Aa
I am very anxious. I am certain I contracted HIV.
Hello, I am very worried, anxious, depressed and scared. I'm a gay man. Almost 2 months ago, February 12th I stayed out late and to my own misfortune got very drunk and came home with a guy. I did use a condom with him however, at some point it came off and that is the bit I cannot remember. Ever since i suspected I may have contracted HIV. I never had symptoms for the first 6 weeks. I went to get a test, rapit test and ELISA test which both came back negative. Following the results I started to get symptoms, mild fever/flu like feelings, I had a flat rash or spots in my inner arm and the same on the other inner arm, slight dull ache in my left joint. Headache, I've been anxious and not sleeping. I am just so terrified I feel like my world is falling apart just when my life is meant to be at it's best. I know I Have all the symptoms it has now been 7 weeks and I will be getting tested on Monday. I know the guy was a stranger and he looked like the sort who sleeps around. It was a huge mistake and I never ever normally do this. However it will be one i Live to regret. I Need someone to talk to because im suffering through this alone and if i Have it no one can know. I just dont know what to do. I have all the symptoms I am certain I have it. Worst of all I could have gone for PEP when it happened but was uninformed due to being naive and stupid. I'd always been careful it never really was something i thought id research into. Till now. I feel i Have all the symptoms. Oh and I Have swollen lymph nodes. I feel almost as if everytime I research symptoms they happen. I havent had a temperature yet. The flu went after a week. Before these came on I had gone out a lot that week before and shared drink with someone who had a temperature or so they said. I also have a cough now and tingling in my lips. Oh dear. I just know I have it. So i am trying to prepare. I am a university student. How will I maintain my way of living, or change it? i need a lot of advice and someone to talk to. What will i do without my family or friends or anyone knowing to ensure I can live without obvious symptoms. HELP please.
It doesn't sound like you had a risk. The time that the condom was on, you were protected. IF indeed the condom came off and you had unprotected anal sex, then you had a risk. The good news is, most people are not infected, and even if he was POS, there would be no guarantee you would get infected from one exposure.
The only choice here is to test, which you already know, Your next test at 8 weeks will be a VERY good sign if negative. If you DID indeed contact HIV, you would most likely test POS by 8 weeks. Just be sure to follow up at 3 months with another test to put this behind you once and for all.
From now on, it is wise not to mix alcohol and sex, especially in excess. Alcohol causes one to lose their inhibitions and do things they normally would not do.
Chances are you will be fine, you cannot consider "symptoms" when gauging a risk. They are too inconsistent. ONLY a test will give you the answers you need. Try not to let the anxiety get the best of you, in another day, you should get some relief. Hang in there.
The only choice here is to test, which you already know, Your next test at 8 weeks will be a VERY good sign if negative. If you DID indeed contact HIV, you would most likely test POS by 8 weeks. Just be sure to follow up at 3 months with another test to put this behind you once and for all.
From now on, it is wise not to mix alcohol and sex, especially in excess. Alcohol causes one to lose their inhibitions and do things they normally would not do.
Chances are you will be fine, you cannot consider "symptoms" when gauging a risk. They are too inconsistent. ONLY a test will give you the answers you need. Try not to let the anxiety get the best of you, in another day, you should get some relief. Hang in there.
Thank you so much. Im really trying to hang in there but its hard, i hope i get a second chance just to undo my mistake. I tested negative at 5 weeks and have an appointment tomorrow, i seriously know i have the hiv blotchy rash after looking at it on google images and also have had a lesion in my mouth. AHHH, any chance i caught something else giving hiv like symptoms. thats my only hope. otherwise im doomed. so so scared, not slept all night, very uncomfrotable.
You don't know that you're "doomed" and it's IMPOSSIBLE to diagnose yourself based on info and pics you find online. There is a reason doctors have to go to 8-12 years of school.
ANY negative test result is reassuring. Your next test (Monday) will be extremely unlikely to change, so a nega will give you a great deal of comfort.
I HIGHLY advise you to steer clear of the internet untl you are done with the testing process. All it does is fuel the anxiety.
ANY negative test result is reassuring. Your next test (Monday) will be extremely unlikely to change, so a nega will give you a great deal of comfort.
I HIGHLY advise you to steer clear of the internet untl you are done with the testing process. All it does is fuel the anxiety.
True but i need someone to talk to im so scared. I just want someone to talk to me through this process, I have seen people get good support on these forums at times like this and thats all I need at this time you know. Its really not easy, I wonder where the line between anxiety indced symptoms and actual symptoms is as they all seriously began after my negative resultwhen I should have been happy that im negative and I was accustoming to the idea. Im just convinced i have flipped from Negative to Positive in the last week when the symptoms came on and seroconverted.
I understand you need support, but you have to understand there is only so much we can tell you. I've already stated it doesn't sound like you had a risk to begin with and I also told you that your test tomorrow will be almost conclusive. If you had been infected, you would almost definitely test pos by this point.
There is no way you are going to be anxiety FREE during this process. You just have to find things to keep you busy as much as possible to keep your mind off of this as much as you can. That really IS the best option.
When you get your negative result after testing tomorrow, that should be a HUGE source of relief. Then the 3 month follow up test should be much easier.
There is no way you are going to be anxiety FREE during this process. You just have to find things to keep you busy as much as possible to keep your mind off of this as much as you can. That really IS the best option.
When you get your negative result after testing tomorrow, that should be a HUGE source of relief. Then the 3 month follow up test should be much easier.
I know im so scared.... i am so so scared. I just know I have it. I have pain in my finger joints now as well. And a bit in my muscles and headache. The only HIV symptom ive not had so far is High temperature. I have had a bit of one though, was very low grade flu. Ahhhhhhhhhh. My parents are so happy and im not even being myself. I want to be my happy self. I know this is the end. I just know it. I want to prepare for this positive result. Do you have any ideas. I just cant believe this is happenign to me. Why! Why God why! I feel as though i'd rather die than this.
I'm afraid there comes a time when we simply have to say "enough is enough!" And you reached that point a few posts ago.
Nursegirl has been incredibly patient with you. She has given you all the facts and has told you, several times, that your chances of having been infected are very slim. If you can't take the word of a Registered Nurse, then I suggest you look elsewhere for the support you've been given here in abundance. We cannot walk you through this process holding your hand. If you need constant support, call an HIV Hotline. They can tell you that the pain in your finger joints is not a symptom of HIV. All your other symptoms are no doubt anxiety driven.
As nursegirl said, there is no way to go through this process without some anxiety, so you just have to accept that.
Nursegirl has given you many ideas and I suggest you go back and reread her posts. I don't think you have actually heard what she's been telling you.
You say you can't believe this is happening to you and you're imploring "Why! Why God why......" I'm sorry to tell you that you brought all of this down on your own head. It's called free will and you exercised it with abandon.
Gay, straight, TG.....whichever way you swing, it makes no difference. In this day and age, picking up a stranger who, in your own words, looks like someone who "sleeps around," is just really poor judgement. I won't say anything about the angst alcohol has contributed to this situation. I hope you have put 2 and 2 together.
If you feel the need to post again, please go to the HIV Anxiety Group. You can find the link at the bottom of the Homepage under "Groups."
Nursegirl has been incredibly patient with you. She has given you all the facts and has told you, several times, that your chances of having been infected are very slim. If you can't take the word of a Registered Nurse, then I suggest you look elsewhere for the support you've been given here in abundance. We cannot walk you through this process holding your hand. If you need constant support, call an HIV Hotline. They can tell you that the pain in your finger joints is not a symptom of HIV. All your other symptoms are no doubt anxiety driven.
As nursegirl said, there is no way to go through this process without some anxiety, so you just have to accept that.
Nursegirl has given you many ideas and I suggest you go back and reread her posts. I don't think you have actually heard what she's been telling you.
You say you can't believe this is happening to you and you're imploring "Why! Why God why......" I'm sorry to tell you that you brought all of this down on your own head. It's called free will and you exercised it with abandon.
Gay, straight, TG.....whichever way you swing, it makes no difference. In this day and age, picking up a stranger who, in your own words, looks like someone who "sleeps around," is just really poor judgement. I won't say anything about the angst alcohol has contributed to this situation. I hope you have put 2 and 2 together.
If you feel the need to post again, please go to the HIV Anxiety Group. You can find the link at the bottom of the Homepage under "Groups."
Here is the link for the HIV Anxiety Group.
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/HIV-Anxiety-Support/show/595
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/HIV-Anxiety-Support/show/595
Thanks....speechless, yeah I did bring it on myself I guess thats the most painful thing because I was always safe and clean then the one time I relax.... But yeah. Thanks very much nursegirl and greenlydia. Hopefully my test proves you right tomorrow. (:
IT WILL............and nursie and I better be the first ones you share your good news with!
Peace
Greenlydia
Peace
Greenlydia
I did mean to comment on something you said, and I quote....." I did bring it on myself I guess thats the most painful thing because I was always safe and clean then the one time I relax...."
I think you've got that backwards. It was when you were RELAXED that you were always "safe and clean."
The time you drank too much, you just became "lax."
I think you've got that backwards. It was when you were RELAXED that you were always "safe and clean."
The time you drank too much, you just became "lax."
True, it was so unexpected. I cant even remember how I bumped into him and it's so unfortuneate, I remember getting kicked out of the club I was that drunk and he obviously followed me home, oh crike. Never drinking that much in a gay bar again haha! Well that's if i'm negative. I may have to even say bye bye to drinking. Ohhh crike. Anyway, I just pray that all is fine, but i really dont think it is. I just asked my mom to check for lymph nodes in my neck and armpits as i dont know what they look like. I pretended its glandula fever im worrying about... :/ She said i havent got any. :/ Is that a common thing, i also havent had a high temperature.
TRUE ARS symptoms almost always exclusively are accompanied by a very high fevel (over 101). Just another tidbit to show you that your anxiety is what is your issue at this point.
You keep talking about how "unfortunate" you were. You act as though this was a resut of some cruddy luck. Not really, more like cruddy judgement on your part. The very best thing you can do once you are able to put this behind you is to be VERY careful not to mix alcohol in excess with intimate encounters (even if you weren't planning on becoming intimate, alcohol decreases your judgement).
Personally, and unlike you (you have yourself dead and buried), I think you are going to come through this just fine. The odds are actually in your favor.
Also, unless your Mom is a doctor, she has no business trying to assess whether or not you have swollen lymph nodes. Even as an RN, I have difficulty sometimes, it is not an easy task and takes lots of practice. Also, another thing, in relation to HIV, lymph nodes swell all over the body, not in just one location, and the swelling would be pretty obvious.
Your best bet would be to keep yourself busy for now. You have until tomorrow until you will be tested again, are you taking a rapid test, or will you have to wait a few days or more for your results? If a rapid test, you will most likely be able to breathe a sigh of relief tomorrow.
Trust us on this one, we both are very educated about HIV working in the health care industry and both have contributed on the HIV forum here. We would tell you if things were looking bad for you. Quite the opposite really.
You keep talking about how "unfortunate" you were. You act as though this was a resut of some cruddy luck. Not really, more like cruddy judgement on your part. The very best thing you can do once you are able to put this behind you is to be VERY careful not to mix alcohol in excess with intimate encounters (even if you weren't planning on becoming intimate, alcohol decreases your judgement).
Personally, and unlike you (you have yourself dead and buried), I think you are going to come through this just fine. The odds are actually in your favor.
Also, unless your Mom is a doctor, she has no business trying to assess whether or not you have swollen lymph nodes. Even as an RN, I have difficulty sometimes, it is not an easy task and takes lots of practice. Also, another thing, in relation to HIV, lymph nodes swell all over the body, not in just one location, and the swelling would be pretty obvious.
Your best bet would be to keep yourself busy for now. You have until tomorrow until you will be tested again, are you taking a rapid test, or will you have to wait a few days or more for your results? If a rapid test, you will most likely be able to breathe a sigh of relief tomorrow.
Trust us on this one, we both are very educated about HIV working in the health care industry and both have contributed on the HIV forum here. We would tell you if things were looking bad for you. Quite the opposite really.
Thanks nursegirl this is very encouraging. My mum is actually a nurse ironically haha thats why I asked her. With regards to the lymphnodes are they always involved in the ARS symptoms. One thing I did wonder is my symptoms" seem to be occuring one after the other, one day I get a runny nose, chills slight malaise feeling, next morning I have rash, then that turns into a lesion in my mouth, next day a cough for a few days, then muscle and joint aches next day which are still here today. It's evolved. Are they concurrent. My symptoms have happend day by day or every 2 days these weeks but the rash has been in the same place. A small cluster in both inner arms nowhere else, believe me I checked. Anyway, I hope you're both right and on that note imma just shut my eyes, sit tight and pray for the best....I made a mistake and I sure as hell will learn from it, if given a chance!!!
Btw on a side note I think i also caught herpes as my lips have been tingling all week, i noticed in recent weeks it started off like burning mouth syndrome in my mouth usually when I drink wine. Then today its my lips, i got herpes stuff to put on my lips as they had a tingling burn, but still nothing just burning with no actual sores. I keep worrying they'll break out at some point so I have herpes cream at the ready. Thats just a side note, but more trivial compared to what we're dealing with here. Wish me luck for tomorrow. Gee
Oh yeah I am getting a rapid HIV test along with a full check up of all std's and an ELISA test which will confirm the rapid test. Also, I had a full check up with the last HIV test and they were all negative, i wondered what are window periods like for other std's I may have caught IE syphilis, hepatitis, in particular Herpes. Does HIV take the longest? as they may all have been in their window period. Right, the more i think the more questions. It just means that if i dont have those then perhaps transmission may have been less likely, really dont want to be coinfected if I am poz.
I have it in 3 hours... so scarrred, surprisingly I just woke up from the best sleep i've had in the last month. I'm really not ready to learn I'm positive. My symptoms are so obvious ahhh. Such a shame. I feel weak again at the last minute.
Im really scared this morning, because of these symptoms they point directly to it, plus my risk (unprotected anal sex). Sorry, its just hit me again. I dont think Im ready to hear it yet. But i have to really to get it over and done with, but i'm not ready. I really ish I'd known about PEP.
Terrifed. It will be positive. I know it, i just do. I shouldn't have done what I did. No one to talk to. Oh dear, i'm done.
Geez, take a deep breath, there aren't people manning the forums 24/7, you must have patience!
To be frank, you need to just knock it off. Seriously, man up. Go take your test and you'll see that we were right all along. Your state of mind is worsening by the minute, I advise you seek some professional help.
See my reply to you on the HIV Forum as well. I sincerely think you delaying your test is a DRASTIC mistake, because you are most likely only delaying something that is going to help take this anxiety down about 2000 notches with a neg result.
Go take your test and come back to report your result, Please do not continue to post without taking your test. We're glad to help, but YOU have to help yourself as well. We can't do that for you, and right now, we are recommending you have a follow up test today as planned.
You will be pleasantly surprised.
In the MANY years we've been members here and posting in the HIV forum, there has NEVER been ONE poster EVER to report he/she became pos, even in high risk situations. And there are hundreds of new posts every day. Just think about those odds.
To be frank, you need to just knock it off. Seriously, man up. Go take your test and you'll see that we were right all along. Your state of mind is worsening by the minute, I advise you seek some professional help.
See my reply to you on the HIV Forum as well. I sincerely think you delaying your test is a DRASTIC mistake, because you are most likely only delaying something that is going to help take this anxiety down about 2000 notches with a neg result.
Go take your test and come back to report your result, Please do not continue to post without taking your test. We're glad to help, but YOU have to help yourself as well. We can't do that for you, and right now, we are recommending you have a follow up test today as planned.
You will be pleasantly surprised.
In the MANY years we've been members here and posting in the HIV forum, there has NEVER been ONE poster EVER to report he/she became pos, even in high risk situations. And there are hundreds of new posts every day. Just think about those odds.
I had a test for everything at 2 this afternoon after being late and having to wait for ages. I did a rapid test on Syphilis and HIV and told her my risk and she was like well it could be a virus just calm down, then she saw it and refered me to the doctor. I kept asking her what i'll do that it's positive and she told me to wait for 20 minutes first but I kept thinking it is haha. Anyway you were right so far both my test for Syphilis and HIV came back negative at 7 weeks post exposure. She told me to come back in 5 weeks when I have completed the 3 months but said the tests are so good now and they test for the Virus and it's proteins along with the antibodies so really it should show something but to still come back. She also said the fact I got tested 2 weeks ago as well is encouraging as the results seem to be consistant with that. I showed her my rash and the doctor said that it looks like a heat rash as its quite obviously there and non-itchy. But if its a heat rash why is it inbetween my arms and armpits on both sides. Also I have really bad muscle ache, very distinct even after. I'm very happy and encouraged. Quite shocked actually because I prepared for it to be positive I even spoke to the nurse asking questions that you ask when told you are positive. I was just as ready as ever to be told I'm positive then they said it came back negative. Is there any chance it can change when they do the follow up ELISA blood test which i get by next week. Last time i did my test everything came negative, I tested for all other STD's as well. I truly can't believe it is a negative result. 7 weeks out of 12, 5 more weeks. It looks promising but these muscle aches, tingles in my finger, the rash, the cough. What is it? if it isn't HIV? I do worry you know. But you were all so right I am actually surprised. Wake up call, i dont mean to sound patronising or ignorant but I did believe a bit that I'd prove you all wrong and I said if im positive I will make a point of telling you that not every worrier is doing it unnecessarily haha. But you know your stuff. I'm pretty impressed. I just hope it doesn't change to positive in the next 5 weeks. I still can't believe it. I just can't. When she said it's non-reactive I was like. :O you serious? whats all the symptoms. Then i asked her what kind of test it was and she said it's very modern testing which tests for both virus and antibodies and usually after the 4th week it shows in people. She said my rash doesn't look like a HIV rash but I looked on google images and it seemed to? :/ though its not everywhere on my body. With regards to body aches she said to see my GP. Ohhh crike. Whats your take? If i survived this I swear to God i'm gonna be so careful. I will seriously think of HIV and people with it and campaign for rights and stuff. This has changed me a lot. I'll still be here and post and stuff. But guys do you think it will change after this week in the next 5 weeks? Perhaps after 6 months? I drink a lot and have smoked a bit at UNI as a student you know, the whole student life maybe my immune system is severely compromised. Or Hepatitis? I did test negative for that and was immune last year? AHhh anyway I am grateful and happy. At least whatever the outcome I have 5 weeks of hope..... I'm so shocked. I honestly honestly saw her telling me NON-REACTIVE or INTERMEDIATE. I Planned my questions. I'm still shocked really. I hope this is correct. Thanks nursegirl and greenlydia. Your the bestest x
We had NO doubt, see?
You now have a better chance of getting hit my lightning than you do of your test becoming positive at this point. With the advances in testing, you would have almost definitely tested pos by now had you contracted HIV.
The 3 months is necessary, but more of a formality!
CONGRATS! NOW ALLOW YOURSELF A BREAK FROM ALL OF THR WORRYING AND ANXIETY!!!! Breathe a little!
You now have a better chance of getting hit my lightning than you do of your test becoming positive at this point. With the advances in testing, you would have almost definitely tested pos by now had you contracted HIV.
The 3 months is necessary, but more of a formality!
CONGRATS! NOW ALLOW YOURSELF A BREAK FROM ALL OF THR WORRYING AND ANXIETY!!!! Breathe a little!
Thanks so much.... okay well I hope the symptoms go away. I'll see a GP at least I am negative so far. You were all right that shocked me. Thanks though I am really interested in HIV now, not getting it but like how it works. I want to support HIV positive people you know. I might stick around these forums, and also through my wait till the 3 month mark aha.
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