Very very personal....

[cnote]

I am very very embarrassed by this and ashamed, but I think this is a good thing to get off my chest.

I've been struggling with anxiety now sense last October. Came out of nowhere...

I keep trying to blame things for it while I'm taking anti-depressants... and telling myself after I feel better it won't come back... and continue my daily routines.

I've been doing some research, spiritually...

For as long as I can remember, as a man, I've always loved sex! What man doesn't love sex?

I've been married for 3 years now, and my wife and I started out having a very great sex life.
Very intimate... very active...

After we got married, the sex life was still great.. but then we had a child, and the sex kind of went down hill.

Well, for as long as I can remember, even before my wife and I got married, I looked at pornography a lot on the internet. (Just basic, nothing illegal. lol.)

I've also continued this throughout our marriage. I'm not saying I'm an ADDICT by all means.
And it's a big secret. I've never told my wife this.

But sense our love life is completely gone, I mean, we do not have sex at all!!!
I understand b/c my wife is tired a lot, and we have 1 year old child together, but shouldn't she still want to have sex? She doesn't!

Our marriage, now that I think about it, is not the best! We love each other! So much! But we don't show it in a healthy way. Even when we are nice to each other, we call each other mean things... and say demeaning things, jokingly,... but now that I think about it... this is not good... this is destructive I think.

Well, I've been noticing that I probably look at pornography 4 hours per week on average. THAT'S ALOT! And it's only when my wife and kid are gone of course. And it's b/c it's a quick fix... b/c my wife and I do not have sex.

I know sex is important in a marriage. It's a beautiful thing... but looking at pornography is just as bad as a drug I'm discovering!

My wife is out of town, and I called her tonight... and told her that I want our family to be on the RIGHT PATH. I told her how much I love her... and how much I lust for her.. and how I feel SO BAD that I lust for her... and I dont want to lust for her! I want to love her! I don't want us to call each other bad demeaning things... I told her that I want to be the Spiritual leader in the family. It's my duty. God is missing. God needs to be in our home, and in our hearts!

I was reading some scripture... and Satan LIES! Pornography... and lust.. are quick fixes... and can cause psychological damage!

Maybe this is a piece to my anxiety puzzle?

I'm going to ask God tonight to forgive me for all of my sins... and I just want to welcome him into my heart.
I want to follow in his footprints.

I know if we all follow God, he will give us peace. He wants us to have this PEACE! And no worries! And NO ANXIETIES!

I am a Christian, but I have fallen off the dark path to destruction I feel. Satan wants me to have anxiety.

And my anxiety always sits in my stomach... a worryful stomach.... maybe this feeling is guilt? fear?

Thank you all for listening...

Getting this off my chest... feels GREAT!

I've got a new life coming! =)

[cnote]

hahaha. I'm not a sex addict BY FAR! LOL.
And I have not searched porn or anything in 5 days.

When I read my 1st post, I noticed I put "I probably view it 4 hours a week"...
I started laughing...  it's probably more like "1 hour" per week.
30min one day 30min a nother day out of the entire week.
And it's not even every week!
It's just been latley since my wife has been out of town.

The point is, I HAVE BAD ANXIETY!
And I am soul searching... trying to get to the root of it.
Trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

I thought looking at porn here and there could be a piece of the anxiety puzzle.
I am in fact NOT and ADDICT! LOL.
I CAN GO WITHOUT IT!
I HAVE GONE WITHOUT IT! LOL.

It does not interfear with my job, marriage, or life in general.

So please quit saying I'm a SEX ADDICT, b/c you have to remember I have anxiety, and people like me start thinking "Am I A Sex Addict?".

I find it quite comical to be quite honest. lol. B/c I as a person with anxiety, know I am not an addict.

Anyways, people should be looking at the fact that I'm turning back on the right path with God. I'm a Christian, struggling just like everyone out there. I'm getting my life right with God, and getting my life right with my wife.

What's so wrong with that? Even if the occasional porn viewing wasnt the cause of any of my anxiety... isnt it still a good thing that I'm giving this "guilty pleasure" up? And getting on a right path in my life?

I'm a pretty young dude. I think I can say for myself... I'm gonna be alright. =)

NurseGirl here knows me probably more than a lot of you, and she's probably laughing at my 1st post, b/c she know's I'm just a BAD anxiety sufferer and I'm trying to pinpoint anything in my life that could be the trigger... when in fact there may be NO trigger to my anxiety.. it strictly may be a chemical imbalance in my brain.

NurseGirl Rocks. =)

[nursegirl6572]

I just wanted to post the official definition of a "sexual addiction" here.

And, hitman...I'm not posting this for you...just in general....for info purposes.


The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders, Volume Four describes sex addiction, under the category “Sexual Disorders Not Otherwise Specified,” as “distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by the individual only as things to be used.” According to the manual, sex addiction also involves “compulsive searching for multiple partners, compulsive fixation on an unattainable partner, compulsive masturbation, compulsive love relationships and compulsive sexuality in a relationship.”




The other thing I KNOW is usually considered is how much the "addiction" has affected the person's life...have jobs been lost?  Relationships?  We're talking about an anxious guy in a sexless marriage in my opinion.

[nursegirl6572]

Satan has other things to think about than you watching porn.


{{{{{wolfie}}}}}


I was sooo thinking the same thing...lol.  However...I DO respect that for a lot of people pronography IS going against their religious beliefs, etc.  I just was thinking the exact same thing as you...funny!


BUG HUGS!!!!

[nursegirl6572]

liberal bs???  What is so funny about that is I couldn't be more of a conservative in most aspects if I tried...lol....but I hold a unique opinion on different topics based on how *I* feel about them...not based on what my views "should" be.

Come on now...I was simply trying to pint out that often it is common to try and find that "source" of anxiety.....and I just didn't want to see c-note confuse himself even more.  He has said he is giving it up....and I think it is great that he feels a change is needed, and is going to make it.  Just like the "bully" example...I'm telling you...soul searching is common...but an anxious person treads on shaky ground in doing it, b/c damn near EVERYTHING makes an anxious person feel guilty.

A sex addict???  I'm sorry....but there is an official definition for a sex addict, and he doesn't meet it.  Let's not get carried away here.  The man looked at a little porn here and there.  You want to throw names around b/c you didn't care for what I said...hey...have at it...but you also need to look at what YOU are posting.  A "sex addict" is defined by very specific characteristics, I urge you to research that...or if you have a p-doc....ask him/her to explain it...and if it involves more than surfing porn.  I'm being serious...not snarky at all.  It concerns me when people throw labels around without having knowledge of them.

I don't knock anyone's opinion...I wouldn't call your thoughts "bs" as you've done mine....but what I WOULD hope you (and other people) do is realize that they are addressing a very frightened and confused person who is struggling to work through this anxiety....we really do need to be careful not to scare the *bleep* out of him by labeling him and getting carried away....b/c you happen to not agree with MY viewpoint.  

[lonewolf07]

I don't know if this will be helpful or not.  When I am deprived of something I really like and enjoy - like ice cream - I want it all the more.

I agree that you and your wife should go for counselling.  She might still be experiencing post partum depression, even one year after your child was born.  Nursegirl would know more about that than I do but it can really effect a woman's sex drive if she is depressed.

Elvis stopped having sex with his wife after their daughter was born and look what happened to him  = P

Sex and sexuality are "natural" but we live in a society in which there are a lot of taboos against it.  There is an explanation for these taboos but I'm sure you don't want to hear  a lecture from a nerd.  IMHO counselling would benefit both you and your wife as well  as your child.

Satan has other things to think about than you watching porn.

I am curious as to why hitman thinks you're an addict - curious, not judgemental.

[hitman60]

Dude,
  On one hand you give this heavy fundamentalist Christian rap about how Satan is destroying your marriage, and you are real good at expounding the Christian rhetoric, and then on the other hand you agree with nursegirl and her liberal bs.  The problem with you my friend is that you have no idea where you are spiritually, and you try to play the game without any rules. You have sacrificed your character to internet pornography. Sexual addiction is progressive, powerful, cunning and baffling,

Look, if you feel bad about pornography, and what it is doing to your marriage, then it is affecting your marriage. It is covert cheating. You are substituting it for the love of your wife. You cannot honor your wife while watching Jenna Jameson.  I don't think it is a Christian thing, it is about integrity.  Also, I don't think you are being totally honest about how much time, you spend thinking, looking at pornography and avoiding intimacy ( not just sex with your wife)

Buddy, I think you are a sex addict....Get to a twelve step meeting, let go of all the Christian rhetoric, and stop letting the liberal Kum Ba Ya folks speak for you or the born again hypocrits. Man up to creating your own personal integrity. You are walking on dangerous territory, and your marriage could be destroyed if you do NOT take responsibility over your addiction.