"It's Your Illness...Isn't It"

[Bluetwo]

I went through three types of medications to stablize my last year episode. It was a really rought year but I made it. I feel fine now thanks to Saphris but I noticed that I'm not as talkative as I use to be. My manic highs are gone and depressive psychosis went away. I'm not drug out or anything. I just feel even keel. I'm also getting a good night sleep every night. Because I'm not yapping away like I use to a friend said "It's your illness isn't it." I didn't answer back because I was dumbfounded that a person could come up with a stupid comment.

[n40066]

thank you so much for giving me input.  he says that even my voice sets him off...or just the sight of me.  in my mind, i figured it was the drugs.  he can fool my parents and sweet talk his gf into believing he's clean when he's not.  but he has never been able to fool me.  i always felt this was the reason.  but i just don't know anymore.  i know he has never shut me out when he was clean and on his meds.  he is on his meds now, but i know he's using.  he is staying at my parents house currently and his gf lives with him too.(at my folks)  they all say he is clean but 2 fridays ago he stole 8 of my pain meds...and when i confronted him, admitted it.  i have not seen him since 2 wks ago this past sunday.  i'm giving him space.  i stay away completely and he has me locked out on his phone so that i can not call or text him. (wish i had never given him that blackberry!! lol)  but ready all the posts here makes me afraid to just stay away.  it seems that so many push loved ones away, then just never go back!  that would destroy me!!!  he is my only child and is the greatest joy and love in my life!!!  but i do not have what he is and reading him has become so very hard.  his dr. has refered him to another one for med change, so maybe that will help.  would it hurt to send him a card to let him know that all is forgiven and that i don't hold blame for the things he has said and done?  (stolen money, video cameras and all my jewelry minus a few pcs., and sold over 80,000. worth of music equipment in the past 3 years)  i can forgive any and everything as long as he is getting help for both his addiction as well as his mental illness.  or should i just leave him be and hope that once they change his meds he will come around and come back into my life?  i'm his mother.  i just want to fix him and make his life happy for him....i know i can't, but a mother is supposed to do that for their child.  everything within me aches with the pain of his misery.  there MUST be something i can do to help him!!

[wineandroses]

You know we all suffer similar illness, there is very little difference in the symptoms if you really look at it.  I learned a long time ago that dx is pretty much just a label.  You have plenty to share and I'm glad you are here.  God bless, Jude.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

In the two states I've lived in (and I just realized that could be taken as mental states lol), Illinois and Montana, there's like a 90 day probationary period where an employer can fire you for no reason if they just think you aren't going to work out and you need no write ups or anything.  After that however you're supposed to be fired after three write ups... which I have like five so I don't know why I still have a job.  Close but no cigar to the concept of your post.  I couldn't imagine the stress I'd have to live with knowing my job is in danger all the time.  I've disclosed my mental illness to my employer, as well as friends and family, and I have schizophrenia and they still treat me the same as before aside from trying to help me work so it's not so bad disclosing it.  My first diagnosis was bipolar disorder but then I found out a general practitioner isn't qualified to make this kind of diagnosis (she even told me I "need a real diagnosis") and was referred to a psychiatrist who gave me the schizo diagnosis which is how I ended up here at first and then I just stayed because I like helping people and bipolar disorder runs really bad in my family anyway but somehow I ended up with this instead.

Thought I would explain the last bit anyway in case you were wondering what I'm doing here.

[wineandroses]

I can see the pain in your post and I am sorry.  Sometimes we don't realize how our illness  affects others

As you know, anger and rage is not a stranger to Bipolar.  My anger comes on quickly with no warning and can be very intense. With proper medication the rages are kept at bay.  
Do you know what you may say or do that triggers your son's anger?  If he can tell you what you are doing or saying that triggers him, it can be avoided.  No, it's not good that you must walk on eggshells around your son but until he gets on the proper medication, I would back off and give him some space, make your conversations with him light and casual and short.  Stress is always a big trigger for us and possibly he is going thru a stressful time.

With that being said, you need to take care of yourself.  I know AA has Alnon for family members, there has to be a support group for loved ones of mentally ill or suffering from disorders.  It has to be hard for family members but you can't be treated like a door mat either.  I will search the web and if I find something, I will let you know via friend invitation. Perhaps some of the other members are familar with a support group.

Take care of yourself, give him some space and remember it is not him, it's his illness.  Jude    

[wineandroses]

In regards to being fired and not revealing your mental illness...in Texas an employer can fire someone for no reason...it's called 'right to work'.   I never disclose my Bipolar.  People think you are a freak.

[n40066]

my son refers to me as his main "trigger".  does this mean i have lost him forever?  if that's what it takes for him to find peace and happiness, then so be it.  but people, my heart is breaking and i'm dying inside a little more each day!  does anyone have any advice?  when he looks at me, (last time 2 wks ago) he was totally out of it and his eyes held nothing but anger and hatred.  for those of you that have been there with your own loved ones, is there nothing i can do to help him but stay away???