends, and it's Friday.... OH O! ....
And I am a totally different person when my head is clear, it's amazing feeling ot have energy and be out and about wiith no anxiety (or less at least). And excercise is really great for anxiety- no doubt about that.. Yesterday 47mins. on level 10 on treadmill! BUt todays' Friday, and I know I will have beer - Friday & Sat only, I hope.

[bruiser2]

Yea, I do want to quit, really sick of it and the problems it's caused my life. Job loss, unable to drive which used to be a hobbie offroading, unclear thinking, getting takin advantage of becase I can't think for myself - I'm someone else when I have too much. NOt remembering things is not uncommon when I used ot drink hard alcohol, now just beer and it's better, but still feel nauseous and shaky after. Talking about it makes me realize how severe it is. I have been to AA, thought it was a joke. That was because i had to go becasue I got a DUI back in the day - over 12 years ago. Don't think I'll be going to AA, but this site helps!

[Addict63]

I quit years ago because drinking quit working for me. I had to get catatonic every time I drank. It became a process, which always ended the same way. One time it ended with me waking out of a blackout while driving with one eye shut because I was seeing 4 roads with them both open. So far I haven't killed someone with drunk driving, but that's a yet - still out there waiting for me.

Alcoholism is a mental obsession with a fatal progression. It's incurable. I stopped 100s of times and I concentrated on the stopping, but not on the using. I finally felt I needed to do something really different. If nothing changes nothing changes. So I tried AA. Being with others just like me, and listening to different thinking, other than my own thinking, really helped me to change. I had to completely change. Now my entire outlook has changed. I found that if I didn't change, my old practicing alcoholic self would eventually get drunk again. And if I get drunk, then there's the yets out there waiting for me...

[julez1]

Hey I feel the exact same way.  In fact I was out with my husband this morning and had a heart to heart with him about my drinking, and how I feel like its affecting my life negatively.  I've put on weight, and I tend to "blackout" although I hate that term.  I want to stop, but it just feels so good to relax and get loose with a couple drinks.  Today is Saturday,and I haven' thad any yet....

[bruiser2]

I lihe the comment "if nothing changes, nothing changes" pretty good one. Doesn't AA seem to make you want to think about alcohol even more though,     I think it would for me.. been to a few meeting only beacsue I had to 15 yrs ago..

[Purbeckgirl]

I also like the comment 'if nothing changes, nothing changes', there is another I like:

They didn't say it would be easy but they DID say it would be worth it.

[Addict63]

AA saved my life. AA actually "helps" us to remember where we came from. We need to remember. We never want to forget what happened to us. When I would put myself on the wagon for a few days I'd only remember the "fun" I had with alcohol, that "3rd drink feeling", not the 9th drink feeling lol. Starting around the middle of the 3rd drink I'd get "happy" if you know what I mean. Then all bets were off. Alcohol is my drug of choice, but getting drunk always led me to the dope house also. I was NEVER happy in-between drunks. I couldn't sleep, had to use tranks, ugly disposition. And I always planned on when I could use again to end my misery and get "happy" again. I'd think "hey, I haven't had a drink in 4 days, I'm cured! Time to have a drink again". That stage was when drinking quit working for me, and I never want to forget that. Not fun. It simply doesn't work for me anymore. My wife is lucky. She can have 2 glasses of wine and stop.

We talk about our drinking lives at the meetings mostly in the 1st step (admitting the powerlessness and unmanageability of our lives and why we came to AA). It's the remaining 11 steps that launch us into a complete change.  

Most importantly, nobody in AA ever calls someone else an Alcoholic. It's entirely up to them to decide if they are or not. This one guy I know, who loves to sponsor newcomers, has a card he passes out to them that reads: "if you want to drink, that's your business. If you want to stop, then it becomes our business".  

[bruiser2]

Well, today only 2 Bud Lights. Got to get smog check for truck tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I should be okay tomorrow. It's hard to sleep though when I don't have some beers.. then I'm up all night, and sleep finally in am  - and that ruins the day... Also, spending some more time in my garden! Anyone have black/ raspberries? Wondering how much sun & water they like..
Thanks!

[serenity2870]

I am a recoving alcholic have been sober 112 days.  This is my 2nd attempt and so far my longest and it seems easier granted still hard but easier.

I used to drink beer and I could easily down a 12 pack that was nothing and I was ranging in weight from 110 -130 it would go back and forth.

I would drink on occasion but then the drinking slowly began to be every day and then I would call into work if I had a case of beer in the fridge and I would be pumped and drunk by noon.

WIth intime I decided I hae to drink to much beer to feel the effects and beer has so many calories so I switched to vodka and wine (yeah i know wine has alot of calories to) At first i did not put to much in the glass but then the glass would be half vodka and half diet soda (ahh avoiding the calories lol)  The only way I will describe the size of the glass was that was one glass and we all know what that one glass looks like lol

Anyways I got the point I needed to be buzzed to  be normal.  Makes me wonder how drunk I was at work the days I did not feel sick.  At this point I knew I was alocholic but alchol was my best friend then and I loved it and if I had to chose between alchol or my husband I would of chose that wonderful bottle of vodka at the time

This has been going on for awhile at this point and I wanted to stop but couldnt.  I asked to stay at my moms house to detox lasted less then 24 hours.  My husband picked me up I found one of my stashes and poured a glass.  Come August of last year I was sick really sick but I was to drunk to know this.  So one day I finally go to the ER ends up with acute pancreatitis it was so bad that it was a high possiblity I could of died.  
At the hospital they gave me the option to stay on in the treatment program I figured ok sure why not they give me drugs here to make this withdraw not to bad.  The problem back then the thought of not hanging out with vodka would not leave my mind.  I think then I knew that I would relapse.  People believed I had stopped I hid it for awhile and only drank in from of the people that would not say anything (enablers)
Also to note i tried started out as a casual drinker that lasted what 2 weeks for me then I was back to my old ways but this time my hisband was having none of this so I had to hide my bottles so he would not dump them out.
My last weekend I drank I had 3 bottles of vodka stashed 1 bottle of cherry pie - some wine and a case of beer.  I thought i was sneaky anyways the one thing that kinda got to me was my brother simply saying I know you are drinking but please try again to stop and I said ok monday
I thought I quit once I just need to get over this withdraw crap.... yeah not happening I went to the emergency room and said i had a stomach ache and said I wanted to detox. Then a great man came to my bedside and talked me into a treatment house,  Greatest thing I ever did was going there because I was fighting it and thought I could do it on my own.
Some people can I am not one of those people.  I needed the month to focus on me and me alone.  
Also i want to note my way of thinking really changed I do not know how to explain it.  If you ever want to chat hit me up

[bruiser2]

Well, that's extremely good you haven't drank for 113 days! How do you feel - any after effects, or are you clearheaded? Weighlos? Appetite? Fatigue? Just wondering - i get insomnia when I don't drink - that's why I'm up now I guess. I also have anxiety when I don't drink and was wondering if that would eventually fade away.. I HOPE!!!!
Ya, I kno what buzzed to be normal " is all about, true for me most days too. I have not stopped yet, but have definately cut down a lot, especcially during the week - weekends we usually (me & bf), go through 3 18 packs of Bud Light - it's weird though, most of the time, no one can tell - they say I drank so much as they watched - at parties or whatever - and we still act the same. This is bad, because I need more to get drunk. i don't feel it that night too much, probably becasue I'm sleeping - but the next day I shake (inside), they seem like tremors, I don't know if they are or not, but it's obvious it's withdrawls. At that point, I would normally have more beer or make  enighbor go grab a 12pk for me if I paid them. I would get stomach apins sometiems, and weird" beer stool" - like diarreha very morning and of course be starving and weak and lethargic from dehidration. Alcohol does SO many BAD things and symptoms to your body it ridiculous. Most all of those weird feelings you get are from only alcohol - it's the main reason to stop. So what went on in rehab? Is your husband ok now? Thanks for writing - gonna try to go back to sleep now!!!

[serenity2870]

It is a long road and it is scary but well worth it.
I used to have the shakes, sick to my stomach, major anxiety like a state if panic inside and could not sleep with out a few cocktails in me
I was drinking alot of vodka a day and the amount got more and more less wash and more vodka.  People would watch me make a drink and there jaw would drop open.
Work was a nightmare I could not wait to get home and make a drink and I would feel sick when i was not drinking so thinking back when i went to work i must of still been drunk from the night before.
The lies I told people.  To this day they do not realize how much I really drank because I would appear sober and me being  drunk felt normal to me it was when I was really drunk I felt great and boy that was great but the things I would do while I was drunk was not me and wow the amount I spent for fun was crazy and the amount of alchol I had to get.... how in the world could I afford it.  I will tell you i dug myself a hole of debt behind my husbands back.  
The friend I lost because they didnt want to be around me when I was drinking and then you had the enabler friends that didnt care and the just drinking friends.  You really realize who your true friends are.  I mean if they dont want to support you being sober and have not enough respect for you not to drink around you for at lease awhile then maybe they should be asking who also has a problem.
When I finally went for help the 2nd time my blood alchol level was only 3.8 and I thought I did not even really drink all that much,
I also got myself fired and was so happy I could drink all day everyday.

Ok Now How my life is -
That state of panic is gone.  I am much more relaxed I still have to take meds for depression and anxiety but the thing is they actually work now.  I have a more postive mood not that doom and gloom attitude I had.  My husband I still fight but we are getting along sooooooo much better and I actually want to spend time with him again!
I do regret what I did to my job as now I have a bad past now and I used to be so good and had a great work history.  So one day I am hoping someone will give me a chance again.  
Think about all the time and energy you have to put into drinking.  It is amazing and how much your life really does revolve around it.  Not drinking is a freeing thing it really is.
I know one thing that freaked me out was like I said everything seems to revolve around drinking.  I thought OMG what am I going to do. Lets just say diet mountain dew mocha frappes from mcdonalds and coffe have become my drink.
I am willing to be if you drink as much as you say you do your friends know you have a drinking problem and really if they are your true friends they should be happy you stopped drinking and will suport you.  Same with your boyfriend.
I do really feel alot better it is great.  I go to the meetings I like and you asked about treatment.   You know at first I was scared to go but really it was what I needed.  The time to focus on me and my issues not other peoples not the house not anything. If you are thinking about going talk it over with your boyfriend or whoever you trust and see if he can help you out with things that need to be done and remember in most treatment center you can have visitors and phone calls so you can still have contact with him or not if you chose to.
Check your insurance and see what they cover.  Talk to your doctor and tell him what you want to do.  You may want to do detox as it sounds like you will need it or may want it,  It really helped me! I was in detox for a week before I went to the treatment center.  For me it was some time to get me menatly ready.   I also think that treatment is also helpful because the people you are in there with are going through the same thing as you.  You will here stories and think hey they are telling my story and same with AA meetings.
Everyone is diffrent that is what and how I needed to do it.  
Good luck and let me know if you are wondering anything else I am pretty open on the topic.
Sorry for the novel lol

[Addict63]

It's a novel serenity but a good one to read, I enjoyed it! Keep on keeping on.

[bruiser2]

Thank you so much for writing that whole thing. It really DOES sound like me... almost to the "T". The main thing is, I am scared to stop becasue my body has pains, I can't sleep, I get really depressed and lonely, and I think my body's going to go into shock or something. ALso, when I don't drink (beer) only, I get so hungry - and I've gained 40lbs. + becasue of drinking beer and not doing anything and being depressed. When I drink i'm "normal" and feel fine and alert. I only drink beer like I said before 8-9 a day, sometimes nonoe for a day or 2, but then all over again. I'm very worried that when I get hired for a job, I will get major panic attacks/ anxiety and not be able to socialize normally either  - I'm funny and happy person with a few beers in. I didn't have this problam my whole life, it could have stemmed from (i'm just guessing) insecurity or depression. But what's depression really, just feeling sad and lonely? I do. Wondering what meds people like you and me should/ should not be on to help overcome this depression after stopping drinking. Do you know? That would help - and NO weight gainers!! :} Thanks!