Dealing

[Kevin2009]

I found out I have bipolar disorder about a month ago. I'm dating someone who also has it. We end up setting each other off all the time because of our illness. How can we make things better?

[missyaftc]

I have some issues with my husband.
now that im used up it seems he goes ontot he next sourse of how do i make it all work for me syndrom. (him)
I wish i had a car tracker.
My truck is broken right now..... urggg.
I know i shouldnt have to go this far. but we both arnt in the means of being appart.
everyday he says is differant with me.
everyday with hims is differant with him tooooo.
Missy

[zzzmykids]

Dear Kevin,
This is the third post from me, zzzmykids.  First I said absolutely not, thinking what it has caused my own family and the shadow of genetics hanging over us for the grandbabies.
Then I said, well, ok if that is what you want and now thirdly some "sage" information.
It is not love that sustains a marriage.  It is honoring your comitment when you can't look at your partner.  It is honoring your vows, though it may not seem fair at the time.  
Marriage is not 50/50.  Marriage is not what you GET from the other but fulfilling the needs and  supporting the other that counts.  Marriage IS 80/20 or 90/10 and it is never the same person on the big side or short end.  There are difficult family members on both sides, differences in raising children, addictions, sometimes extended families of exspouses and their kids.
What I can encourage you on in this decision we made together 33 almost 34 years ago is, if love fails, comitment steps in, love can be regained when trust is lost and trust rebuilt.
The woman or man of your dreams today will not be the person you are married to 34 years later....they will be mature, handsome or beautiful to you, adoring, know you well but still eager to learn more and your life will be fuller than you could ever imagine, IF you decide through it all that you will hang in there and do the work.
If you marry and the person is abusive, physically, emotionally or in any way, the comitment can be broke.  If there is adultry, you can void the marriage as well.
But IF you have the fortune I did and God picked your .....second....marriage mate...first time 17 years of age/he was a wife beater, alcoholic and cheated with every skirt in a ten mile radius of our home....I left/ran.  I married the man God chose for me cuz i chose lousy scoundrels and this guy is the most honorable, loving, supportive man of integrity that I know.  So if you are this lucky and work hard and become best friends, lovers, parents and partners no matter the situation, you will make it.

Yours truly,
zzzmykids

[missyaftc]

I have been married now only three years. Im out to save my married because the honey moon is over. Seems so.
Im very all the above. I believe who we are is how the cardw were dealt.. If you love someone, your there for someone. If you let it go and it comes back to you it was meant to be.
I have let my husband go already too many times. He comes back.... Crazy.
I never got help till just recently so i could help myself and him out. I took everythign out on him. I love him and dont want to ruin our relationship.
Like now..... Im paranoid.... He's at work, mind you with his son, and i think hes in bed with someone else. How stupied. but im thinking that. Or he's talking with someone of the f/ side. I hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but its my brain.
You need help as well as a plan for both of you. A plan for when things get Crazy//Weird get out easiely come back, call when she sounds fine.....
I dont know Im very knew at this and trying to cope myself.
We're all here for a reason.
Good Luck Kevin. Dont leave her because she has no control of her brain. "what if you had a stroke and you turned as us "bi polar" :)
I'd love to have you on my friends list.
Thanks
Missy

[freebird227]

I don't or try not to get to caught up in the labeling of things. I treat my relationship like anyone else would when in love, I care about my husband's mental, physical and spritual growth and so....he also cares about mine.
We have been together 11 years and married 4. Never once did my bp come into play.
Hic-ups sure we've had some but we are committed to the relationship and are willing to do what ever it takes to always work things out.
Good luck.......If you focus on how to be a good partner to her..... and she focuses on how to be a good partner to you, then you will be able to meet in the middle
Remember to call a time out if things get ugly, you can always table things and come back to it later when you both have had time to simmer down ( hardest for me to do )
Don't throw the baby out with  the wash gest yet.........Be Blessed

[LetaB]

My boyfriend is BP and so am I. My sister is BP and so is her husband. I believe it is the most natural thing in the world for us to be drawn to one another - nobody appreciates a sunrise, a baby,  smoked salmon, etc. like somebody manic and when their tastes mirror your own - heaven....and then hell. It depends on the balance. My sisters first boyfriend was BP but their chemestry just always seemed to make them argue. In my relationship it's 90% passion and affection and 10% I want to beat him! That's MY opinion.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

I'd say if you love each other enough you will and should find a way to persevere and all that and it'll be worth it.  No relationship is easy.

[zzzmykids]

Dear Kevin,
You posed a question, I gave an opinion, not an anwer to your difficulties in the relationship, which now I presume is serious.
I've been with the same man over 34 years and married to him for thirty three.
It has not been without its ups and downs, that is any relationship.
When I would spen too much and  he would get upset....learned how not to do that now...but early on, I was "over" everything overspending, overtalking, over shopping over emotional, over fighting, over everything and I mean everything it was the seventies.
Now, my trust for his stability and his love secure and the meds I take has produced a lasting relationship even our kids would like to have for their lives.
What I am saying is, go, do, be with your love, fight for her and work out plans to help eachther through the dark times, the good ones, the sick ones and all the times.
It is possible and you seem quite determined.

Sincerely,
zzzmykids

[Kevin2009]

She's BP2 and I don't know for sure, but I know I'm not BP1 so that helps. We've been together for over a year, and I'm going to do whatever I can to stay that way. We always resolve the problem fairly quickly, but I'd like to reduce the number of times it happens.

[zzzmykids]

Sorry Kevin,
I'm going to have to weigh on the caution side.  Have niece who is bp1 and boyfriend of one or two years bp1. Nope, bad idea.  Not just because they could nt learn to keep from fighting and it escalated.  They may be the norm, they may not.
If you get serious, then what?  If pregnant, the likelihood of a child being bp is 100 percent.
Would you wish that on someone?  Especially your own child?
Best to have bp friends and groups but not to mix personal relationships because you know how the other feels and you feel less alone.  
The bp missed my kids with just one of us being bp but the likelihood of grandkids being bp is high.
It's just not worth it in my little opinion.
zzzmykids

[ILADVOCATE]

I would say its best to understand it in each other. You could try having mutual visits with a talk therapist and in general NAMI friend and family support groups are very good. Give it a chance. You have the same disability and its an area of mutual understanding. Personality clashes may be coming from standard reasons.

[bastet56]

You may not be able to be together if you set each other off. If you can discover your triggers then you might be able to learn to avoid them. Otherwise you will get yourselves into a vicious circle.