Bipolar Disorder Community
Loneliness with BP
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Bipolar Disorder is also known as "Manic Depressive Disorder". This forum is for questions and support for people with, or for loved ones of people with Bipolar Disorder. The forum covers topics ranging from Aggressive Behavior, Affect on friends and Family, Alcohol and Drug Abuse, Appetite Changes, Chronic Pain, Denial, Depression, Difficulty Concentrating, Euphoria, Guilt, Manic Depression, Medications, Mood Swings, Poor Judgment, and Sleep Disorders

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Loneliness with BP

I dont know if any of you experience this same thing but why is it that BP makes you feel so lonely a lot of the time? I find myself starring into space somethimes watching other people walk round me and I feel as if im not there. Its as if im a ghost and i could just blow away in the wind, often enough i wish i would just blow away. Some days i just cant take the struggle and ive no energy or desire to fight with myself. You seem to have to spend alot of time in your own head with having BP trying to challenge the negative and suicidal thoughts etc. I feel like such an outsider from normal society and its made worse by people abandoning me since ive been sick, its really great when you get kicked when your down isnt it.
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403156_tn?1290153618
I have felt lonely my whole life. I can be in a crowded room full of people and still feel all alone. It can be hard to relate to other people at times, especially while in the midst of an episode. When I am depressed, I completely shut myself off from the world and crawl into a dark place where I am consumed with my negative thoughts.  I do not have anyone to talk to about this illness because no one else can relate, not even my family. This board has been very helpful to me because everyone is dealing with this illness and I have learned a lot from it. This is the one place that I do not feel alone, if only I could feel that way out in the real world.
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526901_tn?1216337827
I feel the exact same way. I just don't know how to make friends and it just gets to you sometimes.
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503230_tn?1214040247
I do one of two things, I either own the room or group of people and feel great doing it. Then I go home and feel like ****. I feel like no one truly understands me or my vision, which I get lost in all to many times. I feel like I am being placated and given a sympathy trip.

Then of course switch it around. I really feel like I miss the other half of happiness so many seem to have..
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm lonely too, wherever I am, whatever I do, even when I'm with people.  Like I'm locked up in my own little world with my own demons and bad thoughts.  Why can't I just be thankful for the good things in my life and enjoy life like other people seem to do?  
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Avatar_f_tn
I get that way also. I think it's because really no one you see seems to go through what I am. I mean people have problems but do they fight with their thoughts and feelings as much as we do? Sometimes when I'm in a bad state I feel like I don't belong in society. I pretend to go through the motions but feel pain inside.I can;t connect because I'm so absorbed in my emotions. I hate it! Life sometimes is such an effort, a struggle that saddens me.Some days I just can't fight the fight.That's when I disconnect from everything and feel alone. You're right about people though a lot of times they do distance themselves when you're down and need them the most.I do think we would all be able to enjoy life and think happy thoughts ect. but BIPOLAR won't allow it!!
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521501_tn?1253137248
Thanks all of you for replying to my post its good to at least be able to talk with people who actually understand the battles we fight minute by minute,hour by hour and day by day. I have found myself resorting to self harm a lot when i cant fight the thoughts, its like a lesser of two evils i do it keep the suicidal thoughts out and keep me from acting on them. Its not much fun when a stanley blade is the only way to keep yourself alive and the only way to clear my head of the intense thoughts. I just feel so tired of this it would be nice just to go to sleep and not wake up again, its like im walking through hell just to get to heaven.
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Avatar_f_tn
Oh, please please stop harming yourself.  Bipolar does enough harm to us with the thoughts, emotions, loneliness, etc.  Don't add to your pain by cutting yourself -- you deserve better than that.  Try to learn to love yourself.  We all have our own demons to fight and we all are hurting.  But please stop hurting yourself physically -- that is not the answer.  Know that we are here for you and come to these message boards whenever you feel the urge to hurt yourself.  We will give you all the love and support we can.
Hugs,
Ruby
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Avatar_f_tn
Walking through hell just to get to heaven! My God when I read that I was astounded!! Somebody feels the way I do!!
Isn't that the truth!! How long until it's over and we are finally happy and at peace. I get very tired of pretending11 You are soooo very right my friend!
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503230_tn?1214040247
Tyzer, I have made it to 34 and the battles can go on and on. When I was in my 20's I battled suicidal thoughts, but more importantly I battle the self destructive behavior. There is hope and peace, and sometimes it is a breif respite.

We dance the narrow edge of sanity skirting  the abyss looms wide and open. The chaos that fills it like a cauldron is the fuel to the madness....  
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Avatar_f_tn
No one can understand what it is like to be bipolar unless they are bipolar.  I think this is why so many of us feel lonely all the time.  It is so hard to talk and share with others because they simply don't get it.  I recently found out a friend of my dad has a bipolar daughter.  She wants to help me and give me some advice on all of this.  I think it will help to have someone who understands me and I can talk to.  Of course, I haven't called her yet because I am still very anti-social, but I'll get up the courage soon.  I hope you can find a friend who understands you and can help you combat the loneliness. when you need it the most.
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Avatar_f_tn
Reading your post made me realise I am not alone!  Like you even when I am with people I feel alone, I feel selfish because I only want to be with people when "I" want to be with them, I push people away and avoid making friends, I have pushed so many people away that I really only have my family and one close friend.  I commented to my pdoc that I feel like I am acting most of the time and the strain of it is exhausting.  I am definitely going to be on here more regularly because for the first time I am reading posts that relate to how I feel, act etc
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518117_tn?1406585660
I replied to your other post. I agree with the comment that no one understands being bipolar unless you are bipolar. I have a great husband. He tries so hard to understand me. My grown children have seen me struggle with this mental illness for many years. My family accepts me for what I am. But, do they understand me. Not really. I once was more social, but over the years, i prefer not to have friends. I feel no need for them. That is just one of the quirks with my being bipolar. I love my family most dearly. But, there are times, I just want to be alone. Alone with my thoughts and feelings. My oldest son is 28 and is bipolar too. He used drugs and alcohol to self medicate. When he was manic, he was off the charts. Way worse than my manic episodes. He ended up in prison in 2004. I am currently am waiting for him to be released this year. I have a strong bond with this son, as we both understand what being bipolar is like. He has been drug and alcohol free these 4 yrs. Taking his meds in prison and he has never done better. Even got his GED and took college courses. He did some stupid things while manic, that caused him to end up in prison. But, more people suffer with this mental illness than you realize. I use to think I was the only one in the world like this. I learned over the years, there are many of us. But, being bipolar there will be storms that you think will never end. I have learned over the years to educate myself on this illness. Also, what helps me, is to recognize the warning signs or symptoms, that I am relapsing into an episode. Not always easy to recognize them, but with time you learn to try to stay a step ahead at least. I hope you get something out of my posts. For me, it is very hard to explain, the many aspects of being bipolar. I just know how I have felt over the years with it. Not always easy to put feelings into words.
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Avatar_f_tn
I was diagnosed with BP 30 years ago and so relived! I thought i was mad like in the old movies. And i too am so alone . I never could keep friends  because i let them use me and when i was out of use they threw me away . no matter how many people i had around me i always have and do feel lonely. It is worse now that almost all family are gone. There are MANY BP in my family but i am most high functioning becaue i finally made up my mind to fight to be as normal as i can (whatever normal is!?) you name it and i tried it in the past. drugs, sex, sucide, the works and realized no one will ever be there for me. My faith is all that sustains me. The hardest thing is seeing my son struggle too. At least I can listen to him and let him know he is not alone for now. my hardest challenge is living with a hubby who does not understand at all and not having anyone to talk to when i need to work through something to make a deciion.
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462570_tn?1273636577
We are not alone.  We number in the millions yet we walk in shadows.  If only we could figure out how to create an beacon that was noticeable only to US!  (Sounds like somekind of sci-fi movie! LOL)  It IS nice to know that others feel the same.  It is lonely out here in the big ole world when you feel like you are the only one with BP but there are support groups everywhere.  Seek them out.  You can hook up with other BPs that are stable and trying to control the imbalance - NOT let the imbalance control them.
I happen to be a recovering alcoholic on top of being BPI so it aint hard to find other BPs - you just gotta kinda weed through people and eventually you find them!  I'd wager to say about 70% of recovering alcoholics ARE BiPolar!  We all used alcohol to self medicate and somewhere we crossed the line and became alittle "pickled"! LOL  Anyhoo- Tyzer - You keep your head up!  Find some good counseling and a good website/support group for self mutilation!  That is an addiction, too, my friend!  Just like drinking or druggin!  Find a good Psychiatric PA and recheck your meds!  You might need an adjustment on your medication and you definetly need some intense counseling!  Hope all goes well!
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Avatar_m_tn
Well I'm 22 I've been bipolar all my life but found out about it a year ago. It feels so great i can reliate with other people like me! Like when you were talking about hell. Everytime i get ''city of birth'' i write ''hell''. I've always knew i was different, that my head wasn't like other people. I've had episodes of mania and alcool abuse and stuff. I use to think id never be able to keep a job, to work over 5 hours a week, or even going out of my appartment walking one block away for milk. But now i have medications. Theyr fixing 90 pct of my problem. Im prety close to stabe and now im using the positive sides of BP disorder. I work 70h a week 7/7 10 hours a day. I love it, im going to school soon, I'm pro with a guitar, im an incredible artist and all. Only thing that is gona ruin my life is that i still feel lonely and that my love life *****. Always ends in huge drama. They never understand me. I just got left for another guy. She purposely drove the knife real deep. Sooooo it triggered another maniac episode but its sort of under control cuz i use it at my advantage >.< btw guys iv read when perfectly medicated you don't feel lonely anymore... Anyways i hope to chat with one of you guys one day... look my name is emile chretien, add me on facebook so maybe we can start a small comunity... so that could help us feel less lonely. Good luck and just don't give up, this disease is a test, lose and you die, win and you come out very strong.
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909415_tn?1390585342
I feel lonely.  In a roomful of people, friends, family, I feel like I'm watching from outside a window.  Not all of the time, thank God.  But a lot of the time.  I have a lot of friends, but at work, sometimes I find myself hiding just to get away from people.  So yes, loneliness.  I don't know if it's a symptom or not, but it's definitely there.
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Avatar_m_tn
I see it as a sense of isolation, more than loneliness, though I definitely relate. Glad it is not permanent. Helps a little to tell myself that and to distract myself with things I like, such as up-tempo music and so on.
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Avatar_f_tn
Reading these comments actually lowered my anxiety a little bit. Lately, my depression has grown worse than ever before. I had to quit school, got demoted at work, and feel like I am barely hanging on. I am 22 years old, and I feel like I am watching my family move on without me. For most of my life, I have felt left behind, like I am in a glass box where I can see everything, but I cannot be understood or happy like everyone else. I have been suffering from depression for most of my life, but these days suicidal thoughts seem to carry themselves right into the middle of my life. When you are sitting in public, and all of the sudden anxiety comes on and overwhelmingly blinds you, it becomes very difficult to block out ways to make it all end. It has been scaring me lately because I am worried that one day, I won't be able to fight back. I try to do as many things that make me happy as possible, but I am no longer interested in what i used to be. I am not myself and I feel like I am screwing up my life. I push people away every day for no reason now, and only talk to a few people. Even my closest friends are starting to seem like outsiders to me and because I feel like they don't understand me, I try to push them away daily. I constantly feel INCOMPETENT, selfish, and lifeless. I know there has to be an end, but even on the good days, I worry the bad ones will return and they do.  it has become and back and forth emotion shift everyday. Does anyone have these shifts and how do you cope?
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1656168_tn?1302130138
Advice :)

I have not been officially diagnosed with bi-polar, but for years people have commented on my manic depressive behaviour.
It's kind of become a running joke.

I know the way I am is not normal. At this moment I can't sleep. Too many thoughts are in my head. I'm scared someone will get in the house and harm me and my little girl. I've spent the past few days in a wierd mode, like Im not really here. Just obsessing about stupid things that are eating away at me, to the point I can barely function. All these awful thoughts wont go away. It's like Im completely wired and alive but nt in a good way. its horrible. My legs wont stay still when I try and sleep. Sick thoughts keep occurring to me and I dont want to be near anyone, yet I would kill for someone to hold me and make it all better. I even climbed into my little girls cot before just so I could feel close to someone who wouldnt judge me.

Only a few days ago, I felt so happy and positive. I got so much done and felt on top of the world. I find myself getting so over- excited people can't keep up with me, when I feel like this it's wierd, like I know Im gonna make it and be successful and in these times I convince myself I am better and wont get so low again, It never lasts and then I feel so depressed and down on myself that I let myself fall again.

Sometimes I can go quite a while feeling fairly level, but then I t all goes crazy again. I make a fool of myself all the time, by getting over excited and crying in in-appropriate situations. I feel like my skin is peeled off and am so sensitive to everything. Any little thing can set me off into depression sometimes and other times I feel so strong. Like none of that matters and Im amazing anyway so **** everyone.

Also I had a really bad episode of depression a few years ago- and at the end of it I had a load of grand mal seizures. That was a year out of my life I hardly remember. It was never diagnosed as epilepsy or anything proper. So I dunno if that has something to do with it.

I find it hard to form relationships. I can be too much for most people to take and while people sem to like me on the whole- they take the ****. I can feel them looking down on me for the way I talk too much and say innapropriate things sometimes. I think I can be a bit intense too and people tend to be more laid back than me and I cant be like that. When I try to tell people how feel they brush it off and basically tell me to get over it. But MY GOD- I would give absolutely anything to be a different person sometimes. Why the hell would anyone want to feel like this?

And it's not like normal depression coz a lot of the time I am very positive and the thing that keeps me going is knowing that it passes eventually. During the moment tough it's awful. Sometimes when Im wired I literally pace the house desperately needing to get out and be wreckless. If I spend money and buy new clothes or something that helps- it calms me down a little.

When I was a teenager I did wierd things- like I shaved my head bald (and I am a girly girl totally vain haha) and stupid embarrassing stuff Im too ashamed to write.
I often get the urge to do publicly crazy things like scream in the middle of the street. I also get a wierd thrill from saying shocking things sometimes.

In a nutshell I spend most of my life trying to control my impulses, whether it be impulsive thoughts or actions. And sometimes I feel like I have no control. Like my brain has taken over. I feel like my eyes glaze over (I know that sounds strange) and everything carries on.

I'm so tired of being the way I am.
Does it sound like Bi-polar, I am scared of being medicated because Im an actress and am creative and my best work often comes when I feel 'high' and elated.

Sorry for the rant

Sherri x
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There is a fear that being medicated will take away creativity. Sometimes it can but a lot of times it makes creativity better because there is not the depression to deal with and the highs that are impossible to get anything done. Unless you are on a really bad combination of meds you will still be you. And if you are not you need to change meds.

Kay Jameson has done research on this. Her book is called "Touched by Fire" and may be something you'd be interested in reading. If you haven't at least tried medication - may be time to.

There is a lot of debate as to whether or not psyc meds are good in the long term but I know they gave me a life back. I was like you and flipping from one state to another in a frantic haze of being. That type of bipolar is hard to treat (or at least that is what every pdoc I've seen has told me). I take lamotrigine, trazodone (although I am trying to taper off that because it makes me too drowsy) and Zeldox. I also take birth control and that combination really helps me. I still have to be very careful about stress. Your combination would be different. The pdocs here tend to prescribe seroquel and lamotringe for bipolar, but I has an adverse reaction to seroquel.

The others things are your standards. Eat right, exercise, know your triggers (those things which lead to episodes or periods of high stress - for example working too much is a trigger for me so I have to make sure that I take really good care of myself when I work longer hours)

One question that is worth asking is what will provide the best quality of life for your little one.
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Avatar_f_tn
I am a positive person doing well with the help of my fantastic husband.  I have three children who do not seem to be bipolar.  Where I suffer is at the school gates. Other mothers definitely think I'm weird.  I have tried being friendly to them but to no avail.  I have now more or less given up in that regard. They are the ones who have weird ideas about me.  I have overheard them say I fancy people which is simply not true. am totally devoted to my beloved husban and no one else.  They even have a very cruel nickname for me.  It breaks my heart sometimes. The school is the single most nightmarish part of my life.  I live for the holidays when I don't have to face them.  The awful thing is I have never done or said anything to upset any of them.  Can you believe grown women could be so ignorant and cruel?
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Avatar_f_tn
I also feel so alone. Ever since I was a young child teachers and other people noticed my bazaar behavior. In 1996 happened my first Bipolar episode with delusions. The following years I had more episodes. At one point I had to get ECT which was very scary.  I don't feel like a normal person and I feel like a social failure. I
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Avatar_f_tn
I also feel so alone. Ever since I was a young child teachers and other people noticed my bazaar behavior. In 1996 happened my first Bipolar episode with delusions. The following years I had more episodes. At one point I had to get ECT which was very scary.  I don't feel like a normal person and I feel like a social failure. I
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1726783_tn?1326185388
Tyzer, I found someone like me that shares the same outlook. Well, I am that way too, sometimes I could really be alone and I like it that way. I had a lot of arguments with my mother and perhaps thats driving me away from people. But quietness gives me the peace and sometimes I would go running, listen to music, sleep in the whole afternoon, or read a book (I am now reading a book called Bipolar II. A real classic). Give it a shot doing things u never done before. But just remember once you are sitting too much at home, the 'evil' thoughts will set in.
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Avatar_f_tn
You have summed me up completely. I am despairing. I stupidly overdosed a few weeks ago in a bid to escape the pain of the recurring suicidal thoughts and depths of loneliness. Obviously I survived and was truly thankful for TWO days before the suicidal thoughts started intruding my mind again. So draining fighting my mind all the time.

I am grateful to have found you all on here and to know that I am not alone and others can relate to these feelings. I believe that this illness literally wants to kill us. We can't let it.
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Avatar_f_tn
It is really hard to fight the suicidal thoughts, especially when they come at you like a freight train. I am glad your OD didn't work. It will get easier. They call them episodes because they do not last forever. It helps me when I am down to remember that it will not always be this way.

This illness does kill us. Number vary but the rate of completed suicides is around 15%, the number of attempts is estimated at 50%. We have to be vigilant in keeping ourselves safe. If you are scared you will overdose again, make sure you keep some of your pills over at a friends house. Or get the pharmacy to dispense them weekly. Doing this while you still have the power to may save your life.

You are not alone. Coming on here will help a lot. There is another community that I go to moodgarden.org that I have found a safe home. Very strictly moderated. They have blogs you can read to see how others are doing too. I found that helped me a lot. I have my own blog there now and it really helps to post about my life and have others reply. Very affirming.

And I would say keep trying different medications. Don't give up or let the pdoc give up on you until you have tried everything. I went to one pdoc who literally said "there is nothing else we can do you will have to live with it" went to another pdoc and they changed some meds and 'poof' no more suicidal thoughts. It took over three years to get there, and a lot of tears. Life isn't perfect. I fight with a lot of fatigue from the medications so I only work part-time, but no more suicidal thoughts except the occasional bought of "what is the use" but it never gets beyond that.
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1714404_tn?1322881742
Hi,Im Genevieve im a nurse my girlfriend has bipolar and a few other mental illness and recently shes been diagnosed with hepatitis C, I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 6 years i love her more than life and would do anything to get her well,I understand how you feel cause i watch my own girlfriend go through stages and i work in hospitals with all cases and chat to a lot of patience,its hard for us cause shes in the uk and im in australia and im wanting to bring her here to live here with me and get her properly treated,noone should be alone so you if you want to chat feel free to chat to me i would try and help you
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Avatar_m_tn
Maybe it is just me, but when I am depressed I seem to be easily manipulated by others like being drugged and powerless to stop from being used.

Anybody else fee this way
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585414_tn?1288944902
   Yes I know that in the past I didn't set emotional boundaries as regards how people approached me about my mental health life and some people took the position of playing "counselor" or mocking me (that was a while back). I realized that it was best to have some kind of judgment before approaching people and take some time to find out more about them before discussing my personal life but it wasn't always there. Then when I called people on this type of behavior I lost some friendships. I do know that feelings of hopelessness can be part of depression and I find since some of the mood stabilizers I take have a short half life my outlook on people and life in general can change in a positive direction once I take them so I realize some of these feelings can be related to mood swings. I also experience marked dysphoria where I lose all sense of hope in general.
  I also have a family member who has bipolar who  is just approaching the idea of starting treatment and they feel nothing can work and have a sense of hopelessness. I realized that sometimes the best approach was to be pragmatic given that I have had to go through about 30 mood stabilizers to find one that worked but the down side of this was at times I distance myself from emotions in general.
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Avatar_f_tn
     What you've described sounds so much like myself, and I've never felt like I could explain it to anyone or that it was even possible for someone who doesn't experience it to understand. It helps to know I'm not alone in my loneliness, and I hope that helps you too.
     Even when I'm surrounded by people, I either feel so lost and withdrawn in my own racing thoughts, or more often, I'll just have repetitive thoughts and be otherwise completely blank. I don't have a single thing to say, and don't feel like anyone does or should have a single thing to say to me.
     My therapist recently assessed me for generalized anxiety, which was a negative. However, she said that from my responses she needs to assess me for Social Anxiety. I don't know if that is a problem all on its own or if it is commonly associated with BP. Either way, she says there are many ways to overcome it. We'll see!
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Avatar_f_tn
I just spent Christmas alone.... no one called to talk to me....no one invited me to celebrate with them....No presents....Second Christmas in a row.


I guess I get to save my money and my waistline..... I just do not get it.

I have intentionally cut ties with my family and most people I have come in contact with.  They seem to treat me poorly and I do not know why.  I am nurturing by nature and just want to see the best in everyone. I love helping others.  


I am not a hideous monster, sure of it. People say I am smart, but I am not smarter than anyone else, picked up training along the way.  People say I am pretty, don't pretty people get asked to go do things?  People have told me I am funny, don't people want to hang around people who make them laugh?  people tell me I am intimidating and when I ask them to help me understand why someone would think that no one can give me an answer.... I do not walk around with big huge muscles trying to beat up everyone! Why don't I get it? Why don't I understand?  How can I understand almost anything except other people? Am I a friggin alien?

Reading your comments I finally feel like I have found "my" people.  Think we should gather together and form our own country on an island somewhere.
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585414_tn?1288944902
  Yes I've been in a similar situation with people cutting off contact from me because I have some form of as yet uncategorized catatonia and dementia in addition to schizoaffective disorder. I when I see people spend most of my time with family. That situation has only been recent. For physical reasons I cannot be on a train or a bus or remain in a store for more than short periods of time due to advanced tardive. I have however had that change somewhat due to physical recovery. People react to that just like they did to the standard psychosis and mood swings I had before (which I still have but less so since I am on a new treatment). However although I have learned how to emotionally respond to people better I try not to define myself to people who project their negativity on me. I try to change what I can and try to ignore the rest.
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Avatar_f_tn
Yes!! Absolutely!! Feel like a social failure, an academic failure, feel like you are always in the way of somebody else, always bothering somebody else, that people sigh every time they see you coming. You want to stay in the shadows and feel embarrassed if someone might ask you to do something and you just can't handle doing it! They may say they understand, but they really don't and you feel they really don't care anyway. Even if they tell me to call them or let them know if I need help, I feel those are just words and that they don't want to help. they don't understand and don't really have time to bother with you anyway!! Does that sound about right? That's how I feel most of the time anyway.
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Avatar_m_tn
People are cruel when they feel threatened. My part of being bipolar is that I tend to be a very positive person who enjoys helping others. Too much attention is threatening to other people. This leads to my trigger...the need for personal boundaries and weighing the "can I be who I am?" or do I have to keep my personality hidden?  I think that I had a couple of wrong jobs...if you feel you have to change who you natually are, will you be happy?  For me it is trying to be ok with working for less and watching out for those triggers because of how I look and that I am a nice person. People can definately be mean.
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Someone above posted that only 15% of bipolar people actually die. Seems really low, actually. Some days I wish the odds were higher that I could die.  I'm tired of living with this, and I'm so tired of being alone, I'm so tired of trying at things and failing. I'm tired of living in this half-a$$ life. What do we have to look forward to - trying new medications all the time, and going in and out of hospitals. A patient for life.
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Avatar_m_tn
I can completely relate.  Bipolar is such a lonely disease.  Nobody gets it, nobody understands it.  Like one of the other folks on here said, "normal" people don't fight with their feelings and thoughts all day every day like we do.  Right now, it's a saturday night at 8:00 and I'm a 32 year old single guy and all I'm doing right now is crying and feeling anxious and down.  Not sure if it's from sheer frustration of having to continue to deal with this disorder time and time again and recently, the side effects of my new medicine and worrying what might be going on, or just from feeling lonely and wanting to be with somebody.  The bad thing about it is that it's not that I don't have anyone that would want to be with me, it's that I haven't been "healthy" enough to be in a relationship and I don't think they would want me long-term.  My mind is so overloaded with anxiety that I'm not sure if I have shortness of breath or if its just mania.  Does anybody ever feel like they get to a point where they kinda just throw their hands up and say "I don't know anymore."  I'm not sure who's on first, second, etc.  Anyway, I'm kinda all over the place here, but wanted to say that I can relate to the loneliness of this disease.
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i'm new here, jen and just read your post. what a great way to explain to those of us who get that empty, aching lonely feeling. i couldn't have said it better myself. maybe that's why i'm a huge animal rights advocate and lover of animals in general. a great way to fill the void plus helps animals at the same time. i've just gotten out of the hospital with an entire new diagnosis..."soft bipolar". obviously not MDD as i've been on many diff. antidepressants since i was 20 and am now 42 and am off of all prev. meds and on Tegretol and Abilify. hopefully i will live a better feeling life now. i refused to be put on lithium when the dr. mentioned it. gaining a bunch of weight isn't a part of my depression reduction plan...lol! once again, thx. for your post!
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Thank you for sharing being bipolar I rather not have friends my family doesn't even acknowledge me having a problem as for my son he's in prison know he still doesn't feel he's bipolar but he does show all the signs .my husband is verbally abusive renal failure and I have a child with autism without my Meds no comment . It's just feels good to know there are others .
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Sounds like you have it very difficult, the best advice I can give you is to just keep going. I think you have to try and find what you want to change in life and try to work towards it as best as possible. I wrote a lot of lists I find it helps as I can  physically see progress as I cross things off, they don't have to be major things all the small things start to add up. I wrote this post 6 years ago, I still have a lot of these issues I've just learnt to manage them, I'm now training as a paramedic, there is hope. I wish you all the best.
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