hyper behavior

[dee117]

My husband was diagnosed with bipolar at 48, nine years ago.  It started with a manic episode.  He is taking 150 mg of Effexsor and Tripletal, six pills a day.  He aslo has been given Risparodral?  to take as needed to calm him down.  He functions fine at work, and to othes seems just outgoing and loud.  Normally he is a very quiet man, very calm and wonderful.  This is his sixth manic episode, very explosive, but especially towards me because I am the only one who tells him that he is being "loud" or acting out of place, gossiping, talking way too much, driving fast, and just hyper.  I have even now gone to the dr. myself and gone on Zoloft to try to deal with his action, it's not working.  I guess my question is, if somebody is bipolar, can there "ever" be the right combination of drugs to keep them even always?  Also, how should I react, should I say nothing to avoid confrontation or keep after him to calm down?  He is also very self centered, which was never the case.  He now tells me that it's "me" that's crazy, depressed, and needs help.   Our kids are grown and out of the home so they don't see him often.  I really don't want to get them involved and am not sure if that is right either.    I am considering divorce, but really love him when he's stable, been married for 35 years.  Thanks for any advice that can help me.  His mother also has bipolar and is very sick.  Gone through years of shock therapy, instutions, etc.  Does it get worse with age?

[bernie40]

Hi Dee

First off, you are still a strong woman!  Life has hit you big time right now, there are only so many times we can keep picking ourselves back up.  I remember saying to my psych "i've always been able to bounce back before but now that bounce has gone".  She reminded me that I was still the same person, I was still strong and that I would get through it.

Always putting others before yourself is a wonderful gift but also one that is very tiring.  It sounds as if maybe the Zoloft is not working as well as hoped, I don't know how long you have been taking it, it could be that you need to give it longer or if you have been on it a long time you may need a change.

I don't get the mental health system - I don't know where you live but I know that here little notice is taken of family members when they have a concern about a loved one.  With bipolar there are times we do not realise we need the help yet our loved ones can see that we do.

Is your own Dr able to be of any assistance with regard to getting your husband's psych to take notice?

Keep talking and posting on here, there are many insightful and supportive people.  It is rare to get a negative response and I can only assume that person is not in a good place themselves at the moment.

I shall send you a friend request and please feel able to contact me via the PM.

Take care now.

H xxx

[dee117]

Hi,
  Thank you for you support.  I think that Delusion has me all wrong.  Of course I love this man and divorce is the very very last thing I want.  I have two kids and no other living relatives, (lost both my parents when I was a kid), so family, the four of us is THE most important thing to me.  I don't deserve a medal, but I do need help on how to deal.  With all I've been through in my life, nothing, has been this difficult.  This is the first time at age 56 I have been seeing a psycholgist myself and am trying Zoloft,  hoping that it will help me stay calm through this storm.    It's not working.  I was able to go with him to his dr. several times, but now he is refusing to let me go with him.  I leave voice messages, updating the dr., but he cannot call me back.  

  What you said is right on the money.  All I feel is that if he can't listen to me when I suggest a change in meds might be in order, my hands are tied.  I am trying to look out for my own well being, probably for the first time in my life.  My kids and he have always come before me.  This past ten years, I would say four of those years he has been hypermanic, is making me crazy, exhausted and started to get depressed myself.  His last manic espisode, I was 54, I wound up in the hospital with severe heart palpitations caused by stress and dealt with that.  I am normally, healthy, (marathon runner for 9 years) happy and run my own business.  I thought I was a strong woman, but this is just something that is over the top.  I am on this site for support because I don't know where else to turn.

so thank you again for your understanding.  I hope that you are doing well and that your life is good.  You sound like you're really together and a wonderful person.

Dee

[bernie40]

Hi

It must be very difficult to live with someone bipolar.  The fact that it is impacting on your own health is not surprising.  You are not responsible for your husband's state of mind.  You have supported him for 35 years and deserve a medal.  If he is not prepared to listen to you and seek more help (he may need a medication change) are you able to contact his psych and explain the current situtation.

Although it would be a terrible shame to divorce after all this time you have to do what is right for you and your own wellbeing.  I wish you all the best.

[FWK]

Hi dee117,

You see if you love your husband why leave him, 35 yrs is too long, my friend has ADD and I respect him though he likes ordering and is alwasy impulsive, but he is my friend and I care for him so you should too.....he will get worse if you leave him.

Regards,
FWK

[bernie40]

Your comment is really rather inappropriate.  People come on here for advice and support and not to be ridiculed or judged.

[Delusion]

Lol thats it just divorce him when he gets sick, that wont send him haywire at all..

[carolina30]

I think he should see another doctor as he may be sensitive to Effexor; antidepressants can cause a manic reaction in bipolar patients.  I wish you the best.