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BP & Sexual Promiscuity
Please understan that I am not trying to use BP as an excuse, but for anyone that has been affected by this side of BP, I'd really like to hear your thoughts. I've had a history of sexual promiscuity over the past 20 years - either emotional or physical. Until recently diagnosed with severe depression and then BP, and until I started really - daily - tracking what's going on with me, did I give this pattern any thought. Needless to say it has ruined a marriage and relationships and has been the catalyst for many suicidal thoughts.
The pattern has been when I get into a depressed place I turn for "comfort" to someone I want to believe can help...unfortunately it has not been the person I should be turning to like my spouse. These actions are not planned or premediated, but more of an action of opportunity and desperation. It is absolutely not a reflection of my love for my spouse..it's just a reaction...something I can't explain nor excuse. I have always been extremely sorry for my actions after the fact...and part of my depression now is that I can not forgive myself for the things i've done and the people i've hurt.
So the questions I would ask:
. How do you forgive yourself for this behavior?
. How do you "bend" this emotion/reaction to where you turn to the right person?
. Past history has repeated itself so many times that even though I know it is wrong, i'm scared of being in any relationship for fear of this happening again. What do i do with that?
As always to the folks here who have helped me get a handle on this relatively new diagnosis, your thoughts are appreciated.
The pattern has been when I get into a depressed place I turn for "comfort" to someone I want to believe can help...unfortunately it has not been the person I should be turning to like my spouse. These actions are not planned or premediated, but more of an action of opportunity and desperation. It is absolutely not a reflection of my love for my spouse..it's just a reaction...something I can't explain nor excuse. I have always been extremely sorry for my actions after the fact...and part of my depression now is that I can not forgive myself for the things i've done and the people i've hurt.
So the questions I would ask:
. How do you forgive yourself for this behavior?
. How do you "bend" this emotion/reaction to where you turn to the right person?
. Past history has repeated itself so many times that even though I know it is wrong, i'm scared of being in any relationship for fear of this happening again. What do i do with that?
As always to the folks here who have helped me get a handle on this relatively new diagnosis, your thoughts are appreciated.
i have been struggling with this issue all my life since i discovered sex, and what power it can have from a womans standpoint in relationships. i was diagnosed BP in my teens - im 33 now and married and struggling with sexual issues that my husband would NEVER understand. he plays down my BP as 'excuses' for the things i do and calls my manic episodes and ocd behaviours my 'bipolar-isms' which i feel is VERY degrading to me as a person....(since i feel degraded a lot on my own for my choices, many which he has NO CLUE about)
seems that whenever i get manic, i get hypersexual, and in most cases in relationships, i do have to say it has its positives. even if they are short term hook up relationships, my sex drive is amazing and satisfying and fun, and i love sex in general. it just becomes almost an obsession when im manic. i have always been social and out going, but i tend to almost obsess on it when im manic, every man that looks attractive to me, married or not, is fair game to flirt with...i get a bonus high off that behaviour.
i know my triggers, and i know i like the payoffs most times of the attention and good feelings. my last relationship was physically beyond satisfying, as have been most of my encounters. im just bothered by the '****' stigma, and get guilt from that, as well as knowing ive stepped outside my marriage a few times in the past 10 yrs.
i have also wondered if just me, as a person, shouldnt be married because i enjoy a variety of different men, as well as the fact ive fallen out of love with my husband. we dont have sex, havent since march and back then it was a mercy f**k for his sake, to get him off my back. now, im repulsed by him, but i still have desire and drive, just not for him at all. maybe because im over our relationship, and im ready to move on, im looking for new partners? or maybe im never just satisfyed with the same partner after a long period of time?
i cant figure out what is going on really. i know my marriage is going to end (not because of cheating or lack of sex) but other reasons like weve changed into two different people, like friends who just happen to have kids together, and we just dont have a thing in common other than the kids. i lust after other men daily, and i cant wait till im free to go play again, in fact since ive met my husband 10 yrs ago, he knows how flirtatious i am and i do it right in front of his face and he does nothing about it, seems not to bother him or something. maybe an open marriage or swinging would be the answer?? *sarcasm* lol i just cant figure out whats going on here and why i am so obsessed with sex lately, ive not been manic all summer, till 2 weeks ago, and this intrest in other men has been going on a lot longer than this manic phase has started....so whats the answer, am i just manic and hypersexual, or do i just love sex a lot and just get even more so when im manic? i dont get it, but if i dont have sex soon with someone, im gonna loose my mind.....sry about that last statement, but its the truth....
seems that whenever i get manic, i get hypersexual, and in most cases in relationships, i do have to say it has its positives. even if they are short term hook up relationships, my sex drive is amazing and satisfying and fun, and i love sex in general. it just becomes almost an obsession when im manic. i have always been social and out going, but i tend to almost obsess on it when im manic, every man that looks attractive to me, married or not, is fair game to flirt with...i get a bonus high off that behaviour.
i know my triggers, and i know i like the payoffs most times of the attention and good feelings. my last relationship was physically beyond satisfying, as have been most of my encounters. im just bothered by the '****' stigma, and get guilt from that, as well as knowing ive stepped outside my marriage a few times in the past 10 yrs.
i have also wondered if just me, as a person, shouldnt be married because i enjoy a variety of different men, as well as the fact ive fallen out of love with my husband. we dont have sex, havent since march and back then it was a mercy f**k for his sake, to get him off my back. now, im repulsed by him, but i still have desire and drive, just not for him at all. maybe because im over our relationship, and im ready to move on, im looking for new partners? or maybe im never just satisfyed with the same partner after a long period of time?
i cant figure out what is going on really. i know my marriage is going to end (not because of cheating or lack of sex) but other reasons like weve changed into two different people, like friends who just happen to have kids together, and we just dont have a thing in common other than the kids. i lust after other men daily, and i cant wait till im free to go play again, in fact since ive met my husband 10 yrs ago, he knows how flirtatious i am and i do it right in front of his face and he does nothing about it, seems not to bother him or something. maybe an open marriage or swinging would be the answer?? *sarcasm* lol i just cant figure out whats going on here and why i am so obsessed with sex lately, ive not been manic all summer, till 2 weeks ago, and this intrest in other men has been going on a lot longer than this manic phase has started....so whats the answer, am i just manic and hypersexual, or do i just love sex a lot and just get even more so when im manic? i dont get it, but if i dont have sex soon with someone, im gonna loose my mind.....sry about that last statement, but its the truth....
Well, I have suffered from BP since I was 17. Howevere, the hyomania got really problematic in my mid-twenties, and one of the signs was that I began seeking other women outside my marriage. I eventually ended up cheating. I never got caught, but the guilt was powerful and I initiated a divorce, figuring to free myself from monogamy to forgive my immoral behavior. This was a stupid idea.
Once seperated, I found myself constantly in the beds of different women. I was living in the center of a city, and my access to sexual anonymity was abundant. It all came to a close when I ended up hospitalized and put on lithium.
Once stable I met a woman and grew very fond of her. She made me feel good inside. However, during my relationship with her, I've not been faithful. I've had several partners, male and female. Yet, I no longer feel guilt from it. I feel numb.
My usual reaction is to tell my doctor and my therapist what I've done. I do not tell my partner because she does not need to be hurt by my illness. People who are well and cheat are usually carying with them relationship issues and charachter issues. People who are manic and cheat are sick. Therefore, the illness needs to be treated.
There is no use beating yourself up for your BP and your sexual adventures. BP people have less control, and in some cases, no control. We life in a world with very strict standards for conduct. In addition, we live in a world full of people who do not understand the debilitating nature of mental illness. BP is a high-functioning illness for many people, so when it flares-up it's easy to blame the sick instead of the underlying problem. We don't blame a person for vomiting, why should we attach moral judgement to a BP person who becomes manic and sleeps around? Instead, we should look at the cause of the issue and try to remedy it.
As a side note, when I do get too sexual, I make sure and use protection.
Once seperated, I found myself constantly in the beds of different women. I was living in the center of a city, and my access to sexual anonymity was abundant. It all came to a close when I ended up hospitalized and put on lithium.
Once stable I met a woman and grew very fond of her. She made me feel good inside. However, during my relationship with her, I've not been faithful. I've had several partners, male and female. Yet, I no longer feel guilt from it. I feel numb.
My usual reaction is to tell my doctor and my therapist what I've done. I do not tell my partner because she does not need to be hurt by my illness. People who are well and cheat are usually carying with them relationship issues and charachter issues. People who are manic and cheat are sick. Therefore, the illness needs to be treated.
There is no use beating yourself up for your BP and your sexual adventures. BP people have less control, and in some cases, no control. We life in a world with very strict standards for conduct. In addition, we live in a world full of people who do not understand the debilitating nature of mental illness. BP is a high-functioning illness for many people, so when it flares-up it's easy to blame the sick instead of the underlying problem. We don't blame a person for vomiting, why should we attach moral judgement to a BP person who becomes manic and sleeps around? Instead, we should look at the cause of the issue and try to remedy it.
As a side note, when I do get too sexual, I make sure and use protection.
Please help me understand this. My husband has bp and I don't understand why a person would seek sex from a prostitute when he has a young, nice looking, very willing
uninhibited wife at home. He actually avoids me. I no longer have a sex life and I am considering becoming promiscuous myself. I read that men seek prostitutes for fellatio most of the time. That has always been part of our normal activities, I actually enjoy doing it for him. I think he has been doing this for years and he finally got caught red handed. He says he doesn't do it anymore. He doesn't do ANYTHING anymore. I am 17 yrs younger than him. I thought maybe he was avoiding me because he was afraid he would give me a std. I don't know what to think of all this.
uninhibited wife at home. He actually avoids me. I no longer have a sex life and I am considering becoming promiscuous myself. I read that men seek prostitutes for fellatio most of the time. That has always been part of our normal activities, I actually enjoy doing it for him. I think he has been doing this for years and he finally got caught red handed. He says he doesn't do it anymore. He doesn't do ANYTHING anymore. I am 17 yrs younger than him. I thought maybe he was avoiding me because he was afraid he would give me a std. I don't know what to think of all this.
You have opened up a sensitive subject, and I am pleased to see that other community members have responded with well-reasoned and well-meaning replies. So often it seems that, even in this third millennium of ours, we are still not able to discuss sexuality in general and BP sexuality in particular without resorting to "moral" condemnation and outrage. Thank you all.
It is not surprising that you get a lot of responses to this subject. It is a favourite for bp. I will not bore you with my exploits but really this is something you have to treat. I made a fool of myself as a young man with my hypersexuality and thought everyone else was hung up. A waste of time. Now I am well I enjoy sex very much but not with a porn like intensity or detachment. It comes in a little at times and I feel bad but basically live as if I have got the context right.
Take it as a good sign when you just start to like the closeness and fun being with someone special rather than seeking comfort. Cheers and Merry Christmas, God Bless Us ALL, everyone.
Take it as a good sign when you just start to like the closeness and fun being with someone special rather than seeking comfort. Cheers and Merry Christmas, God Bless Us ALL, everyone.
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