Peace of mind in trying times

[TheLonelyBird]

...So I found a cut straw, approximately an inch in length on the living room floor. It's not the first straw I've found cut in this manner, my husband "used" to have a problem with coke, and denies using outright. However I'm doubting him heavily, I've done coke and when I cut the straw open I tasted it and am 100% positive it was coke. Nothing I said would make him confess, it's obvious what I should do (leave him), but here's the catch.... I'm bipolar and reality is sometimes fleeting to me, he's making me question my sanity... Is there any other explanation for the straws? Are my assumptions based in reality or am I just being paranoid for no reason.... Please help.

[Jade59]

You are not paranoid, this is a typical reaction from an addict when confronted.  My husband is an addict.  He will look me straight in the eye, then deny forever and ever what I know 100%, without a doubt, to be true.  

You have SEEN the evidence.  Please trust your own eyes and judgement on this one!  

MedHelp has a forum called "Living with an Addict".  Just click on the link below.  You will see just how typical his reaction is; you are not alone.    

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Addiction-Living-with-an-Addict/show/1176

[rogelio63]

I'm curious, what event happened that made your husband stop having a problem with coke? Did he go through a detox program or 12 step program? If he doesn't have something or somewhere to place a "this is the day/place I stopped using cocaine" he probably didn't quit but just laid off it for a while.

[TheLonelyBird]

Gas lighting sounds a little sever, but it does resonate slightly... He mostly just denies it not like the straw isn't there but doesn't really acknowledge that it's weird it's there...or give me a reasonable explanation of why I found it... he's smart, so time will only tell what will happen... Right now I'm just trying to stay sane. I appreciate your input. . If I find another one, which I will if he's abusing, I certainly will test it, I thank you

[Anonymouse88]

That doesn't sound like paranoia to me.  You could take the next straw you find to a friend to confirm, or get a drug test kit.  Then have a friend send you an email confirming what you found, so that you're really clear on the reality of the situation.  

Also, google the term "gaslighting".  It sounds like your partner is doing it to you.