Aa
almost too late
I'm 5m pregnant I have bpd and I'm bipolar the last few months have been hell and I slipped up and started hurting myself again I could've handled a bit more but my husband has a porn addiction and I can't cope with it am I not good enough for him or did he realise he made a mistake marrying me why won't he stop and why keep lying to me have I smothered him with my depression so much that he hates me does anyone have advice for me
As someone who is bipolar and experienced my first pregnancy with my daughter's father where he was abusive and cheating on me all while living in a hotel room and still managed to have a healthy baby and get through it and left his ***.. You can do it too. I know it is hard when you are in the heat of the moment and all you can think about are the emotions your feeling at that current moment and can't think about anything else but the moment you feel your emotions getting to that point where your about to do something stupid (I am also a cutter) just take a deep breath, count to 10 SLOWLY, rub your belly and tell your baby, "I'm going to gain control of myself and calm down for you." I know easier said than done right? If you have to keep repeating this over and over to your baby, not to you but to your baby until you start to feel yourself come down off of the manic high. Mind over matter is possible. It is difficult to master for us bipolar people but it is POSSIBLE. Do this for your baby and don't let your emotions win. I look at my emotions like a demon inside my head trying to captivate me and you can't let it. You are stronger than it and no matter what any doctor tells you, you don't need any medication. Also writing helps.Write out everything you are thinking the moment it pops in your head no matter how crazy it is and then read it out loud when you are done. Don't let your emotions overcome you but be at one with them. Understand them. Learn what triggers them. Another thing I did when going through my dark time during my pregnancy was punching a pillow as hard and fast as you can. Try not to exert stomach muscles but just use your arms and if you have to scream while doing it, do it. Releasing your mental anguish through a safe physical exertion will help tremendously. Do it repeatedly if you have to until you calm down. Anything is better than self harm or mutilation baby girl. I am now with a wonderful man, my daughter is 2 and has no contact whatsoever with her father and I am pregnant with #2. Even though I am in a better situation with a better person now than I was then, I still have my bipolar meltdowns. My fiance has helped me tremendously with facing my demons when they come for he too has bipolar and you can't even tell because he's mastered his mind without meds. IT CAN BE DONE!!! Good luck and I hope you take the comments you are getting into consideration and my advice as well. Things WILL get better and remember bipolar disorder is like a roller coaster. Once you go down you must come back up. Let us know your progress... Good luck <3
I've got a lot of typos in there. the glaring one I'll address is the "not likiegeing on meds." Take out the "like" because I know you said you stopped your meds because you didn't have the money to take them...not because you didn't like them.
The only person who can answer what your husband realizes, thinks or feels is your husband. If he isn't being honest, you don't think he is telling the truth, or both of you aren't communicating with each other, then that's a problem. As I recall, things sort of hit the fan when he lost his jobs and then, for financial reasons, you stopped taking your meds and stop getting healthcare and professional mental health support.
It's only going to make matters worse with self harm. The only person you have any control in changing and helping is yourself. That is the foundation of dealing with or changing anything. If you're not coping well, need help, and unwell, it's pretty hard to rescue and help someone under those conditions. Reaching out for help, is the first step. Now, walk a little further and listen and think about it. Then, take the step of getting the help.
I don't know if you took the advice from the postings you got before or got any ideas from those. Only you can take the steps to help yourself, No one is going to do it for you, even when you are hospitalized, the only person who is going to make you open to going to therapy is yourself.
When people get their backed up against the wall, and want out of the situation, more times than not, people get pretty resourceful to get out of that situation. Being pregnant, having a mental disorder and being financially compromised is a bad situation to be in but it's not impossible to overcome. Even taking 1 or 2 septs to make a change is going to help. it sounds like the first step is to say to yourself, "I'm going to make this situation better." It would be best not to even go to adding any "buts" or add obstacles in your path to trip you up, and that includes self harm. It just makes you stay in your situation longer and it isn't helpful.
I would see what resources I have available to me, and whatever it is, big or small, I would get on the phone, go there, or email them to get it. I start by asking that question. First thing you need sounds like support. I don't know how you are getting or if you are getting pr prenatal care, but you're going to have to look for that too if you don't have it. Look around for free support. Search the community page or what is available through your town, county, or country's government listings. If it's skimpy, don't stop there. Look for anything that pertains to your situation and call. A lot of times, these agencies network with other agencies or organizations and they can be good resources and leads. It just takes one contact to do that. If I was absolutely clueless and lived in a bubble, i would start there. i also,wouldn't hesitate to call my elected official's office to find out if there are programs out there like my district representative on all,levels of government. I have called my state representative and my federal,level district representative to find out what is out there. I've even looked up what is available on my state's public health department page. I've even called the phone company's operator to ask if they have any phone listings of community resources that have to deal with counseling, crisis intervention, or whatever when I didn't have internet access.
Ask for assistance. If it's available, take it.
Look up and see if you have a NAMI chapter in your area or even anywhere in your state close to you. Look up anything that has to do with mental health, crisis intervention, and prenatal and ob/gyn care. Go to or call your local library and see if they have community resource listings. Church organizations also do charitable community help, and you don't usually have to be a member of the congregation or religion they represent. Ask questions and see if they know anything that can assist you in anyway.
It also helps to write down and take a reasonable inventory of what you have and what you haven't got. What you like and what you want to change. It helps to see what you are working with.
If you are in a really, really bad way mentally and you are losing it, go to the ER.
It's hard to say whether or not from your posting that your husband has a porn addiction. What one person calls a porn addiction, another person calls curiosity or sexual aids. People who,read erotica or look at sexual content do not necessarily have an addiction. The key in your sentence is that you can't cope with "your husband porn addiction." It would be helpful if you talked to a counselor about it who can help you deal with it and talk with your husband about it. If he's spending a lot of time and money your family doesn't have to get porn material, that would certainly give me a heads up that it's an addiction.
I,also,hear a big self esteem issue here. It could be skewed by the crisis you are in, being depressed, and like not being on the meds that helped you for months now. Keep in mind that depression loves to generate self blame, blaming, judging and all the stuff that makes you feel,bad. It loves to,tear you down. So when you say you're not good enough, know you have to ignore statements like those and don't give it power over you.
I don't care what people say, but it is really hard for 1 person to deal with 2 things at the same time effectively, especially when overwhelmed and not being well. Deal with the ones that are essential first that have to do with what you need to survive immediately, like food, shelter and health issues. Deal,with 1 thing at a time.
i hope you get the help you need. It would be a sad thing to not even try, and there was help out there all along.
It's only going to make matters worse with self harm. The only person you have any control in changing and helping is yourself. That is the foundation of dealing with or changing anything. If you're not coping well, need help, and unwell, it's pretty hard to rescue and help someone under those conditions. Reaching out for help, is the first step. Now, walk a little further and listen and think about it. Then, take the step of getting the help.
I don't know if you took the advice from the postings you got before or got any ideas from those. Only you can take the steps to help yourself, No one is going to do it for you, even when you are hospitalized, the only person who is going to make you open to going to therapy is yourself.
When people get their backed up against the wall, and want out of the situation, more times than not, people get pretty resourceful to get out of that situation. Being pregnant, having a mental disorder and being financially compromised is a bad situation to be in but it's not impossible to overcome. Even taking 1 or 2 septs to make a change is going to help. it sounds like the first step is to say to yourself, "I'm going to make this situation better." It would be best not to even go to adding any "buts" or add obstacles in your path to trip you up, and that includes self harm. It just makes you stay in your situation longer and it isn't helpful.
I would see what resources I have available to me, and whatever it is, big or small, I would get on the phone, go there, or email them to get it. I start by asking that question. First thing you need sounds like support. I don't know how you are getting or if you are getting pr prenatal care, but you're going to have to look for that too if you don't have it. Look around for free support. Search the community page or what is available through your town, county, or country's government listings. If it's skimpy, don't stop there. Look for anything that pertains to your situation and call. A lot of times, these agencies network with other agencies or organizations and they can be good resources and leads. It just takes one contact to do that. If I was absolutely clueless and lived in a bubble, i would start there. i also,wouldn't hesitate to call my elected official's office to find out if there are programs out there like my district representative on all,levels of government. I have called my state representative and my federal,level district representative to find out what is out there. I've even looked up what is available on my state's public health department page. I've even called the phone company's operator to ask if they have any phone listings of community resources that have to deal with counseling, crisis intervention, or whatever when I didn't have internet access.
Ask for assistance. If it's available, take it.
Look up and see if you have a NAMI chapter in your area or even anywhere in your state close to you. Look up anything that has to do with mental health, crisis intervention, and prenatal and ob/gyn care. Go to or call your local library and see if they have community resource listings. Church organizations also do charitable community help, and you don't usually have to be a member of the congregation or religion they represent. Ask questions and see if they know anything that can assist you in anyway.
It also helps to write down and take a reasonable inventory of what you have and what you haven't got. What you like and what you want to change. It helps to see what you are working with.
If you are in a really, really bad way mentally and you are losing it, go to the ER.
It's hard to say whether or not from your posting that your husband has a porn addiction. What one person calls a porn addiction, another person calls curiosity or sexual aids. People who,read erotica or look at sexual content do not necessarily have an addiction. The key in your sentence is that you can't cope with "your husband porn addiction." It would be helpful if you talked to a counselor about it who can help you deal with it and talk with your husband about it. If he's spending a lot of time and money your family doesn't have to get porn material, that would certainly give me a heads up that it's an addiction.
I,also,hear a big self esteem issue here. It could be skewed by the crisis you are in, being depressed, and like not being on the meds that helped you for months now. Keep in mind that depression loves to generate self blame, blaming, judging and all the stuff that makes you feel,bad. It loves to,tear you down. So when you say you're not good enough, know you have to ignore statements like those and don't give it power over you.
I don't care what people say, but it is really hard for 1 person to deal with 2 things at the same time effectively, especially when overwhelmed and not being well. Deal with the ones that are essential first that have to do with what you need to survive immediately, like food, shelter and health issues. Deal,with 1 thing at a time.
i hope you get the help you need. It would be a sad thing to not even try, and there was help out there all along.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Bipolar Disorder Community
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
